Beyond Recovery: Christin's journal of progress (comments welcome)

[Lesli54]

Keep up the good work. Doesn't it feel good to look better in the old clothes? It sure does make the clothing feel new again.

I always said that if I were to teach, I would be a professor. There is no way, I would teach HS in this day and age and I think the younger grades would get to me after awhile. I love working with younger kids (that's why I do GS), but it's better in smaller groups.

Good luck on getting that dissertation done. My dad is still working on his and plans to graduate in May. He's a lifer when it comes to education. So am I, but I am taking a break.

Hope the weigh in goes well.

 

[rcyannacci]

Dang it, dang it, DANG IT! I hate weigh ins! 10 days on the South Beach and I'm down only 2.5 pounds. For those of you counting at home, that's exactly .5 lbs in 5 days.

Why do I do this to myself? I set these expectations that I have no control over...so even though I may have eaten precisely according to the plan, I decide to measure my success over pounds lost....and then get disapointed. This stinks. Not only that, but I'm exercising 6 times a week! What the heck is wrong with my body?

OK, I'm going to go now and eat my stinkin' low carb dinner because I don't know what else to do.

 

[Lesli54]

I think we all tend to do that even though we try not to. It has been drilled into our heads that WEIGHT is important, so that is the most convenient measure we know, even though there are many others of which we should measure success by.

Take it one day at a time. Stick with your plan a little longer and see what happens. Maybe in another couple of weeks, you will have to reevaluate again to see if this is the best solution for you.

I think this whole journey is trial and error. At least getting to the point where we began was "try all" and we know we aren't going there again.

Keep up the good work, you will get there.

 

[goldcupmom]

Christin - I SO feel your frustration!

My body just wants to hold on to weight and then suddenly one day it will say ' Ok, you win. Lose a few." and then a while later we will play the game again.

Don't give up. If you just keep on trying, something will eventually happen!

 

[rcyannacci]

OK- I'm back after my tantrum. I'm still irritated and trying to figure out what the next step is.

Monday- SB day 10
B- 1 veggie quiche
L- (didn't eat until 3:00) lettuce wraps w/ chicken
S- almonds
D- lean pork cutlets, creamed spinach, and a ceasar salad.

Exercise- curves 40 minutes, 5 minutes on abs

Writing- edited some, but mainly got frustrated and wasted time online

Bottom line is, I can't let a diet derail me from what I need to get done this summer. I've almost literally been having panic attacks about food for the last two days and it feels really wrong. I've been dreading every meal and worrying about what I'll do when I get hungry. Dinners are fine, but trying to figure out breakfast and lunch with my writing schedule is just killing me. And now I'm starting to skip meals.

The last time I tried a diet plan was the summer after my freshman year of college. I did slim fast and ate only shakes and a dinner for a full month. I lost 20 lbs, looked great once I got back to college, but then couldn't keep food down for a while. It was just so unhealthy, and I feel like this was the start of many of my problems with food. And, I just can't go down this road again.

So, I'm still going to try to make it through to day 14 on the South Beach phase 1. But if I have another day like I had yesterday and today, I'm going to skip straight to phase 2. I've been playing this like a game with hard and fast rules, and I have to remember that it's my body and I get to make the decisions. It may just take me 2 years to take off what I want to take off. It took more than 2 years for it to get there, so I guess that makes sense.

 

[Desiree]

I can feel your frustration. I know this is not really words of comfort right now, but the pounds will start falling. I promise. You shouldn't deprive yourself. You know what is good for your body and what isn't. Moderation and exercise really are the keys! Good vibes to you. We all seem to be struggling here on Wish lately.

 

[calena]

Christin -- I'm sorry you haven't lost what you wanted to yet on SB. Wait until the 14 days for the "official" weigh in. Also, you are down 2.5 lbs and your clothes for the conference fit better than last summer. Take each victory as they come. Talk to your friend who told you not to expect too much in the first phase, and find out how SB worked for her. DONT STARVE YOURSELF!!!! That will only make things worse. We all "know" that but it is easy to forget. I always like reading the success stories in the South Beach book and also on the "official" website. Even reading the old posts on the South Beach thread on Wish helps. We all struggle, but there is a payoff. In your early posts you talk about being a carb/sugar addict, so this should work... it is just getting the body used to it! Thinkin of ya, Wish sis.

 

[goldcupmom]

One day at a time. Boy, I understand the 'food' panic attacks, too. You're right, it is YOUR body and you control what you put into it. Take your time in losing. Life happens and derails us, but the important thing is that we come back and pick up the pieces and move on again. Try to look at the overall picture, even tho it is hard. I'm now to the point that I'm just trying to weigh less than I did a year ago, even it its' just a pound, it's still a pound!

Hang in there! I'm thinkin' about you bunches!!

 

[rcyannacci]

Thanks everyone for the encouraging words. They are really appreciated.

