Cam's New Lease on Life Journal (comments welcome!)

[keenercam]

Yesterday's food journal:

B: 2 lite english muffins (2); 4 sl low fat ham (1); 2 cubes fat free swiss (.5); coffee w/fat free creamer (.5)

L: veggies (0); 3/4 c. whole wheat linguine w/arrabiata sauce (3)

S: 2 small plums & 1 peach (2)

D: 4 veggie gyoza (2); chicken & broccoli stir fry, no oil (6); brown rice (3)

desserts: frozen fruit bar (1); 2 weight watchers chocolate candies (2); bite of DS's birthday cake (~1)

I also did 30 minutes of stretching and walking and earned APs I didn't use. N

No change on the scale this morning. Not going to allow myself to get discouraged, notwithstanding my strict adherence to the plan and exercise. As long as my clothes seem to be getting looser and I can be thrilled about wearing these very nice clothes, I will be fine. In the back of my mind, a little encouraging voice is saying, "well, just think if you dropped another size right now, you'd have absolutely NOTHING to wear". Yep. That's right. This is the smallest size I have owned in over 20 years. When I get to buy 16s and they fit, I will be a sobbing mess. I am actually looking forward to that. Those days of tight 24Ws are so far behind me, never to be seen again. Who knows, though, maybe I WILL need a new pair of shorts or two for Disney!

 

[toystoryduo]

Hey Cam!

You are doing a great job with your food choices and exercise! Keep on keeping on, Cam! That scale will start reflecting your great food choices and hard work! I think you will definitely need some new shorts for Disney!

Have a wonderful day!

 

[calena]

The smallest size in 20 years is AMAZING! I think you deserve some new shorts for Disney, but wait until closer to time to go, because they may be another size smaller again!
My grandmother was a home ec teacher (do they still teach home ec?) and she always said a plate should be "pretty" which really meant colourful. If you think about it, that means fruits and veggies, so I guess she was right. We need to savour our food... and enjoy it. You are so right.

 

[joelyfaithsmommy]

just popping in to offer some encouragement for the day, you're doing soo soo well cam, and i'm so proud of you...loose size 18's are still a dream for me...but A MAJOR REALITY for you...keep going girl, NOTHING can stop you now!!!

hugssss!!!
Jen

 

[kardiebelle]

Great job cam! You get three dancing bananas. Don't get discourged when the scale doesn't move because there is more to it than a moving scale. You are still making the right choices and making yourself healthy. Cleaning your body of the BAD things. Your heart is thanking you right now. Have a beautiful day. SMILES

 

[keenercam]

Hey Cam!

I think you will definitely need some new shorts for Disney!

Thanks, Tracy! I really appreciate the encouragement! I am definitely hoping I will have to shop the week of 8/14 out of desperation!


Calena -- I had never thought of the "pretty" aspect, but that is sooo true! I am going to aim for making my plate "pretty colorful" -- last night's heaping plate of broccoli over brown rice with black pepper seasoned chicken was very interesting looking. I only wish there had been leftovers!

Lunch today is my world famous (well, not quite , but close!) hearty turkey chili, which is more like a very spicy veggie soup/stew with some very lean ground turkey in it. The best part is all the shredded carrots that really bulk it up and make it so fun to eat. I know some people think it is strange to eat soups in the summer, but I LOVE having my favorite pre-portioned healthy foods in the freezer to enjoy even when I don't have time to prepare them from scratch.

Okay, I am already starting to stress about the huge challenges for this weekend. Tomorrow night we are going to dinner and bowling with friends. Fortunately, the "date is with my sweet friend (we've been friends for 29 years!) who is also doing WW, so we help keep each other on track. At the bowling alley, I am going to plan for a soft pretzel and will pack some snacks so I won't be tempted by evil nachos.

Saturday is an open house at a college my daughter is desperate to get into. It goes from 9-3 and I have no idea what they will have food-wise, so I am going to play that one by ear.

Sunday, we are spending the day with friends on their boat and they will probably do either lunch meat sandwiches or pizza. Either will require some effort on my part. I will make my DH my co-conspirator for keeping in line on Sunday and may even bring a veggie tray and some fruit to make sure I have filling, satisfying, point-friendly options. An interesting part of this scenario is that this is the friend to whom I just gave a bunch of my clothes that don't fit anymore, and she goes to Curves and I know she is trying to lose weight (we both did Nutri-System years ago and she was really thin when she met her husband and when they got married). However, it seems like whenever we are with them, I make really bad food choices due to what is available in the circumstances and my lack of control over portions of really delicious food. This will definitely be a situation in which I will have to stay on the alert and work really hard to not screw up my 100 day cheat-free challenge progress.

