Bullies Suck.

[FayeW]

My son (12) has always been a popular kid. Lots of friends, lots of social invitations, etc. This year they built a new school and he was rezoned. Instead of 800+ students K-8, there are less than half, K-7. He is in grade 7. Most of his friends stayed behind at the old school, but it seems like the new school has definitely surpassed their quota of bullies and jerks. Maybe it is just the age, with such a difference in physical and emotional maturity, but there certainly seem to be a lot of 12 yr olds who are just plain nasty. My own kid can be a jerk sometimes too, but I just don't get the bullying.

One of his friends that also goes to the new school is not popular. My son is just about his only friend. He is a nice boy, but seems to be just a little different than the others socially. My son befriended him last year because they were on the same bus, and they spent some time together in the summer. Now at the new school, the bullies are picking on DS and ridiculing him for being friends with this other boy. The "ringleader" of the group has been calling DS and his friend "gay" and generally being an *** hole. I asked DS if the bully says things to him when he (the bully) is by himself or only if he has other people with him, and of course it is always when he has his group with him. This boy has also made racial slurs against another student, and has been in several fights.

I told DS that I was very proud of him for standing by his friend and that other kids, if they were being ridiculed and bullied for being his friend might have chosen to not hang out with him anymore. The teachers and principal are aware that there is a problem, because there was an altercation between my son and the bully and they both got called into the office. I am going to try to move him back to his old school for next year but other than that, there isn't much I can do about it. Having your kid bullied sucks.

 

[*Fantasia*]

My son (12) has always been a popular kid. Lots of friends, lots of social invitations, etc. This year they built a new school and he was rezoned. Instead of 800+ students K-8, there are less than half, K-7. He is in grade 7. Most of his friends stayed behind at the old school, but it seems like the new school has definitely surpassed their quota of bullies and jerks. Maybe it is just the age, with such a difference in physical and emotional maturity, but there certainly seem to be a lot of 12 yr olds who are just plain nasty. My own kid can be a jerk sometimes too, but I just don't get the bullying.

One of his friends that also goes to the new school is not popular. My son is just about his only friend. He is a nice boy, but seems to be just a little different than the others socially. My son befriended him last year because they were on the same bus, and they spent some time together in the summer. Now at the new school, the bullies are picking on DS and ridiculing him for being friends with this other boy. The "ringleader" of the group has been calling DS and his friend "gay" and generally being an *** hole. I asked DS if the bully says things to him when he (the bully) is by himself or only if he has other people with him, and of course it is always when he has his group with him. This boy has also made racial slurs against another student, and has been in several fights.

I told DS that I was very proud of him for standing by his friend and that other kids, if they were being ridiculed and bullied for being his friend might have chosen to not hang out with him anymore. The teachers and principal are aware that there is a problem, because there was an altercation between my son and the bully and they both got called into the office. I am going to try to move him back to his old school for next year but other than that, there isn't much I can do about it. Having your kid bullied sucks.

I am so sorry this is happening to your son. I know how you feel as a mother. Is there anyway that he can just be transferred now? Maybe just let them know that my son is not too happy there and that you're not going to put up with any bullies calling your son and his friend gay? That name calling or any callings are not right. I would definitely go to the principal and talk with him/her. This bullying and name calling is not right. If you could make that request to take him out of that school, then I would do so.

I just hope that your son will not mentally affected with all these things. I am upset and very angry that this is happening to your son. I am praying that things will work out for better and that hopefully he will be able to change to his old school. Hugs to your son.

