Birthday party 3 out of 12 RSVP's!

[Molly Meow]

I just wanted to say that I hope it all works out well!

We had about 10 people not RSVP for our wedding and then show up. And about 5 more that had RSVP'd "no". I was glad to see them, and it all worked out since we were 20 under the minimum catering limit and had to pay for about that many meals anyway.

 

[Amberle3]

MB MinnieGirl, thank you for saving me the trouble of looking that up! I think when I get to the point of having to send out invites for kids parties I'm going to put the line "Please RSVP to confirm attendance or send regrets" or something along those lines.

Hipchickali, what part of Canada did you grow up in? Just curious. Around here one always had to RSVP for a party, my mom only did up bags for those we knew were coming (those can be expensive!) and I didn't take bags to those that couldn't make it unless they had to cancel because they were sick. As for gifts, usually only the kids who didn't come because they were sick sent gifts after.

I've tried to head off the wedding RSVP problem. I didn't use generic reply cards, instead I printed ones with the invitees names on them. I don't like the ones were you have a line to write in the number of people attending - too often folks will write in a greater number than were invited! So my response cards look like this:
Mr Bill Smith [ ] Will attend [ ] Will not attend
Mrs Grace Smith [ ] Will attend [ ] Will not attend
Folks also have the option of RSVPing online. Anyone who doesn't respond by the deadline will be getting a call from either DFi or me. Our reception is a Chinese banquet - we pay by the table (holds 10 people), not per person. So if we have say 2 more people show up than we're confirmed for, that means we have to pay for an additional table (or 10 people).

 

[Amberle3]

Just wondering - The Knot is good for keeping guest lists etc and invitees can RSVP online there .... is there a similar website just for parties?

 

[Hippychickali]

Hipchickali, what part of Canada did you grow up in? Just curious. Around here one always had to RSVP for a party.

I grew up in Nova Scotia (and still live here). Keep in mind, I grew up in a small community so there was really no need for this formality. I had about 15 people in my grade throughout elementary school and our loot bags certainly weren't expensive. So maybe that's why it didn't matter. Again, I think it's a good idea. I'm simply saying that I wasn't familiar with it being used for a kid's party before.

Honestly, I think the problem might be with not understanding exactly how an RSVP works. Maybe I'm just stupid but I had always thought it was sort of like a reservation. So, if you weren't going to attend a wedding, for example, you just wouldn't repond unless stated otherwise. Keep in mind, I'm not much for entertaining. I think I was confused because our RSVP cards for our wedding are to be sent back if you are coming by a certain date. If you don't RSVP by that date, we assume you aren't coming. It doesn't matter to me if people send regrets. I'll consider myself better educated now. Maybe other people, though, are dumb to RSVPing and other such formalities like me.

Ali

 

[WorldlyWise]

We have 6 of 15 and it is tomorrow and we are doing lunch at a decent restaurant. We didn't give them a full week to respond because DD was supposed to pass them out last week but got sick on Friday. Still, would it kill them to call? Of course, at this age (DD11) a lot of the kids have decided to handle it themselves. Most of the calls we got are from the kids. Also, some of them just told DD at school that they plan to come. I don't know whether to count on them or not since they didn't call and we haven't heard from their parents. What do you think?

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

Call me terrible, but we never did kiddie parties. You can tell from the responses to this thread.... they just cause way too much stress and frustration!

I was always one to have a close friend or two of the kids' spend the night.... get pizza and watch movies - play board games, etc.

Or, better yet, family night out.... weekend away where the child picks the destination......

Call me antisocial, but my kids survived rather well.

 

[dzneprincess]

I know it doesnt help you out now, but how about next time write "regrets only" for the RSVP

 

[Queen Quinnella]

Lollipop's Mom - I would have lost my mind if I had been you! Not only people who just showed up but parents stiffing you for food THEY ate? OMG!

pearlieq - You and I are on the same page. It's not as though a 5 year old has such a huge social calander that they cannot commit one week prior!

Queen Quinnella - I would hope they did show up - it would teach them a good lesson. And don't flame me, I mean the parents need the lesson.

mrsv98 - Oh bless your dd's heart! That is my biggest fear aside form not having enough for everyone. How can people be so rude and heartless?

CEDmom - You're right. She actually acted like I was an idiot. According to her, "nobody here (in MS) RSVP's." I told her she'd better stay there then and not move elsewhere.

