Bridal shower budget etiquette...help!

[Handbag Lady]

I would first ask the MOH what she has in mind for the $300. Perhaps she has a plan already and it would appear the OP is butting in.

Clearly, she isn't butting in because she knows that the amount of money isn't enough to cover a regular party in the area. But, I know that feelings tend to run high around weddings so you have to be careful not to hurt anyone's feelings.

I would simply email the MOH and ask her what the plans are, in a very excited tone. Perhaps her answer will answer everything; perhaps this will present itself to an offer for help, since the OP lives in the area.

 

[melancholywings]

60 people seems like a lot - lol that's more than I had at my wedding!

I would ask what they plan, but also agree with you that I think it's good to not outshine the wedding - if what she has planned is simple and modest it could really be taken the wrong way.

I think if I did a shower now I'd go to the thrift store and get a bunch of mismatched china, picnic baskets and pretty blankets and have a ladies picnic.

 

[jemgumby]

In my experience being a MOH and being in charge of the bridal showers I can say I have NEVER spent that much $$$$ but they have always been very nice. First off, I say go with a venue that is free like at somebody's home....I would suggest homemade appetizers so you can accomdate the bride's special dietary needs. I would not ask the family of the bride to help with the food but that would be something divided up among the bridesmaids. It sounds like her wedding is going to very simple and I agree you don't want the shower to outdo the wedding. As far as the gift I would let each individual just get their own gifts.

 

[aprilgail2]

60 people seems like a lot - lol that's more than I had at my wedding!

I would ask what they plan, but also agree with you that I think it's good to not outshine the wedding - if what she has planned is simple and modest it could really be taken the wrong way.

I think if I did a shower now I'd go to the thrift store and get a bunch of mismatched china, picnic baskets and pretty blankets and have a ladies picnic.

I can not even imagine asking the mother and grandmother of the bride to take a seat on a blanket for the picnic shower! Sure hope you write picnic shower on the invite so people can bring chairs etc and not be expected to take a seat on the ground!
Last shower I went to had 120 women- every woman that was invited to the wedding is typically invited to the shower here. Never heard of seperate showers for each side either.

 

[MaryKLady]

OP'er here...
Thank you all so much for your thoughts and suggestions. I was really clueless about how to handle this situation but have no fear...PROBLEM SOLVED

Two of the other bridesmaids made it clear that they were not in favor of spending that much money and we should look into having it at someone's home. Yay, I am sooo relieved. And the best part is the MOH did not seem insulted in any way. I'm glad because I didn't want tensions running high this early in the planning.

 

[melancholywings]

I can not even imagine asking the mother and grandmother of the bride to take a seat on a blanket for the picnic shower! Sure hope you write picnic shower on the invite so people can bring chairs etc and not be expected to take a seat on the ground!
Last shower I went to had 120 women- every woman that was invited to the wedding is typically invited to the shower here. Never heard of seperate showers for each side either.

Not every family is the same. We held my reception in a backyard, there were chairs and tables, but the majority of the guests perferred sitting on blankets in the grass. Yeah even the elderly. But then our bridal party also provided the entertainment by belly dancing. Big and expensive doesn't always mean memorable, sentimental or fun.

 

[tinkabella627]

Not every family is the same. We held my reception in a backyard, there were chairs and tables, but the majority of the guests perferred sitting on blankets in the grass. Yeah even the elderly. But then our bridal party also provided the entertainment by belly dancing. Big and expensive doesn't always mean memorable, sentimental or fun.

Agree! And I didn't want my girls to pay a ton for a bridal shower for me bc people just don't have the money for it so we did it in a hall that was maybe $100 to rent and then my aunt and mother and cousins cooked all the food. So some families would not be offended to be asked to bring a dish in order to help keep costs down.

 

[AmongMadPeople]

How many bridesmaids are there in the weding party? If there are 10 of you then that would make 3,000 and should be enough to cover a shower...

Holy Moly...$300 is a lot to me and I live in CA! These must be pretty posh showers. We usually set up tables and chairs in a backyard, decorate with flowers and have nice little sandwiches, salads, lemonade, mimosas etc. and of course a cake.

Wow, if the showers are that elaborate, what thje weddings like!

Here in MN, showers are fairly simple and small. Sandwiches, punch cake at someones house, maybe 20 guests would be a lot.

Glad to hear I'm not the only one thinking "What?!" For my new sister-in-law's shower, her sister/MOH and other bridesmaid hosted a shower where they live, and I hosted one where all of the groom's family lives. It was like two different planets, the way we approached it. I can't count how many times I said, "What's wrong with people gathering in my home, sitting on mismatched chairs gathered from everyone I know, eating food I made?" There are just so many regional variations in how people do weddings! It's exhausting to deal with two philosophies in one wedding/shower.

OP'er here...
Thank you all so much for your thoughts and suggestions. I was really clueless about how to handle this situation but have no fear...PROBLEM SOLVED

Two of the other bridesmaids made it clear that they were not in favor of spending that much money and we should look into having it at someone's home. Yay, I am sooo relieved. And the best part is the MOH did not seem insulted in any way. I'm glad because I didn't want tensions running high this early in the planning.

That's great! Hope it all works out!

 

[JoiseyMom]

My fdil shower is going to be in August. They are looking into a party room at a local diner. The cost for breakfast buffet will be 10/person. So far so good.

We are located in Central Jersey! Oh the bridesmaids are also chipping in for a gift.