Telly

 

[ols386]

I'm sorry for your son also. It's horrible when kids are bullied, and there is really no excuse for it. I don't know that I'd have him transferred back to the other school. I mean, if I were in your shoes, that would probably be what I would want to do, but sometimes it's best to let them stand up for themselves and learn to deal with bullies...there are bullies everywhere in this world, and sometimes I think it's best in the long run to just let them learn how to handle and deal with people like that. I also think, the school should be doing more in support of your son and his friend. If they are aware of the situation, then they should be monitoring it, and stepping in when necessary. I think kids and adults that are bullies, are actually very insecure with themselves, and try to intimidate others, to make themselves feel better. I sure hope things work out for your son

 

[Praying Colonel]

Both DD and DS had horrible problems with bullies when they were 11 and 12. DS especially had a horrible time with it and it still affects his ability to trust other people and make new friends. I don't know what it is about that age, but they can be really cruel to one another.

 

[FayeW]

Thanks for the kind words. I had investigated the possibility of moving him back in October, and then things settled down for awhile and I thought they had made progress. This kid was also at the old school, and while they were not friends, he pretty much left DS alone. I think the new, smaller school environment and the fact that they are now the oldest grade in the school has led to some challenges.

My son doesn't play or hang out with any of the kids from the new school except at school. On the weekends he plays with his old friends, who know the bully in question. One of these boys is the sweetest, nicest kid you would ever meet, not a mean bone in his body. He personally told me that bully-boy is "the meanest kid I ever met in my life"! Apparently he was always picking on kids at the old school, too.

There is a family we see socially who's child is most likely homosexual. It's hard to say that because the boy is only 11, and sexuality doesn't even enter into at this point, but even as a small child he described himself as "feeling like a girl in a boy's body". My children have known and played with this little boy almost all their lives as his family are close friends of our close friends. I have always felt grateful that our children have had a chance to see first hand that sexual orientation is not a choice. This little boy is not making choices...it is what it is. It really bothers me to have somebody else using "gay" as a slur. It also makes me angry that my kid is being bullied and humiliated for being friends with an unpopular child.

 

[JessR]

Yes they do suck!

 

[ols386]

Thanks for the kind words. I had investigated the possibility of moving him back in October, and then things settled down for awhile and I thought they had made progress. This kid was also at the old school, and while they were not friends, he pretty much left DS alone. I think the new, smaller school environment and the fact that they are now the oldest grade in the school has led to some challenges.

My son doesn't play or hang out with any of the kids from the new school except at school. On the weekends he plays with his old friends, who know the bully in question. One of these boys is the sweetest, nicest kid you would ever meet, not a mean bone in his body. He personally told me that bully-boy is "the meanest kid I ever met in my life"! Apparently he was always picking on kids at the old school, too.

There is a family we see socially who's child is most likely homosexual. It's hard to say that because the boy is only 11, and sexuality doesn't even enter into at this point, but even as a small child he described himself as "feeling like a girl in a boy's body". My children have known and played with this little boy almost all their lives as his family are close friends of our close friends. I have always felt grateful that our children have had a chance to see first hand that sexual orientation is not a choice. This little boy is not making choices...it is what it is. It really bothers me to have somebody else using "gay" as a slur. It also makes me angry that my kid is being bullied and humiliated for being friends with an unpopular child.

I think the fact that your son is friends with a child that is unpopular, says alot about your son...it says something very positive about his character. Some kids wouldn't want to be friends with the "unpopular" kid, for fear it would be a negative reflection on them. I agree, using "gay" as a slur is not nice at all. It sounds like you are a very loving and supportive parent to your son, and that DEFINATELY means a lot. I understand how you feel...when my son was young he was bullied a few times also. He got through it and is doing fine (he's 28 years old now).

 

[Jsme]

Been there and done that with my son when he was in 5th grade. All year 2 boys "picked" on him. I complained constantly to the teacher that she needs to handle the situation. Finally with the last 2 weeks of school those bullies attacked my son on the way back from outside time/play time. They threw him up against the brick building that he had scratches on his back thru his shirt. Finally after the second time of throwing him against the wall and myself getting up off the dirt, my son came up swinging and beat both kids up. He bloodied ones nose and had the other crying. My son was small for his age and did not weight 60lbs. These boys were my height and had to lose weight that fall to play football.