Tues- SB day 12
B- string cheese stick
S- celery with laughing cow cheese
L- skipped
S- a few almonds
D- tortilla soup from Posado's (ordered w/ tortillas on the side, so I added just a few) and a ceasar salad.

Exercise- speed walk with dogs in the park (nice change of pace, and I felt really powerful!)

Writing- I pulled together all of the images I will need for my presentation, and built my power point and some handouts.

Yesterday was the breaking point for me. Emotionally I had just gotten to the point where I didn't want to eat any food because I didn't trust if I was hungry or not. It reminded me of too many days in college when I flirted with an eating disorder. So I made myself eat a tortilla, and I felt 10 times better mentally. And, today I feel great. Still powerful, but not so afraid of food.

Writing for today- getting back into my chapter...review my outline, and start some paragraph notes. I would like to leave for DC on Sat with 3-4 pages, so I can return to a solid starting point.

 

[rcyannacci]

Wednesday- SB day 13
B- last of the veggie quiche
L- shredded chicken and blackbeans w/ salsa and a tortilla (leftover from last night)
D- went out with DH and had a great dinner! Grilled red snapper, sauteed green beans and mushrooms, and cole slaw.
S- sugar free fudgicle w/ peanut butter

Exercise- Curves 40 min, abs 5 min.

Writing- 2 hours concentrated work on chapter

Writing for today- after meeting my friends for breakfast (not sure what I'll eat), I'll head for my library study and try to work out my introductory idea into a couple of pages.

Have to start doing laundry so I can pack on Fri. for D.C.

 

[calena]

I am sorry things have been such a struggle. No, you don't want to flirt with an eating disorder. You have a lot of stress going on right now with the upcoming trip and trying to stick to South Beach. I feel for ya Wish sis. Be good to yourself. Do what is right for YOU. Progress is slow, I know, but I think in the long run this "good carb" way of eating is worth it. Or, at least it is for me, and it seems to have worked for others. You know your body and what you can handle. You are in my thoughts!

 

[septbride2002]

Hey Sweetie! I'm sorry I've been neglecting your journal and then to come to find you so frustrated. I totally understand where you are coming from with the food panic. I went through that earlier this year where I was almost obsessed by food. I started to worry about a possible eating disorder so I made myself go off the diet and just ate what I wanted to for a month or so. You have a lot on your plate right now. I can't imagine the stress you must be under. Remember to take mental breaks and do some deep breathing to help releave your stress.

It sounds to me as if you are a slow loser (as in losing weight loss and not in the being a loser sense ). It is frustrating to be so, I am one too. Perhaps take the exercise down to 5 days a week and see if that makes a difference. Sometimes we need to take something away in order to achieve our goals. You are maintaining a high stress, high workout lifestyle right now. So your body may be holding on to every energy source that comes it way.

~Amanda

 

[Lesli54]

Sorry to hear that things haven't been so good lately. Try not to stress yourself too much. Personally, I think if the mental thoughts of previous problems with food don't go away soon, then you might want to reconsider this food strategy and find something else that will work for you and that you feel more comfortable with. I am not saying to quit and I know SB works for some, but no matter what program a person is trying you have to be able to deal with it emotionally.

Ask yourself what is your ultimate goal? Is it to lose weight quickly? Is it to lose a lot no matter what and not really change things? Is it to become fit? Is it to eventually build a lifestyle of health that can be maintained later? The list goes on.

Bottom line, you have to do what is best for you, what you are comfortable with and what will get you to your goal. Hang in there, you will figure this out.

 

[jay-nee]

Hey kiddo! You are doing so great. Really try to focus on how far you've come already. This is a life journey, not a race. Everyone here is trying to become healthier and you are too. Already you have done so much to achieve that in your life.

The scale can be an evil force in our lives. Re-read your post about fitting nicely in your clothes - what an achievement! Honestly, this is hard. We spend our whole lives being messed up with food, but we don't think about it until we try to change those thoughts and feelings. The scale is just a number. What you have gained that is far more valueable; confidence, knowledge, and a heathier body and mind. The numbers will come, but don't dwell on them.

Enjoy your journey... It could last a lifetime (a longer one than it may have been... ).

Happy Friday Christin!

 

[rcyannacci]

Thanks everyone for taking time to make these comments. They are really helpful...I've been re-reading them for a couple of minute because their so smart and really put things into perspective.

I think South Beach is a great plan, and I've learned a lot about good carbs/good fat, but I think I gave up my ability to do a restrictive diet after the Slim Fast fiasco. I'm going to take what I've learned and incorporate it into a new eating plan that's not so restrictive. I'll lose slower and figure out a way to be OK with that, but I have to get rid of these food panics. I'm looking to start a family in a couple of years, and I am NOT going to pass on my anxieties about food to my kids.

