Cam's New Lease on Life Journal (comments welcome!)

[keenercam]

Thank you so much, Tracey! Well, at least I'm trying, even if the scale isn't cooperating!

COUNTDOWN TO DISNEYLAND 1/2 MARATHON RECAP:
52 days to go and 12.5 pounds to lose
After workout this morning -- 55 APs in July

Yes, that's right, the scale was up ANOTHER .2 pounds this morning from yesterday, notwithstanding my doing pretty well with food and exercise yesterday. I am resigned to the fact that my body just really wants to stay in this weight range. On the one hand, it feels like I have the whole weight watchers maintenance thing down pat if I can stay within a 4.9 pound range for 3 months. On the other hand, I am NOT done losing, so the scale should really keep moving down. AND, if I am working this "hard" and NOT losing, I'd really hate to see what would happen if I slacked off.

The good thing is my body is changing even if the scale isn't. My legs are much more defined and look less like tree trunks. From the side they look pretty darn good, and you can even see some muscle definition when I walk. That's good. Still no real progress on upper body, but then again, I'm not putting forth any effort there, so what do I expect?

I did 40 minutes crosstraining this morning riding the recumbent bike and reading a book and listening to music. Sounds good to me.

Tonight I am going to WW to weigh in but then leaving to meet my best girlfriend (who is DD's Godmother) and DD who will have spent a few hours shopping for dorm stuff. We are going out to dinner and I am planning to eat what I want. It will be the end of my WW week, and I have used less than 10 flex points this week, so I do have points left if I want something I might not otherwise order.

Food today:
B: 2 lite EMs (2); better 'n peanut butter (2); sugar free jam (0); coffee (1)
L: grilled chicken (2); veggies (0)
S: pretzels (3)
S: small plum (.5); watermelon (.5)


It's almost 5:30 and I'll be heading out soon to WW WI and then to meet DD and DBGF for shopping, then dinner. I just broke my cardinal rule of not eating before WI, but I was so hungry that I thought it would be better to eat the fruit than to arrive at dinner ravenous.

Tomorrow is a rest day on my training plan, but I may try to get to the gym tomorrow night to read/bike.

_________________________________
D (at Red Lobster):
2 pcs lobster pizza (4)
cheddar biscuit (4)
salad w/croutons & bites of chicken tender (5)
tilapia in bag w/extra croutons (10)

Dessert: ice cream cone with jimmies (10); 1/2 svg ff pringles (.5)

 

[keenercam]

COUNTDOWN TO DISNEYLAND 1/2 MARATHON RECAP:
51 days to go and 12.5 pounds to lose
As of this morning -- 55 APs in July

Okay, even after eating 33.5 points last night between dinner and dessert, my weight stayed the same compared to yesterday morning. WI last night was exactly the same on the WW scale as mine at home.

Today's food:
B: 1/2 bagel w/scant RF CC (4); coffee w/SF creamer (1)
L: garden salad w/ FF italian dressing (0); soft pretzel w/mustard (5)

2:15 -- I decided to skip the sun-dried tomato dressing and multi-grain roll at my favorite salad place so that I could have a soft pretzel from a new place that opened near here. The pretzel was fabulous. However, I detected major trouble/temptation when I walked in the shop -- they sell hot dogs and sausage wrapped in pretzel and they also have stuffed pretzels and pigs in a blanket wrapped in pretzel and all sorts of other topped pretzels including pizza, chocolate, "everything", etc.

There is NOOOO way I am going anywhere near that place again anytime soon. It is only because I was with a friend I hadn't seen in a while who kept telling me how great I looked and how "skinny" I am getting ( ) that I did not succumb at all. Her very sweet compliments served as a reminder to me of what I've accomplished and what I am striving for.

5:30 S: tomatoes & cucumbers (0)

6:00 grilled chicken & steamed veggies (2)

60 minutes at the gym on the recumbent bike.