 

[keenercam]

just popping in to offer some encouragement for the day, you're doing soo soo well cam, and i'm so proud of you...loose size 18's are still a dream for me...but A MAJOR REALITY for you...keep going girl, NOTHING can stop you now!!!

hugssss!!!
Jen

Thank you so, so much, Jen! I really appreciate the

 

[keenercam]

Great job cam! You get three dancing bananas. Don't get discourged when the scale doesn't move because there is more to it than a moving scale. You are still making the right choices and making yourself healthy. Cleaning your body of the BAD things. Your heart is thanking you right now. Have a beautiful day. SMILES

kardiebelle -- You are such a sweetie, to stop in here to make me smile. I love the dancing bananas! They always make me smile! Your comment about my heart is sooo true, and it reminds me I need to send an email to my heart surgeon and tell him how great I am doing 6 months after my surgery. I bet he will be thrilled to hear how much I am exercising and how I'm not tired anymore, and how I have lost 37.5 pounds since I went into the hospital on 1/6/05. I hope you have a fabulous day!

 

[DisDon]

Hey Cam, sorry I haven't posted in here for a while, but it looks like you've been having plenty of fun without me! I HAVE been reading your journal, just not posting, I sure appreciate you posting in mine.
That Garmin sounds really cool, i've been wanting GPS for a long time. I want one that can plug into my laptop for taking on trips, but one for walking would be great.
That letter to your doctor is a great idea, I think it would make both of you feel awesome. Maybe he'll write you back with some good encouraging words.
Have a great day!
Banana, Banana

 

[Mykelogan]

Hey Cam!!

Hope you are having a good day!
I think you have the right plan for your challenges this weekend. Plan ahead and when in doubt bring something safe foodwise along with you. I just called my sister-in-law about my niece's birthday to see if I could bring anything and she said sure, so I am bringing some snacks for the parents of the children (aka veggies and dip, and a yummy low carb but by no means low calorie Buffalo Chicken dip that is delicious with celery sticks. I may bring some tortilla chips for the dip too, but not for me! hehe anyway, enough about my food!! I know you can stay on board the 100 day challenge through all the challenges ahead!! I have faith in you!

be well and have a great night!
Mike

 

[Storygirl]

Hi Cam!!!

I just spent some time today reading this and learning more about you and I am speechless...my dad had heart surgery a year ago last February that resulted in him going from 90% blockage to the heart of a 35 year old...after losing my mom, coming so close to losing him was a shock. I absolutely bow my head to you for your outlook on life, your plan for health and your determination to do the very best for yourself...!!! You are amazing!

I know you'll do great this weekend - weekends are such a challenge anyway, but sounds like yours has lots of fun planned. Good luck!!!

Again - I think you are just doing wonderful!!

Jenn.

 

[keenercam]

Hi, everyone! Sorry I have been MIA. Actually, I have been having such a great time keeping up the 100 day cheat-free challenge thread, that I have hardly made time to come here.

Don - It's hardly been a party without you! I think you would LOVE this GPS. You should look it up on amazon.com -- their price is lowest, in case you decide to buy one. Everywhere else it was $150-160. It has a cable to connect to my computer, and all sorts of software to download to keep a training log, etc., but I am learning a little at a time. Right now, I know how to get it initialized for my walks and I know how to start it and stop it and reset it. That will hold me for a bit. Once I am completely confident about it (maybe 3 or 4 more uses), I will start transferring the data to my computer so I can really buckle down to training with the virtual partner, etc.

Hi, Mike! I meant to tell you your hash sounds fantastic, except for the radishes For some reason, I just don't like them and always end up picking them out of salads, etc. Maybe I will have to give them another try the way you make them -- sounds like they would absorb a lot of the flavors in the mix and that would cut some of that bitter aftertaste.

So, what is a buffalo chicken dip? Does it have chicken in it? Or is it the seasoning that gives it its name? Come on, share!

Jenn -- Thank you for your kind words. I am so glad to hear your dad's surgery was such a huge success. I hope he is enjoying his life to the fullest! Does he live nearby? I bet he's crazy about your DS, right?

Sometimes I think about what we have all gone through this year in my family and it is really overwhelming. Then I think about how I haven't used food to anesthetize myself through it all, and I am greatful for the strength God has given me to get through it so far.

WARNING: THE NEXT FOUR PARAGRAPHS ARE ME RAMBLING AND GOING ON AND ON ABOUT SOMETHING THAT WILL PROBABLY MAKE NO SENSE TO ANYONE BUT ME. I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE. FEEL FREE TO SKIP RIGHT PAST THIS.

