Birthday Party - RSVP

[cariann77]

We're letting my daughter have her first friend birthday party next week with some of her preschool friends. Invitations went home last week and I asked that everyone RSVP by this Sunday. So, one person has RSVPd that they are coming. I know there is still time, but I'm so stressed out about this. I didn't ask for regrets only, just a general RSVP. How hard is it to text me and let me know yes or no?

So, my question is... When you see RSVP on an invite do you respond with a yes or no, or only no? Right now, I'm debating canceling, if I don't hear from people by Sunday since I don't want to pay $300 for a party for 2 kids. But, at the same time, I am worried that people will show up that didn't RSVP. I'm mostly just stressing and venting here, but am wondering if most people don't look at RSVP the same way that I do - which is let the host know yes or no.

ETA: I don't really know most of the parents well enough to start contacting and asking them. I am not really comfortable with that anyway.

 

[kymom99]

I hear this happen a lot. A good friend of mine invited all the girls in her daughter's class to a bowling party and not a single one came. Fortunately she also invited some neighbors and they showed up. I personally would respond but so many don't.

 

[wilkeliza]

If an RSVP is asked for I always say yes or no. Now I did task the fiance with it one time and he forgot. I was livid becaus we all got nastigrams about how rude we were not to RSVP for the bat mitzvah when I had nothing to do with it. Since then I handle all the RSVPs.

The one I have a problem with as an adult is the "maybe" RSVPs. It makes it so hard so finally I started telling people about a week prior maybe is not acceptsble any more as I need to let the restaurant know a final number or I need to buy food and don't want to spend a ton of extras.

 

[wendow]

I have four kids, and have had a lot of b-day parties. Parents are NOTORIOUS for not rsvp'ing until last minute. It really annoys me and I find it very rude. I let parents know whether we can attend as soon as I know...yes or no...either way, I let parents know.

 

[teller80]

We're letting my daughter have her first friend birthday party next week with some of her preschool friends. Invitations went home last week and I asked that everyone RSVP by this Sunday. So, one person has RSVPd that they are coming. I know there is still time, but I'm so stressed out about this. I didn't ask for regrets only, just a general RSVP. How hard is it to text me and let me know yes or no?

So, my question is... When you see RSVP on an invite do you respond with a yes or no, or only no? Right now, I'm debating canceling, if I don't hear from people by Sunday since I don't want to pay $300 for a party for 2 kids. But, at the same time, I am worried that people will show up that didn't RSVP. I'm mostly just stressing and venting here, but am wondering if most people don't look at RSVP the same way that I do - which is let the host know yes or no.

ETA: I don't really know most of the parents well enough to start contacting and asking them. I am not really comfortable with that anyway.

Very frustrating, I'm sorry people can be that way. As far as cancelling, if someone shows up that didn't rsvp and says something, just tell them that since you only had one guest reply you decided to take your daughter and her friend to Chuck E Cheese. Let them feel uncomfortable.

 

[mjkacmom]

So they still have a couple more days ton RSVP? When is the party? I have five kids, and when my kids were in preschool, birthday parties at this age were at the bottom of our social calendar. I'd always RSVP, but on the last day, making sure we were free (at that age, a parent would have to attend). How far in advance is your RSVP date? I found the most success having it a few days before the party (I've hosted dozens, the invite goes out a week and a half before the party). I always did know the parents, either from years of playgroups, play dates, or just drop off and pick up. I always asked in person if I didn't hear back by the RSVP date. How did the kids get the invitations? I've found my share of them in the bottom of backpacks months later.

We're letting my daughter have her first friend birthday party next week with some of her preschool friends. Invitations went home last week and I asked that everyone RSVP by this Sunday. So, one person has RSVPd that they are coming. I know there is still time, but I'm so stressed out about this. I didn't ask for regrets only, just a general RSVP. How hard is it to text me and let me know yes or no?

So, my question is... When you see RSVP on an invite do you respond with a yes or no, or only no? Right now, I'm debating canceling, if I don't hear from people by Sunday since I don't want to pay $300 for a party for 2 kids. But, at the same time, I am worried that people will show up that didn't RSVP. I'm mostly just stressing and venting here, but am wondering if most people don't look at RSVP the same way that I do - which is let the host know yes or no.

ETA: I don't really know most of the parents well enough to start contacting and asking them. I am not really comfortable with that anyway.

 

[lanejudy]

Unfortunately many parents just don't bother. Many seem to have fallen into a "regrets only" sort of mentality, but even then many parents just ignore (or maybe forget) about kids birthday party RSVPs. Most likely they plan to "wait and see" how the calendar looks as the date gets closer, but then forget to respond. As PP mentions, preschool birthday parties are low priority for anyone other than the birthday kid's family.

At that age we did home birthday parties. DD's birthday is in the summer, so it was fairly easy to have a backyard playtime and the kids loved it. Other than having extra cupcakes, snacks and decorations/goody bags on hand, I didn't worry about how many showed or not. We've had birthday parties where 2 kids showed up and other times that 12 came. I always plan that anyone who didn't reply "no" could show up, but we rarely do parties at places with a cost per-kid.

What is your venue and the deadline for cancelling with them? How will your DD feel if you cancel or change the plans? I guess since it's not yet the RSVP date, give it a little time. A few more may trickle in. If you see another parent at drop-off or pick-up, you could casually mention something like "Susie is really hoping Sally can make it to her party next weekend - did you get the invitation?" Are there any neighbor kids or cousins you could invite last minute to get the headcount up?

