BUSH VIOLATES NO GLOAT POLICY
Performs NFL-Like Taunting Dance to Celebrate G.O.P. Sweep
Moments after a press conference in which President George W. Bush humbly downplayed his personal role in Tuesdays G.O.P. election sweep, Mr. Bush broke his own no gloat policy, performing a giddy NFL-style taunting dance without realizing that reporters were watching.
Reporters had been impressed with Mr. Bushs steadfast refusal to celebrate the massive G.O.P. victories, but once the President thought he was out of their view a very different George W. Bush emerged.
We opened a major-league can of whup-*** on those dudes! Mr. Bush said backstage, not realizing that a microphone was still attached to his lapel.
Mr. Bush went on to praise the electoral victory of his brother, Florida Governor Jeb Bush, stating, Jeb kicked some major-league donkey-butt!
Mr. Bushs giddy celebration continued for another thirty-eight minutes, concluding with an end-zone dance reminiscent of former NFL great Icky Woods legendary Icky Shuffle.
As the President gloated, it was clear that he did not realize that his performance was being picked up by a CNN cameraman and broadcast live around the world.
Later, at the White House, press secretary Ari Fleischer refused to apologize for the Presidents performance, telling reporters, The President was only stating what the world already knows: that we opened a can of major-league whup-*** and kicked some big-time donkey-butt."
In a related story, Democratic National Committee chairman Terry McAuliffe announced today that the DNC would make all Democratic candidates in 2004 take an oath swearing that they do not presently have, nor have they ever had, Bubonic plague.
Voters have enough reasons to avoid Democrats as it is, Mr. McAuliffe said.
*****Borowitz Reports****
Performs NFL-Like Taunting Dance to Celebrate G.O.P. Sweep
Moments after a press conference in which President George W. Bush humbly downplayed his personal role in Tuesdays G.O.P. election sweep, Mr. Bush broke his own no gloat policy, performing a giddy NFL-style taunting dance without realizing that reporters were watching.
Reporters had been impressed with Mr. Bushs steadfast refusal to celebrate the massive G.O.P. victories, but once the President thought he was out of their view a very different George W. Bush emerged.
We opened a major-league can of whup-*** on those dudes! Mr. Bush said backstage, not realizing that a microphone was still attached to his lapel.
Mr. Bush went on to praise the electoral victory of his brother, Florida Governor Jeb Bush, stating, Jeb kicked some major-league donkey-butt!
Mr. Bushs giddy celebration continued for another thirty-eight minutes, concluding with an end-zone dance reminiscent of former NFL great Icky Woods legendary Icky Shuffle.
As the President gloated, it was clear that he did not realize that his performance was being picked up by a CNN cameraman and broadcast live around the world.
Later, at the White House, press secretary Ari Fleischer refused to apologize for the Presidents performance, telling reporters, The President was only stating what the world already knows: that we opened a can of major-league whup-*** and kicked some big-time donkey-butt."
In a related story, Democratic National Committee chairman Terry McAuliffe announced today that the DNC would make all Democratic candidates in 2004 take an oath swearing that they do not presently have, nor have they ever had, Bubonic plague.
Voters have enough reasons to avoid Democrats as it is, Mr. McAuliffe said.
*****Borowitz Reports****
