Can't find friends

[Monte Cristo]

Friends are overrated.

 

[Jill in Chicago]

Sorry I have to disagree. Real friends are a treasure. Friends who suck the life out of you? Those I can live without. Friends who are never, ever happy? I am not their continual therapist. Friends who only talk and never listen? Not real friends.

Friends who think I am funny? Priceless!

Friends who build you up, support you, make you laugh until you cry..... Friends where there is back and forth, give and take, talk and listen, wow they make your world a better place.

 

[meggiebeth]

I have faced the same situation many times and am about to face it again, moving to a college. I just had induction week and just felt really lonely- seeing everyone else laugh with their friends and have somewhere to go and being alone and friendless myself. I'm incredibly shy but sure that I will make friends eventually.

Being lonely does put you off. After several hours of being alone I felt tearful and ready to give up. So I know how hard it is to stay in the right mindset.

You can't make friends in a week or whatever- it takes time to get closer to someone. Just by talking to them and showing interest in what they have to say- you are closer to making friends.

Don't be too competitive- it really turns people's backs up. Relax, don't try to become an extrovert because there is nothing wrong with being an introvert. You will likely find someone quiet like you eventually that you will feel really comfortable with.

Meg~ Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[JasonBlue07]

Oh another thing I wanna point out, I'm a good boy type. I rarely get in trouble, I can't lie, I follow the rules(sometimes) and some other stuff.
Does that effect anything?

 

[aaarcher86]

Oh another thing I wanna point out, I'm a good boy type. I rarely get in trouble, I can't lie, I follow the rules(sometimes) and some other stuff.
Does that effect anything?

No. And you should look for friends with the same values.

 

[JasonBlue07]

No. And you should look for friends with the same values.

That's rare though

 

[emer95]

Do you belong to a church? You're in HS, so there should be some sort of Young Life or youth group. I made the best friends of my life in church, and have kept them as life long, close, dear friends. Way closer than HS friends.
Keep your chin up! I believe good things will happen for you.

 

[JasonBlue07]

Do you belong to a church? You're in HS, so there should be some sort of Young Life or youth group. I made the best friends of my life in church, and have kept them as life long, close, dear friends. Way closer than HS friends.
Keep your chin up! I believe good things will happen for you.

No I don't join church. I wanna join a sports team though

 

[aaarcher86]

That's rare though

It's not rare at all. Not getting into trouble doesn't mean not having fun.

Joining a sports team,is a great way to meet people, but it can only get you so far. You need to chat, engage, and get to know your teammates... You can't hang back and expect and hope someone comes up to you.

 

[Jill in Chicago]

It's not rare at all. Both of my boys have lots of friends who are "good boys." Our oldest son was in marching band. He played in the pit for musicals.... He was one busy young man.

Our younger son was on the math team and into gaming of all kinds. He was also on the scholastic bowl where he was joined by many of his junior high friends. He is in college now and is still friends with many of his high school friends.

Again I suggest martial arts. There are no requirements and you can begin right away. Some larger churches also have sport teams for basketball. You don't have to be a member. They might be able to hook you up with a team that is looking for more players.

 

[luvsJack]

OP, may I ask what grade in high school you are in?

DD is going to be a sophomore this next school year. When she started hs, she got a bit of a shock. She is a "good girl" and felt like the minority for a bit. And I worried for a bit there.

Through choir though she has met some great friends and they are all pretty much on the same page with values, morals, behavior, etc.

You have to find something that will bring you together with others that have similar interests and similar life outlook. Pretty much any activity you are interested in will help. Especially the types of things that the coach or director tends to make the team/group into a family. It brings you closer with the others around you.

 

[JasonBlue07]

OP, may I ask what grade in high school you are in?

DD is going to be a sophomore this next school year. When she started hs, she got a bit of a shock. She is a "good girl" and felt like the minority for a bit. And I worried for a bit there.

Through choir though she has met some great friends and they are all pretty much on the same page with values, morals, behavior, etc.

You have to find something that will bring you together with others that have similar interests and similar life outlook. Pretty much any activity you are interested in will help. Especially the types of things that the coach or director tends to make the team/group into a family. It brings you closer with the others around you.

I'm a junior

 

[phorsenuf]

I'm a junior

Did you know there is a teen board here on the Dis. Might want to check it out and get some input from them. Who knows, maybe you'll meet someone there from your area. Ya never know.

