bringing extra family member

[Mouselander]

Hi board...I just need to vent my emotions sooo bare with me.
We have been planning this WDW trip for sometime. My family unit consists of DH, DS(15) DD(12) me and my special aunt! Well...our kids do not have grandparents so aunt fills the gap!

Anyway....we have been asking MY older brother to join us on this WDW trip for months. We are driving in our big van. He always said no...he couldn't take off from work etc. Also we are going to cover the extra cost of the resort and most of the ticket cost (without him knowing it). ( we cannot afford it...but really wanted him to join us)

Well...as of 30 hours of our departure DB told us that he would go with us! Nothing like last minute. Anyway...He will be driving in another car. Oh also...he is bringing his 7 year old granddaughter. I should mention...he went through a bad divorce and we are NOT close to his children or grandchild.

I know that I should not mind his plans BUT I do. It is our DD 13 Bday trip and we wanted to make it HER experience! Not catering to his granddaughter....


It is so stressful here....I am in tears! WHAT can I do????? Please pray for us! a little magic dust would be nice too.

 

[hercamore]

Oh dear,

How inconsiderate!

Where are you staying in Orlando? Does he expect you to find lodging for him and his gd?


herc.

 

[RUDisney]

Tell him that at this late date, the only accommodations you can get for him are in a flea bag hotel on I-Drive. It's too bad that your Disney resort was already full. Then, ask him if he still wants to go with you.

Seriously, your vacation will be what you want it to be, and if your DB and grandniece become a burden, you can ditch them. Disney is a big place and you don't always have to do everything as a family.

 

[jfulcer]

I would tell him that although you had room for him, you don't have room for two at your resort. At this late in the game, he's not likely to find inexpensive accomodations. Just be honest with him, IMHO.

And if he does find lodging, it wouldn't be with you, so you can plan time to spend with him and away from him, allowing you to have the chance for the trip you planned.

 

[Mouselander]

We are staying at the Swan, Poly and then Hard Rock. We usually have two rooms. Our two rooms will accomodate up to 8 so this is not the problem. We have lunch and dinner PS for five. When we invited DB that was not a problem either. Parties of five are usually seated at a table for six (every once in a while we have been seated at a table for four with an extra chair placed at the end), but a party of 7 needs a table for 8. This means changing all our PS.

DB said he would be coming only to take his GD and he expects us to spend time with them at the small children's sections of the parks. We plan to spend a couple of days at EPCOT for the Flower & Garden show and a couple of days at MGM for Star Wars Weekend. He hates EPCOT because when he took his kids in the 80's they didn't like it.

My daughter is really upset. She has been upstaged by her "Unk's" GD since she was 5. My kids have no grandparents. My aunt and brother are the closest relatives they have.

 

[BrianD]

Originally posted by Mouselander

DB said he would be coming only to take his GD and he expects us to spend time with them at the small children's sections of the parks. We plan to spend a couple of days at EPCOT for the Flower & Garden show and a couple of days at MGM for Star Wars Weekend. He hates EPCOT because when he took his kids in the 80's they didn't like it.

My daughter is really upset. She has been upstaged by her "Unk's" GD since she was 5. My kids have no grandparents. My aunt and brother are the closest relatives they have.

Pardon me for saying this, but screw that! He can expect all he wants out of you but he will be sadly disappointed because this is your family's trip and he has jumped on at the very last minute and is trying to run the show. Go spend your two days Epcot, and let him take his GD to the small kids sections of the parks.

Stand firm with your plans. Who's paying for this trip? 'Nough said!

 

[Mouselander]

Hey BrianD....THANK YOU for all the support! That is what I feel like doing BUT....I will probably wimp-out and sulk the entire10 day trip! DB is 12 years older than me....nuff said

 

[disykat]

Stand your ground!!! I would tell him our plans were firm and it was too late for him too join in, but if you're not able to do that - tell him that he is welcome to join in your plans, but they are already made.

Offer to let him meet you somewhere on your itinerary. It might be helpful to put your plans on paper and he can see your overall plan.

I'm not usually one that is for letting kids call the shots, but in this case it is your daughter's birthday and you have made the plans with this in mind. If you change your plans to make your brother happy, you are sending a message to your daughter that you might not want to send. Sure, some compromise might be in order - but I think you want your daughter and your nuclear family to know that their needs/wants are important enough for you to stand up for.

 

[TIdoublegaER]

I would just tell him - we invited YOU, not you and your granddaughter. I would also tell him "here is our agenda, you are welcome to join us or do your own thing" and "since we had such short notice, we were unable to alter any of our PS, you're on your own for xxx meals". Don't alter your plans because he decide to come 30 HOURS, not DAYS, HOURS before you left. I just can't believe how rude it was of him to invite along his GD without asking you first. You might be family, but that is not acceptable!

 

[Mouselander]

Thanks I try to reach a happy medium where my brother is concerned. Like I said, he and my aunt are the only extended family my children have. They substitute for grandparents. I really, really want to follow everyone's advice (they are my thoughts, too) but it is soooo hard to do when I must depend on him for emotional support for my kids. I'm afraid he will become distant with my family if we let him know what we actually think of him bring his GD.

Besides, he is the one who is suppose to be babysetting our pets, like he does every year. when we go to WDW. He is really a good guy, except where his kids and GD is concerned - then he is only concerned about them and no one else. If only I could be that way too!