Blondy876 - LOL!!!! You just made my day! People that aren't invited respond! Put them on the list to always invite.

Hippychickali - Did I ask them to RSVP? You'd better believe it. Just as every invitation that has every come for dd has as well. I clearly stated that I needed an RSVP by the 10th and gave my phone number. For cryin' out loud, there is even a preprinted space on the Disney Princess invitation that says "R.S.V.P" in nice bold letters with a nice blank line for you to write the date and phone number. What more needs to be done...should I simply write..."Call this number and tell me if you plan on bringing your kid. If you do not call then keep said kid AT HOME!" As for me taking the goodies bags to school. That's not going to happen. Not all the children in her class are invited so that would be pretty rude to the other kids and never have I seen anyone bring a gift to school after missing a party. Nice thought, but it wouldn't fly here. I just don't think I should have to purchase, napkins, plates, utinsils, cake, snacks, goody bags, etc. for kids who aren't coming to the part simply b/c their parents didn't make a phone call. I also don't like the idea of dd being dissapointed b/c so few people showed up when she thought there would be 12....knowing ahead of time is called planning a party.

No flaming from me! I hope they showed up too!

 

[MB MinnieGirl]

I know it doesnt help you out now, but how about next time write "regrets only" for the RSVP

You know that is the first thing I thoght when I saw the RSVP defination. That is exactly what I will do next year.

CJMickeyMouse - This is dd's 5th birthday...which I consider to be a big one so I let her choose if she wanted to go out of town (to NC), have a party at school, etc. and she chose the party and the location. I'm fortunate...she chose the clubhouse in our neighborhood and having HaHa the Clown come to paint faces and do magic. I don't mind the parties...they are a lot of work, but birthdays come once a year and I have very fond and happy memories of my own birthday parties.

She and I always "take off" for her b'day...no work no shcool (oh the HORROR! - there's a debate thread in itself I'm sure) and do something special together. This year she has choosen to have our portraits made, go to the Aquarium, and then a nice dinner.

WorldlyWise - I'd probably count on the one's that told dd they were coming. I'd be optomistic and say their parents were teaching good manners. It's so unbelievable isn't it? I hope the party goes well and everyone has a great time!


Hippychickali - I don't think you are or were stupid for not understanding what an RSVP is. I would LOVE it if somebody called and said, "I have no idea what this is - tell me and I'll do it." It's sounds like growing up in your community is a lot easier than here when it comes to b'day parties too....maybe I'll just move.

 

[Lisa L from MI]

I "sorta" know how you feel....DD's party is tomorrow at a bowling alley (glow-bowl)....and we invited 7 kids from school.....they all did RSVP...BUT....only 1 can come because everyone has this dumb flu thats going around!!! DD had it last Fri thru this Wed!!!! Half of her class was out all week!!!
I told her we could post pone it...but she doesn't want to.....well...she still has her "dear sister" , her cousin and Hannah...a good friend down the street that will be there for sure...although...Hannah is laying on my couch with almost a 101 fever right now!!

 

[Hippychickali]

Hippychickali - I don't think you are or were stupid for not understanding what an RSVP is. I would LOVE it if somebody called and said, "I have no idea what this is - tell me and I'll do it." It's sounds like growing up in your community is a lot easier than here when it comes to b'day parties too....maybe I'll just move.

It's not that I didn't/don't know what an RSVP is....I just had a different understanding. I'm saying that other people might also think it is simply like a "reservation". That's why I asked if you considered that some of the people who didn't RSVP might simply not be coming and shared my understanding of RSVP.

Ali

 

[Lisa L from MI]

With all invitation I send out now....I always put our phone number and write "please call either way" or something like that

 

[MB MinnieGirl]

I "sorta" know how you feel....DD's party is tomorrow at a bowling alley (glow-bowl)....and we invited 7 kids from school.....they all did RSVP...BUT....only 1 can come because everyone has this dumb flu thats going around!!! DD had it last Fri thru this Wed!!!! Half of her class was out all week!!!
I told her we could post pone it...but she doesn't want to.....well...she still has her "dear sister" , her cousin and Hannah...a good friend down the street that will be there for sure...although...Hannah is laying on my couch with almost a 101 fever right now!!