Home around 8:15 (starving)
Lean Cuisine panini (6); grilled chicken w/tomatoes & fat free cheese (2.5)
Dessert: WW ice cream cone (2); fat free pringles & white cheddar popcorn (5)

 

[keenercam]

COUNTDOWN TO DISNEYLAND 1/2 MARATHON RECAP:
50 days to go and 12.9 pounds to lose
As of this morning -- 59 APs in July

The scale was up another .4 from yesterday. It could be because of all the points I've eaten over the past 2 days or it could just be the time of the month. I had such a nasty run-in with the weigh in person at WW on Tuesday night who gave me grief about not losing and didn't even realize I'd lost 54.5 since I started WW and another 8 before that. All she looked at was the past 3 months and how my weight as gone up and down within 4.5 pound during that entire time. Believe me, I KNOW what the scale is doing and I really don't need her to tell me "we have to get you back on track and losing". She actually wanted me to "start over" this past Tuesday and use that number as my "starting number" -- I asked her if she had any idea at all how she was minimizing what I'd already accomplished. My leader would have been furious at her if she knew this woman had been so insensitive.

Yes, there might be other people who are losing 2 pounds a week, but are they fit? Are they going to the gym at least 5 times a week? Have any of them completed 12 5Ks, a 1/2 marathon, a 15K and a 5 mile race in the past 16 months? Her comments were negative enough to make me wonder about my progress and whether it even matters if the scale is still such a HUGE number. UGH!

I have to get past it. And I will NEVER go to her for WI again. And I will probably mention her comments to my leader next week.

Then again, maybe not. I'm really not one to make waves.

Food today:
B (at 7:45): grilled chicken breast (2); coffee w/cream (1)
L (at 1:00): garden salad dry (0) with turkey breast (3); 2 SF FF puddings (3)
S (before leaving work for the gym): wasa crisp w/LC cheese (3); lite EM w/turkey (2)
D: LC barbecue pizza (7); vitamuffin (1)

 

[keenercam]

COUNTDOWN TO DISNEYLAND 1/2 MARATHON RECAP:
49 days to go and 10.7 pounds to lose
As of this morning -- 66 APs in July

The scale was down this morning -- a lot. 2.2 pounds. I'm pleased with that. I earned 7 APs last night doing 7 miles on the treadmill and I didn't eat all my AP, so I am sure that is why the scale was so cooperative this morning.

This is my entry last night from the training thread.

Okay, here is my happy news. Did my 7 mile LW tonight because I knew I wouldnt this weekend (thanks for the idea, Tiff! ). Are you ready for this? Here are my splits:
mile 1--14:31
mile 2--13:51
mile 3--13:50
mile 4--13:18
mile 5--14:13 (not sure what happened here?)
mile 6--13:23
mile 7--12:00 !!!!!!

I have to admit mile 7 was done after a considerable break because a friend came over to chat. But the fact that I could get my body going again after a break was an accomplishment for me. I actually jogged 1/10 of a mile and then walked 1/10 for almost all of that last mile. So, I still don't have the stamina to jog more than a minute or so, but I coud do it more often than I had been challenging myself to do. My walking tonight was almost all at 4.2 mph and the jogging was at 6.2 mph (which I think may be considered running -- it is sub-10:00 after all), even if it is for onlya minute or so at a time. What do you think? Can I call it running? Huh? Please?

Overall time: 95:06; pace 13:25

Well, I am probably not going to be able to post again until Monday since we are taking the kids to Busch Gardens/Water Country USA for the weekend. I'll journal and come back here to report.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

Cam-You are doing great!! i hope you all enjoyed your weekend away--you deserve it!

 

[toystoryduo]

Hi Cam,

I think if I were you, I would definitely tell your leader about the lady at WW weigh-in. I don't think people understand how their words affect the people around them. Maybe your leader could talk to her and make her aware of her words so that she doesn't say insensitive things again. Or, we could just toss the scale at her. That would get her attention! (Just kidding!)

In any event, I think you have done an amazing job and that you have made a lot of progress. Keep on keeping on, Cam because you WILL make your goals!

Have a great week!

