Cash for diapers

[KandD]

i received a baby shower invite at one point that included a typed out note. the note listed out all the items the mom to be had registered for, and then on the right hand side of the note typed in bigger font was the sentence "YOU ARE ASSIGNED TO GIFT" with one of the items on the list highlighted

i was floored, there were some pricey items on the list and the only thing i can presume is that the mom to be participated in preparing the invites, and based the item highlighted for each guest on what she perceived they should spend.

needless to say i passed on that shower


i've never been to a shower where anyone has come around and tried to collect money for the guest of honor, but we went a wedding where there had been several pre-gifting events (engagement party, showers...) and the bride and groom had registered for largly expensive items for both those and the wedding. at the wedding itself, where the guest book was placed there were two "trees" set up (dried branches in a bucket filled with marbles), one had a sign that read "we need to furnish our new apartment" with photos of very high end furniture and decorator items, the other had a sign that read "we need to pay for our honeymoon" with photos of the VERY high end resort the couple was going to. the branches of the trees had clothes pins, and the expectation was that the guests would use them to clip money on.

the person handling the guest book would tell each signor to "fill the trees", and i noticed that they were making check marks by the names of those who clipped. if a person had not clipped, a member of the wedding party later approached them to say "you have'nt filled the trees yet"

What are people thinking? And where are their friends and family to tell them how absurd they are? I can't imagine my mother letting me do that at my wedding.

 

[kdfogliano]

I am curious to the parts of the country this are in.

Here in NY giving money as a wedding gift is commonplace (not b/c they asked for it or put up a tree, b/c its just what we do) but I have a friend from the south that was appalled at that concept... as I am appalled at the cash for diapers and the money tree

what is common where you live?

 

[postage stamp]

COME ON!!!!
who does that???

I could give you an answer but it would have the word "trash" in it and it wouldn't be very nice.

 

[KandD]

I am curious to the parts of the country this are in.

Here in NY giving money as a wedding gift is commonplace (not b/c they asked for it or put up a tree, b/c its just what we do) but I have a friend from the south that was appalled at that concept... as I am appalled at the cash for diapers and the money tree

what is common where you live?

I live in New England and cash for wedding gifts is the norm (however a money tree is crazy to me, especially when people already put money in their card).
For baby showers it is more common for gifts to be given (either off the registry or outfits). It is unusual for money to be given at baby showers that I have attended but I have always thought that it is because people like buying for babies.

 

[JoiseyMom]

i received a baby shower invite at one point that included a typed out note. the note listed out all the items the mom to be had registered for, and then on the right hand side of the note typed in bigger font was the sentence "YOU ARE ASSIGNED TO GIFT" with one of the items on the list highlighted

i was floored, there were some pricey items on the list and the only thing i can presume is that the mom to be participated in preparing the invites, and based the item highlighted for each guest on what she perceived they should spend.

needless to say i passed on that shower


i've never been to a shower where anyone has come around and tried to collect money for the guest of honor, but we went a wedding where there had been several pre-gifting events (engagement party, showers...) and the bride and groom had registered for largly expensive items for both those and the wedding. at the wedding itself, where the guest book was placed there were two "trees" set up (dried branches in a bucket filled with marbles), one had a sign that read "we need to furnish our new apartment" with photos of very high end furniture and decorator items, the other had a sign that read "we need to pay for our honeymoon" with photos of the VERY high end resort the couple was going to. the branches of the trees had clothes pins, and the expectation was that the guests would use them to clip money on.

the person handling the guest book would tell each signor to "fill the trees", and i noticed that they were making check marks by the names of those who clipped. if a person had not clipped, a member of the wedding party later approached them to say "you have'nt filled the trees yet"

At that point, I would have opened my card with the check inside (I only give checks at weddings), written VOID on the front and left a very nasty message on the back about why this occurred and that they need to learn some facts about what to do and what not to do!! Oh, and I would have thanked them for the lovely free meal and booze!!

 

[bumbershoot]

Both of these scenarios is totally disgusting to me! What ever happened to it's not about the gift, it's about celebrating an occasion?

