Can I ask for some reassurance?

[Vana]

Hello, hope you don't mind me replying to you but I was in a violent relationship myself and understand the years and pain it takes to recover from court cases to looking inward and thinking what did I do?

However after reading your post I had to say your far from selfish and I wish I had known someone like you when I needed help. You can only help when they decide I can't do this any more and you have helped. But, you have to think when does Carol start living again ? That might sound odd but I think you need to start putting you first again, you of all people should know that you will always be there for your friend but you need to be there for you.

I don't know if I made what I meant to say clear but having come out the side you did and not without scars and injuries both mental and physical I just want you to know I wish I had known someone like you.

 

[carolfoy]

Firstly can I just say a big thank you to everyone who has responded, I was feeling a little down in the dumps when I wrote this thread. I am feeling a lot stronger today although am taking said friend out for dinner tonight for her 21st birthday so am expecting a night of tears and tantrums.
Secondly, thank you to all those who p'm ed/ emailed me, I know that many of you have been/are going through something similair. I don't want any praise or congratulations for getting out of what I was in, its a part of me I want to forget now. I want you to know that I am here if you need to talk about it. I DO know what you are feeling I also know that life goes on and its possible to just 'get over it'.
Thirdly, I just wanted to say........... I LOVE the DIS and all the wonderful friends I have made through here.

 

[irongirlof12]

you go girl and bag yourself some good times

 

[Lisash]

Your friend is very lucky to have a friend like you Carol, but at the end of the day you have to be true to yourself. You've served your time it's now time to start thinking of your own happiness. Good luck with your new man

 

[Tammy Stringer]

Carol

I can't add anything that hasn't already been said. Suffice to say I think your friend is very lucky to have had so much good advice from you in the past. I agree though that now is the time to think of yourself and Callum - if you have a chance of happiness you must grab it with both hands. Hopefully your friend will see the light and get out of this abusive relationship for good. But life is for living Carol and you are so full of fun and vitality you should be making the most of it.



Tam

 

[BRobson]

Carol - I have no words of widsom I am afraid apart from wishing you all the happiness in the world. You deserve it

 

[Nubbedy]

Carol, think you have been a wonderful friend to this girl, and will no doubt continue to be a wonderful friend. Hope you and your son continue to be very happy.

Sara.

 

[Hilary]

I think what you do should depend on how you'll feel about the possible outcomes - and only you can answer that

If you know you'll feel endlessly guilty for not being there for your friend 24/7 then the long-term effects of that guilt may outweigh the positives you hope to find in your new relationship. However many people tell you that you shouldn't feel badly about putting yourself first, you also have to believe that.

If, however, you feel ready to take a step back from your friend and her needs and to concentrate on your own life, then be positive and pro-active and head for your goals with a clear conscience!

As has been said before, maybe you could reach a compromise and follow your own life but still be there for your friend in a less hands-on role. Perhaps the choice doesn't have to be completely black and white?

 

[alisonbestford]

Carol - I have no words of widsom I am afraid apart from wishing you all the happiness in the world. You deserve it

Too right

 

[carolfoy]

thank you again to everyone who has replied, pm'ed and emailed me.
Last night was Bexs 21st, just 5 of us went out for dinner followed by pubs and a club, it was a very hard evening for her. She has found a flat and is moving in on monday. Hopefully it will be a turning point for her and she will soon realise she doesn't need to go back to him. he has been calling and texting me constantly seeking my support. I have ignored all contact from him.
Bex has asked me to stay withher next weekend but I have had to turn her down and pass her into the hand of friend karen as i am spending the weekend with my lovely man.
looks like we can all be stronger than we think we can

 

[alisonbestford]

looks like we can all be stronger than we think we can

That's often the way

 

[Snowy-girls]

Good for you for turning her down(and i don't mean that in a nasty way at all),and thinking of yourself,i hope you have a lovely weekend with your 'new man'.Take care Carol.x.

 

[MrsJobba1]

I have only just spotted this thread and I hope you don't mind me replying.

I just wanted to second everyones opinons - from what I have read you certainly are not selfish, the very fact that you asked proves so.

I'm sorry you've had a horrible past, but I want to wish you every happiness and success with your new man and realationship - everyone deserves happiness.

I hope your friend manages when she moves into her flat I am pleased she is trying it on her own.

Good luck and have some fun next weekend - you deserve it.

Take care

 

[florida sun]

You have the best weekend ever hon, you deserve it, you are a wonderful friend, god knows you have been there often enough for me I really hope your friend manages to sort out her life as well, and lets hope moving into her new flat is the start of good beginings for her

By the way does your new man have a brother for me,

 

[orlandothebeagle]

Hope you have a great weekend you are obviously a great friend, wish I had one like you. My best friend died last year at only 35, life can be sad,grab a chance of happy times. And well done for saying no, it took me untill about 34 to start having the strength to say no sometimes!!