Boys will be boys???

[Disney_1derland]

Okay, parents of boys....this question is for you!

I'm involved in a project with another mother at our children's elementary school and she uses this as an excuse for her son's behavior all the time.

Is this common and acceptable? Do parents really use this as an excuse for their ill behaved children? We only have girls and they are VERY well behaved and I would never dream of excusing their behavior with this type of nonsense.

Let me give you an extreme example. At one point her child broke the cupboard doors off the cupboards in his classroom. Literally ripped them right off because he was 'bored'. Mom's explanation to the teacher was "It's your fault he's bored, Boys will be Boys."

Now, knowing this child he is ALWAYS bored. Nothing entertains him and his mother claims it's because he's too mature for other children his age. My view is more that he's too immature, having seen him in action. He's also about 5 times the size of other kids his age so yes, he really does have the physical strength to do some damage.

Anyhow, back to the point. Do you or anyone you've experienced actually use the "Boys will be Boys" excuse???

 

[Beth76]

I have two rambunctious boys and I do say that. But, I don't really use it as an excuse for bad behavior. Ripping of cabinet doors--definitely a bad thing. Building a fort out of couch cusions in the living room and making a huge mess--boys will be boys.

 

[In a hurry]

I hear it all the time (first grade teacher!) And while I believe that boys do hormonely have a different energy than girls, that does not excuse out of control behavior. Regardless of boredom, etc., any child who does not have a serious physical/emotional/behavioral/ disorder can be taught to follow the basic rules for living in society!

 

[Disney_1derland]

Building a fort out of couch cusions in the living room and making a huge mess--boys will be boys.

Hey wait! My GIRLS do that!

 

[barkley]

i've even heard this excuse from teachers/principals when complaining about bullying "it's just a boy thing" (the flip side is when girls get to be clichey/nasty/downright mean "its what little girls do"). no-i don't think so! bad behaviour is bad behaviour.

my son is def. different than my daughter but they both have behavioural standards they must maintain.

 

[mommaU4]

I have 3 girls and 1 boy and my girls are actually alot more destructive and MESSY than my son.
I don't buy the whole "boys will be boys" bit at all. It sounds like an excuse for lazy parenting.
I want to do my best to raise my son to be respectable and mature. Also kind and courteous. He's only 11 but we've already talked about dating and one of the things I've told him is to treat a girl with respect. Bring her a small gift. Open the car door. That sort of thing. These are things my DH did and still does for me and he sees that, so I hope it rubs off on him.

I'm not sure what this other mom's deal is, but to just say "boy will be boys" and let them get away with whatever they want as kids makes me wonder what sort of men they will grow up to be? Certainly not the sort I'd want any of my girls bringing home!

 

[crazelion]

It's happening right now with mom's foster son he destroy stuff left and right and she does not do anything about it. Just face it parents don't care these days. But I believe that things like destory stuff she be punsish for.

 

[Sparx]

I think that that is a pitiful excuse for bad behavior. Like Beth said, building a fort, well even I did taht one when I was little, but RIPPING DOORS OFF! Do the other boys do this? Then he isn't being a boy, he is being a holy terror.

 

[ducklite]

I have two rambunctious boys and I do say that. But, I don't really use it as an excuse for bad behavior. Ripping of cabinet doors--definitely a bad thing. Building a fort out of couch cusions in the living room and making a huge mess--boys will be boys.

I agree 100%! Destoying things like that is simply inexcusable. It actually sounds like this child might be ADHD or have one of a dozen possible mental illnesses.

Like Beth said, boys will build forts, play in mud, build an AK-47 out of drinking straws and rubber bands, lose everything they own and then some, "borrow" your tools and leave them in the yard to rust, make "explosions" out of baking soda and vinegar in the kitchen sink every Saturday afternoon, and do 360 degree spins in their beds every night. But there's a big difference between those things and wanton disregard and destruction.

Anne

 

[Tink0374]

I am the mother of two very spirited boys ages 8 and 12...however, this child sounds like he may be suffering from ADD or ADHD. My oldest son was very destructive when he was younger due to "boredom". When he was diagnosed, the psychiatrist explained to us that his destructive behavior was the result of his under-developed cognitive thinking skills. He would act without thinking about the consequences. Since his diagnosis, he has improved drastically. Note...my son suffers from a genetic disorder and is unable to take any form of ADD medication. We simply started giving him coffee with his breakfast in the morning. His psychiatrist explained to us that the caffeine has an opposite effect on people with ADD or ADHD and acts as a stimulant to help keep them focused. Perhaps you could suggest this to the other mother in a very diplomatic way.

