Buying my own birthday gift...anyone else do the same?

[mickeywho?]

My birthday is mid-July. For the past 8 years we have spent 2 weeks of the month (and my birthday) at a rental cottage we love to go to with our best friends and their 2 kids. One of their kids has his bday while there too - his falls 2 days after mine.
So every year, my birthday comes and goes.... Best friends give me a card - maybe a small gift - and we all go out for dinner. And then I wait...nothing ever comes from my DH or my boys (other than a cuddle from the boys, a big "Happy Birthday Mom!" to start my day, and a "sorry - didn't have time..." from DH.
When my their kids bday happens a couple days later...I give him a card and present from us, and best friend and I bake him a cake and make a big deal out of dinner with his favourite foods (he's a seriously picky eater so it's a huge deal to him!)
I love that my friends remember...I appreciate the card and well wishes!
I always feel that DH just couldn't be bothered...seriously, he "just didn't have time" 8 years in a row!!
So this year I turn 40!! I decided that this year would be different. I told my kids that I would love a bike for my bday so I could go on rides with them. I told my husband which make/model I was looking at. This was a month ago...we leave in 3 days and I know he's done nothing. So last night I told him I would go out today to try a couple of bikes and buy one. He's all upset because I'm ruining my bday for him!! Seriously!! He says he would have made it up to me this year, this time it would have been different. I said fine! Buy me a card! Write me a note! Bake a cake or take the kids out to buy one! Any of these things would have been different than they have been for the past 8 years! At least for once I feel a bit special on my birthday!
He says I'm being unreasonable and shouldn't be angry at him for something he hasn't done yet... UGH!!
So - reasonable voices of the community board What do you all think?

 

[kimmar067]

...you DH and my DH must be related....

 

[luvmy3]

...you DH and my DH must be related....

Mine too. Last year he didn't even realize it was my birthday until he went to the bank nad had to write down the date. I learned years ago that he won't remember, or put any importance on my birthday so I go out and buy my own presents. I don't care that he doesn't get me anything, its the fact that he forgets yet every year he manages to remember his brother

 

[sunnyday123]

Do you do anything for his birthday? I personally think he's being an insensitive jerk, and if you do buy the bike, he'll tell everyone within earshot you "ruined" the suprise he had for you. If you don't buy the bike, he won't either, because you said you were going to.

I say skip the cottage and take yourself to an island.

 

[mickeywho?]

Last year - after telling him how I was fed up with this - he took the kids out and purchased 2 frames, put into them some pics I had taken of the new dog - and then had the kids give me cards and make a big deal over how THEY had missed my birthday. This was the end of August - 6 weeks after my birthday - but 1 week before his....coincidence? I think not!

 

[mickeywho?]

I say skip the cottage and take yourself to an island.

This is what I'm thinking! I told my bf (they were here on the weekend) that she's in charge of making sure my mimosa's are replenished throughout the day...I plan to spend it on a beach chair, reading a good book...on an island may just be the final touch!!

It just really ticks me off how he's saying I'm ruining it for HIM!! Sheesh!

 

[Sandy V.]

Enough already. Go out and get yourself the bike you want. Eight years of "forgetting" is enough. And, enjoy your new wheels. And Happy 40th.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

DW and I almost ALWAYS buy our own B-day gifts. It ensures we get what we want. But, we're not really not minor-holiday type people. Valentine's Day, Anniversary, Birthdays, Mother's/Father's Day, we really don't do OR expect anything from each other.

I know for some people, though, Birthdays are the "be all, end all" of their existence.

 

[DefLepard]

What do you get for the holidays ?

 

[barkley]

since he says this is ruining your birthday for him just plan on his birthday to give him a handmade gift certificate thats good for celebrating YOUR birthday as a one time do-over (give a VERY narrow time frame-like a week from the date of his bday). when he questions it tell he that since you ruined it for him, and it disappointed him so much, that you felt the ideal gift for him was the opportunity to enjoy your birthday as it should be-with a cake, gifts....


his reaction should be priceless.

 

[Guy Incognito]

DW and I almost ALWAYS buy our own B-day gifts. It ensures we get what we want. But, we're not really not minor-holiday type people. Valentine's Day, Anniversary, Birthdays, Mother's/Father's Day, we really don't do OR expect anything from each other.

