Calling all parents

[Kurby]

ok i've got a question for you.

how do you deal/punish/ground a 4 year old who refuses to clean her room?

so far nothing i've done seems to phase her.

i've taken toys away, put her on time out, taken away "park time" ok ikea park but still.

i've sat with her, stood in the door, gone down the hall and it's like she's waiting till i get very angry then yells OK and halfasses it

i'm trying to be a different mother but i need some advice

 

[RunningGirl]

We took everything - and I mean EVERYTHING - out of our DD's room. She had to slowly earn it back by keeping clean what she did have. (Think the Cosby Show when they made their house into "The Real World" for Theo.) It worked - at least until she got into high school!

 

[OceanAnnie]

I know it's frustrating.

Try the opposite of taking stuff away. Think of an inexpensive reward (painting nails, trip to the park, extra TV time, something fun for her to have "if" she cleans her room. Make it something she will really want. Set the standard for "clean", but don't have the bar too high. Remind her once.

If she doesn't do it, no reward. HTH.

 

[Judy from Boise]

I think the "clean your room" concept is a little beyond a 4 yo. I would break it down to multiple mini tasks. I always put on music and worked beside the child at that age.

 

[KAMKIM]

ok i've got a question for you.

how do you deal/punish/ground a 4 year old who refuses to clean her room?

so far nothing i've done seems to phase her.

i've taken toys away, put her on time out, taken away "park time" ok ikea park but still.

i've sat with her, stood in the door, gone down the hall and it's like she's waiting till i get very angry then yells OK and halfasses it

i'm trying to be a different mother but i need some advice

I've always done positive reinforcement with my kids when it came to cleaning up, when they do a good job I praise them.

And starting at about age 1 we've always sang a clean up song...clean up clean up everybody everywhere clean up clean up in your underwear

I swear it worked

 

[MonkeyDishwasher]

Keep dumping everything she has onto the floor until she can't handle it anymore and absolutely has to clean it up

 

[C.Ann]

"Beat The Clock" (set an alarm clock) - small reward if she "wins"..

 

[KAMKIM]

"Beat The Clock" (set an alarm clock) - small reward if she "wins"..

yep this works for us too, I count down from say 50 and count real fast until about 20 and then I s l o w it down....they get a kick out of this.

 

[Wishing on a star]

A four year old....

 

[Kurby]

i'll clarify a bit - the "clean your room" basically is pull up your blanket in the morning, put your "friends" (minnie, mickey, baby, lulu the lam) on the bed neatly and at night it's put your dirty clothes in the laundry.

if during the day she's playing then i tell her it's like school and you have to put one thing away before you can play with something else.


i do give a reward - i pay her - 5 cents to make her bed, 5 cents to walk into school without being clingy with my mom (mom pays her), and a couple other things to that if she does them all she'll get about 25 cents a day - at the end of the week (today) we take her to the dollar store and she can buy whatever she wants. (today she got a Dora flashlight - pretty cute)

but it doesn't seem to bother her if she doesn't get paid to make her bed, if we take toys away etc.. she's scream for about 5 seconds then its' next.....

 

[freckles and boo]

I think the "clean your room" concept is a little beyond a 4 yo. I would break it down to multiple mini tasks. I always put on music and worked beside the child at that age.

Absolutely. I still do that with my older girls. "Clean your room!" is really vague. I give them one or two jobs at a time, usually in this order -

Make your beds (broken into even smaller steps for my younger daughter)
Straighten up your stuffed animals
Find any dirty clothes and put them in the hamper
Put away your books nicely on the shelves
Clean up A (Littlest Pet Shops or whatever)
Clean up B
Clean up C
etc.

We take small breaks and I ask them to look around to see what should happen next.

I even have to do this for myself in the kitchen if things get too out of control.