I told the pincipal and the teacher that they had better not do anything against my son that I had proof that he had been bullied and I had many copies of emails to the teacher. I forward one email where I was explaining to the teacher that if she did not handle it that my son would get tired of it and more than likely handle it himself. This email was dated in November.

Funny thing is that year in the state it was the year's slogan "No Bullies"

 

[MushyMushy]

I'm so sorry for your son. And for you -- it's not easy being a mom and watching our kids hurt. I have to say that a lot of it is the age. 7th grade is rough. It seems like the nice kids really get lost in the shuffle.

 

[Uncle Remus]

FYI:

Nearly one-fourth of students from elementary through high school have reported that they have been harassed or bullied on school property because of their race, ethnicity, gender, religion, sexual orientation, or disability.-2001-2002 California Student Survey

Six out of 10 American teens witness bullying at least once a day. -National Crime Prevention Council, 2003

Students hear anti-gay epithets 25 times a day, and teachers fail to respond to these comments 97% of the time. -Gay Lesbian Straight Educator’s Network.

One out of every 10 students who drops out of school does so because of repeated bullying. -Oklahoma Health Department, 2001

Harassment and bullying have been linked to 75 percent of school-shooting incidents. -US Secret Service Report, May 2002

Gay and lesbian youth are two to three times more likely to commit suicide than other youths, and 30 percent of all completed youth suicides are related to the issue of sexual identity. -Report to the Secretary's Task Force on Youth Suicide

Students who describe themselves as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgendered are five times more likely to miss school because of feeling unsafe. 28% are forced to drop out. -National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, 1984

85% of teachers oppose integrating lesbian, gay and bisexual themes in their curricula.
-Making Schools Safe for Gay and Lesbian Youth: Report of the Massachusetts Governor's Commission on Gay and Lesbian Youth, 1993

More than 91 percent of LGBT students say they hear homophobic slurs or expressions frequently or often.-GLSEN 2003 National School Climate Survey

Nearly 58 percent of LGBT students have had property stolen or deliberately damaged at school. -GLSEN 2003 National School Climate Survey

More than 64 percent of LGBT students say they feel unsafe at school because of their sexual orientation. -GLSEN 2003 National School Climate Survey

Statistics

Knock It Off

 

[FayeW]

I'm so sorry for your son. And for you -- it's not easy being a mom and watching our kids hurt. I have to say that a lot of it is the age. 7th grade is rough. It seems like the nice kids really get lost in the shuffle.

I know that 7th grade seems to be a real transition year, and apparently even with all the drama the girls go through, it's even rougher for boys. You see such a difference in maturity levels, both physical and emotional. My son just turned 12 at the end of October, and now the kids born early in the year are turning 13 already. Some of these kids are nearly a foot taller, and starting to develope facial hair, and the smaller kids are praying for a growth spurt!

My son was always a sweet, kind boy. His friends were all nice, sweet boys. Parents frequently ask DS to go along with their children on outings because he is generally polite and well behaved. As a pre-pubescent boy, sometimes he's a jerk at home but I hope he will be able to still be a nice kid. I see some unpleasant behavioural changes in him, and I hope it is not a result of being bullied.

 

[*Fantasia*]

Been there and done that with my son when he was in 5th grade. All year 2 boys "picked" on him. I complained constantly to the teacher that she needs to handle the situation. Finally with the last 2 weeks of school those bullies attacked my son on the way back from outside time/play time. They threw him up against the brick building that he had scratches on his back thru his shirt. Finally after the second time of throwing him against the wall and myself getting up off the dirt, my son came up swinging and beat both kids up. He bloodied ones nose and had the other crying. My son was small for his age and did not weight 60lbs. These boys were my height and had to lose weight that fall to play football.

I told the pincipal and the teacher that they had better not do anything against my son that I had proof that he had been bullied and I had many copies of emails to the teacher. I forward one email where I was explaining to the teacher that if she did not handle it that my son would get tired of it and more than likely handle it himself. This email was dated in November.

