I have found that grief and sadness comes out whether we want it to or not, if that makes sense? I honestly don't recognize myself. It just makes me sad because I only had one baby and I was pretty miserable and really didn't enjoy it. Add to that Tom was failure to thrive for a period of time. How on earth did you go back to work a week after gallbladder surgery?????
Sadness hits me, and as you know, I sometimes can't claw out of it. I have learned coping mechanisms over the last year, then relearned as many turned to food. I'm still working on it, but I'm just ready for the weight vest to fall off. Kinda like what they put on you in the dentist office before an x-ray? Usually, coming here to vent makes a big difference. With the few friends that I would actually share this with, one honestly said to me right after Daddy died, and I appreciated it so much "I have no idea what to say, I have no idea how you feel, and I have no clue how to help you. Can you tell me what you need?" Usually, just an ear, get it off my chest.
AK had failure to thrive, too, such scary stuff. Of course, my MIL blamed on my breastfeeding, and told DH to start sneaking her bottles before I killed her. Talk about support!
As for going back to work - I had no choice. I had taken 2 unpaid weeks of maternity leave to get to stay home 8 weeks, since I only had 6 weeks built up, which we had saved for. We pretty much depleted our savings and days off with the infertility stuff, anyway.... You do what you gotta do. Thankfully it was winter, and there were snow days sprinkled in...
Tomorrow is his b-day. Can't believe he's turning 9. The time flies. I am definitely blessed. Poor little Sophie. Three is such a sweet age full of wonder, and amazement, but so little to truly understand. My niece was 3 when my mom died, and she lived with her, so after she kept going into mom's apartment to see if Grammy had come back from heaven. Love the pictures. You truly do look amazing.
We called my niece and nephew who are 13 and 16 to see if they wanted to paint too, and they did, so it will be fun. I love having all the cousins together. I especially love to torture the older ones by taking a group picture. It will be nice to be able to leave michael home and go. My brother might run with me.
Sophie made the whole thing a lot harder to deal with, just with her not understanding. She would ask so many questions...like "why didn't Poppie want to stay with us? Can't we just get in a plane and go see him?" AK did a lot of avoidance tactics, which has just blown up and come to a head recently....... I love that you are torturing the older ones. That's the great fun of having a 7 year split with my kids, the older friends and family jump right in and pretend to be 3 with Sophie. I hope Michael has a WONDERFUL birthday, and the party is awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!
My training is going great -- thanks for asking.

I do 3 miles for my short runs. I feel like I can do a 5K anytime with no problems and all my runs are within the Princess pace. Now it's time to work on increasing the distance for my long runs and keeping my 15 min mile pace.She is a perfect example of how people live on in people's heart because she probably doesn't remember your Dad very well, yet to her he's still part of the family, just not around where you can see him.
I am almost desperate to keep the memories alive for her, she still talks about feeding the birds with Daddy in the mornings, picking apples, how he taught her to eat green beans, etc. So we talk about those things often, hoping she can hold onto them. There was such a special connection there, seeing him 3-4 times a week. I am firm believer that God gave me my children when he did for that purpose. Daddy had just had triple bypass, and was suffering from the depression that is common afterwards, when we found out I was pregnant with AK. He kept her 2 times a week by himself for about 6 months before mom retired. Then he had to have knee surgery, and stint, about the time I UNEXPECTANTLY became pregnant w/ Sophie. Again, she brought him around. The day she was born, he said "I've lived to see all my grandchildren now." My girls were his world. GREAT JOB WITH THE TRAINING LISA!!!! You are going to do great!
Happy Friday everyone!

Hope you have a great WI today. I was able to hold onto my one pound from yesterday so that's it for me this week. Finally, my jeans are starting to feel loose. You would think after 23.5 pounds, this would have happened awhile back. And, THANKS for sharing the photos - WOW!!! You look so different,wow! That is very motivating for me. When I get to 25 pounds lost, I am going to post pictures too.
Shawn, I found it was almost 25 pounds before my clothes didn't fit. In fact, it was about 1 size for every 20 pounds. I would get so mad at the commercials "dropped 6 sizes and 40 pounds". Once I hit 160, it was one size for every 10 pounds. I will also add that when I was looking at pictures, I found one I would have shared that was taken on a girls' night out after I had lost 36 pounds. I FELT like I looked thin. I was getting lots of compliments. UNTIL I saw the pictures. I couldn't tell ANY difference in the pictures. It was very, very disheartening, so be careful with pictures!!!!!
Instead of setting me up for losing 30lbs, I sent in 40lbs! Well, that gives me two weeks to lose 14 lbs! It all makes sense now! I am scared to put them on with Boo bouncing off the walls like a Tigger on crack. This is her first Christmas. Those pics are awesome! You look fabulous!
I love that about Boo!!!! That's funny about your numbers. THINK BIG or small, as the case may be!

