Cam's New Lease on Life Journal (comments welcome!)

[keenercam]

UGH! Sitting in my office at nearly 7pm with no end in sight and definitely no prospect of going to the gym. Hoping I will be able to get out of here tomorrow night in time to go to my 5K, but that prospect is looking kind of bleak. I am going to hope for the best.

Interestingly, I am finding it is not hard at all to stick to my WW points, though I have always been disgusted or perturbed in the past when I heard people say that -- it just seemed so unlikely. And yet, except for my splurges, I seem to have established a routine of eating few enough points for breakfast and lunch that when I get home from work or the gym in the evening, I can always have a treat. I have completely abandoned that whole no eating after 7 thing -- it just doesn't work with my schedule.

I think I have some WW hot pockets in the freezer here, and will probably eat those for dinner just so I don't have to wait until I get home for something of substance.

Will miss my workout tonight.

 

[DisnyMama]

Hi Cam,

I am so glad that you were able to be with your father at the end. Please be good to yourself and let your DH and family help anyway they can. My computer will be in storage for at least a month or so since I sold my house and we will be moving out this weekend and since we have not found a place to live yet I am not sure where we are going to be staying but I will find a way to check in and see how things are going.

Take care of yourself and I will keep you and your dad in my prayers.
Shannon

 

[plutosmyfav]

Hi Cam,

Those lyrics are beautiful and inspiring. Thanks for sharing them

I hope your work schedule lets up and you can make it to your 5K. I'm glad to hear your points are working out for you. I still struggle BIG time with keeping my food within my points allowance.

Sunny

 

[keenercam]

Shannon -- I am so sorry you have so much uncertainty in your life right now. First of all, I hope you find somewhere to live really soon. If you lived near here, I could at least offer you and yours a place to stay. Secondly, I would freak out without my computer and the support of my WISH friends. Be assured we will all have you in our thoughts and prayers.

Sunny -- As it turns out, I never got out of here last night until after 9, so I missed the 5K walk. I am really disappointed. The only good thing is that my walking buddy hadn't been able to commit to it so at least I didn't let her down. I was starving by the time I got home though, so I steamed veggies and munched on them while on the phone with my mother and didn't eat real dinner until around 11, when I had two not so healthy (but, thankfully, still within my points) breaded chicken patties.

Tonight is a huge fundraiser dinner dance for my son's school, at a country club. I have no idea what they are serving for dinner, but I am going to hoarde my points all day so I can eat whatever it is. I still have most of my flex points too, so I should be okay. It's interesting that even with my severe lack of exercise, I am still seeing small movements on the scale. Good to know those muscles I was working on building are burning some calories.

Very excited to have gotten into a pair of pants this morning for work that haven't fit in more than 2 years. Certainly opens more wardrobe choices for me. It was scary when the largest size I had in my closet (3 sizes bigger than this) had gotten tight.

My big challenge this weekend will be to find time to workout. I don't want to get out of the habit. I am also looking forward to trying the FIRM workout stuff I bought the first week of April but haven't found time to take out of the box.

Need to get to bed earlier, too, so I don't get run down. Recent bloodwork showed a high white blood cell count, so I did a course of cipro and have to have the bloodwork done again in a week or so. Hopefully it is nothing significant.

 

[keenercam]

It's all too easy to just let things go. A strange lethargy seems to have overcome me last week, and though I stayed on points and went to the gym a few times, the enthusiasm and desire were gone. Instead it was just a matter of routine and knowing I HAD to stay on top of what I was eating and try to get some exercise. So, even while DH was away over the weekend retrieving our dog from my in-laws' house, I forced myself to go to the gym both days and watched what I ate when DD and I went to dinner with a friend Saturday night. Skipped the gym Monday and Tuesday of this week, but went last night. Even ran a bit. Not much. After 5 minutes walking on the treadmill, I ran for one minute, walked for two, ran for one, walked for two and ran for one, and then walked the rest. Did find that once I finished running the minute, walking at a much faster pace for the next 2 minutes was much easier. Doing it that way, I was able to do a mile in 16:09 -- still working toward a 15 minute pace for the half-marathon, though, and it doesn't seem too far off. I think next time, I will separate out my warm-up walking, and re-set the treadmill when I am ready to alternately walk and run, so that I can see what kind of pace that yields.
Only a couple pounds away from my first significant weight goal, and I will see my daily points allowance decrease by 2. I still haven't had any weeks where I used all my activity points and all my flex points, so, although it may be foolish to NOT be initimidated at the prospect, I think it should be okay.
Biggest challenge is still nighttime eating -- even if I eat a late dinner, I find that right before bed, I want some fat free pringles and pretzel goldfish or a no pudge or weight watchers ice cream. So, again, I am staying within my points, but this is definitely not smart and not a good habit. Something to work on for sure.

 

[mking624]

I totally can relate to that lethargy. I was going through that for a couple of weeks...started out with it just being a hectic week, then I was out of town and didn't have much time to do anything there...so when I came back home, it was hard to get back into the swing of things. I had to force myself to start back up this past Sunday.

