Can I Vent?!

[Emu]

Wow. From what I'm hearing, all you care about is how the Original Posters feelings are, but not the teenage, younger sister. Now listen, this is coming from a sixteen year old himself. If you refuse to listen and just flame me, then tough luck, I'm stating what I feel she's going through.

First off, some questions. How many times do you guys go to Disney per year, and per decade? Second, Do you know why she has a phobia of flying? Third, do you know the exact reasons as to why she doesn't wish to go? Fourth, and last of all, Do you understand her EXACT feelings to such precision that not even God could get closer?

Chances are, to the fourth, you don't. I probably don't, either. The Third, you may know a half-truth, or even the full truth. Second, Childhood experience gone wrong? First, if its anything like my family likes to do (At least once a year, if not twice or even three times), then I completely understand how she feels about the matter.

You really shouldn't be pissed at her. Did you guys even think to talk to her before making your plans, or did you just go "Hey! Little Sister, You're coming even if you don't want to!"? If you did the latter, Great Going, you've probably made an enemy for a short while. ESPECIALLY if you've whined and cried about having to change your own dinner reservations to her. Tough luck.

Really? Be more sensitive about her own feelings, and understand, or try to, what shes going through. She isn't too cool for Disney, she just doesn't want to go because shes BORED of it. She'd rather be with friends. In fact, theres a solution. Have her stay at a family friend or an uncle, aunt, or grandparent's house. You guys can go, she doesn't have to.

But seriously? If you force her to go because you're so damned whiny about not having it your way? Then you're being more immature than her. Always talk over plans with the whole family, and make sure they actually want to go. Do not guilt trip her. Do not badger her. Let her make her own choices. Thats what she really wants, a bit of freedom. Maybe if you give her that, she might be more inclined to go.

Just my thoughts. Follow them and you might find that the rocky road is really just a plain vanilla. Or whatever the base flavour for Rocky Road ice cream is.

 

[Emu]

Seems like little sister wanted to stay home without parental supervision and was trying every reason to convince your parents to let her........smells like she was possibly trying to plan something while the parents were gone. Am I reading more into it, or does anyone think the same???

Reading into it too much. She just wants freedom and trust. If you can't trust her, then you'll just strain relationships. I know how hard it is to trust people over long distances, especially when you can't check up on them every twenty minutes. I have a girlfriend who lives a five and a half hour drive from me, and I don't even have my learners permit yet. I will soon, though. But I trust her enough to not call and talk to her every minute of the day (Though I do try to talk to her every night if possible.)

 

[Ilovestitch]

Can't she stay over a friend or relative's house instead of going?

 

[kaytieeldr]

First off, some questions. How many times do you guys go to Disney per year, and per decade? Second, Do you know why she has a phobia of flying? Third, do you know the exact reasons as to why she doesn't wish to go? Fourth, and last of all, Do you understand her EXACT feelings to such precision that not even God could get closer?

With all due respect, the answers to your questions really don't matter. As autonomous as one may wish to be at sixteen, one is still a minor; the parents are responsible for that person and, ultimately, for making decisions for/about that person.
1: It does not matter how many times I, or apostolic4life, or auntie, or even the OP, visit Walt Disney World. The OP's family is taking a trip there in April.
2: "Doesn't like to fly" is not necessarily the same as having a phobia about it. MANY people don't like to fly. The sister who doesn't like to fly is NOT objecting to the Washington DC conference; she's just (frankly) being immature about a family vacation.
3: Ditto. When she's eighteen, she's an adult. Until then, not wanting to go to any theme parks because Disney isn't "cool" isn't showing anyone anything except that she feels the world revolves around her.
4: Why she feels the way she does ultimately does not get to affect the entire family's plans

You really shouldn't be pissed at her. Did you guys even think to talk to her before making your plans, or did you just go "Hey! Little Sister, You're coming even if you don't want to!"? If you did the latter

Well, since the OP is likely not the one paying for the trip, or who chose the destination, the "little sister" reference is missing the point. PARENTS - i.e. the adults responsible for the well-being of said child (and sixteen IS still a child) - make those, and all other decisions affecting said child, including but not limited to vacation choices.