So, last night (sitting in the nail salon ), I had a revelation of sorts. I tried to explain it to my aunt and realize it makes absolutely NO sense in the abstract, but for some reason, it is sitting right there, in the front of my head since it occurred to me (just like a cartoon lightbulb ), and I just have to figure out what to do with this little nugget of information.

Here it is: 87 pounds loss is my very ambitious goal -- I picked it because it is what I weighed when I was 10! It is still about 15-20 pounds above what the charts say I should weigh.

If I were to share my wildest dream, it would be to lose 100 pounds total -- a very scary thought indeed. In fact, right now, I am thinking 87, 87, 87, 87. In the back of my mind, however, is this little niggling thought, going "I really want to lose another x number of pounds to get into the next "decade". And the fact is, I just cannot imagine myself getting beyond that.

I have determination and enthusiasm and a plan. But I have absolutely NO confidence in my ability to reach my long-term goal. THAT is a problem! I know it is okay to have a short-term goal that is reasonably achievable, but I realize I HAVE to have confidence in the result, not just the process and not just the immediate future. I have to envision myself being a weight that I have NEVER been and that seems impossible to me right now. Oh, okay, obviously I was at some point in my life that weight, but I have no memory of it. I have jokingly said that the "optimal weight for a 5'1" woman on the growth chart was my birthweight." Obviously, I have to stop thinking about it as impossible or unattainable. So, what would I even look like at that point? I have no idea. But, you know what? Curiosity may just be enough of a motivator to keep me moving along to that seemingly unattainable goal. Right now, a size 16 would be amazing to me. And it's okay for me to be excited and impressed when I get there. But wouldn't it be amazing to be a size 12? Why didn't it ever occur to me that I WANT TO BE A SIZE 12!!!!!! THAT should be my "short term goal". Heck! If I don't reach high enough, how am I ever going to get there? If I don't know what my ultimate destination is, and I don't have any real confidence in ever getting there, how in the world am I even to plan the route?

Well, if you have read this far, I thank you and I sincerely apologize for taking so much of your time. Every once in a while, I have to kind of "spew" so that I have a place to come to re-orient myself to a way of thinking.

 

[Mykelogan]

Hi Cam!!

Cooking the radishes in the hash, especially if you cover them so they steam a bit for the first 4-5min definitely takes away the bitter taste. You could also use Daikon radish (big and white radish) and it is allegedly even less bitter. As for the Buffalo Chicken dip it indeed has chicken in it, and cream cheese, blue cheese dressing, cheddar and hot sauce! Like I said, not low cal but low carb and delicious in good portions. When I made it I used a higher ratio of chicken than the recipe even called for so that cut back on some of those oh so creamy but oh so fatty cream cheese calories. And the cheddar could be optional too, you sprinkle it on top when baking the whole shebang together! If you are further intrigued and want the exact recipe just let me know, but if you feel yourself gaining weight just reading it I understand that too! hehe

I also wanted to add that I think your "discovery" made perfect sense. We set boundaries in our minds about how we see ourselves and what is possible if we want to make some change. I think you are right on track with setting mini-goals and long range goals. You may have no confidence in your ability to reach your long range goals, but i know I sure do!!! Take each step as it comes and you will get there. I think getting too far ahead of ourselves leads to failure some times. Hope some of that made sense! hehe!

Have a great and healthy day!!
Mike

 

[DisDon]

Hey, spew away any time you want, its your journal! Your so right about that stuff, losing weight can seem so impossible sometimes. I've always had it in the back of my mind that I could get down to the weight I was on my Mormon mission, I was 19-20 years old, I was walking 5 to 10 miles a day, eating reasonable portions, I was a lot younger then! I was around 205 - 215 the whole time, which is below any of my current goals. Its just so hard to see it right now, but I do know its possible.
Hey, have a great weekend, you're awesome!!!

 

[kardiebelle]

You know what, you might not have any confidence for the long term thingy but you know you have it for the smaller steps. It is great to think about things like this but don't let then drag you down. You then lose hope for any other weight loss steps because you are looking way to far ahead. If you can look ahead and say to yourself "I will do it" and feel good about saying it then you are fine. Don't let this thought pull you to the kitchen. You are a wonderful chat mate for me and I am not judging you at all. I am here to and tell you my opinion. You are doing great and you continue to inspire me through the 9.5 pounds that I lost. Great Big hugs to you.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

Cam--small steps is the key for me,,maybe it will be for you too
hope you have a great weekend!

