Calling all Single Moms (or Dad's) - vacation with ex

[Mouse House Mama]

First let me say that I am so sorry you have to go through this. I can't even imagine how difficult it must be. I read through this thread and the same thing keeps going through my mind- How are YOU dealing with this? You said it was out of the blue. You said you had no idea. How are YOU going to feel having him along? No matter how much you love your son, if you are upset he will pick up on it. You can hide it all you want but kids are very perceptive. Will you truly be able to enjoy your son without having that sick feeling of everything changing all the time or will you be hanging onto hope that this trip will save everything and you dh will want to come home? I am not trying to be harsh so please don't take it that way. I just see how concerned you are for your ds and I commend you for that. Nothing is more important to all of us than our children, but you have just been handed a huge blow. While you may be able to stand in a room with him and not argue, is the stress of it all worth it? Will it truly be a fun and happy vacation? I am sorry to ask all this but it is all that comes to mind as I read through this thread. Again- I am not trying to be rude or harsh, merely trying to understand. I wish you all the best and I hope everything goes your way.

 

[Vickie46]

I am so sorry... I just wanted you to know I am saying a prayer for you!!

Prayers work!! I don't know what to tell you I would do... I know you must love Disney.. but I think you would enjoy a trip with just the two of you.

Whatever you decide.... just go with your heart and protect your child.

 

[northriver]

Oh I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. You sound very strong to be sticking with your plans! Maybe things will work out for you all going together. My first thought is that you have to think of your childs life ahead of you where you both have to be parents first, might as well start now with the co-parenting thing. But, thinking this through, I agree with others that all this is so sudden, and you could probably use some alone time - you deserve a vacation for YOU and you shouldn't have to drag him along - it could be stressful for everyone. Your soon to be ex obviously hasn't put the needs of you and your son first, and you don't need to cater to his needs anymore.

Years ago I did take a Disney vacation with my ex. We had been apart for 5 or 6 years though. It actually went really well. I was going with DS age 7, we were driving and paying for the hotel, so we inveited DS's dad since all he had to pay for was his park tickets - and help drive, lol, it was a long road trip! I think the last few hundred miles we finally started to get on each others nerves! DS had a great time, I don't think he had any thoughts of us getting back together, we seperated when he was a baby however so he never knew what that was like.

 

[KirstenB]

Please don't bring your soon to be ex along. Not sure about the MIL, that could be strange (or okay if you and she are both very unusual (I mean unusual in a good way) and can make this work). If you want another adult along, or you have non-refundable travel plans, is there someone else you could bring? Your own parents, a sibling, etc?

If your ex goes it could SO blow up in your face. Suppose he acts like a sullen teenager who's being forced to go? You and your son could have so many happy future visits. I'm really afraid a bad trip to WDW could poison future trips.

Sorry, I'm just being very honest with you. My own parents split up very suddenly, same circumstances as you, when I was 9. Thank God Mom never had Dad do things like vacation with us. It was confusing enough when he'd drop in for supper once in a while. May God bless you, I'm very sorry for this terrible turn in your life.

 

[allyn]

i'm a man and your husband is an extreme jerk. if i were you there is no way i would let him come to disney world. listen to your lawyer.

 

[3littleHalls]

I am sorry you are going through this. Wow that is a lot to deal with right now. IMPO, I wouldn't invite my soon to be ex. But if you think it would work then have a great trip. No matter what, I wish you and your son a magical trip, and I can tell things will work out for you and your son...you seem to be more worried about his feelings, than your own. Best wishes! Kelly(*you came up to me and gave me your card at AK when we were there in Sept...I had the strollers with the lime green mickey heads-always cool to run into a fellow DISer!!)

 

[jpots]

I remember when I was in your same shoes.

We'd separated, it was fresh, I still loved him, but we both knew it was best that we weren't... hard times.

I want you to remember where your focus is. You and your ex are and always will be family. You'll be your son's family. You are both his parents and nothing can change that. As you separate from one another, you're not separating from that family connection. He may have betrayed you, he may be a big jerk, but he's still the father to your son. You need to help your son have a healthy relationship with the most important male role model in his life. That's your focus.

My ex and I travel together, spend some holidays together. We all come - child, ex's parents, our significants. We've made a commitment that our daughter is our core. We build family around her. As he and I move on to new relationships, they become a part of my daughter's family.

It doesn't work for all, but it works for us.

We - daughter, her dad and I- are headed to Disney in a week. It works for us. It works for her. She has questions, we're honest up to the point she can understand. We never say "we're not family". We say that we were married, we love each other, we're family.

Hope all goes well for you. It's a hard time for you. I respect the fact that you're keeping things at the adult level. You're a good woman.

Jeannie

 

[kaysmommie]

This is very sad. No I absolutely would not let him go on the trip. I think it will be more of a nigtmare than you think. Children feel every vibe. Also I don't know if it is any better going with just you and DS or even MIL. Every situation is so different. Only you know how hurt you feel because that will determine how good or not a time you have at Disney. I don't know what I would do in your situation, I guess I would still go and take the kids with me. Dh and I are the opposite of you and your DH there is plenty of arguing around here, but I just thought everyone was like that after a long time you jsut annoy the sh-- out of each other. Good luck whatever you decide.

 

[blessedby3]

I agree- leave DH home and postpone the trip or take it without him. It will be miserable for you. You are spending A LOT of money to go to Disney and I would definately want to enjoy it to the fullest.

 

[robinb]

Thank you Zoemakes5. Your wording was much better than telling me I have my head in the sand. That was just cold and heartless.

I viewed my comment as more direct, honest and pragmatic but I can see how you may not agree. Michelle, I am sincerely sorry that I hurt your feelings. I hope that things work out for you and your family.

 

[dbarker]

IMHO: I don't know the full story. However, IF you are determined to go to WDW w/ the DX and MIL, the least I would do would be make separate ADRs. I think I would tell them, OK we are here, y'all have fun, see ya later. I would try to do as much w/ just DS as possible. I would not try to do much if anything w/ the others.

And a personal note....be sure to keep your guard up. DX may be looking for a few special privileges from you also. (my X kept thinking that he was entitled to certain privileges even after we were divorced. He never got anything, but he still thought that way)

 

[Motherofafae]

Wow... How stressful this must be. I am sad that this has had to happen to you and your son. I know that what ever you do, it will be the best decision you could make with the circumstances and options you have available at the time. Thats what I tell my self when I have to make a big decision. Thats the best you can hope for.
My X and I talk but we don't do trips together. However his mom and I talk weekly. I talk to her much more than he talks to her and his family contact me more than him as well. I asked my XMiL to come with us on our Disney trip but she was unavailable to join us, so if you do go with out your X I think the XMiL could work out nicely if you had a close bond. Just because the relationship didn't work out doesn't mean you aren't a family. My X told me he had a GF (we had been split but I was still hoping) when I was leaving on a solo trip to visit family in FL with a stop over in Vegas, I was crushed on the ride over to the airport but I really need the change of scenery to collect my feelings and move on. I needed that time with my baby 6mo to recoup and it wasn't a bad trip all in all, we had great fun (DD loved Vegas lights.) I wish you the best of luck and a fabulous trip.