Can't afford open bar for whole wedding-is this acceptable instead?*Update on pg 20*

[YetanotherMouseFan]

DH1 and I always said we wished we'd saved the money we spent on the wedding and party and put it into the honeymoon instead...it would have been money much better spent!!

 

[fall08CP]

"My brother/sister/aunt/cousin/best friend had a cash bar and no one cared" -- how do you know? Did you do an exit survey? My friends who have attended cash bar receptions have always complained about it afterwards, just not to the bride/groom's face!

 

[DeaverTex]

I've already had my say about the actual question OP asked, but I wonder... If you (the host of the reception, whether the couple, the parents, or a passing Vulcan dignitary) choose to serve alcohol at the reception, regardless of what kind and who's paying for it, who is liable for drunk guests? Here, if someone gets drunk at your party, you're responsible for that, just like a bartender at a public bar.

 

[msjprincess]

I've already had my say about the actual question OP asked, but I wonder... If you (the host of the reception, whether the couple, the parents, or a passing Vulcan dignitary) choose to serve alcohol at the reception, regardless of what kind and who's paying for it, who is liable for drunk guests? Here, if someone gets drunk at your party, you're responsible for that, just like a bartender at a public bar.

I would assume it would be the venue and the bartender. It shouldn't matter who paid for the alcohol.

 

[anniemck]

What if you have to travel to a Wedding that is out of town? You've spent hundreds, maybe thousands of dollars, vacation time used, giving a gift - you get to the wedding reception and find it is a cash bar, for all drinks. However, on the tables you find huge centerpieces, the reception hall is elaborately decorated, and the 20 piece band is playing...

You are telling us that you wouldn't be the slightest bit put off that the Hosts could not have made adjustments to their priorities (maybe had a DJ instead of a band, forgo the upgraded linens for the tables, etc....) to at the very least, provide their guests with beverages (alcoholic or not) for the Reception?

If anything, you all, by way of your responses, validate the statement "no one remembers anything from a wedding but the food and the bar.".

Ember said it best. We all shouldn't have expectations for there to be a full bar at every wedding we attend so we can go on a free bender for the night. However, Couples need to have the event that is within their budget and forgo the wedding that they've dreamed about since the womb and not expect their Guests to pay to attend the "dream" wedding.

If a cash bar is in the plans, 100%, inform your Guests ahead of time so they can plan accordingly. Especially in this day and age of the debit card. Cash, what's that?!?!?

Again, my daughter is getting married next month... other than my daughter and her fiance and his parents, the rest of us are all traveling. The wedding is in a beautiful venue, on the first day of a holiday weekend, the day after Valentines Day and there are 67 people RSVP'd yes. Originally there was going to be no bar and no dancing, however the future mother in law insisted that due to the fact that her family travels in packs to weddings, they must have these things. Well daughter and fiance do not dance, but the dance floor was already in the venue. Now they had to hire a DJ, they did not budge on the alcohol as again, they do not drink and have seen the others at many weddings and other events in the past, heck among 6 women they drank 7 bottles of wine at my daughters 2 1/2 hour shower. They told future MIL that it will be a cash bar or that she can pay for the bar herself if she wants a bar. This was the best decision. My ex husband has paid a great portion, I paid a great portion, the inlaws are paying for the honeymoon and rehearsal dinner, anything else my daughter and her fiance are paying themselves. They have an awesome photographer/videographer, and dj, just a couple days ago they found out they won the ambient lighting which they were not going to do.
If people do not want to come because it is an open bar, then let them stay home and keep their gifts as well. It isn't important. The day is about two people who are in love, getting married and sharing that day with the ones that have been there throughout their relationship. They have been together for 6 years, and are 21/22. I am so proud of them and the decisions they have made.

 

[Jennasis]

I don't have a particular problem with a cash bar...but it's because I don't drink.

I think offering just beer, wine and soda is fine too.

At our wedding, we offered soda and sweet tea, and then my parents insisted on beer and wine so they supplied it. My parents and entire family was coming to our wedding from Long Island...the land of lavish $30K weddings with open bars and DJ's or full orchestras, viennese tables, cocktail hours and plated dinners. In fact, my first wedding was one of those. When I married DH, it was here on our our farm in North Carolina and catered by a local BBQ place. No DJ, no orchestra...just a mix tape of our favorites...all while we mingled on the dirt floor of my riding arena.

There are regional differences and expectations and of course familial expectations, but in the end we planned and executed a wedding celebration that was meaningful to us and featured the things that were important to us while also keeping our guests as happy as we could and within our VERY limited $5K budget.

best wedding ever.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

in the end we planned and executed a wedding celebration that was meaningful to us and featured the things that were important to us

As it should be.