 

[kardiebelle]

hey CAM I hope that you didn't lose your way. I havent stopped the wishes yet. No I am just kidding! I hope you are having a great time whatever you are doing. On the 100 day cheat free thread
Well just sending you great thoughts and a wonderful weight loss week. SMILES Kardiebelle

 

[Tasha+Scott]

Hi, Cam! I haven't read your whole journal since it's so long but I skimmed some of it. Wow, you have really overcome a lot and have a great outlook on life! I am very impressed! Oh, and thanks for starting the 100 days cheat-free challenge! It has been a great motivator for me to stay on track!

 

[keenercam]

Glad to have come through the weekend pretty successfully.

Here is what my food looked like:
Friday night dinner (Italian restaurant): finished DD's minestrone soup; ate green beans & broccoli and marinated chicken breast. Rewarded myself with a cup of hazelnut coffee. Didn't end up getting a soft pretzel at bowling (though I'd "budgeted" for it), and just drank water

Saturday:
B: coffee w/skim milk (1); apple (1); bites of mini-muffin (1)
L (university open house): 2 soft tacos, no cheese, add lettuce & tomato(6); bites of fries (1); pretzels spread out over day (instead of ice cream) (4)
D: stir fry shrimp & rice (6)
Snacks: soy crisps & pretzels (3)

Exercise: 90+ minutes brisk walking (includes 30 minute walking tour of university). Best pace was 15:10 for a lap of the fountain where I was able to jog for 3 short distances. Being able to do that with very little recovery time between encourages me that I might be able to increase to doing regular intervals.

Sunday:
B: yogurt & coffee w/creamer (4)
L: piece of turkey & cheese sub, no oil or may, add peppers (10); baby carrots & taste of chips (2)
S: light popcorn (2); 2 crackers (.5)
D: 1 small piece buffalo chicken pizza (8); 1/3 piece chicken parm pizza (4)
Dessert: 2 bites of birthday cake (2); cherries (1)

I had to estimate all the points for main food yesterday, but I estimated high, I am sure. Assuming the points are right, I went well into activity and flex points, but this was a planned treat after being below my regular points every day since last Monday.

Exercise: 55 minutes of very fast walking


Started today feeling very hungry, so I was glad the coffee was set to "make" while I was out walking. Met a friend at 6:15 for 45 minutes of brisk walking -- our pace was not fast, but I was so excited to spend the time with my friend and to get some exercise in so early in the morning. We did 2.33 miles in 41:30.

Started reading "Marathoning for Mortals" in preparation for going into a structured training plan to walk the half. Hard to believe it is less than 6 months away. Will have to focus on that book, and I will have to come up with a plan that allows me to continue Harry Potter and MFM at the same time.

My trip to Disney is only 4 1/2 weeks away. The weight loss goals I set for the trip are pretty far out of reach since I haven't been seeing any progress on the scale, but I think I am okay with that. As long as I have these cute clothes to wear and they fit well, I am not going to drive myself crazy about the scale. And I will ignore the cute little messages I get from WW about how to get over plateus and how going to meetings would help, etc. I still feel like I am progressing, even if the scale doesn't show it.

The excitement about the trip is beginning to bubble up in my heart and I wish Judy lived close enough to get together to walk and talk or have coffee and gab about the trip. Unfortunately, her life is as crazy as mine, so I am settling for the occasional giddy phone call.

My very dear friend gave me my birthday card and gift early and the card was sooo cool -- tiny little material dress affixed to the front of the card with mini clothespins on a wire that is glued to the card. She wrote a note inside that said she thought the dress might fit me soon, since I am looking so great. That was so incredibly sweet and means more than all the compliments DH lavishes on me. Having a girlfriend who can be that generous of spirit is a rare gift. I am so blessed. And I am really happy that she is thrilled to have a lot of the clothes I can't wear anymore and which I refuse to keep around. I know they are in a good home.

Having a great time keeping up the 100 day cheat free challenge thread and it is fun to send and receive those PMs and emails to encourage each other, but I am re-committing myself to keeping this journal, too, even if it is just to record food and mood every day. And I really want to get back to visiting other journals. I know I really need and appreciate the support others bring to me here and I LOVE doing that for others too.

So, I will get to journals tonight while I am waiting to pick up DD.

 

[lillygator]

Hi Cam!
What a great friend!! How excited you must be for WDW...please tell me how you enjoy that book....after DD #1 was born I did my first triathalon and a 5K after that and then fell off the fitness bandwagon so I would love to be able to read somthing that may help me "plan" my marathon attack!