Birthday parties and class invites ?

[carissanboys]

We normally do one big birthday party for our 3 boys since their birthdays are all close together (and then we celebrate each individual birthday on their actual day with just our immediate family). We use to homeschool so we haven't had to deal with inviting classmates before.

The thing is, I really don't want to invite 2 entire classes of kids. I'd like to let each of my older two invite a couple of special friends at school. But, how do I do that without having the entire class know and not hurt any feelings? When I went to school, it wasn't expected that you'd invite everyone in your class. You just invited your closest friends. But, these days it seems like my sons get invited to everyone's parties (even those they aren't really "friends" with). Just wondering what everyone else does?

 

[daisyduck123]

What I do (my DS just had his b-day in Feb.) is mail the invitations to the individual boys' homes. We have a school directory with all the phone numbers in it, so I called each family & got their addresses & told them a party invitation would soon be on its way. We sent out about a half-dozen to classmates he wanted to invite.

I told DS not to mention his "lasertag" party at school so that the uninvited kids would not feel left out.

We've only sent the invitations to school when we were inviting the entire class to the party.

 

[Minnie_me]

Our school won't send any invitations home at all, regardless of who's invited. If you want to invite kids to your party, you have to mail the invites. And you can invite anyone you want!

 

[momz]

I completely understand your situation. Our school sent a letter to parents at the beginning of the year explaining that it is difficult for a child to understand when they are not invited to a particular party but another child is invited, so please if you are having a party...invite the whole class. yada, yada, yada. Well, I'm like you, I don't want to have a party with 26 first graders. In addition, some of my daughters best friends are not in her class, however, 2 of them are. So, if we want to include the 2 friends that are in her class, then we are expected to invite the additional 24 kids as well. Not doing it. I simply cannot see the point in going to the additional expense and headache of hosting 26 plus kids, when we are really only friends with a few. Therefore, for her 7th birthday, we are having the 2 friends from her class, plus 2 others that she is close to. we are not sending the invitations to school. I am calling their mothers and will send the invitations to their homes. I'm sure the other 24 kids will learn to deal with their dissappointment. Also, I don't expect my daughter to be invited to 25 other kids birthday parties as well. I don't want to have to buy all those gifts....

 

[barkley]

We normally do one big birthday party for our 3 boys since their birthdays are all close together (and then we celebrate each individual birthday on their actual day with just our immediate family). We use to homeschool so we haven't had to deal with inviting classmates before.

The thing is, I really don't want to invite 2 entire classes of kids. I'd like to let each of my older two invite a couple of special friends at school. But, how do I do that without having the entire class know and not hurt any feelings? When I went to school, it wasn't expected that you'd invite everyone in your class. You just invited your closest friends. But, these days it seems like my sons get invited to everyone's parties (even those they aren't really "friends" with). Just wondering what everyone else does?

i think the main reason they get all these invites is because most schools have the policy that if the invites are being distributed at school it has to be an invite for all the kids in the class or at least all the boys or all the girls. many schools also don't hand out lists of kid's phone numbers or addressess because of privacy/confidentiality issues so unless a mom is going to to 'stalk' down the parent of another student it can be difficult to find a means to invite outside the classroom.

don't overstress over other kids finding out-it will happen despite hurculean efforts (your own child may be good at considering another's feeleings-an invitee may not be as tackfull, and in some cases with kids they go out of their way to point out that THEY were invited but someone else was not ).


if it's just a couple of kids each i'de likely tell them to tell their friend to have their mom call me (thats if i did'nt already have their home number).

 

[TheDizMom]

You just have to do what is right for you and don't worry about what everyone else does . I know here that in k-2 the parents will invite all the girls lets say if they have a girl. I have never invited the entire class because we have so many friends not in class and cousins the same age that it would just get ridiculous. I am letting my DD do it this time because she only has 8 girls in her class. If you only want to invite a few then you should mail and invitation to the child's home so that it isn't obvious to the entire class that only some of the kids have been invited. It will still get out, but not as much. Just tell your children if someone asks why their not invited to say they were only allowed to invite a certain number of kids. If a parent asks you simply say with 3 boys you had to keep the guest list to a few friends per child. I know that when my DD's friends, who are triplets, had their party this year she didn't get invited because she wasn't in the same class with any of them. They are friends, and were on the same soccer team during the summer, but I certainly understood that with 3 girls and one party they simply couldn't invite everyone.

 

[disykat]

Don't distribute the invitations at school and invite who you want. Instruct the kids to not discuss it at school so they don't hurt anyone's feelings. Sure, it might get mentioned, but even very small kids can understand about not hurting other kid's feelings. No big deal.