I get a kick out of all this talk about what is & is not tacky. You know what's tacky to me? Fuddy-duddy rules & expectations, that's what.

 

[JLTraveling]

Most of the time, the phenomenon of the dry wedding is squarely a religion-related thing. You probably have never encounted it because you just don't have that many practicing Southern Baptists or hard-line evangelicals where you live. They are a distinct minority there, and if you are not part of their church circle you probably would not know them well enough to be invited to a wedding. Small minorities in any community tend to stick together socially.

This. Most of my family consists of hard-line evangelicals. The cake and punch at the fellowship hall wedding reception is alive and well in Central Florida.

Trust me, while we expect to drink (for free) at Catholic and Jewish weddings, we know that we won't find liquor at the Baptist or evangelical weddings we are invited to. Unlike recovering alcoholics, they don't just regard avoiding alcohol as a personal choice; for devout members of these faiths, any association with alcoholic beverages is deeply offensive. Several members of my family have been involved in the wedding industry there for decades, and IME, not only will these folks not serve alcohol, but as a general rule they will try to avoid holding a wedding at any venue that holds a liquor license. To them, all of the events surrounding a wedding are very much sacred occasions, and any taint of alcohol at the reception would cause the Pastor to refuse to attend, which would be a very embarassing thing in that community. This is a part of the reason why so many of their churches have large and well-equipped fellowship halls for events like these -- the whole issue of alcohol-avoidance is simplified.

Yep. Although one of the pastors at my grandmother's Free Methodist church came from a more liberal congregation. He was pretty ticked when he read the fine print in his contract and discovered that he wasn't allowed any alcohol at all. Ruined his Christmas Eve eggnog tradition lol

I also have to comment that at very casual weddings in tiny communities out in the country in the South, there is almost always a fair-amount of parking-lot drinking at weddings not held on church premises. The not-so-devout very commonly stash a cooler of beer in the trunk of the car and go outside to drink.

I'm now divorced. But at my wedding, there was the clash of the cultures between my "offended by the sight of alcohol" relatives and my husband's "it's not a party without the alcohol" relatives. We had a medieval-themed wedding at a horse ranch (in part to avoid the "which church" argument). We served punch, tea and coffee...but we had a couple kegs in a cleaned-out horse stall. We gave directions on a need-to-know basis, and everyone was happy.

 

[LiveYourLife]

Again, my daughter is getting married next month... other than my daughter and her fiance and his parents, the rest of us are all traveling. The wedding is in a beautiful venue, on the first day of a holiday weekend, the day after Valentines Day and there are 67 people RSVP'd yes. Originally there was going to be no bar and no dancing, however the future mother in law insisted that due to the fact that her family travels in packs to weddings, they must have these things. Well daughter and fiance do not dance, but the dance floor was already in the venue. Now they had to hire a DJ, they did not budge on the alcohol as again, they do not drink and have seen the others at many weddings and other events in the past, heck among 6 women they drank 7 bottles of wine at my daughters 2 1/2 hour shower. They told future MIL that it will be a cash bar or that she can pay for the bar herself if she wants a bar. This was the best decision. My ex husband has paid a great portion, I paid a great portion, the inlaws are paying for the honeymoon and rehearsal dinner, anything else my daughter and her fiance are paying
themselves. They have an awesome photographer/videographer, and dj, just a couple days ago they found out they won the ambient lighting which they were not going to do.
If people do not want to come because it is an open bar, then let them stay home and keep their gifts as well. It isn't important. The day is about two people who are in love, getting married and sharing that day with the ones that have been there throughout their relationship. They have been together for 6 years, and are 21/22. I am so proud of them and the decisions they have made.

I think you need to go back and read post #140 of this thread, which is mine, and that is where you will find my opinion on this matter. Not sure why you quoted me, as I don't have issue with open bar vs no alcohol. You'll find in that post what I do have issue with.

Congrats on your Daughter's Wedding. And BTW, your signature makes me dizzy!!!

 

[arminnie]

I think just beer and wine is fine. I went to a wedding last year with about 200 guests. The reception was at a hotel. There was a bartender for the bridal party and the parent table only. Other guests wanting drinks had to go outside the reception to the hotel bar and wait for them. That was tacky!

Oh I've went to one even tackier. It was at a country club so you had to have a member number to get a drink other than wine. Most people were from out of town so were not members.

The "better" guests were given the parents' member number!

