Can parents legally delay a child from starting kindergarten?

[rt2dz]

Wow, seems like this thread is getting out of hand to me.

Agreed.

 

[MomtoEmIs&Ow]

Here, K is optional to begin with and if they are going to go through public school (not private or homeschool) a child does not have to be enrolled until the school year that starts when they are 7 years old.

Lots and lots of people red shirt (holding them back a year)their kids these days staring with May birthdays. DS2 would just make the cut off and I have already received a lot of pressure to keep him back a year, starting with preschool enrollment. People think I’m nuts to even consider sending him the first time he is eligible to go to K. He would be the youngest by far if I did and if I do red shirt him, he will not be the oldest. Transition classes are very popular, a little more than pre-K, but not quite K. Of course, K is more like what first grade was when I was in school. Heck, my 1st grader is doing the type of work I did in 3rd grade.

I have a question, if you don't mind? When is your sons birthday? So when is the cut off date? How will your son be the youngest in his class? I am just curious, because I am from Ontario Canada, so it is a bit different. Here we have junior (JK-like a 'transition' class...) and senior kindergarten (SK) and my DS started JK when he was 3 almost 4 because his birthday is not till November.... But then again JK and SK are just 1/2 day everyday... And he will start grade one this fall when he is 5, not quite 6. Now he is ready for grade one because he can read, and write very well already, so that does not worry me. Just wondering how this works for you?

 

[Russian-in-Kansas]

I think your concerns with the legal right of a mother to hold the child back or not have been answered..but I honestly just wanted to second those who have suggested to perhaps step back and let the child's mother and father figure these questions out on their own. Perhaps I am just too possessive of my children but it would irk me to say the least to have a stranger of no professional qualification (i.e. doctor, teacher, etc) question my judgment in regard to my children and it would not help mend any wounds or further amicable communication. And what if the money plays a part in her decision making? In this case the positives of her decision to hold her son back a year are twice as large--the child gets and extra year of preparation for school AND is not denied a considerable amount of child support. There is nothing wrong in maximizing the good.
And surprisingly for me the costs of raising children went up significantly during school years as my children became interested in a few costly activities such as horseback riding and fencing, our university's performance series, birthday parties, school supplies, field trips and on and on...Camp alone cost 15k last summer for both. If I were divorced and my DH decided to lower the amount of support, I doubt those things would have been all too possible for our children and that is who have been hurt, the kids.

 

[dementia412]

Ahh, the reason I would rather shove shards of glass in my eyes than marry a guy with kids. Please know not everyone here thinks you are an evil step mom. On the other hand I believe if you and your dh make an issue of this, you will be playing into the ex's hands. You won't win, your dh will spend way too much time on his ex, you'll probably spend more money on this than on just paying the extra cost of his last preschool year, and she can (if she is that kind of person) use this as ammo against her evil ex and his stingy new wife, which will make having a relationship with your step kids that much more difficult. This is one of those battles you don't need to fight. Take a deep breath and accept that in this you have no control but its not a big deal.... then thank your lucky stars, because if this is her worse you are a very lucky second wife.

 

[rt2dz]

I have a question, if you don't mind? When is your sons birthday? So when is the cut off date? How will your son be the youngest in his class? I am just curious, because I am from Ontario Canada, so it is a bit different. Here we have junior (JK-like a 'transition' class...) and senior kindergarten (SK) and my DS started JK when he was 3 almost 4 because his birthday is not till November.... But then again JK and SK are just 1/2 day everyday... And he will start grade one this fall when he is 5, not quite 6. Now he is ready for grade one because he can read, and write very well already, so that does not worry me. Just wondering how this works for you?

Here (TX), you must be 5 on or before Sept. 1 to start K. K is optional; you can start your child at 1st grade. To start first grade, you must be 6 on or before Sept. 1. You must enroll your child by 7 years old in school, unless homeschooling. You can not start with second grade, you must start with first. So in a nutshell, you can start your child at age 5 or 6 in K or skip K. You can start your child at age 6 or 7 in first grade. Age is based on your age of Sept. 1. K, like first, is full day, 5 days a week.

It is recommended before they start K that they know their letters and sounds, numbers, can count to at least 20, are able to recognize their first and last name, are able to write their letters and first name, and know their address and phone number. They also need to be able to sit still and concentrate for at least 15 minutes and be able to keep their hands to themselves. They should also be past needing a nap during the day so that they can be going as strong at 3 PM as they were at 8:00 AM (the school day). By the end of K they are doing simple addition and subtraction and reading. They'll also be able to recognize the parts of a story--beginning, middle and end in addition to author, narrator, climax, etc.