Funny thing is that year in the state it was the year's slogan "No Bullies"

Sorry that it happened to your son. I hope he is okay now. I would have probably called the police! I may be over reacting, but for someone to lay their hands on someone and get pushed and everything else ... that's aggrevated assult and battery!!

And where are the parents?? Don't they teach their children about respecting others, playing fair, helping one another and just being kind to one another... where's their morality and their values??

 

[GothTink]

Bullies suck!

I hope your son is doing better now - he sounds like a good kid.

 

[LuvOrlando]

-

 

[BoyLovesBuzz]

You know what; bullies do suck, but the is only a portion of the total suckage that is middle school. Kids that age are going through so much, emotionally, physically, socially, hormonally, and every other “lly” you can think of. DW has been teaching that level for 10 years, and with the exploits she has been through, I told my son when he hit the sixth grade, “just survive!”

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

I agree, bullies suck! I remember those middle school years and, like the above poster, am glad I just survived! Good luck to your son! And remind him that high school is just around the corner. The biggest bully in my school dropped out in 9th grade and ended up in prison. The kids he picked on went on to do wonderful things.

 

[wilderness01]

I know that 7th grade seems to be a real transition year, and apparently even with all the drama the girls go through, it's even rougher for boys. You see such a difference in maturity levels, both physical and emotional. My son just turned 12 at the end of October, and now the kids born early in the year are turning 13 already. Some of these kids are nearly a foot taller, and starting to develope facial hair, and the smaller kids are praying for a growth spurt!

My son was always a sweet, kind boy. His friends were all nice, sweet boys. Parents frequently ask DS to go along with their children on outings because he is generally polite and well behaved. As a pre-pubescent boy, sometimes he's a jerk at home but I hope he will be able to still be a nice kid. I see some unpleasant behavioural changes in him, and I hope it is not a result of being bullied.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I could have written your post last year, so really I do know how you feel. Hang in there and control what goes on in your own home, with your own son. Those words were given to me by a counselor and I really try to live by them.

 

[chobie]

My DS 11 just started middle school and is going through the same crap. Everyone says girls are so horrible but bullying from other boys seems to be taking a much bigger toll on my son then the mean girl stuff my daughter dealt with in middle school. Maybe its because my son is not at the same middle school as the kids he went to 5th grade with but my daughter entered with friends and even though they were mean at times, it was the devil she knew...

I just keep telling him to ignore the jerks, don't give them a reaction.

 

[FayeW]

Chobie, your son's situations sounds exactly like mine. I had no idea that bullying was so prevalent at this age. We had no experience dealing with this, as he has always been really well liked at school and on his sports teams. This year he played competitive soccer and there was some bullying then. We were flumoxed, but thought it was a "one off" kinda thing because it was his first year competitive, and most of the other boys had been playing at that level for a few years. We were so excited for him to make the team and it turned out to be a really lousy experience, mostly because of some jerks on the team.

Then, the new school opened in September. He was excited to go, and we had given him the option of staying at the old school (we would have had to get an exception) but he wanted to be the first "graduating" class in the new school. It just sucks that all these experiences he is excited about turn into something negative.

He was having trouble with a different kid at the start of the year. That child had already been in 5 fights with other students, and was constantly being sent out of class for swearing at the teachers, among other things. DS decided to just try and be his friend, and eventually it worked. Now they play in the gym together at lunch, etc.

The trouble with the latest bully started because DS beat him at a game of 21's. Apparently this kid thinks he's "all that and a bag of chips" when it comes to basketball, and fights with kids who beat him at stuff.

 

[WDWBarb]

And where are the parents?? Don't they teach their children about respecting others, playing fair, helping one another and just being kind to one another... where's their morality and their values??

In my experience, bullies come from bullies. So the parents are either indifferent to this or maybe even encourage it.

And that's sad. I've worked for a grown-up bully and it made my life miserable for a very long time...