And I hear you on that late night eating. I have to make sure I get my last snack in by 8 or 9pm...because I get so tempted to eat more if I have my snack later than that. But I'm cheering you on hon...I know you can do it!!!

 

[keenercam]

Thanks, Mary. I'm glad someone understands. I bet you felt really great when you got back into the swing of things, right?

DH kept saying tonight, "it's really late. are you sure you want to go to the gym?" it would have been so easy to blow it off, but I know there won't be time to workout the next three days since we will be with DD most of the weekend at championships and meeting with the contractors Saturday afternoon. Glad we went. I finally walked and jogged 2 miles in less than 32 minutes! That is the pace I will have to beat for the 1/2 marathon. I also practiced walking at a 15:00 mile pace, which is very hard for me becuase of my unusually short legs. That felt so great. Also did 4 miles on the stationary bike in 11 minutes. Not a long workout, but better than none. Ate all my daily points and 3 out of 4 APs, too. Oh, well, That is what they are there for. May be hard to stay on plan for parts of this weekend with a First Holy Communion party for my Goddaughter, but planning ahead for it gives me a better chance of success.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

hi!! just catching up on journals since ive been gone for awhile--hope you are having a great weekend

 

[mking624]

Thanks, Mary. I'm glad someone understands. I bet you felt really great when you got back into the swing of things, right?

DH kept saying tonight, "it's really late. are you sure you want to go to the gym?" it would have been so easy to blow it off, but I know there won't be time to workout the next three days since we will be with DD most of the weekend at championships and meeting with the contractors Saturday afternoon. Glad we went. I finally walked and jogged 2 miles in less than 32 minutes! That is the pace I will have to beat for the 1/2 marathon. I also practiced walking at a 15:00 mile pace, which is very hard for me becuase of my unusually short legs. That felt so great. Also did 4 miles on the stationary bike in 11 minutes. Not a long workout, but better than none. Ate all my daily points and 3 out of 4 APs, too. Oh, well, That is what they are there for. May be hard to stay on plan for parts of this weekend with a First Holy Communion party for my Goddaughter, but planning ahead for it gives me a better chance of success.

Oh yeah, I felt much better when I got back into the swing of things. Not just physically, but mentally as well!

I'm so proud of you for getting back into gear and giong to the gym!! You're right, a short workout is better than none at all!!

 

[sharoncity]

Hi Cam!

How are you doing this morning after your busy weekend? It is so diificult to stay OP at this time of year because of everything going on. I hope you were able to squeeze in a workout over the weekend! You are doing so amazingly well with that! Kudos to you!!

Hope this week is a little less stressful for you. Sending and for a good week!

TTFN- Sharon

 

[keenercam]

I don't even know where to start. I am trying to get my life back on track. I really feel as if I haven't even begun to grieve for my Dad. Everything reminds me of him. My mother's death just 17 days later on May 1 has really rocked our lives. I had been so worried about whether she could go on without my Dad and worried that with her serious illnesses over the past many years, that she just would not have the physical or emotional strength to carry on. I am glad we were with her on that Saturday, even if it was just for a few hours, and that she got to see her granddaughter (my Goddaughter's) first holy communion. I have some wonderful pictures of us together that day. When I feel like I can face it all the time, I will bring one of those pictures to my office, to remind me to focus on the memories rather than my grief.
The week of her viewings and funeral were so haphazard and overwhelming with a house full of people and absolutely no desire to eat, much less eat right. When I did eat, it was what DH called comfort foods, chinese, carbs, and even a malted milk shake. And of course, no exercise. Monday of this week I should have gotten back to the gym, but just going back to work seemed exertion enough. Last night I spent nearly an hour on the phone with a neighbor and was so wrung out afterwards that I couldn't even think about going to the gym. My "FIRM" set that I bought in early April still sits in my basement in a box. I ate fine yesterday -- the first day of my WW week and am doing okay today. If I can get myself to go the gym tonight, it will really mean I am focusing again. So, that is my goal for today. Just eat right and go to the gym tonight, even if it is only for 1/2 an hour.

 

[sharoncity]

My heartfelt sympathies and prayers are with you Cam!!! I pray God will comfort your heart in this terrible, terrible time of loss.

Please be gentle with yourself Cam. There is so much you will have to deal with over the next few months. Be easy on yourself and take it one day at a time. Your friends here at the DIS will be here to offer you comfort and support.

Again, I am so sorry for your double loss. Please feel my that I am sending you. I hope today is a little bit better for you.

TTFN- Sharon

 

[sharoncity]

Cam- Just want you to know I am thinking of you and praying for you and your family. I hope you are doing okay and taking good care of yourself! and healing for your heart!

I hope today is a good day for you!

TTFN- Sharon

 

[Blueeyes101817]

cam-- i am so sorry i have not bee naroudn for awhile--i hope you are doing okay..prayers are headed your way..

