Birthday's and paying

[merryweather20]

OMG _ this is just too funny and oftentimes so true! I'm sending this to DH since it's his friends who do the party thing and the last one was $100 each! Needless to say, we are the only ones with kids and a mortgage in the group.

Where in the world do you guys eat dinner? I'm down the street from one of the top three wine cellars in the world and even there I'd be hard pressed to come up with a tab of $168 for 1 +1/10th of a person. Heck never mind that I've only had one restaurant refuse to do up separate cheques.

I've certainly had similar informal birthday dinners, and I've never given it a second thought, if we're not on the ball then the birth-day girl might very well make the call herself. I feel badly that she had to make the arrangements herself, not outraged that I'm not getting a free ride.

 

[jessily]

My friends do this as well, not always, but it's never a big deal. Usually the outing is set up by a friend or boyfriend/girlfriend of the birthday person. Everyone pays for their own meal and either chips in extra for the birthday person or buys them a drink (or in many instances the birthday person's boyfriend/girlfriend will cover their meal). We wouldn't think twice if the birthday person themselves called around to see if anyone wanted to get together for their birthday. We certainly wouldn't feel like we were being conned into buying them a meal. We're in our mid 20s and as we get further out from college we seem to be doing this less and less. I think it's a nice tradition among a close group of friends though.

 

[Becky2005]

I haven't read everything but it sounds like this is the tradition you have with this group of friends.

Since it's the normal thing with this particular group of friends, I wouldn't think anything of it. Now, if you just randomly invited new people out for your birthday and expected them to pay that would be weird.

I just had my 9 year old's birthday party at a movie theatre, since he wanted my nephew there, I went ahead and invited my brother/SIL & niece. I know my SIL asked about 50 times if I was paying since I don't think she was expecting that BUT I invited them, I fully intended to pay their way.

I've always been of the mindset of if you are inviting, you are paying UNLESS it's a casual type of thing & whatever the norm is for your family/friends.

 

[Kim1964]

I can't believe I found this thread today. DH and I were just talking about this kind of thing over the weekend, as we've been invited to pay $150 to attend a birthday party (to be fair to DH's friend, it's a surprise party so it isn't the guest of honor doing this). I'm very opposed, as I fear the menu will be fixed and I'll end up eating a $75 potato. It's important to DH so we are going, but I would be mortified if I ever found out my friends were invited to a party and asked to pay for it.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

If that's the way you've always done it, I see nothing wrong with it.

 

[ShootingStarMom2]

I guess my friends and I all understand that we don't have the money to take everyone. We've done everything from Macaroni Grill to Portillos and no one has ever had a problem with paying their own way. I've just come to expect that, especially now that people are not spending like they used to. I think it's just easier that way anyway because not everyone is going to eat/drink the same things. Nothing drives me more nuts than saying "we'll just split the check" when you had steak with drinks and I had a salad with a water.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

If it's established, no big deal. That is what your group expects. So many times what is considered "rude" is a factor of cultural norms, and even within the same family can vary from group to group, culture to culture.

The last time I celebrated my birthday with anyone (probably 2 or 3 years ago) we simply went to a Mexican Restaurant and we all paid our own way. That is how my group of friends likes to roll.

 

[frndshpcptn]

The other day, I was talking to a friend of mine. My birthday is coming up in a couple weeks, and she asked what I was getting. I said probably nothing because I just invited a couple friends out to dinner, and that would be my gift. Everyone is basically paying for themselves. She was shocked that I asked my friends to cover themselves. It's not hard feelings that she wasn't invited, she lives in Australia, and I'm in NY. There's a pretty general understanding that it's silly to invite each other to those sorts of things. Is this a cultural thing, or is my group of friends really rude? We do this every year, everyone basically just pays for the dinner, and usually throw in extra to cover the birthday person, and nobody brings a gift. Maybe you bring a card with a $10 gift card, or some flowers, but nothing big. So who's right? Or does it just depend on the friends?

I live in NY and we do the same thing. We let friends know where we are going to dinner to celebrate and everyone is welcome to join (and pay for themselves). Usually friends end up paying for the birthday person as well. If you don't want to spend the dollars, then you just meet up with the group at the bar afterwards. No hurt feelings.

Although, this year we did thank all our friends who came to dinner and paid for our meal with two bottles at the bar afterwards (me and DBF have the same birthday - and in NYC bottle service at a bar/club means a bottle of booze plus mixers, ice and cup and totals about $250-$500 depending on the bottle you choose).

 

[disykat]

In my circles, it doesn't matter who does the inviting, if a group of people are going out to dinner everyone pays their own way.

If someone calls and says I'd like to take you to dinner, or treat you to dinner, then I'd expect them to pay. Usually it's more of a "We're going to ... for dinner. Would you like to come too?"

I can't imagine having to pay for my friends every time I suggested the activity. I'm too cheap - I'd never go anywhere!

Oh, and every group I've been involved in that goes out for birthdays also has everyone chip in to treat the birthday person to their meal.