bridal shower and wedding present

[buzz2400]

I need to get some input. I am a single person. My coworker's son is getting married. I am invited to the bridal show and will be invited to the wedding. I won't be going to either (because of anxiety problems) but I still need to give a gift. How much should I spend on the bridal shower gift. How much cash should I give for the wedding present. Please keep in mind that this is for a single person and not a couple. I don't have a significant other so I don't feel that i have to give as much as a couple would give. Also I don't make a lot of money (I am 45 and have to live with my parents). Please give me some input on this.

 

[aprilgail2]

If you are not even going to go to either of them then just spend what you want- you can spend 25 dollars on the shower gift and send a check for 50.00 for the wedding if that is what you can afford!

 

[Poohforyou]

Is the couple registered anywhere? If so, I'd probably pick 2 things off the registry and send one for the shower and the other for the wedding.

 

[rigs32]

This is your coworkers son. Not a relative Not a friend. I would send a card. That's it. If I can't go to a shower - regardless of relationship - I don't give a gift for one.

 

[DebbieB]

I need to get some input. I am a single person. My coworker's son is getting married. I am invited to the bridal show and will be invited to the wedding. I won't be going to either (because of anxiety problems) but I still need to give a gift. How much should I spend on the bridal shower gift. How much cash should I give for the wedding present. Please keep in mind that this is for a single person and not a couple. I don't have a significant other so I don't feel that i have to give as much as a couple would give. Also I don't make a lot of money (I am 45 and have to live with my parents). Please give me some input on this.

Is the coworker a close friend? If not, I would only send a wedding card or maybe something from the registry.

 

[tzolkin]

Why do you "need" to give a gift?

You are not close to this person. You are not attending either event. If you had extra cash and want to give a gift, that's fine. But I don't see why you are obligated to give one.

 

[Swan4Me]

I would just send a card-
no money

 

[karly05]

If I were not going to a shower, I would not get a shower gift.

I wouldn't feel obligated to do this, but if I had a friendly relationship with the co-worker, I probably would want to give a modest gift for the wedding (for me, that would be something off the registry, or maybe a gift card, although I've read online that in some areas, "things" are for showers and cash is for weddings).

 

[VAfamily1998]

I'm really surprised that you were invited to the shower, when it's just a co-workers son who is getting married.
Whatever happened to showers being for close friends and relatives only? Now, everyone invited to the wedding is invited to the shower as well? Sounds like it's just a gift-grab!

I'd just see if they are registered anywhere
http://www.weddingchannel.com/

and pick something small (personally, I wouldn't spend more than $25 or so) and send it a couple weeks before the wedding as a wedding gift.

 

[Shyvioletisme]

I would just send a card-
no money

this.

 

[LuvLDM]

I don't think a gift for either occasion is necessary.
If you feel like you want to send something then I would choose an inexpensive item off the registry as wedding gift.

 

[aprilgail2]

I'm really surprised that you were invited to the shower, when it's just a co-workers son who is getting married.
Whatever happened to showers being for close friends and relatives only? Now, everyone invited to the wedding is invited to the shower as well? .

I have never been invited to a wedding and not invited to the shower . Every woman invited to the wedding is invited to the shower are here.

 

[Poohforyou]

I'm really surprised that you were invited to the shower, when it's just a co-workers son who is getting married.
Whatever happened to showers being for close friends and relatives only? Now, everyone invited to the wedding is invited to the shower as well? Sounds like it's just a gift-grab!

I'd just see if they are registered anywhere
http://www.weddingchannel.com/

and pick something small (personally, I wouldn't spend more than $25 or so) and send it a couple weeks before the wedding as a wedding gift.

Maybe the co-worker is throwing a shower for her son and future DIL and inviting her friends. To me a wedding is only for close friends and relatives and a few people I work with are close friends.

 

[VAfamily1998]

I have never been invited to a wedding and not invited to the shower . Every woman invited to the wedding is invited to the shower are here.

