BUSH TWINS TURN 21; WILL FREE UP LAW ENFORCEMENT FOR WAR ON TERROR
Ridge Burns Twins Fake I.D.s In D.C. Ceremony
Barbara and Jenna Bush reached the legal drinking age of 21 today, a development which homeland security officials said would free up law enforcement resources for the ongoing war on terror.
For the last two years, our resources have been severely strained by Barbara and Jenna sneaking into T.G.I. Fridays and other bars, said Homeland Security Secretary nominee Tom Ridge.
The first day of their tenure as legal drinkers is a red-letter day for all of us in law enforcement, Ridge added.
In a jubilant Washington ceremony, Mr. Ridge burned the boozy twins fake I.D.s while representative of the departments 22 separate agencies looked on, cheering when the fake I.D.s burst into flame.
CIA Director George Tenet agreed with Mr. Ridge, adding that the Bush twins becoming legal drinkers would be a major boon to the war on terror.
Now that our agents wont have to spend so much time looking for Barb and Jenna, maybe it will be possible for them to find Osama bin Laden, Mr. Tenet said.
FBI Director Robert Mueller, whose agency had often been heavily criticized in the past for not catching the Bush twins and bringing them to justice, also appeared to be breathing a sigh of relief today.
Until they turned 21, we at the FBI were living in mortal fear of Ladies Night, Mr. Mueller said. In Austin, that can mean every night of the week.
For their part, the Bush twins did not participate in the I.D.-burning ceremony, but later released a brief, incoherent statement.
**** BOROWITZ THANKSGIVING LIST ****
Log in tomorrow for Andy Borowitzs list of things to be thankful for this year.
Ridge Burns Twins Fake I.D.s In D.C. Ceremony
Barbara and Jenna Bush reached the legal drinking age of 21 today, a development which homeland security officials said would free up law enforcement resources for the ongoing war on terror.
For the last two years, our resources have been severely strained by Barbara and Jenna sneaking into T.G.I. Fridays and other bars, said Homeland Security Secretary nominee Tom Ridge.
The first day of their tenure as legal drinkers is a red-letter day for all of us in law enforcement, Ridge added.
In a jubilant Washington ceremony, Mr. Ridge burned the boozy twins fake I.D.s while representative of the departments 22 separate agencies looked on, cheering when the fake I.D.s burst into flame.
CIA Director George Tenet agreed with Mr. Ridge, adding that the Bush twins becoming legal drinkers would be a major boon to the war on terror.
Now that our agents wont have to spend so much time looking for Barb and Jenna, maybe it will be possible for them to find Osama bin Laden, Mr. Tenet said.
FBI Director Robert Mueller, whose agency had often been heavily criticized in the past for not catching the Bush twins and bringing them to justice, also appeared to be breathing a sigh of relief today.
Until they turned 21, we at the FBI were living in mortal fear of Ladies Night, Mr. Mueller said. In Austin, that can mean every night of the week.
For their part, the Bush twins did not participate in the I.D.-burning ceremony, but later released a brief, incoherent statement.
**** BOROWITZ THANKSGIVING LIST ****
Log in tomorrow for Andy Borowitzs list of things to be thankful for this year.
