Can't Do Anything About It Now...School Vent

[WDSearcher]

Out of curiousity ... if the school HAD called you, would you have gotten the call? You mentioned that your phone was off because you were in a meeting. Does the school have a policy for what happens when they notify a parent about taking a child off-site, but they get the parents' voicemail?

I know that the underlying problem was that no one realized that your son was part of the soccer group -- balls were dropped at various levels. I was just wondering if the vent would have been different had the school called, but you weren't available to take the call, and they sent your son along any way? (Just hypothetical, obviously ... wondering how people handle that.)

 

[FayeW]

Out of curiousity ... if the school HAD called you, would you have gotten the call? You mentioned that your phone was off because you were in a meeting. Does the school have a policy for what happens when they notify a parent about taking a child off-site, but they get the parents' voicemail?

I know that the underlying problem was that no one realized that your son was part of the soccer group -- balls were dropped at various levels. I was just wondering if the vent would have been different had the school called, but you weren't available to take the call, and they sent your son along any way? (Just hypothetical, obviously ... wondering how people handle that.)

As I said earlier, my meeting wasn't until 2:30. I left the house at about 2:10. The group apparently left the school around 11:00 am, so I would have gotten the call, had there been one. They also have my husband's work number so they could have called him there for permission.

 

[WDSearcher]

As I said earlier, my meeting wasn't until 2:30. I left the house at about 2:10. The group apparently left the school around 11:00 am, so I would have gotten the call, had there been one. They also have my husband's work number so they could have called him there for permission.

I understand all that. (That's why I said it was hypothetical.) I was wondering how you / the school would handle it if your son had volunteered for something or was about to leave campus, they called you, but the phone went to voicemail. Does the school policy deal with this? And are you okay with a message being left, or would the school have to personally speak with you to get permission? I haven't hit any of these problems yet, so I'm just amassing info! (I guess I'm kind of hijacking the thread with this question...)

 

[mickeyboat]

I understand all that. (That's why I said it was hypothetical.) I was wondering how you / the school would handle it if your son had volunteered for something or was about to leave campus, they called you, but the phone went to voicemail. Does the school policy deal with this? And are you okay with a message being left, or would the school have to personally speak with you to get permission? I haven't hit any of these problems yet, so I'm just amassing info! (I guess I'm kind of hijacking the thread with this question...)

I can't speak for the OP but if I was in this situation, I would expect that my child would not be allowed to attend if I had not given express approval. I would not have been happy with a message.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

He's also smart enough to know that when 8-10 of his classmates are out because they are on the soccer team (1/3 of the class) they aren't going to be covering any new material, anyway.

I'm not thrilled with his decision to volunteer, however, in terms of how many people in this scenario exercised poor judgement, I would say the 12 yr old raising his hand when asked to volunteer is not the event which put him at risk. Allowing him to leave school property with a someone who had no permission to have him in their vehicle, without the knowledge or permission of his parents, or school administration, did.

To say that the child should have had enough sense and responsibility to not volunteer does not mitigate the teacher's responsibility. If the child should have known better, so should the teacher.

If they wouldn't be covering any new material then why would you tell the school he shouldn't go? First you say there was no way you would have permitted the trip but now you say you're son is responsible enough to know it was okay for him to volunteer because of little work that would have been done in class.

There will be many times over the next few years where kids will be out of class for various reasons. There's no excuse for him wanting to go because "no one would be there anyway."

You're son dropped the ball to begin with and it spiraled into a series of errors and miscommunications.

 

[sbell111]

Why on earth would I be angry at my son for not calling when his teacher said the school would call??? He's a 12 yr old boy who raised his hand when asked to volunteer. He was told by the person in authority that the school would notify us. ...

Well, basically you are mad that permission wasn't asked. The person to ask you permission if your son could deviate from his normal routine is your son, not the school. The school calling you to notify you that he is helping out wouldn't really cool your jets, would it?

Your son is not too young to call you and ask your permission.

No, actually I didn't. I said in both the title, and the last sentence of my OP, that it was a vent.

Sorry, but this is a discussion forum. Things posted here will often be discussed. Some of that discussion may not completely agree with your position. That's healthy.

If you do not wish to discuss issues, you probably need to familiarize yourself with blogging.

 

[FayeW]

Well, basically you are mad that permission wasn't asked. The person to ask you permission if your son could deviate from his normal routine is your son, not the school. The school calling you to notify you that he is helping out wouldn't really cool your jets, would it?

Your son is not too young to call you and ask your permission.Sorry, but this is a discussion forum. Things posted here will often be discussed. Some of that discussion may not completely agree with your position. That's healthy.

If you do not wish to discuss issues, you probably need to familiarize yourself with blogging.

I am mad because neither the school administration nor his parents knew where my son was for nearly 5 freakin' hours. No matter how you slice and dice it, the soccer coach and the parent volunteer who drove him off school grounds to another location should have bloody well made sure they had permission from the principal and either my husband or myself to do so. They have procedures in place for taking students off property and those procedures were not followed. If there had been an accident, there was no record of him being in that car or at that location. No way is that the sole responsibility of a 12 yr old child.

I have no issue with comments or discussions taking place. If I didn't expect comments, I wouldn't post. I merely corrected the poster who said "well, you asked for opinions". I had already addressed the situation with the principal before I even posted. I was venting about my experience.

 

[disykat]

I'm with you, Faye. The school dropped the ball. I've worked at schools for years and am finding it really hard to believe a school would take a child off school property without WRITTEN permission. In my book, a last minute phone call wouldn't have been okay.

