Can I vent about our WDW trip in 9 days?

[GlenbeulahGal]

I am sure somewhere there is a venting thread but I am making myself even crazier by hunting for it and I just need to get this off my chest. Hopefully I can get some advice of how to handle this in a "grown-up" manner.

For the past several years I have been wanting to go to WDW as a big family (my siblings, nieces, nephews and my mom = 14 people) but in the past 9 years no one could ever afford to go with us. This year I presented the idea to the group and itemized the cost back in early summer. When late summer came the group started to fall apart due to lack of funds. I have had a blessed year financially so I decided that I wanted to do this so bad that I would help cover the costs. Everyone was on board with the idea and agreed to contribute what they could. The rooms, airline tickets and MVMCP tickets are paid for already.

I called my brother's ex-wife 2 weeks ago to go over the details with her since she was packing her kids (ages 14, 9,8,6) to go along with my brother (their dad). I left 2 messages and she never called me back. Today she calls me with an attitude and doesn't like the schedule that we made for our vacation. She has been against this trip from the beginning saying things like, "I wanted to be with my kids when they went to Disney World for the first time." "If I go will you still pay for my kids?" She and I spoke about this trip prior to making reservations and she agreed to allowing them to go with their dad and us. Now she is trying to manipulate the schedule, wants more details and asking me personal questions as to how I can afford this. I mentioned that I called her 2 weeks ago and never heard from her. She ignored that and said that if my brother, their dad comes home early then they all have to come back early too. Two of the four kids were going with us even if their dad didn't go and she was ok with that. My response was the airline tickets were paid for on the dates that she previously approved and if she wanted to change the dates the ruling was $150 per the 3 tickets to make changes. By now I am steaming and I suggested that she could forget about him paying his child and spousal support for next week since I would be paying for the kids' expenses and then perhaps he wouldn't have to come home early to work. She said, "I am not going there with you." Yeah, I admit it, it was none of my business! I told her I had to go and would call her later.

She and my brother have joint custody and he followed all of the rules of his divorce in regards to taking the kids on a vacation. This is the only vacation he has ever taken them on in the 3 years they have been divorced since he cannot afford to. She is used to looking like the hero and spoiling the kids while he kills himself to pay her. I know if I called her and asked her to come along all of this would be forgotten and she would be happy. Then the rest of us would feel awkward. Her kids are perfectly fine going with their dad, cousins, aunts and uncles. She is the only one that is having a problem!

They are coming to FL in 9 days and she is expecting me to call her before that. What am I to do? Let my brother handle it, hope he keeps his cool and she lets the kids still come? Should I call her? What should I say? ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

(I will keep my really nasty venting to myself since this is a G rated board! If she wanted to go on a family outing with us so bad I guess she should have kept her clothes on when she visited the neighbor man while being married to my brother!)

 

[krcit]

It's between her and your brother. I know it stinks-I have a vengeful ex-SIL also but the only people it hurts if you butt in is your brother and the kids.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

You're doing a nice thing, I hope it ends up working out.

 

[Carl]

Tell her, yes, she can come if she pays her own way. She most likely will not, but maybe she'll shut up.

 

[diznygirl]

No way should she go. The divorce changes whether or not she gets to be there for their first anything if it happens when her ex has custody. As long as he is doing this all according to their custody agreement, she doesn't have any say in the matter.

I wouldn't discuss anything else with her. Only the people going need to know the schedule.

 

[wdwfan16]

If your brother did everything per the divorce decree about taking the kids on vacation then all is fine. If not, then you could have a problem and may need to give in to her to get the kids. Your brother needs to handle this. Not much you can do.

 

[kim929]

I feel for you, I went thru this when I was taking my children to wdw. I told him it was their christmas present he was like great good go, then 2 weeks before we leave he pulls me into court fighting me about taking them. I would have your db call his ex. he's the one that has to put his foot down, because in the end, he's the only one that can take the kids without a problem.

 

[minkydog]

I feel for you, I went thru this when I was taking my children to wdw. I told him it was their christmas present he was like great good go, then 2 weeks before we leave he pulls me into court fighting me about taking them. I would have your db call his ex. he's the one that has to put his foot down, because in the end, he's the only one that can take the kids without a problem.

I agree. OP, you need to bow out of this and let your brother handle it. I know you've put a lot of time and effort into planning this trip, but really, you're getting too emotional about it with this woman. Your brother needs to to do whatever it takes AND he needs to let her know that in the future she should only be dealing with him, not you.

 

[LuvOrlando]

First off, I think it is incredibly nice and generous of you to do this for your family.

My 2 cents, I would totally stay out of it. She's got way too much leverage at this point and anything you say or do could only make things worse. Let her cool off and let your brother handle it all. Sure you'd like her to be grateful but the bottom line is HE is the parent taking HIS kids on a trip and you have nothing to do with it whether you are paying for it or not. I'd step aside and respect her position as mother if it were me.

 

[NMAmy]

First off, I want to say that you're doing a wonderful thing by taking everyone--something I've dreamt of doing myself. However, with this statement:

By now I am steaming and I suggested that she could forget about him paying his child and spousal support for next week since I would be paying for the kids' expenses and then perhaps he wouldn't have to come home early to work. She said, "I am not going there with you." Yeah, I admit it, it was none of my business!

You really overstepped. I realize you were upset but you may have made more of a problem for your brother by threatening to withdraw his child support. You should let your brother handle this and stay out of it.

I hope it all works out for you and that you and your family have a great time together.

 

[C.Ann]

This is something your brother needs to handle.. Very nice of you to do this though..

 

[Stacerita]

Let your brother deal with it. I would also tell him to say she can go if she paid her own way. But he needs to do it.

 

[manning]

Interesting, where do have the authority to withhold child support. You have dug the hole deeper. It looks like now walking on water won't help.

Stay out of it and let your brother handle it. You are too emotional and that doesn't help. Take it from an ex negotiator (retired). THE RULE is put your emotions on hold or you lose.