Bullies Suck.

[*Fantasia*]

In my experience, bullies come from bullies. So the parents are either indifferent to this or maybe even encourage it.

And that's sad. I've worked for a grown-up bully and it made my life miserable for a very long time...

Yes.. that is sad. I have encountered bullies when I was young. It was terrible because I was new to the US and coming from Catholic school in the Philippines.. everything was different and the culture was different. I was miserable. I'm okay now. But it did leave quite a dent in me.

 

[luvtogo12]

Sorry that it happened to your son. I hope he is okay now. I would have probably called the police! I may be over reacting, but for someone to lay their hands on someone and get pushed and everything else ... that's aggrevated assult and battery!!

And where are the parents?? Don't they teach their children about respecting others, playing fair, helping one another and just being kind to one another... where's their morality and their values??

I agree, I would call the police as well. DS13 has been bullied for many years. Last year a bunch of kids threw him into the lockers, took some stuff from him and threw it down the hall, etc. Of course, there were no teachers around to see this and I did not know what happened until DS came home and told me. I called the school to report what happened and told the principal to tell the parents of these bullies that if any thing else happens, I will go straight to the police. I am so done with letting the school handle it. Things have calmed down since as far as I am aware. But then again, DS might not tell me if anything happens. He was upset that these kids got in trouble (In school suspension). DS thought since he really did not get hurt, they should not have been in trouble. I had to explain to him that they have no right what-so-ever to touch him and/or his things.

OP, I am sorry you son has to deal with this. I really have a low tolerence for bulllies. I never realized how much until it started happening to my DS, I never had to deal with it before.

 

[*Fantasia*]

I agree, I would call the police as well. DS13 has been bullied for many years. Last year a bunch of kids threw him into the lockers, took some stuff from him and threw it down the hall, etc. Of course, there were no teachers around to see this and I did not know what happened until DS came home and told me. I called the school to report what happened and told the principal to tell the parents of these bullies that if any thing else happens, I will go straight to the police. I am so done with letting the school handle it. Things have calmed down since as far as I am aware. But then again, DS might not tell me if anything happens. He was upset that these kids got in trouble (In school suspension). DS thought since he really did not get hurt, they should not have been in trouble. I had to explain to him that they have no right what-so-ever to touch him and/or his things.

OP, I am sorry you son has to deal with this. I really have a low tolerence for bulllies. I never realized how much until it started happening to my DS, I never had to deal with it before.

Agree. I'm glad you had enough of the BS from the bullies. I'm glad you told the principal that you will call the police on these bullies. We do have rights to protect ourselves. And we are protecting our children from any harm or danger. If we can call 911 for domestic abuse.. we sure can call 911 for bullies that are physically hurting other kids. Again it's called "assult and battery." It's almost like child abuse, but within their peers.

I pray that it doesn't happen to my children.. but if it does.. and if it includes violence.. I am ready to call the police.

 

[Uncle Remus]

Agree. I'm glad you had enough of the BS from the bullies. I'm glad you told the principal that you will call the police on these bullies. We do have rights to protect ourselves. And we are protecting our children from any harm or danger. If we can call 911 for domestic abuse.. we sure can call 911 for bullies that are physically hurting other kids. Again it's called "assult and battery." It's almost like child abuse, but within their peers.

I pray that it doesn't happen to my children.. but if it does.. and if it includes violence.. I am ready to call the police.

 

[HugsForEeyore]

I relate all too well to so much writen here. Bullying can have lasting effects well into adulthood, believe me. I was bullied forever as a kid by a group of boys in my grade. I was the shortest girl and unable to fight back, and an easy target year after year.

I grew up in the early to mid 80's, and back then the prevailing attitude here was that the bullied child needed to learn to deal. So I needed to learn to handle the bullies, I needed to learn to stand up to them, I needed to change things about me to make me less of a target. Sounds great in theory, doesn't it. So no teacher ever stood up to help me, no adult (not even my parents ) ever intervened. It was my problem alone. I had to learn a very hard lesson - that no one will ever help, I was on my own with the bullies, and that's just the way it is. So the bullying went on and on - basically until junior year of high school when the bullies finally got more interested in drugs and partying, than teasing an unpopular girl like me.

I guess I wasn't one of those wonderful, pull-yourself-up-from-your bootstraps, and solve-your-own-problems type of kid. I desperately needed help from someone - anyone! But adults don't want to get involved. I know I have many lasting emotional scars from years of bullying.

For everyone here dealing with bullies, I hope your child's situation goes better than mine. Glad to read here about some teachers/guidance counselors who take this stuff seriously now.

 

[agnes!]