They dropped the ball and I would be expecting them to be putting protocol in place so in never happened again.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I'm with Faye 100% on this one. The bottom line is that this child did not have permission from a parent to leave school grounds. No one should have taken him anywhere. It doesn't matter if he was out sick last week. It doesn't matter that he is now sunburned and coughing even worse. It only matters that for 5 hours yesterday, her son was MIA and the school nor his parents had any idea where he was. And this is not the child's fault.

Remember he is a child! What 12 year old wouldn't want to go hang at the soccer field with his buddies. Remember he was told that his parents would be contacted. Why should he second guess the teacher???

I can just imagine the replies if the OP had posted "My son volunteered for the soccer field day and he wasn't allowed to go because they couldn't get ahold of me. How mean are they?" I guarantee you that she would be slammed for that. OP this is a damned if you do, damned if you don't thread.

 

[shirleyb]

I'm with Faye on this one. I can't believe a school would take a child without getting some type of written permission.

And as for the 12 yo bearing some of the responsibility - oh please. I have a 12 yo, and it is not going to remotely occur to them that because they missed school last week they shouldn't do it again.

 

[laurie31]

I can't believe the number of people saying the child should have called himself.

Our school does not allow the children to call home unless it's an emergency or if they are sick and need to leave. The school is responsible for getting parental permission for things like the OP described. They couldn't let a child call and SAY his mom said it was okay; someone from the school needs to talk to a parent.

As for missing class, I think maybe the OP thought her son could make up the work he missed while sick, and also that he didn't need prolonged exposure to the elements while not fully recovered.

I don't see how it's the child's fault when the teacher said he would call, and then he was not stopped from getting in the car he thought he was supposed to get in (but yet no one knew he was there). Sorry, but the kid is 12. The school is responsible for him and should know where he is. I would be way more angry than the OP appears to be if this happened to my child.

 

[MoniqueU]

What would picking him up from school have done? He takes his bike or the bus anyway so picking him up has nothing to do with it. He was already off school property for 4 hours by the time school was out...

One time they kept my DD afterschool for a lecture from the principal and when 10 minutes passed with her not coming out my mom was able to go into the office and find out where she was. IF you were picking him up and he didn't come right out I assume you could of gone to the office to see what is up. I don't get the whole bus thing myself and think parents should be responsible for taking their own kids to school. I also would never let my kids bike to school but hey thats just me.

 

[MissyDVC]

I'm with the OP. The school dropped, not just one, but many balls in this situation as was admitted to the OP by the teacher and the principal. A 12 year old is still a minor and would, of course, want to try to get in on something fun (sick or not) and it is the SCHOOL'S responsibility to have permission for a student to leave the school grounds. When my children go to school, I expect them to be on the school grounds at all times unless I have prior knowledge of them leaving the grounds. And to the OP, I would feel the same way about him helping out the soccer coach. Vent away, OP PS my kiddos take the bus, I am very comfortable with that and I am not sure how you could connect him taking the bus to school with the school not notifying his parents that he had left the school grounds.

 

[NancyK]

I can't believe the number of people saying the child should have called himself.

Our school does not allow the children to call home unless it's an emergency or if they are sick and need to leave. The school is responsible for getting parental permission for things like the OP described. They couldn't let a child call and SAY his mom said it was okay; someone from the school needs to talk to a parent.

As for missing class, I think maybe the OP thought her son could make up the work he missed while sick, and also that he didn't need prolonged exposure to the elements while not fully recovered.

I don't see how it's the child's fault when the teacher said he would call, and then he was not stopped from getting in the car he thought he was supposed to get in (but yet no one knew he was there). Sorry, but the kid is 12. The school is responsible for him and should know where he is. I would be way more angry than the OP appears to be if this happened to my child.

I totally agree with this. The school messed up and it's ridiculous to think that your DS bares any of the blame.

 

[teacherforhi]

There's no way her son bares any responsibility for this. What teacher asks for volunteers to leave school early THAT SAME DAY? Also, if the OP had realized earlier that her son wasn't at home, the main office apparently wouldn't have known where he was either.

The ball was dropped, by the teacher and the teacher alone.

 

[FayeW]

Thank you all for your replies. Neither his father nor I believe that DS did anything wrong, but I did have a conversation with him and told him in the future, should anything like this arise again, he needs to follow up with the disclaimer that he has to call his parents and ask permission first. That would not negate the school's responsibility to have something in writing from me, but at least he would know that we had been contacted.

First and foremost, the issue was about safety. At supper tonight I explained to him that if Mrs. T had been in an accident and he was lying in a ditch bleeding, no one would have known to look for him because there was no paperwork to say he was there. I gave another example of maybe some guy saying "hey, kid, will you help me carry these soccer balls" and then shoving him into a van. Nobody would know to look for him. I understand that some of this may same far fetched and melodramatic, but I wanted him to understand that I made a big deal about it to the principal this morning because it was, in fact, a very big deal. I needed him to understand that rules are in place to ultimately make sure he is safe. He understands.

I made some suggestions to the principal about other ways of handling the attendance & permission forms so that hopefully this won't be repeated with someone else's child. It's water under the bridge now but thankfully it had a happy ending an can be a learning experience going forward.

 

[manning]

I would be mad, but not at the school. I would be mad at my son for deviating from the schedule without notifying me.

The son should have called to ask permission for this, not the school.

Both should have !!!

 

[merryweather20]

Both should have !!!

I doubt that this would have been an option. Any of the local schools only allow students to call for emergencies since the teacher was calling and it wasn't an emergency it would not have been worth asking.