 

[Emu]

With all due respect, the answers to your questions really don't matter. As autonomous as one may wish to be at sixteen, one is still a minor; the parents are responsible for that person and, ultimately, for making decisions for/about that person.
1: It does not matter how many times I, or apostolic4life, or auntie, or even the OP, visit Walt Disney World. The OP's family is taking a trip there in April.
2: "Doesn't like to fly" is not necessarily the same as having a phobia about it. MANY people don't like to fly. The sister who doesn't like to fly is NOT objecting to the Washington DC conference; she's just (frankly) being immature about a family vacation.
3: Ditto. When she's eighteen, she's an adult. Until then, not wanting to go to any theme parks because Disney isn't "cool" isn't showing anyone anything except that she feels the world revolves around her.
4: Why she feels the way she does ultimately does not get to affect the entire family's plans

Well, since the OP is likely not the one paying for the trip, or who chose the destination, the "little sister" reference is missing the point. PARENTS - i.e. the adults responsible for the well-being of said child (and sixteen IS still a child) - make those, and all other decisions affecting said child, including but not limited to vacation choices.

Doesn't matter. The family should still take in to account HER feelings, otherwise they're being selfish jerks who can go die. o_o' Those are my feelings on this matter.

 

[TLSnell1981]

With all due respect, the answers to your questions really don't matter. As autonomous as one may wish to be at sixteen, one is still a minor; the parents are responsible for that person and, ultimately, for making decisions for/about that person.
1: It does not matter how many times I, or apostolic4life, or auntie, or even the OP, visit Walt Disney World. The OP's family is taking a trip there in April.
2: "Doesn't like to fly" is not necessarily the same as having a phobia about it. MANY people don't like to fly. The sister who doesn't like to fly is NOT objecting to the Washington DC conference; she's just (frankly) being immature about a family vacation.
3: Ditto. When she's eighteen, she's an adult. Until then, not wanting to go to any theme parks because Disney isn't "cool" isn't showing anyone anything except that she feels the world revolves around her.
4: Why she feels the way she does ultimately does not get to affect the entire family's plans

Well, since the OP is likely not the one paying for the trip, or who chose the destination, the "little sister" reference is missing the point. PARENTS - i.e. the adults responsible for the well-being of said child (and sixteen IS still a child) - make those, and all other decisions affecting said child, including but not limited to vacation choices.

OMG! I think the world is coming to an end! I AGREE WITH YOU...100%!


As far, as you guys adding one to the ADRs.....if you are now booked on a 4 top, they will have to totally change your seating. I would try to change my ressies ASAP.

 

[darlak]

This is about your little sister wanting to be in control. She can only be in control if that control has been handed over to her by her parents. I would sweetly tell mom that the ADR's can't be changed at this late date for such a busy week. Then let her decide how to deal with your little sister's reaction to that news. I would refuse to be sucked into their petty war over this, if it comes to that.

My guess is that little sister thinks it isn't 'cool' to be at WDW. Given no other choice about her dining plans other than to stay at the resort and eat there though, I'm guessing she'll tag along to the parks and even be happy for the excuse to be there. Not that she'll ever admit to that though!

I've got 4 kids. The youngest is 14 and the oldest is 29, so I've been to WDW with sullen teens a few times. I've never had to take a toddler or a young child back to the room due to a meltdown, but I have left a teenager in the room on more than one occasion when they just weren't in that "WDW Vacation" frame of mind. About a half day is all it ever took to adjust their attitude. In the meantime, while they were pouting, the rest of us were having a great time.

 

[hypnotic]

I'm used to be put (and sometimes still am) in these situations all the time with my lil sister if we ever go anywhere. Went to Hawaii a year and a half ago and had to do everything she wanted, nothing I did, I feel your pain.

 

[kaytieeldr]

OMG! I think the world is coming to an end! I AGREE WITH YOU...100%!

Oh, wow! It's gotta have something to do with the new year, or the phase of the moon, or something. First wildeoscar agreed with (a single statement made by) me; and now you agree with an entire POST of mine!!! Excuse me, I need some smelling salts...

 

[SorcererDonald16]

Since she is going with you, you will need to try and change ADRs to add her on to your reservation. You better get to that as soon as possible because it might turn out you can't add her even if you wanted to.

Call me old-fashioned, but when I was 16, I can imagine what would've been said if I up and caused a mess about a family vacation. As others have said, 16 years old is a minor like it or not. And while her feelings/thoughts should be taken into account, I would have a major problem if someone told me "relative X is coming along after all, change all of our ADRs to resort restaurants because she won't eat in the parks." I could see a few of my older relatives doing something like this, and my reaction would be along the lines of "Find your own ADRs then!" I had a great aunt who always nagged her husband about dining and reservations and such; she always had to have it her way. He got so fed up one time he told the host at a fancy restaurant (after she complained about the tables they were assigned and had them switched about 3 times) to "Let her go outside and graze." I have a little more patience than that, but relatives who want to have it their way all the time are really trying on my nerves, personally.