Preschool is not required and there are no rules governing it. Generally, in my area you can do toddlers (anywhere from 12-18 months, depending on the school), twos, three, pre-k and transition (5 year olds starting K at the second opportunity or for those skipping K). Transition classes tend to be what the first semester of K is over the entire year. That is why those that do transition tend to be at the top of the grade in K, and very bored the first semester if they aren't put into a group of advanced kids. These kids tend to be put into the GT (gifted & talented) classes; not so much because they're brighter, but their learning is ahead.

This tends to carry on through elementary school. There tends to be some evening out in junior high/middle school and high school. Although these kids tend to stay ahead by nature of having had the material in advance. Lots of people start holding their kids with May birthdays to give them that edge. And of course, lots of people hold the late summer birthdays because of size or maturity. Of course, this can vary from area to area.

School starts in TX no earlier than the last week of August, by state law. DS#3 birthday is September 1. He would start at 4, just prior to his 5th birthday or at 5, just prior to his 6th birthday. If he went the first time he was eligible, there is no way anyone could be older. And I know if he went the second time, there will be several kids already 6. I really think sending him at 5 would be better, but I don't know. DS#1 is gifted (math & science) and I see a lot of similarities between the two--although that means nothing. I just know with DS#1, had he had DS#3 birthday, it would have been better to send him earlier.

This is a decision that needs to be made early around here. Preschool registration starts in January prior to the upcoming school year and not every preschool offers transition, or transition classes of equal value. Some transition classes are half day, others full day, and can be anywhere from 2-5 days per week. If you need to research schools, it can take awhile. Plus, there are large non-refundable fees associated with registering. And if you register without intent, you are taking that spot away from someone else; of course, there are always wait lists, but that means losing money put down at another school that has room.

 

[adisneymama]

Why does everyone assume that the OP and her dh aren't discussing this jointly? So she is married to him and it doesn't affect her? I think she has every right to discuss this with her dh and believe that it should be a joint effort. Yet she is chastised for venting and asking for advice? And when did she ever say she was discussing this with the ex?

To the OP, best of luck to you. If the ex has a pattern of doing this then your gut instinct is probably correct. I have no advise for you other than the positive comments you have received. Check with your atty and see what he says. I also like the recommendation to have him evaluated so that she can't hold him back just for the money. I don't know if that is an option, but would ask the atty. G/L and hugs to you all.

 

[RobinFabulous]

I read through some of the replies, but not all. First I want to say that a lot of people are VERY lucky in their relationships with their exes. My DBF is not. His ex has put us through the ringer on more than one occasion. Her last escapade was to pull their almost 11 year old child out of school and attempt to "home school" her. Why? Because immediately after she filed a petition to increase her child support for the reasoning that she "wasn't working due to HAVING to home school" Now, she never worked BEFORE. And when the attorney sent her a letter she failed to follow up on her filing. She kept the child out of school for almost 6 weeks, in which time she learned about the OBGYN's office, the backyard, and the wonderous place known as her bedroom. She did NOTHING with that child until she realized she wasn't going to get more money, then she reinstated her in school. Last month we got to go to court in the state we live in, because she filed to collect support in our state. The main problem being that she collects support in her state. It was, of course, dismissed. Last week we got papers where she's filed in another county in our state. She's also let us know that THIS year she's moved (two weeks before school was out) and next year she's going to put her in a very expensive private school and she plans to file to make us pay for part of that.

The whole point is that YES there are some parents that don't care about their children, and unfortunately, it sounds as if he married one of them. Keep your chin up and remember that it's really what's BEST for the child that matters. COnsult a specialist and then your attorney. Ans you might want to mention to her that you're not going to roll over and take all her filings and that you'll meet them with legal counsel of your own. Eventually she'll get in front of some judge that will see through it. I hope our time for one of those judges comes soon

 

[RobinFabulous]

No, no, no. Sorry for the confusion. DH's ex and kids live in a Southern state - I didn't know the legalities of that state and DH has posed that legalities question to his attorney
Does that make sense?
Nope - no set schedule. Everything regarding visitation is very vague but it does state he gets the actual holiday of Thanksgiving or Christmas (no wording for days before and after) on alternate years. Their original attorney was a real estate attorney who was a friend of the ex's family. DH got hosed.
Oh and NOPE there is no wording at all about travel costs. He has had to pay 100% of that too.
The ex walked away debt free with a higher income in child support than the majority of her neighors made from their full time jobs with a free new car, a year of car insurance, a huge amount of nice furniture and health insurance costs paid.
We could write a book on the legal mess we have been trying to untangle. All I can say is thank heavens for the appellate court and the panel of judges that actually uphold the laws in that state.

My agreement with my ex is stated like that. Visitation when MUTUALLY agreed upon. But I have full custody.

What state does she live in? In AL the law says by age 7 a child must be enrolled. We're on the GA border and I believe it's the same there