Well, something that I learned while planning my wedding is that the whole point of a *shower* is to "shower the person with gifts". If you don't want to be showered, don't have a shower. If you don't want to shower someone with gifts, don't GO to a shower.

And people are completely bizarre going the other way. While planning my wedding, I didn't want to register. I didn't want to get into the whole gift thing at all. And then after the 10th conversation in a row with someone absolutely disgusted with me for not telling them what we wanted, I caved in and made a registry. Which was one of THE most stressful parts of the wedding experience!

It's very possible the bride didn't want a baby shower at all. The actions of her family don't necessarily speak to the wishes of the mom.


When I was pregnant, I *wanted* a blessingway. I wanted to have my belly painted with henna, I wanted everyone to be really deep, meaningful, and spiritual in each person's own way about the baby. I didn't want gifts.

And that's how my friend started...but then she found out her husband was having an affair, she moved out, and couldn't have the blessingway at her house. And asked another friend. That friend wanted me to have a shower, and slowly the blessingway was knocked down entirely. This friend decided that 5 or so good close friends just wasn't enough, and invited HER OWN friends to the event.


Now at this shower that I was given, the one "should have been nice" part was that the invitations asked people to bring their favorite children's stories to read them. Aw, that's sweet.

But it got changed to "GIVE her a children's book".

So I got a bunch of dollar store books. Which would have been fine, except most of the books had nursery rhymes that hadn't been sanitized for modern times, and there were some borderline racist poems in there (one about selling one's children!), and they had to be recycled after I really started looking at them.


I do have to tell you, be glad that it was only a bit of cash that the shower-thrower asked for...a typical cloth dipe starts at $15 and that's withOUT the insert. If she ultimately wants cutie patootie ones, those will be much more. There are also very very basic ones, chinese prefolds with a cover, and that's what my kind kind friend and her sisters bought me (love them!), but to have enough of the basics meant approx 36 CPFs and 4 covers, and that got us about 3 days before I had to wash 'em. And it cost much more than 36 plastic dipes would have... So you definitely wouldn't want to be asked to bring the actual cloth dipes! Cash was a relatively reasonable request, compared to the alternative!

And at least the mom didn't have to leave with racist nursery rhymes...

Lordy...I feel weird. I don't want gifts for my wedding, I don't need anything, so most of what we'd get would just wind up sitting around, taking up space. What's with people?

Don't have a shower. Don't give in, don't let anyone throw one for you. Because that's the whole point of a shower, to receive gifts.

 

[Slinky Dog]

Tacky. And then to be asked if I remembered to bring cash while at the shower? Good grief. What is wrong with people that think that is ok.

 

[happygirl]

I think it tacky to ask for money, If they need diapers then I would get them diapers not moneyl

 

[krcit]

Well, something that I learned while planning my wedding is that the whole point of a *shower* is to "shower the person with gifts". If you don't want to be showered, don't have a shower. If you don't want to shower someone with gifts, don't GO to a shower.

And people are completely bizarre going the other way. While planning my wedding, I didn't want to register. I didn't want to get into the whole gift thing at all. And then after the 10th conversation in a row with someone absolutely disgusted with me for not telling them what we wanted, I caved in and made a registry. Which was one of THE most stressful parts of the wedding experience!

It's very possible the bride didn't want a baby shower at all. The actions of her family don't necessarily speak to the wishes of the mom.


When I was pregnant, I *wanted* a blessingway. I wanted to have my belly painted with henna, I wanted everyone to be really deep, meaningful, and spiritual in each person's own way about the baby. I didn't want gifts.

And that's how my friend started...but then she found out her husband was having an affair, she moved out, and couldn't have the blessingway at her house. And asked another friend. That friend wanted me to have a shower, and slowly the blessingway was knocked down entirely. This friend decided that 5 or so good close friends just wasn't enough, and invited HER OWN friends to the event.


Now at this shower that I was given, the one "should have been nice" part was that the invitations asked people to bring their favorite children's stories to read them. Aw, that's sweet.

But it got changed to "GIVE her a children's book".

