Both sons want contacts but only one can wear them.

[alv0064]

Both my sons, ages 11 and 13 wear glasses. Neither like them very much but 11 in particular doesn’t and keeps asking if he can wear contacts. Due to his particular eye problem, he cannot wear contacts. 13 doesn’t have that problem nor does he complain as much about his glasses. But yesterday he said he knows 11 doesn’t want him to, but can he please have contacts?

How should we approach this situation? I know 11 will be mad that 13 is going around without glasses, but also he can’t dictate what others do.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Which one of the two did not want to cut his hair for his new job?

 

[dez1978]

Does 13 only want them to make 11 mad? Bc that is something my 11 yr old would do to his younger brother. Something he couldn’t care less about but suddenly will be DYING to have it just bc the 8 year old wants it or is it just my kid that’s a jerk?

 

[tvguy]

As a former contact lens wearer, I'd say both are too young for contacts.

 

[Karin1984]

Which one of the two did not want to cut his hair for his new job?

An 11 or 13 year old working in one of those traditional stores that still make male employees wear ties and all that, and he says he needs to cut his hair short (off collars/ears/eyes) for it.

If the OP hadn't said 'both my sons', I would have suggested that the hair-issue is for son #3.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Does 13 only want them to make 11 mad? Bc that is something my 11 yr old would do to his younger brother. Something he couldn’t care less about but suddenly will be DYING to have it just bc the 8 year old wants it or is it just my kid that’s a jerk?

I would figure this out before going to the trouble and expense for contacts for someone who may not even wind up actually wearing them.

 

[sam_gordon]

Which one of the two did not want to cut his hair for his new job?

An 11 or 13 year old working in one of those traditional stores that still make male employees wear ties and all that, and he says he needs to cut his hair short (off collars/ears/eyes) for it.

If the OP hadn't said 'both my sons', I would have suggested that the hair-issue is for son #3.

Here's what Dan and Karin are referring to: https://www.disboards.com/threads/son-says-he-needs-to-cut-his-long-hair-for-job.3895791/

 

[Dan Murphy]

An 11 or 13 year old working in one of those traditional stores that still make male employees wear ties and all that, and he says he needs to cut his hair short (off collars/ears/eyes) for it.

If the OP hadn't said 'both my sons', I would have suggested that the hair-issue is for son #3.

My thought also.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Here's what Dan and Karin are referring to: https://www.disboards.com/threads/son-says-he-needs-to-cut-his-long-hair-for-job.3895791/

Thanks, Sam.

 

[fly girl]

As a former contact lens wearer, I'd say both are too young for contacts.

I was 12 years old when I got contacts, I got them before glasses. I still wear them 36+ years later. They are not too young if they are taught how to properly maintain them. And with disposables, that can make it even easier!

Agree with PP who said find out if ds13 really wants them or just wants them to irritate ds11.

 

[sam_gordon]

As a former contact lens wearer, I'd say both are too young for contacts.

A quick google search shows 11-13 is a "normal" age, and some even say 8 year olds can wear them.

https://www.google.com/search?q=how...402j0i512l5.2638j0j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

 

[AppleDumpling]

Guess I missed the haircut thread, LOL

Both my sons, ages 11 and 13 wear glasses. Neither like them very much but 11 in particular doesn’t and keeps asking if he can wear contacts. Due to his particular eye problem, he cannot wear contacts. 13 doesn’t have that problem nor does he complain as much about his glasses. But yesterday he said he knows 11 doesn’t want him to, but can he please have contacts?

How should we approach this situation? I know 11 will be mad that 13 is going around without glasses, but also he can’t dictate what others do.

I would consider getting contact lenses for a 13-year-old if I felt he was responsible enough to deal with the daily care and maintenance, including always washing hands when handling them, to prevent infection. I would also hope his motivation for wanting then goes beyond making his brother jealous. If that’s the case, it won’t hurt to wait a few more years.

As for your younger son, assuming he was told by an eye doctor that contacts are not an option for him, he needs to accept that. He may be able to wear them in the future or may not. Each child has individual needs, and he needs to realize that life isn’t always fair.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Is the condition of not being able to use contacts permanent or temporary? Maybe get a second opinion?

Also, can something be done to help the younger boy? Is the dislike due to sports so maybe goggles would help or does he just hate the style glasses he has? Maybe he'd be ok if they were cooler or something.

I wouldn't hold one back because he other child can't do a thing. If the older gets contacts maybe let younger have a bit if independence in another way, so if the older gets contacts maybe he can get new cool shoes or a jacket or something else.

I'd also start to ask questions about bullying if this came out of the blue.

 

[Colleen27]

I don't think it is reasonable to hold one child back because the other can't do a thing. If one son was asthmatic and couldn't play certain sports, would you say neither should be able to?

That's about the perfect age to start adjusting to contacts, IMO, so I wouldn't say no to the child who can wear them. It is easier to get used to putting them in/taking them out when young, I think, and disposables have made the care and upkeep much easier. I've been wearing contacts daily since 11 - my eye doctor usually held to 13 as a minimum age, back before disposables, but made an exception for me because my bad eyes were getting in the way of my sport - and they've gotten so much more user friendly over the last 30-odd years. Also, so much less of a commitment for a kid wanting to try them because you can buy a single box for each eye to see if your son really will wear them and take appropriate care of them before ordering a full year's supply.

 

[tvguy]

A quick google search shows 11-13 is a "normal" age, and some even say 8 year olds can wear them.

https://www.google.com/search?q=how...402j0i512l5.2638j0j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

Sorry, that is just plan crazy. Too young to understand the importance of the hygiene needed to car for lenses.

 

[tvguy]

I was 12 years old when I got contacts, I got them before glasses. I still wear them 36+ years later. They are not too young if they are taught how to properly maintain them. And with disposables, that can make it even easier!

Agree with PP who said find out if ds13 really wants them or just wants them to irritate ds11.

I wore glasses from age 10 to age 20 and then switched to contacts. Wore contacts from age 20 until about age 35. My kids kept bringing home upper respiratory infections from school and passing them on to me which made it nearly impossible to wear contacts any more.

 

[Taxtherich12]

Sorry, that is just plan crazy. Too young to understand the importance of the hygiene needed to car for lenses.

I agree. My youngest is 12 and wears glasses. She’s asked for contacts half seriously. I tell her no and she lets it go. In the op’s case, let the 13 do what he wants.

 

[Colleen27]

Sorry, that is just plan crazy. Too young to understand the importance of the hygiene needed to car for lenses.

Kids that age learn really well when they're motivated, so if they want contacts, they tend to do just fine. At least that was the case for me and for my two kids who have worn them.

 

[fly girl]

I wore glasses from age 10 to age 20 and then switched to contacts. Wore contacts from age 20 until about age 35. My kids kept bringing home upper respiratory infections from school and passing them on to me which made it nearly impossible to wear contacts any more.

What? How does their infections relate your contact lenses? Didn’t you wash your hands properly before caring for them?

Idk, guess we are going to have to agree to disagree. If my child (she’s 14, wears glasses, does not want contacts) wanted to wear contacts over glasses, I wouldn’t have any hesitation at ages 11 or 13. With my background I wouldn’t even blink an eye at age 10.

Self confidence is big at tween/teen years. I remember not telling my parents earlier that my vision was getting worse because I was afraid I’d have to wear glasses. Stupid, I know! But they didn’t hesitate to let me have contacts (gas permeable) at age 12.

 

[sam_gordon]

Sorry, that is just plan crazy. Too young to understand the importance of the hygiene needed to car for lenses.

The experts (those trained in ophthalmology presumably) disagree with you.