 

[katerkat]

Originally posted by TIdoublegaER
I would also tell him "here is our agenda, you are welcome to join us or do your own thing" and "since we had such short notice, we were unable to alter any of our PS, you're on your own for xxx meals". Don't alter your plans because he decide to come 30 HOURS, not DAYS, HOURS before you left.

ITA! I don't see how you could tell him not to bring his graddaughter, but be firm with your plans! Tell him, this is what we have planned. You can join us or do your own thing. And don't change your PSes! Let him make his own, and let him know that you can't have dinner with him on certain days. Do NOT, for one instant, change your plans for his GD. Explain that you've had it planned for months, and she is welcome to do whatever she wants with him, but this is what you have planned for YOU. They have their own car, so it not like they're depending on you for transportation. Smile politely and emphasize, "your grandfather didn't give us enough notice to do xxxxx."

 

[Mouselander]

I would NEVER tell him he couldn't bring his GD. However, he was invited to go with us to celebrate my DD 13th birthday. She was sooo looking forward to "UNK" being with her on her birthday. When he is with his GD, he expects everyone to do what she wants - just because she is the "baby" of the family. We asked him months ago to go with us. He couldn't take off from work - until just this week he discovered he could take his GD - then and only then he was able to take off from work!

 

[ChiTownZee]

If it were me, I'd tell my brother what my plans were, including the birthday plans and EPCOT, asking if he still wants to go, but also making some time for the "kiddie" things for his GD, since I enjoy those "kid" things anyway If he doesn't want to do the previously planned activities or do things seperately, oh well, maybe another trip. There's nothing wrong with doing a little of everything, at the same time doing some special things to mark your daughters special day.
If it makes you that upset that he brings her, lie and tell him you're only getting one room and don't have space for them, but maybe you could also look at it as a time to get to know your great-niece better. Since your kids don't have grandparents, maybe you could try to understand the importance of them and other family members, for your brother, great-niece and the rest of your family.

 

[Mouselander]

I cannot lie. Reared believing your word is your bond. Sure as heck makes it hard to get by in this world.

Will follow everyone's good advice and just explain that we have set plans for each day and they are invited to join.

Thanks for helping me vent. Keep sending prayers and pixie dust. We need it!!!!

 

[ChiTownZee]

I cannot lie.

Then tell him the truth, that you don't want to change your plans at all to accomodate his grand-daughter, who you don't want to go anyway. And tell him you don't want your daughter upstaged by a younger girl.

Good Luck.

 

[mom2boys]

If I was in your situation, I would:
Rant Rave, Vent, & throw a trantrum in private. Once I had that out of my system, I would vow not to let DB & his GD ruin our plans. If I was feeling extremely generous, I would call WDW & see if I could add guests to my PS. I would only alter # of guests and perhaps seating time by 1/2 hour either way IF it didn't interfere with other plans. Then I would tell DB that this is our itinerary. This is where we cannot accomodate you & DGD. My kids aren't interested in DUMBO ride (or whatever). I might even make some suggestions attractions his DGD might enjoy. I would be sure to emphasize what a wonderful bonding experience his one-on-one time with DGD will be.

 

[piratesmate]

First let me say I'm sorry that this isn't going to be the trip of your dreams. Mom2boys posted most of what I was going to . . . . After you're done ranting & raving in private (or here) try to add them w/o altering your plans. Tell him that you tried and were only successful for certain PS - IF you can change any.

Since it is DDs B'day, I'd also ask her to choose one or two days of your itinerary to be HERS. Then tell your brother that these are HER days. She runs the show for the group & if his GD isn't up to some of it, she'd probably love to spend time at the pool - or for them to spend some time one-on-one. However, I'd also remind him that your daughter was counting on having him help her celebrate.

I'd also let your aunt know that these are DDs B'day days & that she's "counting on her to spend the day with her, not the GD. I'd also encourage your DD to get & wear the b'day pin at MK so that the CMs mention it throughout the day - reinforcing the idea with your brother. (I can be evil when I try! )

Since you sound like a "middle of the road"er (like me) I'd probably also let his GD have a day (your choice) to decide the things she wants to do. WDW is fun through the eyes of a child - esp a 2st timer - even if you do resent the situation a bit.

Try to forget about this & have fun anyway.

Deb

 

[Toby'sFriend]

People can only make you miserable if you let them.

Families in large groups get on each others nerves in the best of situations and most people realize this. Sit down and talk with him politely and honestly. I'd offer to keep one meal a day open for eating with him and the Granddaughter and maybe a couple of other big activities such as Fantasmic or something.

Otherwise - give him a guidebook and a room key and tell him to have fun.

 

[DonnaS]

Your DD and the granddaughter might actually have fun together. Encourage your daughter to think of her as a little sister for the parts of the trip that you spend together.

 

[TIdoublegaER]

I have to admit that if I were in the same situation I wouldn't tell my brother that he couldn't bring his GD either! It might be what I would LIKE to tell him, but in reality, I couldn't disappoint the little girl.

I still wouldn't alter my plans just because he is going along. Large groups are difficult to keep together anyway at WDW. We are going with extended family and have made it clear that while we can meet up at the parks and do some stuff together but it just won't work having 12 people glued at the hip. That just makes everyone miserable