So I got a bunch of dollar store books. Which would have been fine, except most of the books had nursery rhymes that hadn't been sanitized for modern times, and there were some borderline racist poems in there (one about selling one's children!), and they had to be recycled after I really started looking at them.


I do have to tell you, be glad that it was only a bit of cash that the shower-thrower asked for...a typical cloth dipe starts at $15 and that's withOUT the insert. If she ultimately wants cutie patootie ones, those will be much more. There are also very very basic ones, chinese prefolds with a cover, and that's what my kind kind friend and her sisters bought me (love them!), but to have enough of the basics meant approx 36 CPFs and 4 covers, and that got us about 3 days before I had to wash 'em. And it cost much more than 36 plastic dipes would have... So you definitely wouldn't want to be asked to bring the actual cloth dipes! Cash was a relatively reasonable request, compared to the alternative!

And at least the mom didn't have to leave with racist nursery rhymes...





Don't have a shower. Don't give in, don't let anyone throw one for you. Because that's the whole point of a shower, to receive gifts.

Obviously, I expect to(and enjoy) giving a gift at a baby shower. However, from what the OP stated, this was a request for cash in addition to a gift. Not cool. I would say the same thing if they asked for cash for disposable diapers.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

I have never even heard of this...

I was invited to a baby shower that had a typed out note slipped into the invitation.. It said to bring cash for the new mom to buy cloth diapers. Also included was the location of the baby registry. Since I splurged on a nice gift, I didn't bring cash, too. Not to mention I thought it was tacky

But while we were there, some lady came around and personally asked each person if they remembered to bring cash for the diapers

Is this normal somewhere? It certainly isn't around here!

That's weird. I'm usually not the etiquette police (far from it) but yikes, that's a bit tacky. Why didnt she just register for cloth diapers?!!

 

[Mommee]

Obviously, I expect to(and enjoy) giving a gift at a baby shower. However, from what the OP stated, this was a request for cash in addition to a gift. Not cool. I would say the same thing if they asked for cash for disposable diapers.

Yes, this was in addition to the gifts. I went in on the stroller/car seat combo with my mom..it's not like I was just being cheap

This was in Michigan BTW.

FWIW, the mom is probably wishing she had registered for the diapers, too. She ended up with enough onesies and socks to clothe 5 babies

 

[tlbwriter]

I think that is normal. In TACKEYVILLE!!!

 

[sunnyday123]

i received a baby shower invite at one point that included a typed out note. the note listed out all the items the mom to be had registered for, and then on the right hand side of the note typed in bigger font was the sentence "YOU ARE ASSIGNED TO GIFT" with one of the items on the list highlighted

i was floored, there were some pricey items on the list and the only thing i can presume is that the mom to be participated in preparing the invites, and based the item highlighted for each guest on what she perceived they should spend.

needless to say i passed on that shower


i've never been to a shower where anyone has come around and tried to collect money for the guest of honor, but we went a wedding where there had been several pre-gifting events (engagement party, showers...) and the bride and groom had registered for largly expensive items for both those and the wedding. at the wedding itself, where the guest book was placed there were two "trees" set up (dried branches in a bucket filled with marbles), one had a sign that read "we need to furnish our new apartment" with photos of very high end furniture and decorator items, the other had a sign that read "we need to pay for our honeymoon" with photos of the VERY high end resort the couple was going to. the branches of the trees had clothes pins, and the expectation was that the guests would use them to clip money on.

the person handling the guest book would tell each signor to "fill the trees", and i noticed that they were making check marks by the names of those who clipped. if a person had not clipped, a member of the wedding party later approached them to say "you have'nt filled the trees yet"

What is wrong with people??

 

[Heidict]

I do have to tell you, be glad that it was only a bit of cash that the shower-thrower asked for...a typical cloth dipe starts at $15 and that's withOUT the insert. If she ultimately wants cutie patootie ones, those will be much more. There are also very very basic ones, chinese prefolds with a cover, and that's what my kind kind friend and her sisters bought me (love them!), but to have enough of the basics meant approx 36 CPFs and 4 covers, and that got us about 3 days before I had to wash 'em. And it cost much more than 36 plastic dipes would have... So you definitely wouldn't want to be asked to bring the actual cloth dipes! Cash was a relatively reasonable request, compared to the alternative!

