Can you fire a MOH?

[jojoandhb]

Without getting into details, I'm considering uninviting my MOH.
We were thinking about eloping with just us and our daughter and uninviting everyone. However, his brother all ready booked the trip and is staying at the same hotel as us, and my brother and sister live in FL an hour from Disney. I'm afraid to hurt her feelings because we have been friends for 14 years, but she's driving me up a wall and refuses to come without her boyfriend who is not invited. We can only invite so many people due to our budget and the fact that we want to have dinner at Victoria & Albert's at the chef's table. That limits us to 10 total. We told my brother that he can't bring his girlfriend, and he is ok with that. My friend, on the other hand, is obsessed with her boyfriend. She's trying to get him to propose because she's (these are her words) desperate to have babies. To make it worse, she wants her boyfriend to tag along with my fiance and his brother the night before the wedding. We were planning on him having guy's night and me having girls night the day before the wedding. My fiance does not like that guy and wants his bachelor night to be with his brother. He said he will not let the guy tag along with him. He's rude, condescending, a know-it-all, and a butt-insky. My MOH is actually suggesting that I rearrange my plans to accomodate her boyfriend so he is not alone in the hotel room while the girls and guys are out. I do not want to fight with her. Uninviting her seems easiest.
What do I do??

 

[WickedWench]

I would give her the choice.. tell her that you are sorry, but there is no way you can accomodate her BF for budget reasons, and tell her that either she comes alone, or not at all. It is not her day, it is yours.

Do not uninvite everyone just because of her.

 

[Steph11787]

If it were me, I would just tell her that you and your future-husband have decided to make it a family-only event due to limitations on guests for the wedding because you don't want to leave anyone out, so to avoid hurting peoples feelings, you guys are only having family there. I hope that helps...

 

[jojoandhb]

I was considering the "family only" route. I just feel bad because we've known each other for so long. The truth is she has changed a lot in the last few months. When her 5 year relationship didn't work out, she started to get all panicky about getting married. She met this guy on the internet and wants to marry him without really knowing him. She's gotten obsessed with it, and she's no fun. She doesn't like talking about wedding stuff because other people's weddings "annoy" her, and she's only interested in hers! (she told me that in those words)
She got so weird and selfish all of a sudden. I think you are so right. I shouldn't uninvite everyone because of her. If I uninvite her, I can invite my Aunt and Uncle who live in FL. I knew it was what I should do, I just needed to hear other people say it. It makes the decision easier when you have support.
Thanks.

 

[Fairy_Tale_Bride]

This is actually close to the story of what happened to me and my "could have been MOH." Almost the exact same issues! We were roommates and everything at the time of the engagement and wedding planning. Well, I won't get into the details, but we are not friends anymore, don't speak, and she was not invited to the wedding. We had already talked about her being my MOH, the dress, etc. and it was the same deal with the boyfriend of 3 weeks! It was all about her and the bf and she wanted him invited to everything...wedding, dinner, etc. and she was the only person coming to the wedding that wasn't family. She cared more about her and her bf having a trip to Disney than anything involving me and my wedding. We had 9 months before the wedding! We had been friends for 10 years! It was the best decision I made not inviting her and dropping her as a friend because she changed and was no longer my friend. I couldn't imagine having her in wedding photos that I will be looking at for the rest of my life after how she treated me. Anyway...I feel ya and know what you're going through.

 

[Skylarr29]

I know it seems very hard but this is your wedding.. it is all about you two. You do not want to look back and have ill thoughts because of what your MOH did. Uninviting her and telling her that it will be family only seems the easiest route. As hard as it is just try to be firm and assertive and most of all stand your ground.. it will be worth it in the end. I hope whatever you decide you have a wonderful wedding.

 

[FLParadisevilla]

Keep one thing in mind this is your day and your wedding. Its so not worth letting someone else put any kind of a damper on your day. In the long run if you choose the family only route if she is truly a good friend she will be there happy to see the pictures when you get home!
Enjoy your wedding

 

[ead79]

Here are my thoughts. As far as whether or not to have her at your wedding, I think that's up to you. But I did want to say that she will probably be needing a true friend when she breaks up with this boyfriend (or worse yet marries Mr. Wrong and needs someone when that doesn't work out). If she has been a wonderful friend for such a long time, then I think I would try to look past her recent behavior. As you said, she feels panicked about getting married. She isn't handling it the right way, but at least you know the "why" behind her actions.