 

[RunningLilo]

Cam,
I was needing a little extra inspiration this morning so I knew I could stop by your journal to find some. And it worked. Girl, you are doing great. I can't believe how much you have accomplished in the past 16 months. You are amazing. Don't you dare let that woman or those negative thoughts she left you with get to you. You are stronger than her and you've proven it.

Much love to you!

 

[keenercam]

AUGUST 1
COUNTDOWN TO DISNEYLAND 1/2 MARATHON RECAP:
45 days to go
16.4 pounds to lose (yes, you read that right – I am going UP again, not down!)
Total APs in July – 88
_________________________________

Jen - -Thank you. We had a wonderful weekend in Williamsburg. I think the kids really appreciated the opportunity to spend the weekend away together before they head off in separate directions. And I know they had a great time. Jenn had all sorts of great memories (so much stuff I had forgotten) about previous visits when she was 10 years old and younger. That was a lot of fun to hear.

Tracy – I really appreciate your support. I know you have so much going on in your life right now and your friendship and encouraging words mean a lot to me. I still haven’t decided if I will tell my WW leader about the encounter next week, but it is really taking a toll on me. I don’t think I can bring myself to go to the meeting tonight and face people who may have heard her chastising me last week and then saying my starting weight out loud.

Dena – You are such a sweetheart. I have been so down in the dumps and having a hard time pulling myself up and then here you are with your kind words and making me feel like I have something to offer.

I really can’t figure out what is wrong with me. I had a great time over the weekend but really wasn’t anywhere near as disciplined as I should have been food-wise. Things are finally looking up for DH with his acceptance in a fantastic MBA program. And he had an interview this morning for a very attractive job that would take some of the financial pressure off that will come with paying 3 tuitions this year on my salary alone.

But it seems like everything is a chore. I woke up today to find that DD was not in her bed and not in the house. She says she went out around 6 am to have breakfast with a friend, but I don’t know whether I believe that. What worries me more is that I am not sure I care as much as I should. After all, in less than 3 weeks she will be away at college and I will have no idea of where she is or isn’t and I’ll have no control over the situation. I still can’t help feel, though, that as long as she is home she should be considerate and respectful of how much we’d worry about her if we don’t know where she is. She showed up right before DH and I left the house. I’m just really disappointed in her.

DS leaves for camp on Sunday for 3 weeks. I’m really going to miss him. I am sure his day will come when he is a difficult teenager, but right now he is such a ray of sunshine. He seems so appreciative of everything we plan and do and seems to actually care about spending time with his family. So different from DD who is coming across like a spoiled brat.

Food has often been bad. Weight is bad. Motivation to train for the ½ marathon is almost non-existent. The funny thing is, even as I say that, I know I am going to the gym tonight. But certainly not because I want to. Merely because I know I have to. At the moment, doing the ½ marathon at Disneyland holds excitement for me only once in a while and mostly it is the trip, rather than the event, about which I am excited. What is that word? mojo? Not even sure I know exactly what that means, but I do know I have none.

If it weren't for my weight and my depression about it and about the lack of discipline which it evidences, I'd probably be fine. I hope to be in a better mood tomorrow. I hope I haven't brought any of my WISH buddies down.

----------------------------------
Food:
B:watermelon; coffee; WW yogurt (3)
L: grilled chicken w/kidney beans, corn & tomatoes (3); cauliflower (0); green beans (1)
D: 1/2 bently salad w/pasta; drsg; pc of roll (8); taste of meatloaf w/ff cheese (2.5); LC panini (7)
dessert: wdw snack mix (4)

APs -- 4 -- Did 1 mile on TM in 13:40 and 9 miles on bike in 45 minutes

 

[keenercam]

COUNTDOWN TO DISNEYLAND 1/2 MARATHON RECAP:
44 days to go
14.1 pounds to lose (down 2.3 from yesterday's "high")
Total APs in August 4

Not feeling much better today. Not going to bore anyone with it. I'll get over it.