And congrats on the loss! That's a great week!!!!
I've been thinking about my mom a lot lately (ever since she called a couple of weeks ago

). I think being in your 40s means you have to come to terms with some things, and that's where I'm at. Having said all that, I am really happy with the place I am in now, just working to let go of some of the old stuff so that it doesn't keep coming back to make me sad. And since I am a huge emotional eater, hoping this helps the weight stay off as well.
So much of the emotional stuff is tied into our weight and health. I KNOW! Remember, NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION! It's time to stop giving her that permission. She holds no power over you now, you've overcome the crap that you were given, you are a strong, wonderful, amazing woman that your husband and son can be very, very, very proud of. As hard as it is to let it go, just remember that you are stronger now, and you have a great support system!

LOVE YOUR NEW SIG!
I'm kind of mad at myself for not thinking about getting a good coat this year--my other coats are all too big to keep me warm.
GET THE COAT!!!!!!! You need to be warm!!!!
just a quick post to tell you all I made it to a new decade....120s!!!! .
That is so amazing Jeanette! I am so very proud of you for getting back on plan, and seeing the results!


:Thank you for sharing your special moments

It gave me goosebumps. I'm really glad that you are finding some comfort during these difficult times. And may I also say that you are one hot momma

Thanks for posting your pics! I'm only about 20lbs lighter than your heaviest, so I've got a long way to go, but your pictures have motivated me!

Today has been pretty good so far! Got my 33 minutes of running during lunch done and over with and almost done with the water.
That's so great that you can run during your lunch! You are on a roll, Nicole! When I first joined the BL challenges, Corinna posted her before and afters, and I couldn't believe the difference. I was amazed and motivated. Not trying to brag on me, b/c I still feel big and blah, but the pictures do help me see how far I've come! Especially when I see one that I am in and don't recognize myself.
Well, looks like we are going to bag having folks over, except maybe our friends we go out with a couple times a month. It was too last minute and everyone had plans for tomorrow. Haven't talked to our friends yet so still might see them. All this introspection

has me fighting with being sad today.
GREAT JOB on sticking with maintain and foregoing the m&ms!!!
So i think its true that no matter how young they are they will always carry those special people in their hearts.:h For some reason you popped in my mind from a post you did recently about how you still had some pants size 18 and are now in an 8. Is that not freaky or what. So thanks for sharing. You have showed me that it can be done and I am ok and still we eventually get to my goal. has anyone heard from Cam.....cam if your reading check in and let us know your ok!
Im dreaming of a "wise" christmas

and "Elise" Navidad. We were cracking up.
Told you we were cut from the same cloth, or something freaky like that. I had a compulsion to post those yesterday.

Twilight Zone music in my head.

That was a 10 month process for me. I'm still a work in progress, though. Keep on keeping on. I started in January. I think the holidays are such a hard time to focus on weight loss. I was lucky in that I had no major tempting holidays until my WDW trip, It was nice to just say no, and keep saying no. Now, it's too easy to be tempted, and I am that type of person that once I slip once, I kinda keep slipping. KWIM? Kinda all or nothing mentality. Plus all the financial issues of this time of year are messing with me, too. I love the new Christmas music lyrics! You'll sing that for ever more! I know you are a country music girl, but there's a pop song that says "Now I'm feeling so fly like a G6." A friends daugher starting sing "Now I'm feeling so fried like a cheese stick"

That's the way we all sing it now. YOU CAN DO THIS LINDSAY. You've already proven it. I am so proud of you, it would have been so easy with all that you have going on to bag this challenge, yet you are here, and you want to be successful. Pull on your determination pants, and get going!
My other quote (of course this is not about weight loss, more about becoming a Jedi

) is, "Do or do not, there is no try". When I am focused and motivated, that's my mantra! I'll keep eating that fruit whenever I want a snack! Ok, gotta track down dh so we can decide how to sanction ds. He brought home his progress report today and instead of the A+ he had in Music Theory last quarter, he has a D I told him he couldn't use anything electronic until dh and I discussed it. It's been less than 2 hours and he has no idea what to do with himself. I suggested homework or reading, but apparently that is much too old-fashioned
Can't remember his age, but an electronic free few days hits home for AK. She gets soooo bored, and disconnected from friends, it's really miserable for the poor thing.

I love the Jedi quote!
Husband worked tonight so I came home and got our new mickey mirror hung on the kitchen wall. It looks great. There is enough room for a couple of mickey sconces too

The Disney site is out of sconces so I won't have to spend any money for a while.
Sounds cool!!!!
Thanks LisaH. I'm gonna go get the coat tomorrow.
Good for you!
BRB