Bridal Showers for second marriages.

[Beth76]

My vote goes to "tacky". I could maybe understand if the first marriage ended badly or wasn't good as a whole. But, not for just changing your mind.

 

[Kallison]

When I split with my first husband, I lost everything I had. She may have a good reason for having a shower this time.

Sorry to hear you went through that -- but to me that is still not a reason to hit your friends up for more gifts. Especially if it is not too far from your 1st marriage.

 

[Kallison]

Her first husband could really qualify for sainthood. He still adores her and would have given her the shirt of his back. She "fell out of love". Too bad she didn't realize that before she had two lovely little boys.

Then it really would be no way for me. Sounds like my SIL, something more attractive just came along or she got divorced because her friends were doing it.

 

[totalia]

True. That's why I've told them no gifts at all. I don't care if I don't have anything to my name anymore. Their presence is more important. I can always buy more stuff.

 

[Sleepy]

Never had a bridal shower and never attended one, but have seen them in restaurants and I have to say I have never seen household furnishings given as shower gifts. I always thought those were for wedding gifts. I thought shower gifts were more on a personal level.

For those who think a 2nd time bride should get no shower gifts based on the fact that she has already established a house, why would you give a wedding gift? Wedding gifts are for the purpose of establishing a house as well.

 

[shortbun]

A second shower held by close friend, more of a party and personal would be ok. A second shower LONG after the first wedding-a new era kind of thing- would be ok.
A second shower for a young bride, shortly after a first wedding....kinda tacky but go and have fun. Someone is just wanting to shower her with love.

 

[hentob]

When I split with my first husband, I lost everything I had. She may have a good reason for having a shower this time.

I don't understand the "good reason" part. If she doesn't have anything and she and her new husband can't afford to buy it for themselves, then maybe they should postponne their wedding until they can afford things like towels and blenders and ice cream scoopers and whatever else people buy for showers

Or, they can go to a Dollar Store and buy some cheap stuff for themselves. But where dod she register? Pier 1. Bed, Bath and Beyond. And the OP says she feels like she was just at her first shower. Oy.

Talk about having others pick up the tab.

Tack, tacky, tacky!

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

My brother is getting married again in Oct. His bride-to-be has never been married. She wants the whole shebang.

I will go to everything that I'm invited to because I love my brother. They are concerned about everyone's feelings about being invited to "the second round." I say go only to what you are comfortable with and do it with a glad heart.

Lori

 

[Dream]

Whoa baby....there is an awful lot of "judging" going on on this thread. Life happens, and sometimes it does not happen according to the generally accepted "normal" path. Keep your minds and hearts open ya'll.

 

[aprilgail2]

I personally feel its a one time thing...you have one shower for your first wedding and that is it. Same thing with a baby shower, you get one for your first child and thats it. I would never expect a second round of gifts from people who bought them for my first wedding.

 

[helenabear]

Honestly, I never had a shower for myself. I didn't want one because my attendants were all either in college or fresh out and didn't have much money... so I told them not to do something that would cause financial harship. That said, honeslty, I don't find 2nd showers to be tacky. There are some really good reasons to have them, and if anything it does show the person how loved they are. Given that I spend considerably less on a shower than I do a wedding present, I don't find it to be that big of a deal.

And yes, I feel the same way about baby showers. Especially now with kids being spread out in ages, a lot of people *need* the items all over again.

 

[RUDisney]

A coworker invited me to her first wedding. She beat our predictions by being married for more than 6-months because the guy was such a jerk. They actually were married for 2.5 years before he threw her out for something better.

Doesn't she start dating one of my employees. Things progress... they get engaged... she doesn't want anything big because she's already done the big wedding. My employee starts getting it from his friends about how much stuff he can get with a shower and big wedding.... He convinces her to do the whole thing over. I went to the shower but couldn't bring myself to do the wedding, although I gave a gift.

I know that this one won't last either. He's going to realize that he doesn't want to be married to a lemming but to a partner and he's already said that "no one goes into a marriage these days expecting it to last more than 5-years."

