Bringing your child's friend to Disney - etiquette question

[Sarabi's Cubs]

I'm not sure where exactly to post this, but I had a friendly disagreement with a coworker and said that I'd post here and get some feedback. They are planning to invite a friend of their 12 year old to come with them on their Disney trip next spring. He asked me (as the acknowledged Disney geek in the office) how much he should tell the parents that the trip will cost. His question threw me a little, because my initial reaction was that if you invite someone on a trip, they are your guest and you pay for them. He was equally thrown by the idea that the parents would expect him to pay for their child. They are driving, so there's no airfare, and adding him does not mean they will need to get a bigger or another room. So it's basically the ticket and meals. Honestly, my kids are young enough that we haven't encountered this issue before, so I haven't really thought about this situation in detail. I'd appreciate hearing how those of you who have done this have handled it.

Thanks!

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

I agree with you. If you invite a child to go with you, their expenses are your responsibility, aside, maybe, from a little extra spending money.

 

[Stacy's a freak]

I agree with you too. When you invite a child's friend to sleep over, you don't ask the parents to send money for the food or entertainment, right? Yes, Disney is expensive but if you "invite" someone to do something, I think it is inappropriate to ask for that person (or person's family) to pay.

However, if the parents of the invited child offered to chip in, I think it then would be ok to discuss the idea with those parents.

 

[robinb]

I can tell you what we did with my DD's friend. We really wanted to invite the friend but we simply could not afford to pay for all of her expenses. I talked to the mother first and asked her to pay for either the airfare or the park passes plus spending money. We covered everything else. The mom gave us $250 which was right between the airfare and the passes.

I would normally agree with the "you invite, you pay" sentiment but we were talking about a 14-day trip here. Not a day-trip to Noah's Ark waterpark.

Of course ... in regular DIS fashion I asked my cyberfriends what they thought. Here is the thread:
http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2362490

 

[Yvet]

I feel something for both sides....

But my number 1 thing about this stuff is, talk to the parents first about bringing their kid to WDW.
You have to talk with the other parents first about bringing their child and also about who is paying for that child.
Then with the kids otherwise they will be hyped up about this and maybe it even doesn't happen (because there is a difference opinion about going and paying for this).

Normally i would never think of posting about another podcast but this topic was covered with the WDW Today podcast episode: 741.
http://www.wdwtoday.com/article.php?story=20100701205431228

In this episode they discusses experiences of taking their own kids to WDW, as well as bringing their kids' friends along.
They also discuss a small portion about paying for the friends or let them pay for themselves.
There is some extra stuff involved in taking other kids then your own to WDW not only the extra costs and who is going to pay for that.....

I would recommend listen to this show.

 

[kevrab]

I think that it's extremely nice of them to invite the kid on their trip and I would think that the kid's parents should step up and offer to pay for admission, meals, souvenirs, etc.

 

[kaligal]

If you can't afford to pay for something, you don't invite someone else along.

It's rude to say, "Hey, can you afford to send your kid to Disney with us?" No matter how nicely you phrase it and how well-intentioned, it is still rude. And there are people who will be upset about it (and rightly so.)

And in addition to rude, it is kind of mean to do the inviting first, and then the "Oh, but you gotta pay for it" second.

If you're willing to pay the expenses, fine, invite him. Otherwise, leave it be.

 

[kaligal]

I think that it's extremely nice of them to invite the kid on their trip and I would think that the kid's parents should step up and offer to pay for admission, meals, souvenirs, etc.

Have you considered that they might not be able to afford to "step up" and do what the folks who issued the "extremely nice" invitation to pay for a trip want them to do?

Even sales people have to be up-front about the fact that they are, indeed, selling something.

 

[parrotheadlois]

I would think that in planning, it's your trip, your idea, and you should expect to pay for the child. Talk to the parents first again not to build up the child's (both yours and theirs) hopes only to have them shot down if the parents say no. If they ask who will pay, you will again say, it's your trip so you'll be paying, except for any spending money they wish to give their child. Then, if the parents insist on helping money wise, you can be gracious and accept. If they don't, assume that they are not in a position to do so and plan the trip accordingly - both children will have a great time!

 

[corky441]

I would think that in planning, it's your trip, your idea, and you should expect to pay for the child. Talk to the parents first again not to build up the child's (both yours and theirs) hopes only to have them shot down if the parents say no. If they ask who will pay, you will again say, it's your trip so you'll be paying, except for any spending money they wish to give their child. Then, if the parents insist on helping money wise, you can be gracious and accept. If they don't, assume that they are not in a position to do so and plan the trip accordingly - both children will have a great time!

A perfect resolution

 

[stitchlover]

I would offer a word of caution to your co-worker. They need to discuss with the invited child and their parent before the trip what behavior is acceptable and unacceptable and the consequences for unacceptable behavior. There is a thread on the Resorts board right now and it is a horror story of having a friend along and how it really put a damper on their vacation. I'm not saying that would be their experience. But it was a real eye opener for me to read. It made me realize that there needs to be some conversation between everyone before you even get in the car and start the drive.

Now back to your original question...I agree if you invite, you should pay. But I do think the parents should be asked to send money for any souvenir's the invited child would like to purchase while there.