Really? Must be a regional or cultural thing?
I can't imagine inviting so many people to a shower! My bridal shower was held at the home of a family friend, the only people invited were family members/close friends. The friend hosting the shower asked (my mom) for a list of people she should invite, and we didn't include people like my mom's co-workers, the wives of my husband's coworkers, etc even though they were women who were invited to the wedding. I've also been invited to weddings of people I don't know, or don't know well--like Dh's co-workers--and often I've never even met the bride. That's great, I love going to those weddings, but I'd be really shocked to be invited to the bride's shower!

 

[VAfamily1998]

Maybe the co-worker is throwing a shower for her son and future DIL and inviting her friends. To me a wedding is only for close friends and relatives and a few people I work with are close friends.

Another cultural/regional difference I guess. I was always told it was in poor form for the mother of bride or groom to host the shower. Ideally, the shower shoud be hosted by someone other than a close family member--the exception being if the bridesmaids are sisters of the bride/groom and get together to host the shower.

 

[buzz2400]

I work in a very small office. There are three females. This coworker is very friendly and has asked me many times to do things out of the office (but I decline for anxiety problems). She comes from a very big family (closed related portuguese). The mother of the bride requested my coworker to throw a shower for her side. To keep the peace, coworker agreed. She is by no means trying to get presents out of anybody. She is a very generous person herself. I feel obligated to give something. The bride is registered but because there are so many people going to the showers, the only things left are very very expensive things. I think I will just go to kohls and buy something there. And then just give $50 for the wedding.

 

[VAfamily1998]

I work in a very small office. There are three females. This coworker is very friendly and has asked me many times to do things out of the office (but I decline for anxiety problems). She comes from a very big family (closed related portuguese). The mother of the bride requested my coworker to throw a shower for her side. To keep the peace, coworker agreed. She is by no means trying to get presents out of anybody. She is a very generous person herself. I feel obligated to give something. The bride is registered but because there are so many people going to the showers, the only things left are very very expensive things. I think I will just go to kohls and buy something there. And then just give $50 for the wedding.

You sound like a very kind friend.

 

[onelilspark]

I've been unable to go to showers in the past and many times in that situation I'll send a gift card to one of the stores they're registered to for a smaller amount with a card to whoever is hosting the shower to give to the bride at the shower. The idea of a shower is to "shower" the couple with gifts...not really money per se... That being said, I think it's silly to pay for shipping just because you can't attend, it's really more the thought than anything. And if everything on the registry is over your budget, I think it's perfectly acceptable.

As far as the wedding gift...give what you can and what you feel is appropriate. Don't put yourself out just because you think you *should* give a certain amount.

 

[DebbieB]

I work in a very small office. There are three females. This coworker is very friendly and has asked me many times to do things out of the office (but I decline for anxiety problems). She comes from a very big family (closed related portuguese). The mother of the bride requested my coworker to throw a shower for her side. To keep the peace, coworker agreed. She is by no means trying to get presents out of anybody. She is a very generous person herself. I feel obligated to give something. The bride is registered but because there are so many people going to the showers, the only things left are very very expensive things. I think I will just go to kohls and buy something there. And then just give $50 for the wedding.

From someone who has had anxiety problems in the past, I think it would help you if you would try to go out when she invites you. I'm doing things today that I never dreamed of 10 years ago. For example, I hated driving places I did not know. I didn't like driving on highways. I was forced to do it for my job, I became a trainer and had to travel (my prior job was being eliminated so it was become a trainer or look elsewhere). Now, I drive anywhere, including the freeways of Southern California. Push yourself out there.

 

[Swan4Me]

I have never been invited to a wedding and not invited to the shower . Every woman invited to the wedding is invited to the shower are here.

I've been to weddings with 200 guests-they were not all at the shower

It sounds like a gift grabbing invite-its one thing if a coworker is getting married and you are close-their child? thats a gift grab