The problem comes if you have kids who form a "we're going to a party together" clique or if you invite a lot of the kids and leave out just a few.

I'm a parent and a teacher. My kids always invited the number of their age and it usually was neighbor kids, church kids, and maybe two or three of their closest school friends. I've never seen smaller parties cause an issue at school - it's the big ones I end up hearing about.

 

[goldenears]

As suggested by PP, I would mail the invitations home to the kids your child would like to invite. Your school or child's classroom teacher may have a policy about not distributing invitations at school...esp. if everyone isn't invited. It is better to mail them, then risk someone's feelings getting hurt b/c they see other kids getting an invite.

 

[Lucky'sMom]

My opinion is, either invite all the boys if you have a son, all of the girls if you have a daughter, or none from the class and just invite other friends, like from the neighborhood, church, etc. Feelings will absolutely be hurt if you only invite a few kids from class. There is absolutely no way it will be kept a secret, and it not only hurts the other kids feelings, but puts your child in a difficult position. I know other parents have differing opinions, but that is my experience and my thoughts. Happy party planning!

 

[TiggerStac]

What I do (my DS just had his b-day in Feb.) is mail the invitations to the individual boys' homes. We have a school directory with all the phone numbers in it, so I called each family & got their addresses & told them a party invitation would soon be on its way. We sent out about a half-dozen to classmates he wanted to invite.

I told DS not to mention his "lasertag" party at school so that the uninvited kids would not feel left out.



We've only sent the invitations to school when we were inviting the entire class to the party.

How old was your DS, when he had the lasertag party. I think my DS would love this, but I'm not sure on age.... He is one of the oldest in his class, so when his bday comes around, the kids would range from 6-7.

I played for a work team building meeting and had a blast. I know that he would, but I'm not to sure about the others.

 

[emma'smom]

Well, I am definitely a "the more the merrier" kind of parent and would willingly invite them all (or all the girls)....but we do have friends in the neighborhood and from church, and quite frankly, the count just gets crazy. Unless we have a house party, many of the places to have parties in town have a limit of 12 kids for a party. This wouldn't even cover a whole class (might do just the girls...but no room for non-school friends).

 

[carissanboys]

As suggested by PP, I would mail the invitations home to the kids your child would like to invite. Your school or child's classroom teacher may have a policy about not distributing invitations at school...esp. if everyone isn't invited. It is better to mail them, then risk someone's feelings getting hurt b/c they see other kids getting an invite.

The school definitely doesn't have a policy against invitations because we've received quite a few that came home in their folders.

The issue with mailing them to the kids' homes is that I do not have their addresses. We live right behind the school and my boys walk themselves to and from school each day. And because I have a 3 year old at home with me, I don't get a chance to volunteer in the class and get to the know the other students in the class.

I guess I could also email their teachers and see if they have any suggestions for me. I can't be the only parent to ask this question

Thank you for all of the suggestions. It may end up being a party for just our family (cousins that live in PA as well) and a couple of neighbors. Heck. Maybe we'll just forego the big party this year and do something special as a family (like a camping trip).

 

[Luv Bunnies]

We've always mailed the invitations home to just the kids we want to invite. This makes it easier for a couple of reason. First, it eliminates the hurt feelings of the kids who don't get invited. Second, it ensures that the parent sees the invitation. The ones that come home from school tend to get lost in backpacks. Then you're getting close to the party and hardly anyone has RSVP'd. If I mail it to the home, at least I know the parents are likely to have seen it.

 

[SmallWorld71]

The school definitely doesn't have a policy against invitations because we've received quite a few that came home in their folders.

The issue with mailing them to the kids' homes is that I do not have their addresses. We live right behind the school and my boys walk themselves to and from school each day. And because I have a 3 year old at home with me, I don't get a chance to volunteer in the class and get to the know the other students in the class.

I guess I could also email their teachers and see if they have any suggestions for me. I can't be the only parent to ask this question

Thank you for all of the suggestions. It may end up being a party for just our family (cousins that live in PA as well) and a couple of neighbors. Heck. Maybe we'll just forego the big party this year and do something special as a family (like a camping trip).

Every school is different so checking with the teacher would be a good idea! There is no policy about it at our school. I teach 1st grade and when invitations come to school in a child's backpack, I keep them in my desk and then discreetly stick them in the children's backpacks when they are at the gym, library etc... Generally the invitations are just for a few children. No one has ever sent in a bunch, but excluded a few. I can't vouch for how they are at home, but no one has ever gotten upset over invitations in the classroom and no parents have ever called me with a concern.