 

[disykat]

I agree. I have boys and I might say it if they play in the mud, make car noises, laugh at potty jokes, or pick up a stick and pretend it's a gun. It is not an excuse for bad behavior.

 

[Mom2be]

My SIL continually says, "Well I have boys." I don't know what that means but Okay!
~Amanda

 

[DawnCt1]

Boys will be boys, but as others have said, that is not an excuse for negative, destructive behavior. On the other hand, I think that there is a reluctance on many people to acknowledge the difference. Teachers, administrators, playground supervisors, etc, need to understand that boys have different play habits, different learning styles and can't be expected to behave like girls. Boys are being left behind educationally and in many ways, socially. Its time to acknowledge the differences and figure out how to deal with the problem. A great book that I would recommend is the War Against Boys. It is written by a feminist, Christina Hoff Somers (sp) and talks about how modern day feminism is hurting boys.

 

[Beth76]

Hey wait! My GIRLS do that!

Sorry. Ok then, how about climbing up on the backs of the couches and diving into the fort, thus destoying it? Boys will be boys.

 

[WIcruizer]

Unfortunately, it doesn't work for ADULT boys. Believe me..I tried.

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

I always thought "Boys will be boys.." mean the difference in energy levels between boys and girls.

I have watched my niece (who is going to be 2 at the end of the month) and DS play together. DS wants to knock things over, pretend like he's 'shooting' you with toy 'guns', that sort of thing. DNiece just wants to play with her dolls.

I also have to admit I use that phrase when DS does something sort of silly, like bump his head and then laugh about it. Yup..he'll bump his head and think it's funny for some reason.

TOV

 

[daisyduck123]

1st grade teacher....

a few years ago, during the 1st week of school, one of my boy students (a student new to our school that year) hit another child.

When I told the mother that day...her response was..."Well, that's what 6 year old boys do...they hit".

I couldn't believe it.

I replied, "No, not at ________ Elementary they don't. I don't think they did at your Montessori school (where he was for Kindergarten either) either".

I knew right then that I was in for a rough year with her.

I was so glad this year when I saw that her next son was not on my class list for this year!

 

[Stacerita]

I dont buy the "boys will be boys" thing. Yes boys are a bit more rowdy than girls (most boys I will say) and they seem to have a different energy level as well. But there is no excuse for distructive behavior or plain being bad. Boys will be boys, yes. But naughty boys will be naughty men.

 

[Florida_Mom]

I've said it, too. DH and I have 2 boys that are very active. I often joke that they were born in the wrong era...they should have been out plowing the fields all day and getting worn out.

(I've noticed that they do great at Disney when they have to walk around all day. No fighting or bugging each other, either.) They received all outdoor activities for Christmas this year to add to the trampoline in our back yard which has really helped with their need to move, move, move!!!

My older son was in basketball camp during Christmas break and that really helped, too. I guess the bottom line for my family is just to keep them physically active.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

Boys and girls definitely have a different "world view"--anyone who tells you that there aren't differences has never had one of each! Boys love weapons and destruction and getting messy. Some girls do, too, but are more likely to make a mess doing crafts than they are dragging in the perfect muddy stick to be a light saber.

However, there is no excuse for bad behavior and detruction of other people's property. There's a time and place for being active, and ripping cabinet doors off is a definite "no no". A school aged child isn't too young to learn that. It's a poor excuse for poor parenting. Not sure if it's an underlying condition, like some have suggested, or if the child doesn't have enough safe outlets for his energy. Sports and running around outdoors are a great way for kids to explore and move and learn on their own. In fact, we've discovered that when DS8 is in a funk (happens, he's sensitive), the best thing to do is get him moving in some physical activity. Whether it's skiing or shovelling (we have a lot of snow, we're in the Adirondacks), or, in other seasons, kicking a soccer ball around or raking leaves--we just find that the physical activity does wonders for his mood. Sometimes it earns him $$, too, which really brightens his day!

This mother is doing her son a grave disservice, by not either getting him the medical treatment he needs, or not helping him control his actions. Does she think it's going to be easier as he gets bigger?