Can you really choose to be happy?

[mumom95]

OP here. Sorry I disappeared for a few days, we went out of town.

I think there are a lot of people out there that choose to be unhappy. They are just never happy, no matter what. And I do believe a lot of that has to do with their mindset, or maybe something deeper like depression.

But I'm not so sure you can always choose to be happy. If that was the case, I don't think we would see as many divorces as we do. If you can choose to be happy, then you should be able to choose to be happy with pretty much anybody.

I think there are certain things each person needs to be happy and those things are different for every person. I think where we have a choice is to make sure our life includes the things/people that make us happy. But I don't think that means we can fool ourselves into being happy when we really aren't. I do think we can accept certain situations and make the best of them. But there is a big difference between acceptance and happyiness. I think when it comes to the big things like love and careers, we can't force happiness there.

So, in a nutshell, I do think you can choose to be happy in life, but it can only be done if you chose to have the things in your life that make you happy. It's really more of a choice of actions rather than mindset.

 

[FireDancer]

OP here. Sorry I disappeared for a few days, we went out of town.

I think there are a lot of people out there that choose to be unhappy. They are just never happy, no matter what. And I do believe a lot of that has to do with their mindset, or maybe something deeper like depression.

But I'm not so sure you can always choose to be happy. If that was the case, I don't think we would see as many divorces as we do. If you can choose to be happy, then you should be able to choose to be happy with pretty much anybody.

I think there are certain things each person needs to be happy and those things are different for every person. I think where we have a choice is to make sure our life includes the things/people that make us happy. But I don't think that means we can fool ourselves into being happy when we really aren't. I do think we can accept certain situations and make the best of them. But there is a big difference between acceptance and happyiness. I think when it comes to the big things like love and careers, we can't force happiness there.

So, in a nutshell, I do think you can choose to be happy in life, but it can only be done if you chose to have the things in your life that make you happy. It's really more of a choice of actions rather than mindset.

In some cases choosing the divorce is choosing happiness. If you are in a relationship that isn't good and you are either unwilling to work on it, the spouse is unwilling to work on it, or the working on it fails then getting out may be the thing you need to do to stay happy. Of course sometimes it is just giving up but it depends on the situation.

 

[OceanAnnie]

OP here. Sorry I disappeared for a few days, we went out of town.

I think there are a lot of people out there that choose to be unhappy. They are just never happy, no matter what. And I do believe a lot of that has to do with their mindset, or maybe something deeper like depression.

But I'm not so sure you can always choose to be happy. If that was the case, I don't think we would see as many divorces as we do. If you can choose to be happy, then you should be able to choose to be happy with pretty much anybody.

I think there are certain things each person needs to be happy and those things are different for every person. I think where we have a choice is to make sure our life includes the things/people that make us happy. But I don't think that means we can fool ourselves into being happy when we really aren't. I do think we can accept certain situations and make the best of them. But there is a big difference between acceptance and happyiness. I think when it comes to the big things like love and careers, we can't force happiness there.

So, in a nutshell, I do think you can choose to be happy in life, but it can only be done if you chose to have the things in your life that make you happy. It's really more of a choice of actions rather than mindset.

I think it's a combination of things that need to fall into place for a person to be happy. A person has to have a sense of purpose, perspective, and goals or dreams. The goals and dreams don't have to be the brass ring so to speak, but something to achieve.

In a lot of cases people aren't "actively" choosing to be happy. A lot of times people just "are" what they feel. Some are happy because they have everything set. Some drift along without any sense of direction or really know that they have a hand in their fate. Sometimes it isn't until a person hits rock bottom and they reflect, that they realize they have the reigns of their fate.

 

[aristocatz]

I am a behaviorist so I am going to give you my behaviorist answer

I believe you can choose to be happy IF their outside variables that affect their life are reinforcing enough to change your mood and change your outlook on life. If your circumstances are reinforcing enough, you can change your mood & be happy. If not, I think it's pretty hard to change your mood to stable happy without faking it to some extent.

Bad situations are just as bad as you are reinforced to perceive them.