Food:
B: 2 slices wheat toast, dry (2); 1 egg white (0); coffees w/creamer (2)
L: grilled chicken w/beans, corn, tomatoes, cauliflower (3); green beans (1); 1/2 soft pretzel & fuze drink (3.5)
D: salmon & veggies (8)
dessert: vitamuffin (1); snack mix (3)

Total 23.5.
Earned 4 APs on the treadmill.

 

[donac]

Cam, I know how you are feeling. Having the first one leave is one of the hardes thing that you can do. My son, when he left 3 year ago, was also very difficult. I never knew where he was. Even when he left he never called or even emailed me. It has been very hard. He never told us about anything that was going on in school. He left there and came back for 2 years at a local commnity college. He is now getting ready to go back and he is getting the same attitude. He still can't understand why we would like to know a general idea of where he is. He leaves in 1 month and still has no classes and no place to live. And I am here dealing with this all by my self. My dh is at camp and ds is at work. At least most of his laundry is finally (after a week) out of the living room. Hey maybe I will be happy to have him gone.

I also have a younger son who was gone for 2 weeks at the beginning of July was home for a week and now has been gone for a week and half and will be home on Sat with dh. They get home just in time for our anniversary (28 years)but I don't expect much since dh will be too tired from being at camp this week. I too miss my younger son. He is very easy going and a lot of fun to be around. I can't wwait till he gets home.

Cam a lot of peopel feel the way you do but not everyone has accomplished what you have in the last 16 months. Don't let the turkeys get you down.

 

[keenercam]

Thank you, Dona. You are so sweet and I really appreciate the support. I HAVE to drag myself out of this funk. I really don't like myself when I feel like this and I HATE to hear myself whining!

At least I am not eating to cure whatever this is. As a matter of fact, I am feeling overly full from lunch still and may have to force myself to eat something before I go to the gym. It has been 3 1/2 hours since lunch and I'm surprised that I didn't get the 3-4pm hungries.

 

[keenercam]

COUNTDOWN TO DISNEYLAND 1/2 MARATHON RECAP:
43 days to go
12.6 pounds to lose (down 1.5 from yesterday and 3.8 from this week's "high")
Total APs in August 8

Well, it is exactly as I thought. Exactly 2 weeks ago today I was at this very same weight. I have been up and down and even got as high as 4.2 pounds more than this, but here I am -- back at this weight. I am convinced my body thinks this is the weight range it belongs in. I'd hate to see what would be happening if I weren't exercising.

I did 4 miles on the TM last night. The first one was a very slow 14:48 because of the warm up and then I had shin splints. I stopped for a few minutes and stretched some and then did the other 3 miles in 41:00. So the average pace for the last three miles was 13:40 and the overall pace was 14:00 for 4 miles.

We're going out to dinner tonight so I should be eating light today. But I made 4 pieces of baked seasoned salmon last night and I am the only one eating it, so I brought the second piece of it for lunch with some veggies. I'll have it again tomorrow for lunch and dinner probably since it is so good and I don't want it to go to waste.

Food today:
B: wheat toast; egg white; coffee (3)
snack: fruit w/dip (2)
L: salmon (7); veggies (0)
Snack: watermelon (1)
Birthday dinner at Bugaboo Creek (all guestimated)
tiny piece of bread w/butter; nachos (9)
wedge salad w/bleu cheese dressing & baconbits (6)
tastes of beef tips & mashed potatoes (10)
taste of cake & whipped cream (3)

 

[keenercam]

Just went back and looked at my weight watchers weight tracker for one year ago. I have only lost 6.4 pounds in the past year.

My feelings are mixed. Happy that I am down and not up; happy that my clothes sizes are smaller; happy that I have stuck with a fitness routine.

BUT, I WISH I had lost at least 12 pounds in the past year. 1 pound a month. That is not such a huge task and yet I didn't do it.

 

[goldcupmom]

Happy Birthday, Cam!!!! (At least I THINK I remember right!!)

Don't you just HATE plateaus???

Don't let the WW jerk get you down. TOTALLY unacceptable!!

Have an awesome day & enjoy the salmon!!

 

[keenercam]

Thanks, Julie! Great memory!

