Cancelling Wedding

[Laurafoster]

Ok so i havent actually booked it but it was "planned" for December 5th 2006.

The problem is my FDH family! The short story is they have never really been supportive, they wanted us to have a wedding at home in the church they got married in but ive had my heart set on Disney for soo long!

The first problem was his Aunt and Uncle in OZ are unable to attend to due financial problems- which is fair enough and i believe that.

The second problem is now his other aunt has problems with the veins in her legs which make her more at risk from DVT, So she had a appointment to see a specialist on the 11th Nov, this has now been cancelled and she is due to go on the 6th December ( this is convieniently the day after im meant to book) i didnt really think much of this untill i phoned around to get an appointment with another specialist and then she said she wouldnt see anyone else.

The third problem is my FDH dad. He needed some blood tests done to confirm he is ok to fly as he has had some medical issues. He has now told us it takes 14 days to get the results - stupidly my mum works at a docters and knows they only take48 hours to do the tests....hmm

And the last problem is is other uncle (he has 3 sets of aunts+uncles) may be losing his job at xmas but wont know untill then so they cant give us an answer untill after the day we are meant to book it.


All just seems so convenient to me?! the only problem is when i spoke to someone in the FTW dept they said someone else is up for the same date/time as us so finding out after that date pretty much means we are too late!

I really dont know what to do anymore!

 

[JonetteA]

Could you and your fiancee get Married in England and then go to Disney and do the technical "vow renewal"? I know it is not the perfect scenario, but maybe it is an idea.

 

[twojo21]

with any wedding there is going to be no shows & no gos. do what makes you & your fi happy. i would be sad if my parents couldnt come, but we'd still go ahead with the disney wedding. we'd simply show them the video or we'd get a webcam so they could watch it live.

thats an idea if you 2 webcams & 2 computers, one at the wedding, the other in the uk with the parents so they can be there in a sense as it happens, even communicate to you via the web. to me is sounds like your fils are trying to manipulate you to have things there way, just talk it over & make the best choice for you & your fi.

 

[Laurafoster]

we could possibly - the only problem is money! it was end up costing us about £3000 / $5000 which is a lot of money that im not sure i can afford. Thats probably just me being stubborn as im clinging on to hope of my DFTW!

 

[Servants of Evan]

One word -- Honeymoon.


Servants of Evan.

 

[uktigger]

hi laura
i would say do what ever makes you and your DF happy i am getting married at disney even though i know that our familes won't be coming (my mum is ill and my dad don't like flying and his parents won't fly for that long)but my mum and dad are happy for us to do it our way and i am planning on leaving behind little presents for our parents to open on the planned date so that they will feel they are part of the celebrations even though they will not be there
if you have your hearts set on a disney wedding then i would go ahead and do it your way i'm sure everyone will be happy for you both

eve

 

[hiwaygal]

Our story is quite different, but we were legally married here at home in a small civil ceremony (it was cheaper than getting the license in Florida).

My parents and brother and SIL could not come to the Disney wedding, but they did come to the civil ceremony. DH's parents passed several years ago, so there wasn't really anyone on his side to ask...

So, technically, our Disney wedding was a vow renewal. In order to make my mom feel more involved, I called her on my cell phone just before Rev. Kevin started the vows. She said she pretty much heard everything (except when the boats were going by! LOL!).

It's so hard to please everyone...and it's still a whole year away! I would think some of the medical issues could be well on their way to recovery by then, and the financial stuff...well, maybe you can put some extra $$$ in savings to help pay for the folks you really want to be there.

One other option, is to do the Disney wedding, and have a big reception when you come back home. You could do a quick vow renewal for the families when you get back, or perhaps for your first anniversary.

The bottom line is...what is more important to YOU??? Where you get married, or who you have with you on that day?

Your wedding day is one you will remember FOREVER...it should be YOUR dream come true. Make your decision and stick to your guns!!! Everyone will either come around, or will get over it when they see the joy and happiness in your face as you continue with your plans!

 

[Janet2k]

Laurafoster, my heart goes out to you. The folks here have given you excellent advice. Weigh your decision carefully. I'm hopeful that you'll be able to come up with a beautiful compromise.

My husband and I got married 21 years ago with a simple Justice of the Peace ceremony (if you can even call it that, ~yikes~). It was not what either of us wanted, but it was what we had to do under our circumstances.

I spent the next 20 years regretting that ceremony. When my 20th wedding anniversary rolled around, I decided to do something about it. Thanks to Disney's Fairy Tale Weddings folks, my husband and I experienced a very fun and unique vow renewal. We'll cherish our memories of that magical night always. (I have two threads on the Trip Reports board about that vow renewal, if you'd care to read about it.)

The moral of the story? Do what you have to do. If you can't swing the "wedding of your dreams" this time around, you can certainly plan for the "vow renewal of a lifetime" at a future date. At least that's what I did.