 

[Bluestars]

I think you can choose to have a happy attitude, even though you may have some unhappy things happening in your life. It's all about focusing your energy on the positive instead of the negative things, IMO.

We all have good things and bad things happen to us. If we focus all of our attention, day after day, on the bad things, it can make us unhappy. But if we look for positive things, or make them happen ourselves by doing something positive like helping other people, I believe we can be happy in general.

That doesn't mean that terrible things won't happen and we won't feel sadness. I think it means that we have a choice on how we let these things effect our thoughts and actions in the long run.

I also think treating others with kindness can make a big difference.

 

[mrsklamc]

I know that it can be done, because I've done it.

My parents were abusive, we were dirt poor, I was an unpopular kid. I've struggled with infertility, and cancer, and in lots of ways my life just hasn't turned out the way I wanted it too. And the vast majority of time, I've CHOSEN to be happy.

It's not because I am naturally a happy go lucky person, either. I could easily choose to focus on the bad things. I CHOOSE to focus on what I can control, and the things that I have to be grateful for.

Now, a chemical or hormonal imbalance is something else entirely.Been there, too, at the height of cancer treatment. Total lack of ability to choose to be happy.

 

[Robinrs]

Finding happiness for me is realizing that I am not in charge of my life. It was then and only then that I found happiness.

We as human beings are limited to our thoughts, feelings and emotions. If we depend on us we're in BIG trouble. I tried for years, its a lost cause.

 

[mumom95]

In some cases choosing the divorce is choosing happiness. If you are in a relationship that isn't good and you are either unwilling to work on it, the spouse is unwilling to work on it, or the working on it fails then getting out may be the thing you need to do to stay happy. Of course sometimes it is just giving up but it depends on the situation.

Oh, I agree that choosing divorce is choosing happiness sometimes. That's kind of my point. It can't just be a mindset, sometimes there has to be action to make a person happy.

 

[mrsklamc]

But I'm not so sure you can always choose to be happy. If that was the case, I don't think we would see as many divorces as we do. If you can choose to be happy, then you should be able to choose to be happy with pretty much anybody.

No one, and no marriage, is going to be bubbly and happy all the time. I know there are exceptions, I've seen them, but studies show that most people are not happier/better off five years after a divorce.

I saw a great quote somewhere..."All marriages have rough spots. Getting a divorce because you're going through a difficult time is like cutting off your foot because you have an ingrown toenail."

 

[mumom95]

No one, and no marriage, is going to be bubbly and happy all the time. I know there are exceptions, I've seen them, but studies show that most people are not happier/better off five years after a divorce.

I think this is true because often times when people get divorced it's because of the old "the grass is always greener on the other side". They think the single life is going to be glamorous and then when they have it, they realized it isn't what they thought it would be.

 

[SOnotLayuh]

I'm not sure how I feel about it, but reading all of these answers has definitely been interesting! Thanks for sharing your opinions

 

[OceanAnnie]

Finding happiness for me is realizing that I am not in charge of my life. It was then and only then that I found happiness.

We as human beings are limited to our thoughts, feelings and emotions. If we depend on us we're in BIG trouble. I tried for years, its a lost cause.

I agree. But I also think for me it's not just realizing I'm not in charge of my life, it's also realizing that I am responsible for certain things and that in itself is pretty powerful.

 

[Robinrs]

I agree. But I also think for me it's not just realizing I'm not in charge of my life, it's also realizing that I am responsible for certain things and that in itself is pretty powerful.

Excellent, I agree!

 

[C.Ann]

I think so. You don't have full control of many things but you do have full control over how you allow everything to effect you. I've had jobs I didn't like but it didn't make me unhappy, it made me not like my job, and there is very big different between the two. Instead of whining about it I went out and found a new one. To get the one I wanted I needed a degree, so I went back and got that too (while still working a 48 work week).

If I have a problem I find a way to solve it and then the problem is gone (or at least replaced with a new one which I need to find a solution for). If the problem is unsolvable I find a way to accept it. That last part is where the real choosing to be happy comes in. It may start as content but with a positive mindset content can become happiness. I am a believer in the serenity prayer.