I relate all too well to so much writen here. Bullying can have lasting effects well into adulthood, believe me. I was bullied forever as a kid by a group of boys in my grade. I was the shortest girl and unable to fight back, and an easy target year after year.

I grew up in the early to mid 80's, and back then the prevailing attitude here was that the bullied child needed to learn to deal. So I needed to learn to handle the bullies, I needed to learn to stand up to them, I needed to change things about me to make me less of a target. Sounds great in theory, doesn't it. So no teacher ever stood up to help me, no adult (not even my parents ) ever intervened. It was my problem alone. I had to learn a very hard lesson - that no one will ever help, I was on my own with the bullies, and that's just the way it is. So the bullying went on and on - basically until junior year of high school when the bullies finally got more interested in drugs and partying, than teasing an unpopular girl like me.

I guess I wasn't one of those wonderful, pull-yourself-up-from-your bootstraps, and solve-your-own-problems type of kid. I desperately needed help from someone - anyone! But adults don't want to get involved. I know I have many lasting scars from years of bullying.

For everyone here dealing with bullies, I hope your child's situation goes better than mine. Glad to read here about some teachers/guidance counselors who take this stuff seriously now.

agnes!

 

[funkehouse]

this is how i handled this situation, may not be for everyone though. my little brother was getting picked on repeatadly by two bigger older boys. they were in the 8th grade, my brother was in 7th and was small for his age. they were picking on him to the point where he was faking sickness and finding ANY reason to not go to school. nothing worked , my parents tried talking to the principal and teachers, but the played it off as kids being kids. this was in 1994, so times may have changed, but these teachers just didnt care. I was 17 at the time, and i was a fairly big guy, 6-1 and 230 pounds. One day my brother called on the way home, he stopped at a Deli while walking home and he called me from inside the store and told me the boys were threatening to beat him up after school and they were following him home, they were actually waiting outside the deli and taunting him thru the windows. I got in my car and drove to the deli. Im not an advocate of violence and "meanness" but when an innocent person is being hurt by an evil bully, im for doing whatever is necessary to get the bully to stop. this applies to countries picking on other countries as well ( nazi germany comes to mind) . so i walked up to the store, and asked the kids if they had the time (they didnt know who i was, i had never seen or met these kids) they gave me the time and said no, thats not the time im talking about, its time for you to pay for picking on my brother. they jaws just about hit the floor. I told them if they ever even gave my brother a dirty look again, let alone taunt him or hit him, i will be visiting them again at school and im gonna break out a can of whoop*&% on them. They agreed and my brother NEVER had to take crap from them again. the boys later appologized to my brother when they were in highschool , they said they were scared to death of me. i never wanted to have to do anything, i wanted them to stop the first time and it worked. i would never yell at a kid just to yell at them, but when hurting my brother when he did nothing to deserve it, i just cant take that. I know this might not work for everyone, but an aproach like this might work for your son also. if you dont have a teenage son, go to a High school and pay a high schooler to do it, im sure it wouldnt be hard to find someone. i would not have an adult do it for obvious legal reasons. i hope your son gets thru this, good luck.

 

[hentob]

I think the fact that your son is friends with a child that is unpopular, says alot about your son...it says something very positive about his character.

I thought the same thing too Yay for your son

We have such a strict anti-bullying policy at our school. These boys would be in deep, deep trouble

to you and your son.

 

[dolphindan1]

Being a father of 2 sons and 1 of 12...I am not so sure I would want my son running and telling the teacher or Principal. At this age it will only make things worse, with the Bully and other students too. Best advice is to tell your son to stand his ground with the Bully or just ignore him. I would lean towards the standing ground part. I am not talking about fighting but not backing down from the bully. If it comes to blows then I would stand behind your son 100% no matter what discipline the school gives and fight the school about it. I always tell my son that. Son, you are wrong if you start a fight but 100% right if you end it. Usually a bully will back down if someone stands up to them...

for the record your son sounds like a great kid. I always tell my kids to be friends with everyone. Thats easier said than done, especially in middle school. This will be one of those situations that will prepare your son for adulthood....good luck and I hope it works out

 

[wilderness01]

I thought the same thing too Yay for your son

We have such a strict anti-bullying policy at our school. These boys would be in deep, deep trouble

to you and your son.

Yea, we did too, until it had to be enforced and then nothing was done short of a phonecall to the parents and a detention. Big deal. Believe me, the school might talk a big game, but they don't want to get involved. I can say the same for the police unless you have a threat in writing or taped. In the meantime, my son was physically hurt and in the hospital, with the other parents not giving a damn.

Hang in there mom, believe me, I know where you are and it sucks. PM me if you want.