If it was me, I wouldn't mind changing a couple ADRs (depending on how many you actually have to begin with) if possible to compromise with her (a show of good will, if you will), but there is no way in the world I would change all of my plans because of a relative with control issues. While I don't know your sister obviously, that's the impression I get; in the words of Burger King ads, she wants to "have it her way."

So sorry you're in this boat! No one should be forced to change entire plans because of one person. To the poster who's saying think of the feelings of the 16 year old, I agree it's important to think on her feelings. But the ADR booking process is a MESS to figure out oftentimes. It can takes weeks just to figure out where to eat when, then you go through the 8am calling business and still may not get what you want. This isn't like getting on the phone and ordering a pizza from Pizza Hut; this requires hours of planning and menu reading and park-hour studying in many cases. To do all of that and then be told to change it all for one person who doesn't want to be there in the first place would do nothing less than tick me off big time.

OP, you have my sympathies. Hopefully it will all work out for you.

 

[CinderellyCinderelly]

Aw, thanks to everyone for listening to me vent and commenting! My family likes Disney but they don't care where we eat, what days we go to certain parks, etc. They DEFINITELY do not understand ADR's! Though I am not paying for the vacation, I am the one planning it. The last time we went my dad told the CM he booked the package with to pick the restaurants for us. It was fun then but now that I have tried a lot of places there, I was looking forward to trying some new ones that I have always wanted to try. I luckily got all of my first choices, even though we booked our vacation late and I was calling in December (what I consider last minute!) It just is so frustrating when someone who doesn't even want to be there is forcing you to change their dinner ressie's! I love my sister, I just think if she could just suck it up and try to be excited about going this could be such a great time! My parents don't like the idea of leaving her in the hotel room during the "family" vacation because the whole point is for "everyone to be together." Hopefully by March she has time to blow off steam, and like some of the posters have said - maybe if I send her some menus and reviews she will be more excited about trying the restaurants and actually want to go. I haven't talked to her yet about it because I still don't know what to say! I don't want to tell her to stay home with a friend and make her feel as though I don't want her on the vacation, but if I say "YOU'RE COMING AND YOU ARE GOING TO THE PARKS!!" that could also backfire! Oh lord, if ADR's did not exist this might not be such a problem! LOL!

 

[SorcererDonald16]

After further thinking, I think if I were in your shoes, I'd calmly explain to my parents it is too late in the game to completely change all ADRs to non-theme park restaurants (like others have suggested). I would also explain that it will probably be a challenge just to add her on to existing reservations. Unless your parents want to be stuck eating burgers and hot dogs all vacation, hopefully once they are told this they'll understand more why everything should not be changed just for your sister. It's basically in park ADRs or fast food all trip, take your pick. That'd be how I'd approach it.

As for her, I would talk to her one on one, tell her you are willing to make 1 or 2 ADRs (depending on how many you have to begin with) at restaurants not in parks if you haven't already done so as a compromise (tell your parents this also), but you can't change all of them. End of story. That is of course if you're willing to do this; if it was me, I probably wouldn't be so nice about it. Hopefully she'd see you trying to accomodate her and take a better attitude towards things. If she still doesn't like even that, I personally wouldn't change anything other than trying to add her to existing reservations. If you can compromise, she should be willing to also.

 

[MinnesotaChill]

I don't have time to read through all of these, but let me advise you that it is likely your sister wants one thing, and that is control. A lot of times teenagers don't even know what they want specifically, just that they want to control the situation (it is amazing how much they resemble toddlers in that way). Focus on what you can control...whether or not you change the reservations. Hopefully, your mom will realize that she's not helping your sister learn anything about getting along with others and change, but if not, you're going to have to find a way to have fun anyway. If your sister winds up in Disney, it is important to just let her sit in the room if she wants to. The less people pressure her to go to the parks, the more likely she is to get bored in the room and decided she'll go along 'just to humor' everyone. You cannot control what she does and the harder you try, the harder she'll resist. Not sure if you can convince your mom of this, however. Just my two cents...

 

[apostolic4life]

Reading into it too much. She just wants freedom and trust. If you can't trust her, then you'll just strain relationships. I know how hard it is to trust people over long distances, especially when you can't check up on them every twenty minutes. I have a girlfriend who lives a five and a half hour drive from me, and I don't even have my learners permit yet. I will soon, though. But I trust her enough to not call and talk to her every minute of the day (Though I do try to talk to her every night if possible.)