 

[WaltD4Me]

I guess I'm rude. I am taking my nephew to Disney in November. I am paying for the room, half the airfare and all his food. My brother and SIL are paying for his park ticket and half the airfare. I just can't afford to pay for everything. Of course this is a relative, so maybe it's a little different, but if had I not sit down and talked to my brother and SIL about it my nephew wouldn't be going at all. They may have said no, but I didn't see anything wrong with talking to them about it. I think alot depends on how well you know the parents. I can't imagine asking a friend when you don't know the parents all that well, but if you do know them well and feel comfortable talking to them, I think it's a shame for the friend to miss the chance to go with you just because you don't want to appear to be rude. Again, I think you need to know the parents pretty well and I would present it differently then just saying "Hey, can Johnny come to Disney with us?" but I think for something like a trip to Disney it's okay to discuss it with the parents and see if they would be willingly to work something out.

 

[one90proof]

Last year we took DD to WDW to celebrate high school graduation. Well into the planning (and budgeting) process, she asked if her BFF could come with us. The friend just covered the cost difference in the vacation package (park tix, dining plan) and brought her own spending money. She ended up getting a great deal on 7 day Disney vacation.

This situation is a little different than the OP though. I didn't exactly "invite" the friend to come. The two girls initiated this plan and knew there would be an expense.

 

[15isto2]

I am taking my "step" nephew (sister in laws son form pervious marage) next year, I asked if it would be OK to take him and SIL agreed. A month later my brother asked how much it would cost for flights, it had never occurred to me that they would have expected to pay when I was the one who asked. We have agreed that they will give him his spending money for anything he wants to buy (will be 12 so probably some cloths etc) and I will pay for the trip.

 

[robinb]

I guess I'm rude.

Obviously, I am too.

I can't imagine asking a friend when you don't know the parents all that well, but if you do know them well and feel comfortable talking to them, I think it's a shame for the friend to miss the chance to go with you just because you don't want to appear to be rude. Again, I think you need to know the parents pretty well and I would present it differently then just saying "Hey, can Johnny come to Disney with us?" but I think for something like a trip to Disney it's okay to discuss it with the parents and see if they would be willingly to work something out.

That's exactly what happened with us. I knew the parents pretty well and said that my DD would like to have someone come with her to WDW but I could not afford to pay for everything. I laid out the expenses in the very first conversation: air fare or park passes. They were thrilled that their DD had the opportunity to go with us and it was a great trip. It would have been a real shame if my DD missed out on having a friend to hang out with, the friend missed a trip to Clearwater Beach and WDW, my DH and I missed out on having more time together (can't tell you the last time I rode in a seat *next* to him on BTMR, EE, Splash Mtn, etc since one of us always sits with our DD) and the friend's parents missed out on one-on-one time with their older son just because I was afraid that I might come across as "rude" .

 

[DrMomof3]

I think it all depends on how the subject is initially discussed. There is a major difference between calling a parent and saying, "Hey, we'd like to invite Jane to join us as our guest on a trip to Disney World" and saying, "My daughter would love to have Jane join us on our upcoming trip to Disney. We'd be more than happy to pay for the lodging and food but we'd need you to pay for her airfare and tickets. This is what the airfare and tickets would cost. In addition we usually give our children $50 each in Disney gift cards to spend on souvenirs and maybe you could consider something similar so Jane doesn't feel left out." Airfare, park tickets, food costs, and souvenirs for an extra child could easily top $500 or more. I have 3 kids and I don't see us inviting along "extras" any time soon but if you have an only child, I can see how it would be fun to invite a friend.
To me it's only rude if you aren't upfront about your expectations at the time you make the invitation. Like so many things in life, it's all about the presentation!

Amanda

 

[spaddy]

I can't imagine sending my child with someone else to WDW and not at least paying for the admission ticket. I don't think asking them to pay for the tickets is out of line.

 

[Sarabi's Cubs]

Lots of great thoughts! Thanks! It has definitely made my coworker think twice before just casually asking another child to join them, and it's good info for me down the road when I might have a similar situation.

 

[GenieCat]

Mom! Can Eddie Go to Walt Disney World With Us?

Bob Sehlinger, author of the Unofficial Guide has written an interesting article on this topic.

 

[EDuke98080]

Over the years we have taken "extra" kids with us on trips to WDW. Our kids are now 22 and 16. The first time was when our daughter was in middle school adn we took her good friend. We drove so there was no airfare and did not need a bigger place so that was covered. We planned on paying her tickets and food and told her parents to only send spending money. They sent a little bit extra for us when we left to help cover some food but we did not expect them to do that.

Other things to consider at younger ages: some children have never traveled and find it difficult to sleep in a new place, eat different foods and be on another families schedule for an extended period of time. They may get homesick an be miserable even in the Happiest Place on Earth. Your child may get tired of having a companion 24/7. Your child may not like the attention you have to divert to their guest. Although our trips with extra kids have all worked out fine, the older kids (high school plus ages) have been way easier than when the kids were younger and along had a friend. Some friends worked out better than others with the kids who are more easy going being way more enjoyable to travel with.

Also, don't forget to get releases for medical treatment and copies of insurance cards just in case!