So, IMO, if there is an instance where the woman left a marriage with nothing, it is a nice gesture for those closest to her to be able to help her with her new beginning. Although, I personally think that if you are going to help her, do it when she has just moved... not after she's had to struggle to make a life for herself. Another friend moved out of her fiance's house because she finally realized how controlling he was and how it would only get worse over time. She moved out with nothing. She had lived in his house, furnished by him. She had her clothes and some toiletries. At the time, I didn't know her very well, but went "shopping" in my pantry and linen closets and gave her a trunk full of bags to get her started. After finding out more about how little she had, I asked her to come to my Gramma's house with me. Gram had just passed on and my parents were liquidating the house. She was able to pick out some pots, pans, utensils, lamps and a coffee table. I think that was a better help to her than waiting for her to find her DH. She needed it more then than at their shower.

As for wedding gifts, the custom in the NE is to give cash, not housewares. So the new couple can start their lives together a nest egg. Although, in reality, many use their wedding gifts (cash) to help pay for their reception.

 

[MsLeFever]

My brother is getting married again in Oct. His bride-to-be has never been married. She wants the whole shebang.

I will go to everything that I'm invited to because I love my brother. They are concerned about everyone's feelings about being invited to "the second round." I say go only to what you are comfortable with and do it with a glad heart.

Lori

Well of course she does. If she has never been married before why not? I expect that my brother will be doing the same thing soon. You sound like a great supportive sister! Hope that your brother, like mine, is really finding the right girl this time.

 

[Beth76]

My brother is getting married again in Oct. His bride-to-be has never been married. She wants the whole shebang.

I will go to everything that I'm invited to because I love my brother. They are concerned about everyone's feelings about being invited to "the second round." I say go only to what you are comfortable with and do it with a glad heart.

Lori

This I have no problem with. It's is the bride's first wedding. Of course, she should have the whole shebang.

 

[Serena]

I guess it depends. I wouldn't like it if the person was just being greedy.

 

[totalia]

I don't understand the "good reason" part. If she doesn't have anything and she and her new husband can't afford to buy it for themselves, then maybe they should postponne their wedding until they can afford things like towels and blenders and ice cream scoopers and whatever else people buy for showers

Or, they can go to a Dollar Store and buy some cheap stuff for themselves. But where dod she register? Pier 1. Bed, Bath and Beyond. And the OP says she feels like she was just at her first shower. Oy.

Talk about having others pick up the tab.

Tack, tacky, tacky!

I really HATE that word tacky. This is not the 1950's.

It's not as simple or cheap as you seem to think it is just to go to a cheap store. It still costs money.

If you don't like it then don't go. Simple as that.

 

[NMAmy]

This I have no problem with. It's is the bride's first wedding. Of course, she should have the whole shebang.

I'm curious--how come if it's the bride's first wedding but the groom's second, it's ok? But if it's the bride's second and the groom's first, it's tacky? With community property, second-time grooms would have half of the orginal gifts in theory.

For the record, I didn't have a shower for my second wedding--we combined two households and had too much stuff already. I'm just wondering why the difference?

 

[jan/cape]

About 10 years ago a friend was marrying for the second time. It was his bride's first marriage. The bride's sister threw a small shower (approx 20 guests) for her. I really don't remember the types of gifts she recieved, but I do remember we had a lot of fun!
I do remember that when the wedding invitations arrived there was a note on the bottom that said, "Please, No Gifts" because he already owned a house and they had been living together for about a year and a half and he has a very nice career. I don't recall what she did for work at the time. They now have three children, a goreous new home and are still very much in love with each other. I know I won't be going to another shower for her ;-)

 

[Lisa F]

If you don't like it then don't go. Simple as that.

Why would someone do that when it's so much more fun to go to a board like the DIS and post about it so that you can snicker about how you're so much better than the person you are talking about? The only thing I find tacky is gossiping about this bride and how long you think her wedding will last etc. Personally if I was invited to a wedding and I felt strongly enough to post about it, I would probably just not go... you know, put your money where your mouth is so to speak.

 

[RobinMarie]

If you think it's tacky, then don't go. I look for any excuse to avoid bridal showers, all that 'ooohhhing' and 'ahhhhing'.

Personally I think it's tacky to go to a shower for a 'night out'.