What is my ultimate goal? Great question, since I've veered away from my original goal. Or, more likely, I partially achieved it and haven't gone back to reassess my situation. I started out with the goal to cut sugar and processed foods and exercise for health. I've achieve both, lost a little in the process, and here's where I changed my goals without fully admitting it to myself. Because I've now been looking in the mirror and thinking "Wow, I do look better...if I lose more, I'll look even better and eventually I'll stop wondering how people look at me." So partially vaniety (I want to look good...although by who's definition of good, I'm not sure) but mostly getting rid of that voice in my head that says people treat me different because I'm overweight. Plus, my mother is coming to TX to visit in 3 weeks and will immediately ask me how much I've lost.

Amanda- thanks for the perspective you gave me about my work and exercise schedule. I hadn't thought of it that way, and that's exactly what my body might be doing. I think I'll ease up a bit on the exercise and see what happens. I'm still going to take my running shoes w/ me to DC, and I found a Curves near my hotel, which will give me a good chance to take a break from the conference (or maybe I'll go shopping ).

OK, enough analysis

Thursday-
B- out with friends, had a mini cheese omlette w/ queso and 1/2 a whole wheat pancake, light on the syrup.
S- almonds
(didnt' have lunch because I was full from brunch and got into my work at the library)
D- grilled chicken strips, zucchini and onion stirfry, and a ceasar salad
S- sugar-free fudgicle w/ peanut butter

No exercise- stayed at the library until 6:00 then went home to watch season 3 of 24 on DVD...major crush on Keiffer Sutherland! Is he the cutest or what!

 

[Lesli54]

It sure does sound like rethinking your plan and goals has helped alot. You are much more positive today. I am really beginning to think that it is the just over 3 month marker thing. The newness has worn off, but you're not ready to give up. It's happening every where on the board. I know that I am reanalyzing my situation in order to keep the motivation going.

I admire the fact that you want to bring up children in a healthy eating environment. Getting yourself to the point where you are comfortable with food (not too comfy ) and enjoying it will really help you reach that goal with the future kiddies.

As far as your mom, try not to sweat it. If she asks, don't tell her the amount of weight lost, instead tell her "Enough that I am in a size X now" Or "Enough that these clothes that fit a month ago are now baggy" Or "Enough that I have tons of energy and feel great about myself". You get the idea. Maybe that will satisfy her and yet you won't feel bad about a number.

Keep up the good work and have a great day!

 

[goldcupmom]

You sound much better, Christin! I'm GLAD!!!

Sounds like you are back on track, and remember whichever track you take, it's the right one for you at the moment. No right or wrong way to lose, no magic speed or time frame. ONE day at a time YOUR way will change YOUR life for the better!

Good Luck with your mom. I like Lesli's ideas.

I'll catch up with you when I get back on 7/10

 

[rcyannacci]

Friday-
B- 2/3's of a South Beach bar, iced coffee
L- chicken fahita salad
D- hamburger no bun w/ grilled onions, 1/2 a sweet potato, and a ceasar salad
S- sugar free fudgicle w/ peanut butter.

Wow- busy day, getting ready to leave tomorrow for DC. My paper is printed out and ready to go, and aren't all of you glad you don't have to sit though 20 minutes of: "Scenography as Cultural Image/Commercial Product: Jo Mielziner and The King and I" Seriously though, I hope it goes well because it could mean a publishing opportunity for me if the right people like it.

Thanks again to everyone who's helped me through the last week. I'm feeling a lot better, and upbeat about the conference. I'm not going to try to stress too much about what I'm eating on the trip; I'll be happy for healthy choices when I encounter them.

I'm not sure if I'll have internet access while I'm there, but if I do I'll try to journal updates. Lesli's trip reports have me motivated to write a trip report of my own...but I'm not sure I could make an academic conference quite as interesting.

Have a good week everybody!

 

[jay-nee]

at the conference. You will do great! Can't wait to hear how it goes...

I hope there's a Curves for you nearby too. That will help with some stress relief too! (shopping might too! )

Enjoy and happy Saturday!

 

[calena]

Hope things go well in D.C. I know they will. Are you working on a degree in film studies or what is your area?
I am glad you are finding what works for you as far as eating and exercise go. I think the advice about cutting back on the intensity is probably a good one. I feel a bit bad if I pressured you to do South Beach! I guess I felt it really worked for me as far as my cravings go and knowing what is good to eat or not. Just because it is working for me, does not mean it will work for you... (Of course - worked for me -- I am still a newbie, but it seems like a plan that makes sense to me where I am in my life right now.) I KNOW it is hard to do and I think I will end up doing more modified South Beach too, but for now it is working for me. I'm glad you are finding what works for YOU Christin. It is a journey and a struggle. I am in there with ya too.
So - all my support goes out to ya! Have a great time in DC and know that whenever you are making a positive choice in terms of exercise and food you are winning!