No one else can make you happy or unhappy, only the person in the mirror can do that. Life really isn't as hard as many like to make it.

Very well said..

Most things in life are within our control.. If a situation (or a person) makes us feel unhappy, stressed out, sad, angry, etc., and we choose not to change those circumstances, the end result is that we have chosen to be "unhappy"..

If a situation is totally out of our control, we can still choose how to accept it; make it better; look for the silver lining; or simply strive to be at peace with it.. When we do that, we have chosen being "happy" over not being happy..

That's not to say that we don't all have a bad day here and there; feel the need to vent once in awhile; or worse yet, grieve the loss of a loved one.. But how we deal with these things is a choice and based on the choices we make, we are ultimately "choosing" whether we will be happy or unhappy..

 

[sparklynails23]

If you fake happiness, I believe it effects your brain chemistry and keeps you from being miserable or depressed.

 

[Planogirl]

I think that you can definitely choose to be happy while acknowledging that you are on the wrong path and doing what you need to to correct your situation. Happiness is a mindset and I believe that being unhappy is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Normally these things that make you unhappy are just temporary though and it's important to keep that in mind.

It's hard though. I have a job that is so completely wrong for me that it's mind-boggling. I just look at it as a temporary road block that I need to work my way around. I don't let it make me unhappy overall because it's not what I'm about and it's also not important enough to affect my attitude.

OK, enough rambling.

 

[disfan07]

I think it's more how you let your life or situation affect you. That is what you have control over and that in turn can control your happiness.

I have apparently run into a string of bad luck in the past 5 years. Health wise, a huge cross country move, college choices, mental health, etc. which could take even the strongest person down but I dont let the things that I have no control over bother me. As my professor said, I'm very resillient and I have amazing coping skills. I dont think I choose to be happy, but I think that the way I handle my life and what is thrown at me ALLOWS me to be happy. If I was always complaining about eveyrthing, or dwelling over what I can't control, etc, I would not be happy and it would be my CHOICE of mindset that would not allow me to be happy.

I think we can choose to be happy in an indirect way.

 

[*BTMRR*]

If you fake happiness, I believe it effects your brain chemistry and keeps you from being miserable or depressed.

I believe this really is true. It doesn't always work, but sometimes it can really help when nothing else does!

 

[Pin Wizard]

No way. I've heard this one before. If you "try" to be happy, you most likely really aren't. You'll be attempting to fool yourself and everyone else. But when it comes to be the end of the day, I don't think any type of convincing will actually make you "feel" happy. The last I checked, happiness was an emotion. Can't control those. And attempting to appear happy can be very exhausting.

 

[luvsJack]

I think you can choose to be happy and you can choose to find the positives in most careers in order to make yourself happy in your job.

For instance, I know someone who hates his job on an oil rig. He can do the job and is good at what he does, its just not something he likes to do. BUT, it enables him to do other things that he loves. Being home for a 14 day stretch gives him the ability to do things that he couldn't working at home as does the large paycheck he receives for that job and THAT makes him happy. So he took a negative and found the positive and is now content with his job and happy with his life.

With that said, his disliking his job does not effect other people. A teacher disliking her/his job does. A teacher is not someone who can go to work everyday hating what she does and not have a negative effect on her students.

I have a teacher befriended on Facebook and she was forever posting comments about how much she hates what she does, counting down until holidays, etc. I finally told her she needed to find something else to do. She enrolled in some courses at a local university for the summer semester to finish a degree in accounting (she was only 4 classes away from completing the degree) and since she made that decision, you can tell a huge difference in her outlook. And I have been told that she is now a much better teacher!

Maybe your friend could look for a position in the district office or in some other capacity in the school system that would not be in the classroom but would still have the same schedule. Or maybe start thinking of something she can do during the summer break to start making a change in her situation. Just taking that step can make a huge difference in a person's outlook and happiness level.

I just don't think happiness is something you can chase or achieve. I think that happiness comes from being positive and feeling right with your own choices and being content and satisfied with the things you do in life.