Boy suspended for wearing his hair too long

[cheermom1]

I forgot to respond to this part of your post this morning so sorry for quoting it again.
I find your friends' fears interesting. Isn't it equally likely that a little girl with a pixie cut, wearing her older brother's hand me downs would be mistakenly reported as a missing boy from a distance? Unless you are going to mandate that all girls must have long hair and all boys short hair her safety concern is not really going to work (yes, I do understand it is just a nightmare she has and not anything she rationally believes, but this illustrates that there is no true identification safety issue justifying boys and only boys to have a specific hair length).

No, but it is trying to make boys fit a preconceived idea of who and what they must be that girls are not made to fit. I find it almost as repulsive as when girls were told they had to take home economics and not science classes. I also actually think at times (with some people--no one here) this issue runs deeper: specifically prohibitting boys from doing something preceived as femine as a backlash against the gay community (I think this because I have often heard men comment that long hair on their sons is not okay because it is "too gay" or "girlie" Odd thoguht process given that I know very few gay men with long hair). What I am saying is that this type of thing could also be a bigger civil rights issue than it seems on the surface (not that I think this specific family is fighting for any such rights, I agree they seem pretty much interested in getting attention, but you never know).



So what is the parent supposed to do with the child while the appeal goes through (it could take a year or more, or you may never win). If your beliefs prevent you from cutting the hair, how do you NOT involve the child? Serious question here. Not trying to give you a hard time, I just don't see HOW to avoid involving the kid.

One final thought (and again, I DO get the vibe that this family is out looking for a fight and not really worried about their child and his feelings), everyone keeps feeling sorry for the boy having to stay in the library with an aid and not playing in class with his friends. I agree most kids would rather be in the classroom--but am I the only person on here whoe kid would have LOVED being out of the crowd and having one on one attention at that age (DD would still love that at 13; she hates "big" groups). Not every kid loves school and many preschoolers love one on one time with any adult.
Also, of course, the school COULD allow him into the classroom during the appeals process if they wanted to. He is not endangering anyone. I feel it is as much the school as the parents keeping this kid from the classroom.

I agree with the bolded statement ...the school is just a part of the child "suffering" as the parents...so why are we not saying the same things about the school as we are about the parents ...

 

[NHdisneylover]

He is four years old. He is not required to be in school. She can take care of her child. If it takes a year then it takes a year. You want the child sitting in time out for all of that time?

I interpreted the comment I had quoted to be in reference to a Sihk parent trying to change the rule for their child (who might well be older and need to eb in school). My question was what is THAT parent supposed to do with a child while filing an appeal? Sorry if I was not clear.

 

[cheermom1]

Because the PARENTS have chosen to subject their child to daily time out. They are not paying the penalty. A poor little boy with NO control over his circumstance is paying the price.

Mommy and Daddy just appear to be attention <blanks>, imo. THis is their 15 minutes of fame.

But how do you really know that??? do you know them personally?

fyi: I think they are thinking along those lines as well but since I don't know them or their intentions I am not going to assume ...

 

[NHdisneylover]

I have to say one of the thigns I love about the DIS is eventually we all find common gorund I think this may be the first time ever I have been on cheermom1's side in a debate
Can I also say that I love how civil this discussion is staying. It is fun to talk about this with people who are being polite in the process

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

I interpreted the comment I had quoted to be in reference to a Sihk parent trying to change the rule for their child (who might well be older and need to eb in school). My question was what is THAT parent supposed to do with a child while filing an appeal? Sorry if I was not clear.

Sorry. I know that our district works with people. We live in a university town with a wide mix of people. When someone new comes along with a different religious need, they work with them. The easiest example being the Jewish population and holidays.

I would suspect that most districts do the same. No one wants to be sued on those grounds.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I agree, pick you battles. There are many rules that are unnecessary not only in schools but in life and even in the law. It is counter productive to fight every one of them. I don't see this battle as one worth wasting time one. The same goes for the shirt tucking for boys only. I think most of the gender specific rules are outdated and just a waste of effort to enforce. If this family really does feel this is one of those battles they just have to fight for whatever reason then they should fight it but it should be done through the proper channels.

Just because this can be analogous to Rosa Parks and slavery doesn't mean it carries the same importance. I would file those things on the battle worth fighting pile personally. I realize everyone puts different things on the important file but often times we lose sight of the practical while fighting for the ideal. There are much more important battles to fight in the school systems. I think this one should wait until after issues like proper funding, future leaning curriculum, and issues like them that are much more important are taken care of.

Just my opinion and I recognize it isn't the only one.

I admit I am probably much more senstitive to anything that seeks to force boys to be less "feminine" because DS gets so much flack (from adults, almost never from kids) for being a ballet dancer. Oh, and I do think funding, curriculum and the like are much more important than hair length. I wish the schools thoguht so too (think how many resources are being wasted on this which could go to making a child's education better!)

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

[/B]

But how do you really know that??? do you know them personally?

fyi: I think they are thinking along those lines as well but since I don't know them or their intentions I am not going to assume ...

If someone parades a child around to make their point, that is good enough for me. It does that poor little boy no good for the world to see him, does it? Thus the attention need is elsewhere.

 

[FireDancer]

I interpreted the comment I had quoted to be in reference to a Sihk parent trying to change the rule for their child (who might well be older and need to eb in school). My question was what is THAT parent supposed to do with a child while filing an appeal? Sorry if I was not clear.

There are constitutional protections for certain things and not others. As it stands the family would have constitutional law and precedent on their side which in the eyes of the law makes the objection different.