 

[Happyinwonerland]

I always RSVP either way because it drives me crazy when people don't respond to me.

But in my experience throwing parties, we usually have very few actual rsvps, but always a huge amount of people show up. Of course, we only invite people we know pretty well. I could see a bunch of preschool parents that you don't know well enough to chat with maybe blowing off a kid's party.

Would it really be difficult to just say a quick "Hi, how ya doin? I was just wondering if you and little darling will be able to make it to dd's party? She is so looking forward to seeing some of her school friends there!" at drop off/pick up time?

 

[wilkeliza]

OP quick question, how were Invites given? At any age if they went home with the kids it is possible they never made it to the parents' hands. I have one friend who take photos of the bottom of their child's backpack at the end of the each quarter and she is always made at the sheer number of take home slips and invites are crushed down there. She's trying to teach self responsibility so they don't dig in the backpack for stuff. If their child misses a party or school trip or whatever they will learn to start taking papers to her. (I beliebe their school has an online portal for important stuff like field trips, vaccination forma, try outs etc but they still send copies home with the kids).

 

[Hikergirl]

I RSVP either way but I always wait until the RSVP date in case something comes up and we can't go.
People still have a few days, don't get so stressed until after that date.

 

[Hikergirl]

I have four kids, and have had a lot of b-day parties. Parents are NOTORIOUS for not rsvp'ing until last minute. It really annoys me and I find it very rude. I let parents know whether we can attend as soon as I know...yes or no...either way, I let parents know.

Am I understanding you correctly, you put an RSVP by date on the invite and think its rude if parents wait until that date to let you know?

 

[springtime]

I just hosted my kids' birthday parties on back-to-back weekends. My son had 14 kids, my daughter had 6. Of those, we only had 1 person not RSVP. That being said, for both children, the RSVPs mostly came in on the due date.

As people have said, a lot of families, especially with older siblings, wait until they see how the weekend is going to shake out. We had one person who was a maybe until the last minute because her son was in a gymnastics tournament and they hadn't been given the times yet. Another person was going out of town and figuring out if their care provider could shuffle kids around.

Give it until the RSVP date and contact families. If you don't feel comfortable, cancel the location and have an at-home party. We do parties at home until our kids are 5. A couple of games like pin-the-tail, musical chairs, doggy where's your bone, a piñata, and you are good. I used to go all out, but we went to one party where the mom just put out some princess dresses and played some music. Throw in some bubbles and the girls had a blast. It kind of reminded me that preschoolers don't need a whole lot to be happy.

 

[wendow]

Am I understanding you correctly, you put an RSVP by date on the invite and think its rude if parents wait until that date to let you know?

Nope. I am saying people basically ignore the RSVP date and just resvp whenever the heck they want which is many times right before the party or the don't RSVP at all and just show up.

 

[KarenAylwood]

I RSVP yes or no by the date the RSVP requires. I hate it when there's no "by" date for the RSVP. Then I usually end up forgetting. My son is in preschool and there are only a few invites we've gotten. None we've been able to go to (we would if we were free!) and I have always RSVP'ed. I don't have the guts to invite the whole class to a birthday yet. This year DS is turning 4 less than two weeks after I give birth to his new little brother so... a big party isn't exactly in the cards haha.

 

[Hikergirl]

Nope. I am saying people basically ignore the RSVP date and just resvp whenever the heck they want which is many times right before the party or the don't RSVP at all and just show up.

Yes that makes sense, I thought you meant last minute as in RSVP on the last date on the invite.

I think I have been pretty lucky, 3 kids and not alot of just show ups, and most people RSVP'd by the date.
Hopefully the OP has similar luck.

 

[cariann77]

Thanks everyone! Invites went home in the kid's backpacks, but their backpacks are empty not a lot papers or folders like big kids have. I am really hoping to hear from some more parents over the next few days. She'll be so crushed if I have to cancel.

 

[zoemurr]

Here's an idea for you for next time.. we always checked with her two best friends first and made sure they were available for whatever day/time we were planning. Then anyone else that could come was gravy.

That being said we didn't invite kids (until much later) where I didn't know the parents at least casually. We always mailed invites and if a few did not RSVP I would give them a call to check if they were coming. At that age it is tough because the parent also needs to be available to stay, and plans may need to be made for siblings. We always had home parties and included everyone so it made that a bit easier. Good luck!

 

[100AcreWood]

Many parents wait to the last minute to RSVP. I think it's kind of rude for the same reason you mentioned. You don't want to pay $300 for a party of 2 kids. Also, I must say I love electronic invites better because I have found a few invitations tucked into odd places in backpacks days after parties and I felt horrible for not RSVP'ing. Sometimes my kids didn't know the invite was in there.

 

[DreamIsaWish]

The RSVPs for my kids' parties always come in right at the last minute, but always by the date. The "no" ones don't always send one, but the "yes" ones do. I've only had one or two that showed up without an RSVP in 7 years of parties. And the venues are normally fine with one extra kid at the end. Perhaps it varies by local custom since some folks above said the "no" replies would come in and the "yes" ones were questionable. I've always had it go the other way. Assume the "no response" will be "no" and bring one extra goodie bag just in case (or for a sibling that got dragged along).

 

[MSPeeler]

In my experience, if they aren't coming, they don't contact you... if they are coming, they MIGHT tell you. It really depends on how inconsiderate the parent is (IMO)... I always RSVP by the date on the invitation.