bridal shower and wedding present

[Poohforyou]

Another cultural/regional difference I guess. I was always told it was in poor form for the mother of bride or groom to host the shower. Ideally, the shower shoud be hosted by someone other than a close family member--the exception being if the bridesmaids are sisters of the bride/groom and get together to host the shower.

Yes, you're correct that the mother of the bride or groom shouldn't be hosting a shower (ala Emily Post). However, not everyone follows traditional etiquette. I was just offering up a possible explanation to a question you posed.

 

[krcit]

I work in a very small office. There are three females. This coworker is very friendly and has asked me many times to do things out of the office (but I decline for anxiety problems). She comes from a very big family (closed related portuguese). The mother of the bride requested my coworker to throw a shower for her side. To keep the peace, coworker agreed. She is by no means trying to get presents out of anybody. She is a very generous person herself. I feel obligated to give something. The bride is registered but because there are so many people going to the showers, the only things left are very very expensive things. I think I will just go to kohls and buy something there. And then just give $50 for the wedding.

I think that sounds like a great plan. Hit a good sale at Kohls and you can get a nice gift for a decent price

 

[Mom&RN]

I think what I would do would depend on who the bride and groom are. If they are young people just starting out, maybe even just moving out from living with their parents then I would go with your plan of getting something from Kohls for the shower (and maybe even for the wedding!). If they are a bit older and maybe don't need as much stuff for their home then get them gift certificates from whatever store they are registered at. That way you can get a gift card in the amount you can afford and they will have fun using them. Whatever you do, don't be tempted to overspend - I'm sure whatever you get them will be very much appreciated and it doesn't sound like you have a lot of disposable income!

 

[clh2]

Do you live near a Penzy' Spice store? Their spices makes great gifts.

 

[TaraPA]

I have never been invited to a wedding and not invited to the shower . Every woman invited to the wedding is invited to the shower are here.

Might be a regional thing. Around here showers are only for female family & close friends. With 200-300 people at a wedding in these parts, there'd be nowhere to host a shower for half that amount!

 

[scrapquitler]

I need to get some input. I am a single person. My coworker's son is getting married. I am invited to the bridal show and will be invited to the wedding. I won't be going to either (because of anxiety problems) but I still need to give a gift. How much should I spend on the bridal shower gift. How much cash should I give for the wedding present. Please keep in mind that this is for a single person and not a couple. I don't have a significant other so I don't feel that i have to give as much as a couple would give. Also I don't make a lot of money (I am 45 and have to live with my parents). Please give me some input on this.

You definitely don't need to buy a shower gift if you are not attending the shower.

You are also not required to buy a gift for the wedding if you aren't attending (if it were a friend or relative, I WOULD suggest a small gift of some sort, but since this is a mere acquaintance, it is NOT required). My suggestion would be to send a nice card with a note of congratulations and best wishes. If you are feeling extremely generous and kind, you could add a small gift, like a bottle of wine, a small gift card, a picture frame, a vase, etc. But that isn't required if you aren't attending.

And I don't blame you for not going. I wouldn't go to a wedding for my co-worker's child, even if there weren't anxiety issues in play. Unless you are friendly with your co-worker outside of the work situation, it seems gift grabby to me.

 

[PixieDustandEeyore]

I wouldn't send a shower gift since you are not attending. Also you are suppose to give enough cash to cover your meal as far as a wedding present since you aren't having a meal you should send a card with best wishes and such.

Cards are still meaningful in this day and age.

 

[DipsyDoodles]

Really? Must be a regional or cultural thing?
I can't imagine inviting so many people to a shower! My bridal shower was held at the home of a family friend, the only people invited were family members/close friends. The friend hosting the shower asked (my mom) for a list of people she should invite, and we didn't include people like my mom's co-workers, the wives of my husband's coworkers, etc even though they were women who were invited to the wedding. I've also been invited to weddings of people I don't know, or don't know well--like Dh's co-workers--and often I've never even met the bride. That's great, I love going to those weddings, but I'd be really shocked to be invited to the bride's shower!

Exactly! I'm surprised to hear that in some areas all woman invited to a wedding are invited to the shower as well. Since the gifts are usually opened individually, I think it would be a bit uncomfortable to open a card and read the name and not know who the person was giving the gift (i.e., a co-workers wife or relatives girlfriend).

 

[Metsfan520]

The only showers I've been invited to have been for family. I was invited to 2 different co-workers weddings, and not invited to either shower. And this is in the NY Metro area.

OP, you should give what ever you feel comfortable giving.