 

[keenercam]

Thanks Jen and Sharon. I really appreciate your good wishes. I think I am getting back on track.
Glad to have gotten back to the gym last week 3 times. Was pleased to jog a bit last night and did 3.1 miles in 48:54, which puts me at a pace of 15 minutes 44 seconds. I was completely wiped out afterwards and was dripping sweat, but that is kind of reassuring -- means I was working hard, right? I read that you should exercise vigorously enough to work up a sweat at least 2x/week. Well, thank God I managed the first one on Sunday -- only one more of those to do and now through Thursday night to do it.
Another busy week with appointments tonight and Wednesday night and DD16's scholastic awards program tomorrow night, and leaving Friday night to drive 2 hours for DH's 5 mile race Saturday. Hopefully, next year I may be able to do that one with him.
Finding I actually crave walk/jog time. Here I am at nearly 42 years old, finding this new interest in something I never would have dreamed of.
Have lost 30+ pounds since January 7th and 20+ since I started WISH on 1/17/05. Long way to go, but still motivated. Having the 1/2 to work towards is definitely keeping me motivated. I guess the "training to train" phase will end in July or August and I will have to actually start training. Quite intimidating, but determined to whittle my jog/walk time down to a consistent 12-13 minute mile. Will work on endurance later.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

You are doing great losing all that weight and doing great on exercise!! im glad you are getting back into "the swing of things" have a great day!

 

[sharoncity]

Your doing great Cam!!! The exercise/training will give you time away from your troubles. Making time for yourself is still so important, so don't short change yourself there!
I am impressed with your exercise. I am no where near that point, but I will get there! Someday!

Still sending you and big ! Take care!

Sharon

 

[keenercam]

Thank you, Jen & Sharon! What would I do without you guys and all my other WISH friends?

I wasn't well behaved yesterday food-wise and did not get to the gym to work out. DD16 won 2 very prestigious academic awards last night and we did, in fact, go out to celebrate with food! DH and I hadn't had dinner so I ordered a junior crab cake with rice pilaf and mashed cauliflower and the kids ordered junior nachos. Then both kids ordered dessert and I was eating DD's whipped cream. Overall, though, I was pretty disciplined. Had one of DH's onion rings and a couple of nachos (just to put the jalapenos on), so I shouldn't have felt too bad. Can't imagine what made me go home and eat a candy bar that has been on my dresser since March and which I had been taking pride in resisting every single day and evening. UGH! Now it is gone.

Going to the gym tonight and tomorrow night. Without fail. Wish I had the discipline to get up early in the morning to go to the Y before work. Then I could get 2 workouts in each day. Am finding that I completely wipe myself out on the treadmill doing the walk/jog thing and then don't want to do anything else. So, the plan for tonight is to do the recumbent bike for 30 minutes while reading a book, and then get serious on the treadmill for 32 minutes (or however short a time I can get two miles done in)

The other thing I really have to do is pay attention to what I eat and how I feel afterwards. Sometimes I am so lethargic after eating and have not taken the time to figure out if it is due to the quantity or the type of food I am eating.

Today's meals so far:
B: small bagel w/tiniest bit of cream cheese (5); fit n fiber yogurt w/granola (3)
L: greek salad of lettuce (0), fat free feta cheese (2), and kalamata olives (2)
(S): nature valley chewy fruit and nut granola bar (3)

I will try to remember to do 2 light string cheeses in the car tonight -- one on the way to my hair appt and on the way to the Y. Those small protein fixes should hold me until after I exercise. Will probably get home and look for dinner around 9:30. Pathetic, I know, but it is the way my routine goes right now. The most I can do is to eat something healthy when I get home that late, low fat, high protein -- maybe some chicken or maybe I will make spaghetti squash.

Just spoke with DD who is working on one of 3 "finals" essays for English class. This one is on "My Grandparents" -- poor kid. I asked her if it is hard and she said "Yes, very." and got all choked up. Didn't even know what to say to her, just that I am sorry this is making her sad. My parents would have been so proud of her last night. I had to work on NOT falling apart and NOT thinking of them, so that her joy and pride wouldn't be overcome with sorrow. There is nothing I can do to lessen her pain and grief. Heck, I can't even help myself at this point. I guess the feelings will become a little less overwhelming in time.

DH's race is Saturday. I am actually anticipating that I am going to wish I were running it! I should make it my goal to run it next year. I'll need another goal after the Disney 1/2, so maybe the next thing would be to run a 5 miler. I am actually thinking I may be able to run a 5K this fall. Sounds outrageous, but wouldn't that be something? I would do it just for the pride I think it would bring my kids and my husband.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

Glad you are doing better congrats to your son for getting awards--that deserves a celebration!!!! hope your day tomorrow is good as well

 

[keenercam]

Did most of what I wanted to accomplish at the gym. 10 miles on the bike in 29 minutes and 2 miles on the TM, though the time was a bit slow there -- 33:10. UGH! Was also having some shin splints, so I am going to have to re-evaluate stretching, etc.
Dinner was delicious -- egg beaters w/salsa & ff cheese on 2 slices light rye, with 6 small turkey breakfast sausage -- all for 6 points. Still have points left for ice cream, though I am too stuffed.
Wish I had the energy and ambition to get up for the gym early in the a.m. -- maybe someday.