Bringing uninvited guest to a party. Am I wrong?

[DisneyAddict_M]

That happened at my wedding. When I got an RSVP card back, this 1 girl had printed her sister's name next to hers. I thought it would be rude to call her up and say, "I'm sorry, but your sister isn't invited as I had never met her in my life and wouldn't know her from Adam," so we ended up paying big bucks for this girl to be there.

I wanted to bring my then-bf along to my cousin's wedding, so I asked her well in advance if that was alright. I even offered to pay for him.

 

[PghLybrt]

It is just not at children’s parties! We had a memorial day picnic, ladies only. All of my guests showed up as invited but one not only brought her husband, but her mom, aunt, aunts husband I think a cousin…..needless to say it was 8 uninvited people and they brought a very uninvited element!

 

[lillygator]

My cousin's daughter was married several years ago, and the reception ran $40-$50 a plate. One of our other cousins didn't bother to RSVP (as requested) but was planning on attending. Finally, my aunt called the other aunt (parent of the ones who didn't RSVP) to see if they were coming (of course they were).

At that point, the other cousin called and said that the family (of 4) was definitely coming and would it be okay if the son's girlfriend came too? They had never even met this girl. They had no choice but to say yes, and then the son and the girlfriend didn't even show up.

These are educated people with advanced degrees who will have a FIT if the same thing happens when their daughter gets married.

This happened at our wedding as well.....we had to cut our list several times due to the size of the reception hall and we still had uninvited guests which was really a problem as this was a sit down meal!

 

[horseshowmom]

They really did have a choice. I know that people don't want to make waves so they give in on things like this (I'm guilty of it myself.), but I think that it may be time for people to start calling others on their rude behavior. Because by giving in, they're just enabling them to continue their rude behavior.

I know what you're saying and recognize that you have a valid point (and agree with the sentiment), but here in the deep south that just wasn't going to happen!

 

[kelleigh1]

I know what you're saying and recognize that you have a valid point (and agree with the sentiment), but here in the deep south that just wasn't going to happen!

That's why I got married on the beach in Jamaica and didn't invite anyone ...but we did tell everyone that we were getting married.

 

[PaulaSue]

NOT the norm but it does happen.

One friend called to ask me if it was okay for her to bring an extra guest (she had to babysit, it was an emergency for the other Mom). I told her it was fine but I don't have extra treat bags. I was so happy she called first so I wasn't worried about the bags and hurting her feelings.

 

[tink_n_pooh]

I think it is pretty rude to assume you can bring along uninvited guests....my DD gets tons of bday invites which we most often have to decline as DH works Saturday's and to try and scour up a babysitter for my other DD is pretty hard.

I'm confused (nothing out of the ordinary), why would you need a babysitter for your other DD? If DD1 goes to the party wouldn't you still be able to watch DD2?

 

[lillygator]

I'm confused (nothing out of the ordinary), why would you need a babysitter for your other DD? If DD1 goes to the party wouldn't you still be able to watch DD2?

My DD's are 4 and 2 --- haven't had a "drop off" party to this point. (not that I would feel comfy with one anyway)

 

[Dina]

Well, I've done it. I have brought my 2yo to a bowling party for my 5yo, and a Chuck E. Cheese party for my 5yo. Oh, I did do it at a house party once when my son was only 4yo (my youngest was 1.yo, and he didn't even realize the other kids were eating cake, let alone want anything ), and the host needed the parents to stay to help with the kids (I did ask though if it would be ok when I RSVPd) They were all on weekday mornings/afternoons during the summer (my husband works, and we have no family nearby). I never bring him to weekend parties (I can always find someone to watch him then). At the bowling party, The two year old napped in the stroller the entire time, and wasn't about to bowl (way too young),I knew they wouldn't be charged since he wasn't getting shoes-- and I bought my 2yo his own coins at Chuck E. Cheese-- also bought him his own lunch (although the mom did offer those of us who brought younger sibs coins). The Chuck E. Cheese was 45 minutes away (for all of the guests and the host), so I really couldn't just drop him off and come back. And, I really didn't think much of it since the host of the bowling party had brought younger siblings to another bowling party two months before. . There weren't any extra cupcakes at the bowling party, but my 2yo didn't really care. As far as favors, we wouldn't take them even if it was offered--- he was too young to care anyway. Now my youngest is 4yo, so he's too old for me to bring along now, since he expects to participate, but on the other hand, my older son is old enough to just drop off at the party--- so it's not a problem anymore. I'm guessing I'll get flamed for being rude. But, for what it's worth at those weekday parties, there were many younger siblings--- I think it's kind of expected when you make the party at 11am on a Wednesday afternoon. It is the norm in our neighborhood--- there's always younger siblings at parties. Oh well, JMO.