As far as I know there is no constitutional protection for hair length so while the moral objection may be the same the legal one is not.

 

[NHdisneylover]

There are constitutional protections for certain things and not others. As it stands the family would have constitutional law and precedent on their side which in the eyes of the law makes the objection different.

As far as I know there is no constitutional protection for hair length so while the moral objection may be the same the legal one is not.

Yes, I totally understand that. I simply misunderstood what the pp was saying and thougt she felt that even the Sihk family should somehow manage to put their child in school while fighting it out with the district and not get the child's hair cut and I did not see how that would be possible. I also think some small, isolate communities might not have a policy in place and a child may have to miss some school until teh lawyers get involved and inform a school board that they better make a religious exemption pretty quickly (and if the parents are new to the country, they may not know HOW to fight this on relisious grounds in the USA but know they cannot bring themselves to violate their beliefs and cut their boy's hair).

 

[FireDancer]

Yes, I totally understand that. I simply misunderstood what the pp was saying and thougt she felt that even the Sihk family should somehow manage to put their child in school while fighting it out with the district and not get the child's hair cut and I did not see how that would be possible.

Yeah, I get that. I interpreted it a bit differently only because I didn't think the Sihk family would have to fight it but I guess we don't know. I was going by the assumption that there were exceptions for religion in the dress code. Of course that assumption could be wrong.

 

[cheermom1]

I have to say one of the thigns I love about the DIS is eventually we all find common gorund I think this may be the first time ever I have been on cheermom1's side in a debate
Can I also say that I love how civil this discussion is staying. It is fun to talk about this with people who are being polite in the process

I know isn't it great that this thread has stayed so civil

I'm glad that it has ..everyone is different in their opinions which is why the world is so different ...so if the world is different and we are a melting pot (usa) why are we still trying to tell anyone how they should have their hair...

anyway while I disagree with the how the mother is handling this I'm not willing to go their and change this rule my way so I'll let her do it her way...

 

[luvmy3]

[/B]

I agree with the bolded statement ...the school is just a part of the child "suffering" as the parents...so why are we not saying the same things about the school as we are about the parents ...

Because its the parents choice to allow their child to be punished. The school is stuck, they made the rule and need to enforce it. I believe they tried and gave the mother an alternative that she turned down. The responsibility of the suffering falls on the parent here.
At least thats my opinion anyway

 

[padams]

I wonder if this child in Texas will become a rebellious teenager and get a crewcut and wear only polo shirts and khakis.

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

I wonder if this child in Texas will become a rebellious teenager and get a crewcut and wear only polo shirts and khakis.

lol, rather like the children of the 80's with the parents of the 60's!

 

[NHdisneylover]

I wonder if this child in Texas will become a rebellious teenager and get a crewcut and wear only polo shirts and khakis.

A little Alex P Keaton only further extremes on the parents' end? You never know

 

[ElizK]

OP, here. I've followed this thread with interest since I posted it. I never posted my opinion. I agree with those that have said this little boy is a pawn, and that most 4 year olds couldn't care less. It's the mom who wants his hair longer. I also think the school has a right to make rules/regulations, and to enforce them. If one thinks the rules ought to be changed, go through the proper channels.

The one point in this whole thing that I am struggling with is whether the rule itself is out-dated or unfair. Why do boys have to have shorter hair if girls are allowed to have long hair. For me personally, I don't like to see boys/men with long hair. It looks unkempt to me. Completely my personal preference. A weak argument, I'm the first to admit.

 

[3jsmommy]

It seems that I'm a little late here, but I've actally read the whole thread! I'm just astounded that a public school could even have such a rule..they might wan't to check the calander!!
To all the posters who believe long hair on men is low class...there was one man that I believe many of you would like your son's to emulate, even though he was certainly a rebel and by all acounts his hair was past his collar.
Do the initials J.C. give you any idea who I'm referring to?
I kind of feel like watching "Footloose" now for some reason!

 

[Art 1]

It seems that I'm a little late here, but I've actally read the whole thread! I'm just astounded that a public school could even have such a rule..they might wan't to check the calander!!
To all the posters who believe long hair on men is low class...there was one man that I believe many of you would like your son's to emulate, even though he was certainly a rebel and by all acounts his hair was past his collar.
Do the initials J.C. give you any idea who I'm referring to?
I kind of feel like watching "Footloose" now for some reason!

Yyyyaaaawwwwnnnnnnnn. That is so old of an argument. It has nothing to do with with today's hair styles.

 

[elbigvato]

I think the biggest thing to remember is that every region of the country is going to have very different ideologies about dress code. This case is happening in Texas, where we still hold a very conservative view of the world. We are not "backwards" or "behind the times." Most school districts here have a policy on hair, plus many districts are moving to a school uniform.

Yes, especially public schools. It may kill some individuality, but it also kills some of the gang identifying clothing that kids will wear (maybe not 4 year olds, but certainly junior high and high school students).

If you thought the hair rule was a bit much, at the school where I teach, male students are not to have any piercings whatsoever, and girls can only have piercings on the lobe of the ear.

And just as a side comment, I just received a letter from the school saying that my son's hair is too long -- I better get the clippers out!

 

[3jsmommy]

Yyyyaaaawwwwnnnnnnnn. That is so old of an argument. It has nothing to do with with today's hair styles.

But...wwjd?
Would he cut his hair just to conform to the rules of some coservative public school district in Texas?
If he did would he have a chance at becoming an upstanding citizen one day?