 

[Zeebs]

My opinion is, either invite all the boys if you have a son, all of the girls if you have a daughter, or none from the class and just invite other friends, like from the neighborhood, church, etc. Feelings will absolutely be hurt if you only invite a few kids from class. There is absolutely no way it will be kept a secret, and it not only hurts the other kids feelings, but puts your child in a difficult position. I know other parents have differing opinions, but that is my experience and my thoughts. Happy party planning!

Kids feelings get hurt its a fact of life and one they have to learn to deal with they will not always be invited everywhere just as they will not win every competition, get first in every test bla bla bla. It is up to parents to explain to a child these facts of life as they happen its called life lessons. As a child I never had a party that involved everyone and I went to some very small schools. I also didn't go to every party for all the kids in my class. You should not have to invite everyone or feel bad for not inviting them in my opinion.

Kirsten

 

[carissanboys]

Every school is different so checking with the teacher would be a good idea! There is no policy about it at our school. I teach 1st grade and when invitations come to school in a child's backpack, I keep them in my desk and then discreetly stick them in the children's backpacks when they are at the gym, library etc... Generally the invitations are just for a few children. No one has ever sent in a bunch, but excluded a few. I can't vouch for how they are at home, but no one has ever gotten upset over invitations in the classroom and no parents have ever called me with a concern.

Thank you. It's helpful to hear a teacher's response I will email them and ask.

 

[BeckyScott]

Our kid's school, the policy is that you can't hand them out at school unless you're inviting everyone.

What seems to be common here, is that the parent brings the invites one day when school is letting out. So it's after school and outside. Then the kid grabs the invitations real fast and gives them out.

My son told the 2 or 3 friends to hang on just a second when school got out, ran over to me and got the invites, and gave them to the kids.

This seems to be the way everyone does it, I've seen many kids giving out party invites. And it's pretty subtle, there is such chaos when school gets out that the other kids don't realize what's happened.

 

[irene_dsc]

Well, ds' school has the policy that you can't distribute them at school - but we also have a school directory. Which is good, since ds has a summer birthday. Otoh, he is the one being left out - last year, he got invited to 1 party, and none so far this year. He hasn't directly commented on it, however. Mostly, kids have been pretty good about not mentioning the parties to him, but there have been a couple slip-ups that have been annoying when they were kids that he somewhat considered friends. I may need to change our own birthday traditions...

 

[juliana_sd]

I just wish people would RSVP... really is it that hard? DS's whole class (25 kids) was invited to a party this year. Only THREE kids came. The mom found out (by chance - the day before the party) that there was already another party the same day, that not everyone was invited to. That's understandable, but NO ONE told her about the conflict after she gave out the invitations! We had fun anyway but I felt really bad for the birthday boy.

 

[carissanboys]

Well, ds' school has the policy that you can't distribute them at school - but we also have a school directory. Which is good, since ds has a summer birthday. Otoh, he is the one being left out - last year, he got invited to 1 party, and none so far this year. He hasn't directly commented on it, however. Mostly, kids have been pretty good about not mentioning the parties to him, but there have been a couple slip-ups that have been annoying when they were kids that he somewhat considered friends. I may need to change our own birthday traditions...

Hey! I get to see you outside of my TR!

Our kid's school, the policy is that you can't hand them out at school unless you're inviting everyone.

What seems to be common here, is that the parent brings the invites one day when school is letting out. So it's after school and outside. Then the kid grabs the invitations real fast and gives them out.

My son told the 2 or 3 friends to hang on just a second when school got out, ran over to me and got the invites, and gave them to the kids.

This seems to be the way everyone does it, I've seen many kids giving out party invites. And it's pretty subtle, there is such chaos when school gets out that the other kids don't realize what's happened.

That might work except that at least one of the girls that he would invite is a bus rider and doesn't come out when my son does.

I just wish people would RSVP... really is it that hard? DS's whole class (25 kids) was invited to a party this year. Only THREE kids came. The mom found out (by chance - the day before the party) that there was already another party the same day, that not everyone was invited to. That's understandable, but NO ONE told her about the conflict after she gave out the invitations! We had fun anyway but I felt really bad for the birthday boy.

I can understand your frustration, but as a parent of two boys that have been invited to MANY parties this year all I can say is if you don't hear from us, we're not coming. Sometimes the boys were given invitations that didn't even have their name on it (so I'm assuming the parent sent in invitations for everyone and the teacher was to hand them out). I have a thing about hating to call people, especially if I don't even know you (I just get nervous about it). If there was an email address on there, I'd be first in line to let you know my son wouldn't be making it.

I did call and RSVP one time. The parent had actually sent in a reminder for the kids to RSVP and because of that, I called. She actually seemed surprised when I told her he wouldn't be coming. It was like she was expecting RSVP's only from those that would be attending