Birthday Party Advice Re: Parents and Siblings

[HLAuburn]

We still have a long time to plan, but DD wants to have her birthday party at our neighborhood waterpark next Summer. It is a community amenity with access cards, but you can rent a party cabana and are allowed to bring a certain number of guests for that price.

I've just heard stories about people bringing a bunch of siblings of the invited kid along to pay-per-kid type parties and I'd like to avoid that since we can only bring a limited number of guest. Also, a friend of mine just had her 4 year old's party at a pool and a parent actually dropped the kid off! I mean, unless your 4 year old is a little Michael Phelps, I don't think you can expect a party parent to supervise your kid in a pool.

So my questions...

1) Is it "PC" to say siblings aren't invited and if so, how do you nicely say that on an invitation?

2) Since most of these kids will only be 6 y.o. and there is going to be quite a few of them, I want to make sure that a parent stays with the child and they aren't just dropped off. Can I put that in the invitation too?

Thanks for the help!

 

[LiberalPrincess]

We still have a long time to plan, but DD wants to have her birthday party at our neighborhood waterpark next Summer. It is a community amenity with access cards, but you can rent a party cabana and are allowed to bring a certain number of guests for that price.

I've just heard stories about people bringing a bunch of siblings of the invited kid along to pay-per-kid type parties and I'd like to avoid that since we can only bring a limited number of guest. Also, a friend of mine just had her 4 year old's party at a pool and a parent actually dropped the kid off! I mean, unless your 4 year old is a little Michael Phelps, I don't think you can expect a party parent to supervise your kid in a pool.

So my questions...

1) Is it "PC" to say siblings aren't invited and if so, how do you nicely say that on an invitation?

2) Since most of these kids will only be 6 y.o. and there is going to be quite a few of them, I want to make sure that a parent stays with the child and they aren't just dropped off. Can I put that in the invitation too?

Thanks for the help!

I think you have to be as specific as you can be about parents being included or required. I, personally, wouldn't have a pool party for kids unless I had enough adults to cover them all and I would not assume that the children's parents would plan to stay -- Michael Phelps-like swimmers or not.

Depending on the number of children you are inviting, you may want to consider calling the parents in advance to explain the situation, and then send invitations as a follow-up.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

How many kids are you planning on inviting? I probably would stick to kids that I knew the parents well for a 6yo pool party.

 

[tlbwriter]

Unfortunately, your goals (while I agree with both of them) are conflicting with each other. It's going to be harder for a parent to stay if siblings are not welcome. So, if limiting your numbers is important, I'd recruit some trustworthy adult friends to watch over the kids. Or even better, actual lifeguards. I'd add something to the invitation such as "Since we are allowed a limited number of guests, no siblings please. Lifeguards will be provided."

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I would put it all on the invitation -- "due do attendee limits, we will not be able to accomodate siblings" and "parents will be required to stay with their child due to the nature of the party".

If they don't like it, too bad.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would put it all on the invitation -- "due do attendee limits, we will not be able to accomodate siblings" and "parents will be required to stay with their child due to the nature of the party".

That sounds pretty good. They can choose to come or not.

 

[Tinkermommy]

Wow, you are a planner! I am still working on Christmas.

My friends had her daughter's 8th birthday party at a community pool/water park. She asked me to stay and be in bathing suit for the party. Which I was happy to do, but not all the parents stayed.

Here's a couple of things to think about:

- Check the rules for the park on supervision. My friend had to guarantee that a number of adults would be there for the party and they checked.

- Are there some parents you are especially friendly with that you could ask to stay?

- Also, asking people to stay and then asking them to not bring siblings can be tough as they may not have anyone to take care of the sibling so it would either be a drop off or bring the sibling along.

Have fun planning!

 

[bethbuchall]

I think that you can put both pieces of information on the invitation, but please don't get upset if there are families that can't make those arrangements and need to decline the invitation.

 

[abdmom]

I would put it all on the invitation -- "due do attendee limits, we will not be able to accomodate siblings" and "parents will be required to stay with their child due to the nature of the party".

If they don't like it, too bad.

As a widow with young children, I would be really offended if I received such an invitation.

 

[okeydokey]

I agree that requiring parents to attend but requiring them to leave siblings at home will not work for many families. Are there not lifeguards at the park?

 

[taximomfor4]

As a widow with young children, I would be really offended if I received such an invitation.

Hugs for you, in a not-so-ideal situation.

On to my thoughts on the subject: I would hire trained lifeguards if I were having a pool party of any sort for 6 yr olds.

And OP, you are my hero...I don't even have this week's grocery list planned yet and you are working out details for a birthday party NEXT SUMMER!!