Well, it seems you are sympathetic to her plight because you are close in age. See, when you become an adult and are not looking at it from a teen's perspective, you may understand the idea I live by: I am my child's parent not their best friend! Do I trust my children, yes, but the simple fact is if parents go away and leave a child of 16 at home it can lead to possible problems. Friends may convince her to do things she normally would not if the parents were there to intervene; accidents could happen (fire, car wreck, bodily injuries); the home could be broken into and she would be alone.......see, a teen looks at it from the "they don't trust me" angle, but that is only part of it. If mom and dad were going across town to grandma's for a few days they would probably be ok with leaving her at home alone, but when going across country there are too many variables to worry about.

Emu, when you have children of your own and their safety and well being are your responsibility, your opinion will change. When the actions of your child can be charged to you as a parent, you are always concerned with what your child does, who they hang out with, and what their motivation is. I would be a bad parent if I did not consider all possible reasons my 16 yo daughter was so focused on being home alone......she does seem to have excuses for everything the family offers to help her out, so this stirs up a little suspision as to her motives........hey, I've been there and know the things I was capable of at that age!

 

[Jennasis]

COuld the reluctance to have sis eat in the parks be because your mom would have to pay for a park ticket for your sister? She's obviously doesn't want to go to the parks and it seems like a waste of money to buy her a park pass for her to go only for dinner. OF course it's not so bad if she will actually tour the parks with you.

I do agree that she does need to suck it up and go with the flow.

 

[stoudt6]

Several thoughts. #1 This girl has been chosen to go to a leadership conference, but acts like this(selfish)?! #2 Tell Mom that she and SIS can go eat where they want, but you and rest of family are keeping your ADR's. Just meet up afterwards(or back at room if sister is dificult). #3 If mom is so concerned about Sis and doesn't care about her vacation being ruined, tell her to fly down the day Sis leaves for conference and join the rest of you.

 

[disnut8]

I have another suggestion after reading all these comments. Have a family meeting with everyone who is going on the trip involved. You can explain the difficulties you will face, your sister can explain what her problems are with the trip, your parents can see both sides. No yelling, no arguing, just discussion. Have only one person talking at a time. Your sister can start first, and then you can go next. Your mother can speak next. Anyone else with an opinion can speak after that. Continue around until everyone is satisfied. Do it as soon as you can in order to make any adjustments that are needed.

 

[frannn]

The last annual WDW trip we took DD14 on was two years ago. She spent almost the entire time complaining, and using our cels to call and check on what her friends were doing, She would then complain that she would rather be there, and acted miserably with us. After that trip, we decided to let her stay at her dad's while we were gone (I'm remarried), and this past year, I even let her stay at a friend's. It took me a verrrryyy long time to be ok with her staying at the friend's, but I had several conversations with her & the girl's mother. We gave some $ to the mother for DD and her expenses (like food, etc), and made sure to bring them back some souveniers. Worked out extremely well, and everyone was happy. In the OP's case, I would definetly NOT cancel those coveted ADRs to appease the sister. In situations like this, I usually take the approach of the parent coach who posted earlier. Talk it out with her, give her the feeling of control over smaller issues that you are willing & able to bend on. Maybe let her hold onto your cel (if she doesn't have her own), and let her choose her own CS in the park where the rest of you will be eating (if you can't add her). Ask her which area of the park she'll be in while your at the TS (really, that would probably give her time for CS and 1 ride or show), so you can find her after. Then she'll be happy she got to choose what she does for that time. How many days will this be an issue?
I hope it all works out for you, and you all have a great trip!

 

[TLSnell1981]

The control issues usually are worse between mother and daughter. I have 2 strong willed daughters. I had to let the know there is only one pedestal in our house and IT BELONGS TO ME! They can be Queen in their own household....not mine.

 

[crisi]

Make the changes - tell your parents there may be some more expense because you may need to do some signature dining. There are some lovely outside the park places (in fact, we MUCH prefer dining outside the parks) - and ADRs are not as difficult to get there as in the parks.

In a very few years you will realize that your parents are old and mortal, that your family has trouble getting together to see each other. There will be spouses and kids - and these moments where you get to be the family you grew up with with be few and far between. Things will happen - wonderful things like babies - horrible things like cancer.

These will make something as stupid as not being able to dine at Le Cellier seem incredibly petty. It will also make your sister's reluctance to go into the parks remarkably petty. But you don't both have to be petty. Be the bigger person.