I've also been the recipient of the "rude behavior." I've had older siblings brought to my 4yo's bday party at The Little Gym. I offered to pay for them to participate, but the parent's declined--- that I don't care about, because I totally understand the kid issue. I did have two people at my wedding RSVP that they were bringing guests even though we didn't invite a guest for those people. Someone at my shower also brought her daugher (it was at a restaurant).

 

[Hannathy]

I'm confused (nothing out of the ordinary), why would you need a babysitter for your other DD? If DD1 goes to the party wouldn't you still be able to watch DD2?

I wasn't following that either. Glad you asked.

 

[lillygator]

I wasn't following that either. Glad you asked.

hope it makes sense now.

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

I know it happens here too. a few years ago I had a party for my younger dd at a local ice cream parlor. My sister is a puppeteer and she was doing a show for the kids -- they were in kindergarten at the time. We had the show then brought in pizza from a pizza parlor in the same strip mall. then all the kids got to make their own sundaes while the grown ups got ice cream too. One good friend was staying because he lived farther away and it didn't make sense for him to leave. But I did have two other parents stay with younger siblings (who I gave pizza and ice cream to). It wasn't a big deal because I ordered plenty of pizza but I was a bit steamed that neither parent asked me if it was okay for them to stay -- and they added their younger kid's ice cream to the group order without asking.

But I do think I've been guilty of adding a sibling on 2 occasions. In both cases my younger dd was invited to a party and there was an older sibling my older dd's age. in the first case it was the same family as the dad I mentioned above. We are good friends and get together pretty frequently with out families. In this case my husband was working and I had no place to leave the older dd. It was probably a 25 minute drive from my house to the party place. I explained to my older dd that she would be coming with me but she was not an invited guest so she would observe. She was fine with that. The party was at a multifunctional kids party place where parents pick from a long list of possible parties what type of party they want. It was a paint the ceramic party. They had a nice size alcove with a tv playing. My older daughter sat there and watched tv. I helped my friend set things up. (Now that I think about it -- a lot of parents stayed for this party.) Mid way into the party my friend sees my older daughter watching tv and asks me if she would like to paint something. I told her that there was no need -- she just came along for the ride, but then she went over to my daughter and told her to that she should pick out something to paint. My older daughter picked out a plaque and sat with the birthday girl's older sister and a group of other older girls.

The other time my younger one was invited to a skating party. The big sister or the birthday boy is 1 of my daughter's best friends. My dh was taking my younger 1 to the party and he was staying because she was nervous about ice skating -- she has very little experience. The day of the party my older dd was talking to her friend and the friend told her that she should come too. Their other best friend was going to be there as well. We verified it with the mom and then dh took her. He paid for himself and my older daughter as well.

But I would never just insert an uninvited child into the activities without making sure it was okay first.

 

[hollieplus2]

I think they were wanting to drop of both DD so they could have some free time. They are using the party as a babysitter.

I have had the uninvited guests at every party I have had for DS. I have even had a mother tell me that it was rude that there was no treat bag for the sibling. I just told her it was rude to bring said sibling and not tell me. I told her if she didn't want to hurt the kids feelings by not being included maybe she should have included me in on her little plan. Now that kid feels left out so why did she bring her in the first place???

 

[Dina]

But I would never just insert an uninvited child into the activities without making sure it was okay first.

I agree with this--- I wouldn't do this either.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I've been seeing it at parties too. It's crazy! Overheard parents sheepishly apologizing for bringing the siblings, with all sorts of excuses. It's wild! Not people that are close or that the siblings even know the birthday person. Dropping them off! I think there were 5 extra kids at the last party.

