Bridesmaid Issue

[DisBride011]

HI, I'm still in the very early planning stages (well I haven't really planned anything...lol) being that we have chosen to get married in August 2012. My DF has already asked his groomsmen to be in the wedding, there are 3 groomsmen and a Best Man (which is his father and I have issues with that but that's a whole other topic). My issue is choosing my brides maids.

We are from NY, and are getting married at WDW. I am inviting mostly family and the few closest of our friends. I have one brides maid who I asked, she is the wife of one of the groomsmen. I'm going to ask my best friend to be my MOH. No I still have to ask 2 more brides maids. I will probably ask my cousin to be 1, and now I'm left with 1. DF's brother is a groomsman and I was thinking of asking his wife (it would make things easier since she will be there anyway and she is kinda family). This is where my biggest issue is. Her and I don't exactly see eye to eye. I have never really liked her, she is completely self centered and all about herself. Since she married DF brother she has been trying to be my friend, but I won't give in. I still have my thoughts about her.

So my question is: Should I ask her since it will make things easier since she will be their already or should I ask someone else?
Any suggestions are appreciated.

TIA
Amanda

 

[MsEsty]

This is only my personal opinion, but I don't think asking her will only make things easier. It would be different if you two were just friends (as in-laws are) but not the "bestiest". If you already have issues, she will probably be a thorn in your side from the start, especially since this day will be about you, and you said she is already self centered.

 

[DisBride011]

Thanks! That is what I'm worried about, is her being a pain. So it would make things not so easy as I hoped.

Thanks Again!

 

[crystalllize]

This is just my opinion, of course, but please remember that this is *your* day. Your bridesmaids should be people that are important to *you* and that you love. I wouldn't want to ask someone who I truly didn't mesh with to be in my wedding just to "keep the peace."

Also, you don't always have to have the same number of bridesmaid's and groomsmen! Maybe it's just us, but we have an uneven number (1 more bridesmaid) and we're making it work perfectly. Your bridal party should include the people that are important to you- it's your day!

 

[DisBride011]

Thanks!

 

[VillageMama]

Since she married DF brother she has been trying to be my friend, but I won't give in.

If this woman is trying to promote friendship and family harmony, I strongly recommend that you "give in" to her extended olive branch.

You don't have to choose her as a bridesmaid... you don't even have to go shopping or to the movies together. But my goodness, she's trying to be nice. I'd give anything if my in-laws made the slightest effort to be nice to me.

If you get married to this man, you're going to be having a relationship with his brother and his wife for many years. If you try to be patient with one another's shortcomings... and we all have them... you might be surprised in twenty years how much you've all matured and get along.

 

[pezaddict231]

I agree with all the prior posts. You definitely don't need things to be even, and you should not ask someone just out of obligation or to keep the peace. If you really don't want her to be in the bridal party, you shouldn't ask her.

I also do agree though that if she is making an effort to be nice now, you should give her a chance. I'm not sure what the problems in the past were, if it was just a personality clash or if she actually did something to upset you, but people do make mistakes and maybe she is trying to make up for it now. As your DF's SIL, she's going to be in your lives for a long time. You definitely don't need to be best friends or anything, but if you can get along I'm sure it will make everything a lot easier.

 

[Tiggernut_jadie]

I have to agree that you should try to get on with this woman. At the end of the day you will hopefully be 'kind of family' for a long time. Sometimes you have to be the bigger person and put aside personality clashes for the sake of family harmony.

That said I think you should only have this woman as a bridesmaid if you really want to. Surely the important thing is the marriage and future family relationships not that there are the 'right' amount of bridesmaids and grooms men!

 

[raysnkaysmom]

First..you dont' have to have an even number, you can have 2 men walk with 1 lady....
But, if you don't care for her, I wouldn't ask her to be the bridesmaid.. but, I would try to be her friend. Who knows, in 3 months, you may want her to be!