I know for some people, though, Birthdays are the "be all, end all" of their existence.

glad we're not the only ones..... if we want something, we just go buy it.... any birthday/holiday 'gifts' are just vacations/trips/etc that we both can enjoy together.

 

[luvmy3]

OP, do you think he has secretly planned something since its your 40th? Maybe he didn't get you the bike you want, but maybe he did arrange something?

 

[mickeywho?]

DW and I almost ALWAYS buy our own B-day gifts. It ensures we get what we want. But, we're not really not minor-holiday type people. Valentine's Day, Anniversary, Birthdays, Mother's/Father's Day, we really don't do OR expect anything from each other.

I know for some people, though, Birthdays are the "be all, end all" of their existence.

I don't really expect or ask for much! All I have ever asked for is a card - anything homemade from the boys would be fine. But every year after seeing our friends wishing me happy bday he says "oh well, sorry - guess I didn't have time". But then he always expects something BIG for his bday! He's already said he's like an iPad...I just don't get it...

I like the idea of giving him a chance to make a big deal of my bday as a gift to him...

 

[mickeywho?]

OP, do you think he has secretly planned something since its your 40th? Maybe he didn't get you the bike you want, but maybe he did arrange something?

No...I really don't...

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

Never buy our own gifts........we surprise each other!
We know each other enough that it makes it fun

 

[Toad_Passenger]

I don't really expect or ask for much! All I have ever asked for is a card - anything homemade from the boys would be fine. But every year after seeing our friends wishing me happy bday he says "oh well, sorry - guess I didn't have time". But then he always expects something BIG for his bday! He's already said he's like an iPad...I just don't get it...

I like the idea of giving him a chance to make a big deal of my bday as a gift to him...

Yeah, I could see this as a problem. Buying our own gifts works for us, because it's something we've arranged together. If we both weren't on-board with it, it obviously would never work out well.

We've also done the vacation/big-screen TV thing as a gift for both of us, from both of us (our B-days are 1 month apart).

 

[luvmy3]

No...I really don't...

 

[hereyago]

Ok, let me get this straight: For 8 consecutive years,he has bought you nothing for your birthday?

No offense, but after the 1st year I would have had a discussion with him and if happened again, I would be taking his money and buying something nice then at the birthday celebration, whip it out and say thanks, honey, you will be getting the bill soon.

And you on the other buy him something every year? yea, that would be stopping as well.

I liked the pp's idea about taking yourself to an island instead of the cabin, sounds like you deserve a get away.


And go buy that bike!!!!!!!! He said he would make it up to you this year after 8, nope. if he does surprise you with one, you can take it back and then buy yourself something else with the money. 2 presents
And Happy Birthday early!

 

[kimmar067]

Enough already. Go out and get yourself the bike you want. Eight years of "forgetting" is enough. And, enjoy your new wheels. And Happy 40th.

...yeah, cuz' 50 doesn't get any better....

 

[ilovejack02]

Ok, let me get this straight: For 8 consecutive years,he has bought you nothing for your birthday?

No offense, but after the 1st year I would have had a discussion with him and if happened again, I would be taking his money and buying something nice then at the birthday celebration, whip it out and say thanks, honey, you will be getting the bill soon.

And you on the other buy him something every year? yea, that would be stopping as well.

I liked the pp's idea about taking yourself to an island instead of the cabin, sounds like you deserve a get away.

And Happy Birthday early!

AMEN, this would never fly in my house. Hubby knew before he married me he better acknowledge my birthday EVERY YEAR .. I do the same for him and my children . I make it all a big deal. Nothing fancy, but dinner or cake or nice breakfast, cards. I don't want a rolex, but don't show up the day of and say you didn't have time to do anything. I call B.S. , you had a whole year.

It is hard after 8 years to prob change an old dog's habits but don't dare let him guilt you into thinking your are ruining "his gift". It isn't his gift when you had to tell him what you wanted and for 8 years he has basically ignored your day. Call him out on it , nicely of course, but be serious and let him know from now on you are in charge of presents because he has dropped the ball for so long if this is important to you.

Of course if he shows up with something sparkly to make up for missing all these years then I would let him off the hook ... and I would let him know that is the only way he can redeem himself and I would still buy myself a bike to make up for the last 8 years. ; )