 

[rosiejo]

Laura - please please do what you and your DH2b want to do for your wedding. Ours is booked for November 15th and we booked it 12 months ago for both sets of parents and siblings. In August the week before we had to pay off the balance my DH2b's parents pulled out! They claimed they couldn't fly as they were both too scared - we did not even talk to them about cancelling the wedding - we instead offered up options like courses/hypnotherapy/drugs!! to help them make the flight. They said no so my DH2B said that it was their choice - we had tried and they would just have to live with it. (I did suggest calling off the wedding as I was worried my DH2B would be sad on the day but he was adamant that this was what we wanted).

With regards your aunt with the veins problems. My mum has suffered with varicous veins for years and the doctors finally decided to remove them. She went in for surgery in mid september and had both legs treated - the doctors told her she would be safe to fly in four weeks and gave her proper stockings to wear for the flights. She was supposed to be in bed for three weeks but was up and back to work in one.

If you FIL is making up excuses about his tests then it may be that he doesn't want to go...

IMHO it is so important that you and DH2B talk about what you two want to do - it is your day afterall. And if you want a disney wedding do it - then do your "vow renewal" back home - you can get a licence at the local registry office for about £150.

Let us know what you decide - and lots of PD coming your way.
RJ

 

[Laurafoster]

im sure that they are making up exuses, i just cant figure out the reason why! I know money is not the issue. I personally think that they think we'll give in and have the wedding at home like they all want. Personally i would want to go ahead with it no matter what - as i think once we say this they will realise that we are not going to have the wedding they want. Im just worried about FDH, after all its his family causing the difficulies and i know all of my family will do anything they possibly can to be there!

Thanks for all the advices guys!! really appreciate it!

 

[tlbwriter]

If you think they're making up excuses to get out of attending your wedding, why do you care whether they can be there or not? Tell them all, right now, "Thlis is what we want to do, and we have to make a decision now, so we're going to do it. We're sorry if you can't be there, but this is very important to us."

 

[JDarling]

HI there! I got married in California in 2001. DH's family is rather poor and lives in boston. They refused to fly saying they couldn't afford it, so we sprang for thier plane tickets. And guess what? They showed up (and keep in mind, our wedding was post-9/11 - when NO ONE was flying).

In the end, I learned a very important thing: All your life people will be saying what you should and shouldn't do with your life and your reletionship. Marriage is especially in that spot light. You and your DF are the ONLY ONES who will be fighting to do things your way against the rest of the world sometimes. Sometimes, you can compromise with them. And some times you can't.

We couldn't afford out "Disney wedding". In 2001 the minimun expenditure was $7000, and we could only afford $5000. So we had a small wedding at home and a WONDERFUL Disneyworld Honeymoon. We are planning a vow renewal sometime in our lives at Disneyworld, including renting out the American Adventur for our reception. If people don't make the effort to go, honestly, it's thier loss.

Where there is a will, even with illness and finanances, there is a way. If they REALLY want to be at your Disneyworld wedding, they will make it happen. If it's not a priority for them - then... well, I wouldn't want anyone who couldn't fully support DH at our vow renewal/wedding.

 

[Gary_Flower]

im sure that they are making up exuses, i just cant figure out the reason why! I know money is not the issue. I personally think that they think we'll give in and have the wedding at home like they all want. Personally i would want to go ahead with it no matter what - as i think once we say this they will realise that we are not going to have the wedding they want. Im just worried about FDH, after all its his family causing the difficulies and i know all of my family will do anything they possibly can to be there!

Thanks for all the advices guys!! really appreciate it!

Laura,
i promise that we will be going dec 5th.
I know this is everything to you and i dont want it to be anywhere else but there either.
I dont wanta regret not having our dream wedding.

 

[VSL]

Can I presume that Gary is Laura's FDH?

That's so sweet
It's clear that you both want to same thing and are both on the same page

 

[OceanAnnie]

Laura,
i promise that we will be going dec 5th.
I know this is everything to you and i dont want it to be anywhere else but there either.
I dont wanta regret not having our dream wedding.

That is the sweetest thing. It put a big lump in my throat. You have a wonderful man.

Congratulations on finding each other. Finding the love of your life is huge!! I hope you have many, many happy years together.

 

[hiwaygal]

Laura,
i promise that we will be going dec 5th.
I know this is everything to you and i dont want it to be anywhere else but there either.
I dont wanta regret not having our dream wedding.

OMG!!! I'm tearing up too!!!

You both are so lucky and I hope everything works out for you!! I know it will!!

Sending lots and lots of pixie dust to both of you!!!

 

[Laurafoster]

Terrible the one place that i thought i could keep secret

 

[J and R's mom]

Laura,
i promise that we will be going dec 5th.
I know this is everything to you and i dont want it to be anywhere else but there either.
I dont wanta regret not having our dream wedding.

And there you have it!

I was all set to write about how your DFH needs to step up and let his family know where the wedding's going to be etc., etc., etc....but he already has.

If he's already showing this kind of fortitude in your relationship, you guys are going to be GREAT together.

CONGRATULATIONS....Now go enjoy that DFTW!!!

 

[JDarling]

Now... if only I could get my DH to make public statements like that... You're a lucky gal!

 

[problemchild718]

Do what your heart tells you is right for you. If they don't come, it will be their regret to live with. Your FDH wants to be with you-obviously his priorities are straight. I think once he tells his family there will be no change, they will show up.