 

[JasonBlue07]

Did you know there is a teen board here on the Dis. Might want to check it out and get some input from them. Who knows, maybe you'll meet someone there from your area. Ya never know.

Yea someone on the Internet...

 

[NHdisneylover]

I can't tell how much you REALLY want help, even if it means being told to do things you are not doing or that what you are doing to try to be a part of the conversation might be wrong, and i am far from an expert even if you DO want that kind of help. But, I have spent the last few months sitting in on therapy sessions specifically working with a teen on how to develop small talk skills and focusing especially on how to get into the conversation that a group is already having without you (it sounds like that was what you were struggling with at the camp).

IF you want, I can try to talk you through some stuff here. If so, please try to describe what the other boys were doing and talking about when you approached them, how you approached them and what they said and how you then responded. Then I can try to point out what you might be doing well and what you might need to work on (based on how it has been broken down in the therapy I have observed).

Yea someone on the Internet...

Some of my closest friends are internet friends

 

[JasonBlue07]

I can't tell how much you REALLY want help, even if it means being told to do things you are not doing or that what you are doing to try to be a part of the conversation might be wrong, and i am far from an expert even if you DO want that kind of help. But, I have spent the last few months sitting in on therapy sessions specifically working with a teen on how to develop small talk skills and focusing especially on how to get into the conversation that a group is already having without you (it sounds like that was what you were struggling with at the camp).

IF you want, I can try to talk you through some stuff here. If so, please try to describe what the other boys were doing and talking about when you approached them, how you approached them and what they said and how you then responded. Then I can try to point out what you might be doing well and what you might need to work on (based on how it has been broken down in the therapy I have observed).

Some of my closest friends are internet friends

Well let me just put it in a dialog

*bowling starting and I'm about to put the names in*
Me: ok who want to go first
Group: *keeps talking about something and no one respond*
Me: *walks away from the computer*
*someone else put the name in and the group respond to her*


Boy: *got a strike*
Me: nice
Boy: *ignore*
Me: *roll the ball and got 9 pin down*
Everyone: *ignore*
Girl: *roll the ball and got 1/2 pins down*
Everyone: *cheer*
Me: :|

 

[JasonBlue07]

Well let me just put it in a dialog

*bowling starting and I'm about to put the names in*
Me: ok who want to go first
Group: *keeps talking about something and no one respond*
Me: *walks away from the computer*
*someone else put the name in and the group respond to her*

Boy: *got a strike*
Me: nice
Boy: *ignore*
Me: *roll the ball and got 9 pin down*
Everyone: *ignore*
Girl: *roll the ball and got 1/2 pins down*
Everyone: *cheer*
Me: :|

People seem to... Ummm... Sorta "not liking" me even if they don't know me yet. How can that be?

 

[luvsJack]

I'm a junior

Do you have any friends or do you feel like you have none at all?

What are you interested in?

Sports? join a team of your favorite sport

Academics? join a club at school

Activity such as choir, drama, art? Join that organization at school.

Choirs are almost always looking for guys as are drama groups. So even if you haven't done it before, they willl welcome with open arms.

Even if you are not a member of a church, try a local church youth group. Unless you are totally against church/religion it can be a great way to meet people. Maybe volunteer at something where other teens volunteer--local humane society, habitat for humanity, etc.

Do you attend the sporting events for your school? Around here football on Friday nights is a great way to meet other teens.

 

[mrsklamc]

Who are you bowling with?

Do you have good hygiene habits?

When you ask for names, you said they *keep* talking. Is there any chance they were mid-conversation and you might have interrupted, where the other person waited for a break to ask for names?

 

[JasonBlue07]

Do you have any friends or do you feel like you have none at all?

What are you interested in?

Sports? join a team of your favorite sport

Academics? join a club at school

Activity such as choir, drama, art? Join that organization at school.

Choirs are almost always looking for guys as are drama groups. So even if you haven't done it before, they willl welcome with open arms.

Even if you are not a member of a church, try a local church youth group. Unless you are totally against church/religion it can be a great way to meet people. Maybe volunteer at something where other teens volunteer--local humane society, habitat for humanity, etc.

Do you attend the sporting events for your school? Around here football on Friday nights is a great way to meet other teens.

I have friends but very little and we only hang out at school and that's only if we meet. I like art and I'm in an art camp now. It's the same thing as always, alone while others are talking to each other. I'm not gonna give up now but if this continue I'm gonna give up.