 

[KimR]

I'm now divorced. But at my wedding, there was the clash of the cultures between my "offended by the sight of alcohol" relatives and my husband's "it's not a party without the alcohol" relatives. We had a medieval-themed wedding at a horse ranch (in part to avoid the "which church" argument). We served punch, tea and coffee...but we had a couple kegs in a cleaned-out horse stall. We gave directions on a need-to-know basis, and everyone was happy.

Sounds like my situation in reverse. We did have alcohol at our wedding and DH was not disowned; however I tried to host a dry party one time so as not to upset the in-laws and it did not go over well with my family, to say the least. I wound up serving beer and wine in plastic cups and asking my family to be 'discreet' with it but that didn't work out too well and honestly, it just seemed so silly. Now - I don't even worry about it anymore.

 

[sam_gordon]

Because that's not a leap or anything!

About as much as a leap as those who say having a cash bar means the hosts don't care about their guests enjoyment/comfort.

 

[sookie]

These threads always crack me up.
I was married in a church with a reception that followed immediately after in the reception hall (they have a really nice one). We had a ton of appetizer foods - hot foods including some meats. My brother used to cater events so he catered my wedding. No alcohol but lots of different drinks. But we did have a "toast" towards the end of the reception with grape juice.
You would have thought that my uptight aunt was going to pass out when they started bringing out the juice for toasting in these seriously cheap little wine cups because she thought we were bringing out booze.
I mean, seriously - we were young, this was not a super fancy affair (combined that with the fact we had gotten snowed out), and double that with the fact that we were in a church reception hall. LOL
I still think it was a cute memory because my mom had to grab my aunts arm and tell it was sparkling grape juice, silly!!!

I still think we had a nice wedding. I like hearing about over the top 75k affairs, but we had a really nice Christmas wedding. I wouldn't have changed it. My biggest stress was the snowstorm that day - I only regret not getting snowbunny pictures taken. We should have ran out and had the photographer take pictures of us out in the snow!

 

[Disney Doll]

The problem is that everyone seems to be missing the point.
The point is not what one has or doesn't have at one's wedding.

The point is not asking guests to pay for part of the wedding.

If you don't want to have alcohol, don't have it. If you don't want to have a sit down meal, don't have it. If you want to have cake and punch only, then have it. If you want your wedding to have a casual vibe, then plan it to have a casual vibe and enjoy the heck out of it. If you want your wedding to have a more formal vibe then plan it that way and enjoy the heck out of it.

Just don't ask your guests to "chip in" by charging them for something. If you don't want to provide alcohol, then don't have alcohol. Have the kinds of beverages that YOU want to provide. If you have guests that don't think they can live without alcohol, they will go to your wedding, stay for a while and then leave to go get bombed somewhere....meanwhile you will still be enjoying your wedding the way you want it and the way you can afford it.

 

[Bob NC]

I guess this thread is finished now.

 

[Bob NC]

Wedding.

 

[Snoozan]

**OP here** Just wanted to let all the 'naysayers' that we did offer a drink ticket good for a free wine, sangria or beer, as suggested by the venue - this was THEIR suggestion, not ours, on their info sheet. We had 'business cards' done up by Vista print with a lovely design and a note that J & K wanted to thank their guests with a free drink - they were put on each place setting. Everyone I talked to were very appreciative of the thought. We also offered free soda & coffee for the duration. I realize the cash bar vs. open bar is pretty much dependent on the region, but here in New England, it is very acceptable.

BTW, the wedding was beautiful and the food was delicious. Their cake was unbelievable as it was made to look like a birch tree with flowers cascading down.

 

[christineann]

Congratulations, snoozan! I would love to see a picture of the cake - sounds beautiful!

 

[Ember]

**OP here** Just wanted to let all the 'naysayers' that we did offer a drink ticket good for a free wine, sangria or beer, as suggested by the venue - this was THEIR suggestion, not ours, on their info sheet. We had 'business cards' done up by Vista print with a lovely design and a note that J & K wanted to thank their guests with a free drink - they were put on each place setting. Everyone I talked to were very appreciative of the thought. /QUOTE]

Happy to hear it went well.

Not a comment specific to the quoted post, it's just a handy example, but everyone likes to feel their wedding was enjoyed. And everyone tells the people involved it was lovely and beautiful and one of the nicest weddings they've been too. Except my grandmother who will happily tell you my wedding was "interesting." That's the nicest thing she can come up with. Lol

 

[goofyintoronto]

Congrats! Sounds like you made a good decision.

Btw that cake sounds gorgeous!! Any pics???