Happy Birthday to your DD!!! ​

I'm so sorry about her party. DD and I have been home sick all week long...it's been going around here for a few weeks. Nasty nasty stuff. At least she is feeling better for her party.

 

[bengalbelle]

This is the most frustrating and stressful part of planning a child's birthday. I too cannot understand why parents can't take a moment to call. It's just common courtesy.

My DS's 4th birthday party is next Sunday. This will be the first year we've had it outside of our home. I am indebted to this place whether children show up or not. We are allowed up to 15 kids, but I didn't even invite that many. I'm actually hoping only 5-8 children show up because 1. we don't need all of the presents and 2. The children will have more fun if there are less of them. They will have more individual time.

We only invited children of close friends and a few friends from the neighborhood and former daycare. His current preschool doesn't normally invite each other to parties, but we did invite the one child he's very close with. I mailed out invitations yesterday and have received 2 replies so far - a neighbor and my MIL. LOL, even she had the courtesy to RSVP even though I knew she would be there. Our party has a Peanuts (Charlie Brown) theme, so I asked them to please let us know if they would be part of the gang with my phone# and email address. I've tried regrets only and it worked well for the people who normally RSVP. The ones who normally don't still didn't.

Regarding goodie bags, I take a lot of time to pick out treats for the goodie bags. I want to show my appreciation for the children who came to celebrate with DS. They are usually good things that relate to the theme of the party. This can be expensive and time consuming. I already have enough of everything for all children invited, but because they're purchased separately I can return what isn't used. I have sent goodie bags to children who couldn't come due to illness or death in the family. I've also sent gifts to children who's party we were unable to attend due to illness or death in the family. DS missed 2 parties of good friends last year due to funerals.

I'm already talking to DH about taking DS to WDW or skiing for his birthday next year instead of a party. After that, hopefully we'll be at the age where we can just invite a few close friends to go to the movies, or camp out. I hope this is my last year of the planned party thing with him.

To all of you awaiting RSVP - I hope you do hear from everyone and Happy Birthday to all!!

 

[disykat]

I would never do "regrets only" because then you don't know whether they simply didn't respond or if they're not coming. I have had better luck with writing "Please call if you can come, so we can plan!" That way I only have to plan for the kids that I know are coming. That and not putting the address or exact time of the party seems to help.

 

[raidermatt]

I'm with disykat on the "regrets only" thing. You still won't know if the non-responders are coming, or just didn't bother to call.

I've been through this with my wife more than a few times... there are always going to be some people who just don't respond. You can't change them. You can follow-up with them to get a better headcount, but you still aren't going to change their behavior. (unless we are talking about a family member or good friend. Then MAYBE you can get them to respond to you at least)

It's not right, but its life.

So even if what we are preparing takes some effort, we still always prepare some extras just in case. Besides, you could also find that somebody who RSVPs "no" has a legitimate change of plans at the last minute and would really like to attend.

For a wedding, I think any planner will tell you to allow for a certain percentage of "extras". Through experience, they just know that there's always a few...

 

[Hippychickali]

I've been through this with my wife more than a few times... there are always going to be some people who just don't respond. You can't change them. You can follow-up with them to get a better headcount, but you still aren't going to change their behavior. (unless we are talking about a family member or good friend. Then MAYBE you can get them to respond to you at least)

It's not right, but its life.

Thank you raidermatt. That seems like good logic! I guess complaining about them really does no good, eh?

Ali

 

[ksjayhawks]

I always put

Please call 555-5555 by date*** and tell us yes or no.

It is very straightforward--easy for people to understand what to do. I have gotten great response this way--no confusion about do you RSVP if you come or RSVP only if you can't come. I rarely have to make a call. I do this on all invitations now--whether for kids or adults.

 

[Hippychickali]

Please call 555-5555 by date*** and tell us yes or no.

This seems to avoid possible confusion and it's a nice way to phrase it.

Ali

 

[Jaimee]

I'm in the same boat. I invited 16 kids and I have had RSVP's from 6 so far. Tomorrow is the deadline I gave so hopefully I'll get a lot of calls today. I'm really stressing about it this year because I found this awesome book that relates to DS's party theme (pirates..) and I really wanted to buy each kid the book if they CAN come (instead of a regular goodie bag) . The books are $6.95 each though, and I'm not buying 16 of them unless they're all going to show up.