 

[LanaJayne]

Being a father of 2 sons and 1 of 12...I am not so sure I would want my son running and telling the teacher or Principal. At this age it will only make things worse, with the Bully and other students too. Best advice is to tell your son to stand his ground with the Bully or just ignore him. I would lean towards the standing ground part. I am not talking about fighting but not backing down from the bully. If it comes to blows then I would stand behind your son 100% no matter what discipline the school gives and fight the school about it. I always tell my son that. Son, you are wrong if you start a fight but 100% right if you end it. Usually a bully will back down if someone stands up to them...

for the record your son sounds like a great kid. I always tell my kids to be friends with everyone. Thats easier said than done, especially in middle school. This will be one of those situations that will prepare your son for adulthood....good luck and I hope it works out

Even though, this was how we were raised, to stand up to the bully, this is harder today. We've dealt with bullies and if the school isn't taking this seriously, I would move him back to the other school, asap.

In this case, where there is a school that you know is a good fit for your child, I wouldn't hesitate to move him back there. We did something similar and every day, more than 5 years later, I am so grateful we switched schools.

I keep hearing stories from the school were the bully(s) are and I am so glad we don't have to deal with such abuse. We are in a great environment now, and realize that it was the culture of that school that allowed the bullies to get away with their behavior.

There were many policies in place that encouraged the bullying. (Little supervision at recess, a PE teacher who belittled the kids who weren't as athletic, etc.) We talked to the administration about their policies and realized that nothing would be changed.

At the new school, respect and dignity aren't just buzz words. The school truly lives by these words. What a difference in the lives of the kids. I still regret that I hoped my child would let the bully's words roll off and to stand up to the bully. NO ONE should have to be abused. If the school isn't taking this seriously, please move him to one that does.

Moving to the other school was the best decision in our situation and now many years later, I wished we had done it sooner.

 

[LanaJayne]

I relate all too well to so much writen here. Bullying can have lasting effects well into adulthood, believe me. I was bullied forever as a kid by a group of boys in my grade. I was the shortest girl and unable to fight back, and an easy target year after year.

I grew up in the early to mid 80's, and back then the prevailing attitude here was that the bullied child needed to learn to deal. So I needed to learn to handle the bullies, I needed to learn to stand up to them, I needed to change things about me to make me less of a target. Sounds great in theory, doesn't it. So no teacher ever stood up to help me, no adult (not even my parents ) ever intervened. It was my problem alone. I had to learn a very hard lesson - that no one will ever help, I was on my own with the bullies, and that's just the way it is. So the bullying went on and on - basically until junior year of high school when the bullies finally got more interested in drugs and partying, than teasing an unpopular girl like me.

I guess I wasn't one of those wonderful, pull-yourself-up-from-your bootstraps, and solve-your-own-problems type of kid. I desperately needed help from someone - anyone! But adults don't want to get involved. I know I have many lasting emotional scars from years of bullying.

For everyone here dealing with bullies, I hope your child's situation goes better than mine. Glad to read here about some teachers/guidance counselors who take this stuff seriously now.

to you HugsFE I feel very sad for your childhood situation.

This is exactly why we moved our child. Once I realized that taking abuse isn't a lesson that has to be learned, the lesson we wanted to teach was that our child had the power to change the situation when the school would not step up to stop it. The situation at our school was unacceptable. I wouldn't stay at a job or in a relationship where I was being abused. If after trying to make it better and nothing is improving it, it is time to take steps for a new environment, one that is healthy. This is what I wanted to teach my child, they don't have to stay in a situation that is abusive. period.

 

[wall*e2008]

Where do the kids go to school next year? Do both school join back up. If so, I would leave him where he is and then he will be back to the "old" way in only a few more months. I would also talk to the school.

 

[FayeW]

Next year grade 8 will either be in the old school or the new one, if he stays there. In grade 9 they move on to high school and while they will be zoned for the same high school, they don't necessarily have to go to that one. There are schools that cater to different specialties (strong science and tech, or strong arts programs, etc). The school they are zoned to attend is huge, with about 2000 students so even if the go to the same school there is a very good chance they would never see each other.

 

[agnes!]

I am so sorry for you & yours OP, it sounds like an awful situation.

This is what we did. It worked for us, but the kids in question were somewhere around 3rd or 4th Grade, so it might not work for your DS.

Our DD was being harassed at school by a boy, he would bump into her in the hallway, stuff like that. The school encouraged parents to come in and eat with their kids (remember, this was elementary school when the kids like to openly have their parents around). So my DH & I went in and ate lunch with our DD a time or two. There's nothing like some adults, especially a big strong man, sitting next to a little creep at lunch to make the (subliminal) point that "you mess with her, you mess with ME".

The incipient juvenile delinquent left her alone pretty much after that.
agnes!