But it's not reasonable. If you choose to use cloth diapers, that is fine, more power to you. But to actually go around, begging for money from guests that have already purchased you a gift is just rude and tasteless.

I don't care if cloth diapers are expensive or not, it's not my responsibility to purchase them for you. If you can't afford them, then maybe you (not you personally bumber) need to look at other options and not try to force your friends and family members to pay for your expensive tastes.

It seems that showers and weddings these days are more about a money grab then they are about celebrating with family and friends.

 

[Colleen27]

I still think it is tacky but it is growing more common to ask for cash at showers. I can even sympathize on that count because cloth diapers are expensive and not available from the common registry stores (at least in my area). Sure, you could register or create a wish-list at an online seller, but how many people really want to order a shower gift online rather than actually shopping for it?

But going around *reminding* people of the request? That is unbeliveably over-the-top tacky!

 

[Bethenny]

At that point, I would have opened my card with the check inside (I only give checks at weddings), written VOID on the front and left a very nasty message on the back about why this occurred and that they need to learn some facts about what to do and what not to do!! Oh, and I would have thanked them for the lovely free meal and booze!!

Why do I get the feeling that the booze wasn't free. That wedding just screams CASH BAR!

 

[WDWorBUST]

Most definitely tacky. I will say I made a point to have cloth diapers & diaper detergeant on my registry for this baby. My reasoning was I wanted people to know I was using cloth without having to say anything. However, I did not anticipate receiving any (they were only available online) and honestly I told DH from the start that cloth diapers would be one thing we would definitely have to purchase and I already had plenty by the time my showers were held. And it worked out great. I did get one box of disposables, which I appreciate and I'm sure will use (I'm not anti-disposable - just think cloth is better for us) so my strategy worked without having to be tacky.

Where do people get these ideas?

 

[ohiomom28]

Why do I get the feeling that the booze wasn't free. That wedding just screams CASH BAR!

Not all parts of the country have open bars. I have been to 1 wedding with an open bar. Most offer free beer but any liquor or mixed drinks are at a cash bar.

 

[C.Ann]

I do have to tell you, be glad that it was only a bit of cash that the shower-thrower asked for...a typical cloth dipe starts at $15 and that's withOUT the insert. If she ultimately wants cutie patootie ones, those will be much more. There are also very very basic ones, chinese prefolds with a cover, and that's what my kind kind friend and her sisters bought me (love them!), but to have enough of the basics meant approx 36 CPFs and 4 covers, and that got us about 3 days before I had to wash 'em. And it cost much more than 36 plastic dipes would have... So you definitely wouldn't want to be asked to bring the actual cloth dipes! Cash was a relatively reasonable request, compared to the alternative!.

There is absolutely nothing "reasonable" - or anything that even comes close to being polite - when one walks around to the shower guests (who have already purchased gifts) and asks if they "remembered" the money for cloth diapers..

I know several people who have had babies in the past 12 to 18 months (one in particular who insisted on all natural fabrics for her baby) and none of them paid $15 per diaper..

 

[Ash&Wes07]

I know several people who have had babies in the past 12 to 18 months (one in particular who insisted on all natural fabrics for her baby) and none of them paid $15 per diaper..

There are cloth diapers that cost way more than $15 per diaper.

We use Fuzi Bunz, and we pay $17 per diaper. The fitteds we use are cheaper, 6 for $24, but they aren't our main diaper.

This chick (OP's story) needs to learn the wonders of a cloth diaper registry! Kelly's Closet has a great one. I used it for my last baby shower. My friends insisted on throwing a shower for me and asked me to register. We really didn't need anything except more cloth diapers, so I registered for those.

Asking for cash makes me want to vomit.

I got a Facebook invite to a birthday party for my friend's son. She wrote a little blurb "Remember, we have to travel back home on a plane, so gift cards are most welcome!!!". I didn't go.