Can't afford open bar for whole wedding-is this acceptable instead?*Update on pg 20*

[BlovesC]

I am ROFLMAO at the open bar being "motivation" to go to the reception in order to get the "free" alcohol. I could give myself a few nights out of dinner and drinking for what a wedding gift runs here- 250.00 (more for family and close friends!) will get me more than one night out drinking!

Well trust me, when my sister got married (this was in NJ, 1999), NO one gave a gift of $250 or more, but plenty of people got drunk off the open bar, and since they all seemed to be the distant 'acquaintances' and former coworkers she'd invited, I just assumed that was what they were getting out of the evening. But, I realize I'm being judgmental. I just don't "get" big weddings where almost no one knows each other.

 

[MomofKatie]

That is very common- I typically will skip the church part and just go to the reception- mainly the family and close friends go to the church. That doesn't seem at all odd to me aroudn here. I am ROFLMAO at the open bar being "motivation" to go to the reception in order to get the "free" alcohol. I could give myself a few nights out of dinner and drinking for what a wedding gift runs here- 250.00 (more for family and close friends!) will get me more than one night out drinking!

Another instance of regional differences. Where I come from, it is the height of tackiness to skip the ceremony and just come for the free food and drink at the reception. Not to say you are tacky at all, since it is more the norm where you live. We also don't spend the kind of money you do for a wedding gift.

And receptions here can have no alcohol, wine and beer only, open bar (rare), or even cash bar and everyone seems OK with whatever type the family prefers and can afford.

 

[shoney]

Another instance of regional differences. Where I come from, it is the height of tackiness to skip the ceremony and just come for the free food and drink at the reception. Not to say you are tacky at all, since it is more the norm where you live. We also don't spend the kind of money you do for a wedding gift.

And receptions here can have no alcohol, wine and beer only, open bar (rare), or even cash bar and everyone seems OK with whatever type the family prefers and can afford.

very valid point and I can understand it.

Weddings tend to be 2 separate events at 2 separate locations (often pretty far apart)...the ceremony vs. reception. Sometimes logistics dictate that it isn't possible to be at both. In that case, people opt for the reception. That is where you give your envelope!

My ceremony was at 3pm. It was the latest the church would allow.

My reception was 7pm to midnight about a 30 minute drive away.

I would say about 40 to 50 ppl came to the church and 130 came to the reception. Most came to the church in regular clothes and went home to change for the party. A few weren't locals and they were invited back to my parents house for drinks and snacks until it was time to go to the reception.

I could see where others would consider it tacky or even rude, but it happens and it is perfectly acceptable around here.

 

[NotUrsula]

Another instance of regional differences. Where I come from, it is the height of tackiness to skip the ceremony and just come for the free food and drink at the reception. Not to say you are tacky at all, since it is more the norm where you live. We also don't spend the kind of money you do for a wedding gift.

And receptions here can have no alcohol, wine and beer only, open bar (rare), or even cash bar and everyone seems OK with whatever type the family prefers and can afford.

The bolded is generally true throughout most of the South and the lower Midwest, unless the invitation SPECIFIES that it is an invitation to the reception only. This does happen sometimes, in which case you wouldn't really know where the wedding ceremony was, because your invitation would not mention it.

I'm one of those very odd people who had two weddings together (not a double wedding, but two ceremonies and two receptions two days apart on different ends of the country.) We did it because DH's grandparents were too frail to travel, and so was my mother. There was also some logistical difficulty re: the waiting period for the marriage license that made it the best solution.

The embarrassing thing that happened to us is that here where we live (and where we filed our marriage license) we had not intended to invite people to the wedding itself (as it was just a private legal ceremony, and we did not want them to feel like we were looking for two gifts), so we listed the start time on the invitation as an hour after that was scheduled to take place. However, DH's always-annoying brother, who was supposed to be the best man, failed to show up for the scheduled ceremony and did not call to let us know. We waited and waited, then gave up and had my MIL stand as his witness. Unfortunately, that put us behind schedule, and guests started walking in when we were about half-way through the wedding ceremony. (BIL *did* eventually show up; 2.5 hours late, and never offered any explanation. I wanted to KILL him!)

 

[Ember]

What's the point of inviting people if you don't care whether or not they enjoy themselves? Why not elope or spend your birthday alone?

I've always wondered this myself... If it really is "all about the bride and groom" the why not save all that money and spend it on themselves, seeing as that's what they seem to want anyway. Skip the thousands spent on a wedding and reception and spend it on all the things they claim are so much more important then catering the comfort of those pesky guests. Except that they want to "share" their day and have an audience to lavish attention on them... Just not at any cost or inconvenience to themselves...

 

[sam_gordon]

I've always wondered this myself... If it really is "all about the bride and groom" the why not save all that money and spend it on themselves, seeing as that's what they seem to want anyway. Skip the thousands spent on a wedding and reception and spend it on all the things they claim are so much more important then catering the comfort of those pesky guests. Except that they want to "share" their day and have an audience to lavish attention on them... Just not at any cost or inconvenience to themselves...

Just because someone has a cash bar doesn't mean they're not spending money on their guests to have a good time. Just because (general) you need free booze to be "comfortable" or to "enjoy yourself" doesn't mean the bride & groom have to pay for you (again, general).

I'm sure someone will answer this with "I don't need alcohol to have a good time." Fine, then don't use the cash bar. If you don't use it, what's the problem?