 

[keenercam]

COUNTDOWN TO DISNEYLAND 1/2 MARATHON RECAP:
42 days to go
13.6 pounds to lose (up 1.0 from yesterday--lots of sodium last night)
Total APs in August 8

B(at 8:30): protein muffin; coffee w/creamer (4)
snack (at 11:30): 1/2 bagel w/scrape of whipped cream cheese (3.5)
L(at 1:00): salmon w/veggies (7)
snack (at 2:00): FF pretzels (3)
snack (at 3:30): 100 calorie shortbread cookie crisps (2)

 

[toystoryduo]

Cam,

Happy Birthday! I hope you had a wonderful day and that you have a blessed year to come!

Keep on keeping on, Cam. I know that the scale has been less than cooperative, but you have made a great deal of progress in the past couple of years. I am so proud of you for all that you have accomplished! Remember, the scale is just a number. Please don't let it define your success. You have accomplished so much, Cam! Keep up the good work!

By the way..... don't you think that scales should just belong on fish? Hee hee! Just keep swimming, Cam! The Disneyland 1/2 is YOURS!

 

[keenercam]

Thank you so much for stopping by Tracey! Your comment about scales and had me

I am trying to ignore the scale but am still strangely compelled to pay homage to it each day!

Well, the afternoon's food took an ugly turn after lunch, but I am not going to beat myself up about it. Was craving carbs. Caved in to it, but controlled.

 

[AmyBeth68]

Cam! Wow....can't believe I missed your birthday! I actually feel terrible b/c you KNOW you are really and truly my greatest running inspiration! Darn, how could I foget your b'day .

Anyway....I sure hope you had an amazing day . I'm sure Howard and the kids make it super special. But still wishing you a belated birthday. Keep up the awesome work...you are doing super girl! You know I really would not be on this journey without you! So I still owe you so much...wish I could give you a big huge birthday THANKS in person . Well maybe when I visit my alma mater this fall we can make a point to meet up . (GO BLUE HENS!!!!)

Have a super weekend!!!

 

[keenercam]

COUNTDOWN TO DISNEYLAND 1/2 MARATHON RECAP:
41 days to go
13.4 pounds to lose (down .2 from yesterday--thought I'd gained)
Total APs so far in August 12


Amy -- Your kind words blow me away. Thank you, sweetie. I can't imagine how I can inspire anyone, but am so grateful that you feel that way. I thought of you this morning when I was do my training session for the DL 1/2. Reminding myself we all have stonkers and we just have to get out there. Hey, we just got season tickets for UD home games this fall -- PM me if you'd like to coordinate to meet there sometime!

I cannot believe how much I ate yesterday and last night. I am down to 4.5 flex points through Tuesday night. What a disaster. Trying to force myself to care. I have definitely misplaced my weight loss motivation. I think I am determined to lose before leaving for California, but then realize the determination and willpower are sadly missing.

Did an abbreviated training session this morning. I was scheduled for 4 miles but had done it Wednesday night because I was motivated then and wasn't sure I would be today. That might be why I couldn't force myself to do another 4 today. Mentally I felt I'd already done it and today was "extra". So, I did 3.5 miles and not at a great pace.
My splits:
mile 1 -- 14:59
mile 2 -- 15:05
mile 3 -- 15:28
mile 3-3.5 -- pace 16:02

Not impressive, by any stretch, but at least it's done. Of course, it would have been nice if I hadn't eaten the activity points I earned in an energy bar! That is certainly an interesting situation!

Food:
training: energy bar (3)
B: turkey, lettuce, tomato,peppers & onions on wheat toast (4)
L: salmon (the last of it) w/veggies (7)

OMG! Just talked to DS -- lots of goodies in the mail today, including our race packets for Disneyland AND my WISH tee shirt! I am really, really psyched!

---------------
Went home and overate Saturday night. We had unexpected company and ordered pizza. Started out fine eating Lean Cuisine pizza but then splurged on 2 small pieces of regular pizza as the night went on. UGH!

D: LC pizza & 2 small pieces veggie pizza (14); chips & pretzels (4)

Good thing I had APs