Could you have a heart to heart with her and explain that there just isn't room in the budget or at the chef's table for her boyfriend? She could bring him along to WDW but he wouldn't be able to attend the wedding. Perhaps if you were very frank with her she would understand. You could also say how very much you'd like to include him, but that you just can't work it out.

 

[JandJ]

It's too bad she's being selfish and not remembering this is your day. I guess I was very lucky, my best friend did so much for me for our wedding, and she wasn't even in it. I asked my niece to be my MOH. My BF threw my shower and helped throw my bachelorette, took care of me while getting ready, kept me calm, helped with my make-up, worked with MOH to decorate up the wedding site, took tons of pictures (some just as good as our photographer!), and all of this while her boyfriend of 2 years was not invited to the wedding. We did invite him to the day-after brunch, which he attended, but neither of them were the least bit hostile that we couldn't add him to the ceremony guest list. We had our Intimate last year (8 guest limit) and there just wasn't room - and they completely understood!

I recently told a very dear friend that her husband is a horrible person. It was ugly and we almost lost a 12-year friendship over it. But I just could not have this guy visit our home, which is what she was pushing for. DH hates him and I really cannot stand him, so I had to do it. After several days she got over it and said she understands how I feel but my saying it was an attack on her character as well because this is the man she chose. I hadn't seen it that way but she was right. Now we just avoid the topic of husbands and I'm grateful she was understanding enough to get over it. I'm sorry your friend is acting this way, but as another poster said, when this boyfriend of hers turns out to be the bad apple you say he is, she will need you more than ever, so if you can avoid it, try not to cut her off. If you think she will be able to deal with it, be honest with her, tell her why you don't like the guy, but be prepared to lose her friendship. Good Luck and please keep us posted . . .

 

[BrideToBe82]

I can't believe that your MOH is acting like that! You have every right to fire your MOH...it is your wedding!

I just read about a similiar situation on the knot...Article on The Knot

Luckily for me my bf (at the time) showed me her true colors before I got engaged. We had actually already talked about being each others moh's...now unfortunately she isn't even my friend. Looking at the situation now I'm glad that she is not in my wedding because I personally want my wedding pictures to include people who are going to be in my life forever. Good luck and let us know what you decide to do!

 

[jojoandhb]

Thanks, guys. I do feel like I am going to need to be there for her when this relationship doesn't work out. She'll probably end up divorced in 5 years with 2 kids. I did sit down and talk to her about her obsession with getting married. She said I don't understand because I all ready found someone, and we had that love-at-first-sight thing. What she doesn't realize is that the last 7 1/2 years have not been all daisies and rainbows. We've had hard times, and things get harder when you have kids. When I ask her what she loves about this guy, she says that he makes good money, has his own house, and she can move in, quit her job, and start having babies right away. She doesn't say anything about him or his character. She's even afraid to talk to him about naything personal. I do want to preserve the friendship. I think making it family only is the way to go. If she was a real friend, like you say, she'd understand about her bf. Of course, she'll probably say if I was a real friend, I'd change my plans to include him.

 

[JJClemson]

I cannot believe your MOH is acting like that. I am dealing w/ a similar situation now, and it shocks me how your "best friend" can act during your wedding planning.

One of my BM's insists on bringing a date (she does not have a boyfriend) to my wedding. We are trying to keep the wedding as small as possible, so I explained to her and the rest of the bridal party that they would not be allowed to bring dates. Everyone else is fine w/ it except my one BM. She keeps complaining about it behind my back. And she is complaining about the color of the dress I chose for them to wear. She even said she "refused" to wear one of the original colors we had discussed. We have been friends for 12 years, and I do not know if we will still be friends by my wedding next year.

I think my BM and your MOH are just jealous and selfish. You can definitely uninvite her! Good luck w/ your decision