 

[KAMKIM]

i'll clarify a bit - the "clean your room" basically is pull up your blanket in the morning, put your "friends" (minnie, mickey, baby, lulu the lam) on the bed neatly and at night it's put your dirty clothes in the laundry.

if during the day she's playing then i tell her it's like school and you have to put one thing away before you can play with something else.


i do give a reward - i pay her - 5 cents to make her bed, 5 cents to walk into school without being clingy with my mom (mom pays her), and a couple other things to that if she does them all she'll get about 25 cents a day - at the end of the week (today) we take her to the dollar store and she can buy whatever she wants. (today she got a Dora flashlight - pretty cute)

but it doesn't seem to bother her if she doesn't get paid to make her bed, if we take toys away etc.. she's scream for about 5 seconds then its' next.....

yeah, I dont think making money is a great incentive for someone her age, try the singing and countdown....makes my kids move.

 

[mrsklamc]

I know two year olds that understand the basic concept of 'clean up.' (put toys away. I assume OP isn't expecting her kid to vacuum and then scour the sink in the guest bathroom.)

 

[Kurby]

A four year old....

yup - shes 4 - gotta start sometime.

Keep dumping everything she has onto the floor until she can't handle it anymore and absolutely has to clean it up

i don't think i could handle that - i'm a pack rat who;s trying to get rid of stuff so leaving all her stuff around drives me crazy

"Beat The Clock" (set an alarm clock) - small reward if she "wins"..

that's a good idea - maybe we'll try that one.

 

[java]

I think "clean your room" is a tough concept at four.
Turn it into a game.

Saying let's see if you can pick up all your dolls before I say the alphabet.
Then move on to blocks
then stuffed animals.

Does she know where stuff goes? Is there one big toy box or labeled bins with photos? My son did much better when he knew exactly where something belonged.
Good luck!

 

[Kurby]

i'm using the phrase 'clean her room' for you guys - i don't tell her to clean her room.

i'll aske her to put xx back where it belongs, make your bed while i make your breakfast or lunch (on a school day)

i am specific when i ask her to clean up not vague and say go clean your room. i know that's not a concept she;ll understand but she should know - make your bed (we've done it for weeks) and she knows where her toys go she just doesn't care

wen't to preschool for 2 years and is not in jr kindergarden so she's spent the last 2+ yrs being told "it's time to clean/tidy up" and she does it there - just not here.

 

[AntePrincess]

I've never had to punish or cajole my two-turning-three year old to clean. She doesn't exactly have the hang of it, but if I start cleaning something she'll, even if it's the laundry rather than her play area, she'll start straightening. I can't blame her for not working when the people telling her to work are goofing off. How many of us are overwhelmed with motivation to work when our boss is clearly playing solitaire? Sure, you have to work anyway in that case, but I don't exactly consider work relationships to translate to home life.

 

[luvmy3]

Get one of these. (No not the trombone )
Turn it into a game, put up a reward chart, everytime she cleans up on time she can put a sticker on the chart. when she gets x amount of stickers give her a prize.
http://www.fatbraintoys.com/toy_companies/learning_resources/time_tracker_visual_timer_clock.cfm

 

[monkeybug]

"Beat The Clock" (set an alarm clock) - small reward if she "wins"..

This is what we do most of the time to and it almost always works! It's what I did when I taught preschool as well.
I also do the "but first" as in "Yes Mommy would love to play transformers with you, but first you need to pick up 5 toys and put them away"
My son is three and asking him to clean a whole room would be way too overwhelming for him, with small kids it's best to break it into small tasks. Then give lots and lots of praise when they complete them.
For my older daughter we use our own family money called Kudos (my son earns them too, but he doesn't really completely get it yet) She earns a set number of Kudos for certain chores, and extras when she does something we feel deserves them (being kind, doing something with out being asked, or whatever) We have a family store that the kids can spend their Kudos on (it's a laundry basket) full of items that are treats (everything from fruit snacks to trips to local attractions or special toys). If your bad, then we get to take Kudos away. It works for us...for now!

 

[HelenePA]

I have a 4yr old and its beyond anything he can handle.. do I make him pick stuff up but clean clean it oh no way its not happening. He does a pre-clean.. I do a real clean when they are in school.