 

[Keli]

My dsis gives really neat parties for her ds'. (I help her at them all, I actually take off work if I need to, lol).
Dsis only prepares for the number of guests (she gives killer gift bags as well as other stuff). If asked, she just politely says that she doesn't have the stuff to accomodate an additional child but they are welcome to stay with mom and watch if they'd like.
Of course the extra kid(s) get cake/ice cream and other edible treats but they don't usually participate in the activities since they aren't often regular games. They might build something, or make something with supplies given to them by dsis and she doesn't have extra.
I think her philosphy works well and so far she hasn't seemed to offend any moms.

 

[Mkrop]

But I would never just insert an uninvited child into the activities without making sure it was okay first.

I think that is what makes the difference! I have had to drag DS4 to some events but now for DS9 parties are drop off so no issue but when he was little and DS9 at the time would not go to parties by himself., DS4 came along. If it were at ChuckECheese or someplace like that, I would let my older son go with the party group and we would stay behind and do our own thing but DS9 knew I was there, and I always talked to the parent first about DS9's fears.

Now DS9 has been dragged a few times becasue DS4 had somewhere to be and like you I had him just hang back. He is old enough to understand.

I think if you dont assume your child is included. I mean we always cant leave the other child home but my kids understand even if I have to explain for the 100th time that this is for the invited child!

And to the poster about snacks for the baseball games, since my son started playing 5 years ago, everyone always brought extra for siblings although I do hold DS4 back until I know for sure and I always bring extra myself.

Although DS4 did get me last night, I had the kids at the game by myself(DH is usually there to coach but he had a late meeting) and I did not feel good so I know I wasnt watching like I normally do, alls I wanted to do was pack up the chairs and get home, so all of a sudden I look over and ther is DS4 trying to crawl under the big boys to get a snack, so I ran over apologized to the mom (who luckily knows me well) and pull DS4 out from there. She laughed and gave him a water ice but DS4 and I had a nice talk about what he did!!!!

 

[crazee4disney]

My DD8 has one friend that she invites to her party every year for the last three year.

EVERY year the mother and father both stay at the party AND they bring their younger son (3 years younger). Except for this year, the parties have been where I had to pay PER CHILD. Do you think they ever offered to pay for his??? NO WAY! The first year it was at a pottery place and I had to pay $12 extra for him to spill water and paint all over the table as both of the parents weren't paying attention.

I would NEVER do this!! If I did consider bringing a sibling with my child I would definitely ask the parent or just plan to have a special mommy and me time with my other child during the party - - - which I would PAY for myself.

 

[Hannathy]

EVERY year the mother and father both stay at the party AND they bring their younger son (3 years younger). Except for this year, the parties have been where I had to pay PER CHILD. Do you think they ever offered to pay for his??? NO WAY! The first year it was at a pottery place and I had to pay $12 extra for him to spill water and paint all over the table as both of the parents weren't paying attention.

Why do you pay for him? I just wouldn't pay and then it would be up to the place to either charge them or tell them not to paint. Just inform the party place who was included. This is what we did and then the place could tell the child's parents they weren't paid for and the price. The last place my DS went for a party was one of those air jump/bounce places and the place had a worker with a clipboard and a list of names, if you were on the list you got a wristband if you weren't then no wristband, it made it pretty clear that non-invitees weren't getting in for free.

 

[LindaM]

Last year we had a 50th wedding anniversary party for my parents, this was a well planned event as we have a lot of family that lives across Canada and the US that we knew were coming. Anyone who didn't RSVP we actually phoned, as we were renting all the dishes/cutlery/glasses etc, we rented a tent and we wanted to make sure there was enough place settings for everyone. So the day of the party, our guests start arriving and my one cousin who said no I can't make it, decided to drive 12 hours with her son, two girlfriends...you think she could have called while driving those 12 hours and give us a heads up, nope. Then to top if off, my brother just starting to date this gal, which was fine, but she invited her parents, her 5 kids and 3 grandkids, then during dinner her parents get up, grab a guitar and start singing
If you bring someone else, even if it's 1 person, it's common courtesy to call ahead of time and ask.