 

[PrincessKsMom]

As a widow with young children, I would be really offended if I received such an invitation.

I'm sorry you feel that way, but as a mother of an only child, I got sick of people using my party as daycare not only for the invited child, but the rest of the siblings. Why is it not rude of the parent to expect me to pay for more than the one child that was invited? And unless I was specifically told to leave, I always stayed at the parties my child was invited to. The parents of the birthday child have enough to do with coordinating the activities at the party without having to worry about watching every single child who was dropped off while their mom does laundry, Christmas shops (DD's birthday in in November), gets her hair done, etc. I think it's rude of parents to assume they can dump their child and run without specifically being told it's okay.

My only obligation is to send an invitation, not to worry about everyone's specific set of circumstances and who it's convenient for. If it's important to you that your child attend, then I feel it's your obligation to find someone to take them. Sorry if that comes across as harsh, but that's how I feel. Been taken advantage of one too many times to worry about everyone else.

 

[LiberalPrincess]

I'm sorry you feel that way, but as a mother of an only child, I got sick of people using my party as daycare not only for the invited child, but the rest of the siblings. Why is it not rude of the parent to expect me to pay for more than the one child that was invited? And unless I was specifically told to leave, I always stayed at the parties my child was invited to. The parents of the birthday child have enough to do with coordinating the activities at the party without having to worry about watching every single child who was dropped off while their mom does laundry, Christmas shops (DD's birthday in in November), gets her hair done, etc. I think it's rude of parents to assume they can dump their child and run without specifically being told it's okay.

My only obligation is to send an invitation, not to worry about everyone's specific set of circumstances and who it's convenient for. If it's important to you that your child attend, then I feel it's your obligation to find someone to take them. Sorry if that comes across as harsh, but that's how I feel. Been taken advantage of one too many times to worry about everyone else.

While I agree with the uninvited sibling aspect of your post, your focus on the "invited child" is part of the point in question. Unless the parents are explicitly invited, why shouldn't they drop their children off? Why would I automatically attend a party to which I am not invited? I don't go to school with my children, nor do I stay for all of their ballet classes, sports practices, playdates, and when they get their teeth cleaned I do not automatically assume that mine will be done as well. If people want the parents to attend a child's birthday party, then they should ask. Comparing a birthday party you throw for your child and their friends to a daycare seems a bit off topic to me. If you aren't willing to have children at your party without their parents, it should be made clear.

 

[sharlon]

I have DD13, DD11, and DS5 and I have noticed the sibling thing has become a huge issue with the younger child's friends. I really didn't see tagalong siblings when my girls were younger, but now with DS5, I see it a lot. I actually have not had certain types of parties (minor league baseball game, for example) because I didn't want to have to pay for additional children at the last minute.
I think the wording PrincessKsMom suggested sounds wonderful.
And as for the pp who mentioned being offended, you have a very unique situation. If you came to me privately and explained it, I would likely have no problem with you bringing the siblings. My problem with it is when one (or both) parents come with invited child and the rest of the family for a family outing, all expenses paid.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

While I agree with the uninvited sibling aspect of your post, your focus on the "invited child" is part of the point in question. Unless the parents are explicitly invited, why shouldn't they drop their children off? Why would I automatically attend a party to which I am not invited? I don't go to school with my children, nor do I stay for all of their ballet classes, sports practices, playdates, and when they get their teeth cleaned I do not automatically assume that mine will be done as well. If people want the parents to attend a child's birthday party, then they should ask. Comparing a birthday party you throw for your child and their friends to a daycare seems a bit off topic to me. If you aren't willing to have children at your party without their parents, it should be made clear.

I think it depends on the age of the child. As was my case, I had approximately 35 5 year olds and another 7-8 unexpected/uninvited siblings. And it's odd, but the parents of the uninvited siblings were always the first out the door and they NEVER RSVPd. Just showed up at the parties and made excuses about how they had other things to take care of and out the door they went. When my DD was invited to a party, I always offered to stay (not uninvited) and helped at the party too. If I was specifically told that the parents had it under control and enough people to supervise, I left. Or there were a group of parents who were friends, so we took turns taking each other's children to parties. My opinion is you should check with the parents first to see if you should stay, not just assume you can leave. If something happens to your child, will you blame them for not supervising? I'd rather be safe than sorry and make sure there wasn't any miscommunication.

 

[Tinkermommy]

I'm sorry you feel that way, but as a mother of an only child, I got sick of people using my party as daycare not only for the invited child, but the rest of the siblings. Why is it not rude of the parent to expect me to pay for more than the one child that was invited? And unless I was specifically told to leave, I always stayed at the parties my child was invited to. The parents of the birthday child have enough to do with coordinating the activities at the party without having to worry about watching every single child who was dropped off while their mom does laundry, Christmas shops (DD's birthday in in November), gets her hair done, etc. I think it's rude of parents to assume they can dump their child and run without specifically being told it's okay.