 

[dimimi]

I think this is completely regional. I used to live in Cleveland. I have never been to a cash bar wedding. When my sister got married (in Cleveland) to man from Boston....he wanted a cash bar. My very frugal parents said they could never have a cash bar at their daughter's wedding. If you have been to many weddings with an open bar, it would be in poor taste to have an open bar.

We have been to weddings in other cities where there was a cash bar.

I like the idea to serving alcohol, but limited, such as beer/wine.

 

[NotUrsula]

very valid point and I can understand it.

Weddings tend to be 2 separate events at 2 separate locations (often pretty far apart)...the ceremony vs. reception. Sometimes logistics dictate that it isn't possible to be at both. In that case, people opt for the reception. That is where you give your envelope!

Oh, my stars and garters ... an ENVELOPE?

I'm joking, of course, but envelopes are another lurking regional trap in some cases. These days they are not so shocking, but twenty-some years ago when I got married, my mother would have had kittens if I had accepted an envelope of cash from an unrelated wedding guest.

In some parts of the South, giving cash at the reception is a faux pas; as a bride I was taught that any cash offered must be politely declined unless it came from close family (who if they gave cash would normally not give it at the wedding.)

 

[dimimi]

Oh, my stars and garters ... an ENVELOPE?

I'm joking, of course, but envelopes are another lurking regional trap in some cases. These days they are not so shocking, but twenty-some years ago when I got married, my mother would have had kittens if I had accepted an envelope of cash from an unrelated wedding guest.

In some parts of the South, giving cash at the reception is a faux pas; as a bride I was taught that any cash offered must be politely declined unless it came from close family (who if they gave cash would normally not give it at the wedding.)

Too funny...we would never give a gift...always an envelope. The gifts were for the showers.

 

[shoney]

Oh, my stars and garters ... an ENVELOPE?

I'm joking, of course, but envelopes are another lurking regional trap in some cases. These days they are not so shocking, but twenty-some years ago when I got married, my mother would have had kittens if I had accepted an envelope of cash from an unrelated wedding guest.

In some parts of the South, giving cash at the reception is a faux pas; as a bride I was taught that any cash offered must be politely declined unless it came from close family (who if they gave cash would normally not give it at the wedding.)

my parents were married in 1969 and it was cash only!

I was married 20 years ago and I went to each and every table to greet everyone. This is where the "exchange" took place.

 

[MrsDuck]

I'd just do beer and wine. Personally, I think cash bars are a little tacky. BUT at the end of the day, the couple should do what they see fit.

 

[aprilgail2]

Too funny...we would never give a gift...always an envelope. The gifts were for the showers.

LOL--people would think you were off your rocker here if you walked into a wedding reception with a gift LOL!

 

[surfgirl]

You could always do this:


----------
I guess that is one way to make money off a wedding. What celebrity couple had a recent wedding paid for by a network and then turned around and had a cash bar and kept all the money from the sale of the booze? Classy.

revealed: "Bachelorette" Ashley & J.P. Rosenbaum
-------------------

http://www.crazydaysandnights.net/2013/01/blind-items-revealed_1050.html

 

[chrissyt27]

I have never been to a wedding with an open bar. We had none at our wedding. The hall wouldn't allow it on the property. It ended up snowing 12 inches that week and I was glad drunk people driving in the snow would not be a worry. DH's dad disapproves of drinking anyway. We used that as an excuse. we paid for the wedding ourselves. It was as small as it could be since DH's family is huge.

My sister's wedding was a drunken mess. They just had beer and wine. It was at my parents. It was awful the way people drank and drank. It was mostly his family, it was 1.5 hours out of town too.

My brother had a destiantion wedding, so everyone already had free food and drinks. I know he has been to a ton of open bars and he has his friends always got way too drunk. I just do not get why people think they need to drink so much to have a good time.
My Dh's cousin did free wine and beer. Most didn't really drink since it was his dad's side. But the bridal party were almost 2 hours late to dinner and showed up so drunk the bride could hardly stand up. They were in there mid 20s.

I think wine and beer will be fine. Or the ticket thing. My friend had that. Her dad was in charge of handing out the tickets. He had a pretty big roll as part of the package.

 

[anniemck]

My daughter will be married next month. They do not drink, her step father and I do not drink but once in a great while, her father and his fiance do not drink either. It was announced on the invitation as well as on their website this will be a cash bar. The only ones that are coming that do drink is the grooms family. So far there are 67 people attending, and everyone is fine with it. My wedding last year I let everyone know we will have bottled water and soda, anything else is byob... not a problem their either.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

LOL--people would think you were off your rocker here if you walked into a wedding reception with a gift LOL!

Standard practice at every wedding I've ever attended.

 

[kirstenb1]

LOL--people would think you were off your rocker here if you walked into a wedding reception with a gift LOL!

Around here, we choose a wedding gift from the registry and the store delivers it; usually a couple of weeks before the wedding. No envelopes, and no gifts the couple have to lug home from the wedding. Only close family members typically give checks/cash.

 

[WDWChloe]

We had open bar for the first 2 hours and complimentary beer and wine the whole evening, saved us quite a bit and everyone loved it!

 

[LiveYourLife]

Here's a question... a number of you have said you don't like "charging" guests to attend your party. Does that mean you pay for their hotel room? Gas for their car? Plane Ticket? Tuxedo/Gown rental (for really formal parties)?

Because that's not a leap or anything!

 

[LiveYourLife]

Of course not, but if they are willing to spend that much to attend my wedding, even less of a reason to charge them for anything AT the party.

Exactly.