My only obligation is to send an invitation, not to worry about everyone's specific set of circumstances and who it's convenient for. If it's important to you that your child attend, then I feel it's your obligation to find someone to take them. Sorry if that comes across as harsh, but that's how I feel. Been taken advantage of one too many times to worry about everyone else.

I highlighted a few things above.

It sounds like you think you are doing people a favor by inviting them to your party. If it's such an "obligation" don't do it. Your attitude will show to your guests.

And around here, most parents don't stay. My daughter just went to a horseback riding party. Was I supposed to stand around and watch for 2 hours?

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I highlighted a few things above.

It sounds like you think you are doing people a favor by inviting them to your party. If it's such an "obligation" don't do it. Your attitude will show to your guests.

And around here, most parents don't stay. My daughter just went to a horseback riding party. Was I supposed to stand around and watch for 2 hours?

At the same time, I could easily say that you think you're doing me a favor by letting your child come to the party, so I owe you (and all the other siblings) the benefit of my money? If I'm trying to supervise games/activities, feeding a bunch of kids, cutting cake, taking pictures, etc., I should have to worry about whose child is playing in the sink in the bathroom?

As far as a horseback riding party, yes I would have asked to stay. Heaven forbid your child is thrown from a horse, no one at that party has the legal right to ask for medical help on your child's behalf. And whenever I left a party, I would always leave my cell phone number with the parent in the event something did happen.

 

[kirstenb1]

OP, I did this type of party at our YMCA when dd was 8.

A couple of things they do, that your pool maybe does too:

1. You do have to pay for an extra lifeguard
2. They see if each child can swim the length of the pool, if so, they get a wristband, and have free roam of the pool. If not, they have to stay in the roped-in shallow end.

I did have a friend stay with me to help watch the kids, but at age 8, obviously they don't need as much supervision as younger kids.

 

[abdmom]

And as for the pp who mentioned being offended, you have a very unique situation. If you came to me privately and explained it, I would likely have no problem with you bringing the siblings. My problem with it is when one (or both) parents come with invited child and the rest of the family for a family outing, all expenses paid.

My situation is not as unique as you seem to think. 10% of children have a parent die before they graduate high school.

I The parents of the birthday child have enough to do with coordinating the activities at the party without having to worry about watching every single child who was dropped off while their mom does laundry, Christmas shops (DD's birthday in in November), gets her hair done, etc. I think it's rude of parents to assume they can dump their child and run without specifically being told it's okay.

My only obligation is to send an invitation, not to worry about everyone's specific set of circumstances and who it's convenient for. If it's important to you that your child attend, then I feel it's your obligation to find someone to take them. Sorry if that comes across as harsh, but that's how I feel. Been taken advantage of one too many times to worry about everyone else.

Why would you invite a child to an event if you can't be bothered to supervise them?

While I agree with the uninvited sibling aspect of your post, your focus on the "invited child" is part of the point in question. Unless the parents are explicitly invited, why shouldn't they drop their children off? Why would I automatically attend a party to which I am not invited? I don't go to school with my children, nor do I stay for all of their ballet classes, sports practices, playdates, and when they get their teeth cleaned I do not automatically assume that mine will be done as well. If people want the parents to attend a child's birthday party, then they should ask. Comparing a birthday party you throw for your child and their friends to a daycare seems a bit off topic to me. If you aren't willing to have children at your party without their parents, it should be made clear.

I agree with much of what you wrote. IMO, though, you should only invite the number of children that you (or those you employ or other adults you are bringing to the party) can supervise. Why would anyone invite 35 5 year olds?

 

[Tinkermommy]

At the same time, I could easily say that you think you're doing me a favor by letting your child come to the party, so I owe you (and all the other siblings) the benefit of my money? If I'm trying to supervise games/activities, feeding a bunch of kids, cutting cake, taking pictures, etc., I should have to worry about whose child is playing in the sink in the bathroom?

As far as a horseback riding party, yes I would have asked to stay. Heaven forbid your child is thrown from a horse, no one at that party has the legal right to ask for medical help on your child's behalf. And whenever I left a party, I would always leave my cell phone number with the parent in the event something did happen.

So you invited 35 5 year olds? That is asking for chaos. As the host, part of your duties is to control the party. If you can't do that then you ask friends to help or limit the number of attendees.

As for my daughter's party, the parents had my cell phone and I was not far. The horses they ride are rescue horses and have an average age of 25 (not kidding) so they just plod around in a circle. She doesn't want me at her parties anymore than I want to hang around.