Best Tips for Vacationing with Extended Family

[mello]

We need a list of "Do's, Don'ts, and Very Best Tips" for large groups with varying ages. Please tell us what has worked for you, what hasn't, and what you'd do differently next time (if there IS a next time... I'm sure the best advice is simply "Don't do it" ).

We'll likely have 15 people, 3 families with kids plus grandparents, ranging in age from 5 to 68. I've got a few ideas on how to handle the logistics, but would like to hear from the experts who've done this to see if I'm even up to the challenge before we try to plan anything.

So please post away!

 

[disnutt]

You're right about the best advice being DON'T do it!

My only advice would be to think first about what you and your immediate family want out of the trip first then plan a meeting/phone conference/email chain and get the other folks involved in decision making, too.

Talk openly about budgets, lodging choices, food, transportation and what folks want out of their experiences. That way you can make plans to incorporate a little of what everyone wants. Make sure that you set a rule up front that you don't have to have the whole group togethter all the time. Just plan for some meals or shows together.

We're going through this now. We're planning to go with another family in the fall. The other lady really wants to stay offsite in a condo w/ a pool so that she and her family can swim alone. That thought depresses me. We own at DVC (I've offered to get them a room w/our points!) and love to be 'in the Magic' on property. Also, to us swimming at Disney is something to do if it is too hot or we just need a break from the parks it is not one of the main things we think of when we go on vacation- just an extra treat. We may actually stay at separate locations and just meet up in the parks.

You might want to check into getting help with a Magical Gathering with a group that big. There will be plenty of good advice coming from this board!

Good luck!

 

[Minnie116]

We did that last year. Our extended family had such a huge age difference that it was very hard. We had families with pre-schoolers, to families with High schoolers, to senior citizens. We had a total of about 30 people. The one piece of advice is to all stay at the same place. My cousin and I (the 2 pre-schooler families) wanted to stay on property. My aunts and uncles wanted to stay at a time-share off property. My other cousin stayed at Shades of Green. We all saw each-other maybe 4 hours during the whole 8 day trip. Even when we met up in the parks. The older kids wanted to do space mountain which our kids could not do, then our kids wanted to go to fantasyland which the highschoolers did not want to do, so we all ended up separating after about 15 minutes. Even at meals, the wanted to go to the timeshare and cook, we wanted character meals. At least if we would have stayed at the same place we could have sat by the pool together. We spent thousands of dollars on this "family reunion" that we did not spend any time with the family. We all went during July to accomodate everyone elses schedule. Since we had kids that had not started school yet, we could have gone anytime. The only good thing that came out of it was my cousin and I that have kids the same age both stayed at POFQ together with connecting rooms, and we became a lot closer during the vacation. We talk so much more often now. That part I would not change, again if I could have changed anything else it would be to have everyone stay together on property.

 

[belle&beast]

We went with my parents last year and the thing I wish I would have realized ahead oftime is that my DD4 thought Nana and Papa would be with us all the time. When they were leaving to go back to rest, she had a major melt down. It was heartbreaking to hear her cry for Nana because she didn't ride Dumbo with her yet! Well, they did get to ride together, but I wish I would have thought about explaining that we would do different things at times.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Stay home.

 

[bcinohio]

We have had friends and family go with us on our last 3 Disney trips and my aunt if going for the first time with us in 3 weeks. What we did each time was decide together where we wanted to stay and what kind of meals we wanted to do together(Chef Mickey and Rainforest Cafe). We looked at the schedule for the early entry days and made up a weekly schedule. We made sure that everyone understood that we would not be upset if they wanted to go and do something else. We gave them our plan and we stayed together when we could be didn't get upset if we split up. Sometimes the DH's took the kids back early to the resort while the ladies stayed to shop or explore the WS in Epcot. It has worked well for us but it has to be discussed before you go how you want the week to look so it doesn't mess up everyones vacation.

Good luck!!

 

[brat5063]

Be flexible and go with the flow. I don't know. We have traveled with 2 other couples before. I would agree that everyone should stay at the same resort and try for the same building.

I would start an email chain and ask for other peoples expectations: Do you want to stay together as much as possible or just get together for a couple meals? If you want to eat meals together, have each family send in their top three restaurant choices and pick the ones that most families want to do and try to get one from each family.

 

[crjack]

We did 3 families (group of 14) back in 2003 and it worked out fine. We all had our own cars and like others we agreed that we would do what worked with the option of splitting up at anytime.

We stayed in rental homes in Windsor Palms and that worked well for us. Our age range wasnt as big as yours but my sister hates theme parks so she was a reluctant traveler. We still found things for her to enjoy though.

You definitely need the input of the other families on accomodations, budget and preferences. I tried to pick a few things that we could do together but because they involved reservations people had to be pretty firm about going.

For us, we reserved pontoon boats for Illuminations fireworks cruises. It was something that everyone wanted to see and sharing the cost made it reasonable. They are hard to get so I did the calling right at 8:00 am when the reservation window started. I figured I would call everyday to try and by day 2 I had them.

We also agreed on Sea World so we did Dine with Shamu. Even the teenages liked it and my sister loved Sea World so it worked out well. We split up during the day but met back for dinner with the trainers.

Leaving Disney isnt always an option or a preference but one other dinner show that you may all like is the Hoop dee Doo. We really enjoy it and did it as a smaller group. Everyone had fun and we like the boat ride over to Fort Wilderness.

Good luck with your planning!

 

[isla bonita]

We go down every year to our rental home with family and/or friends.

1. own transportation
2. we have cell phones to meet up during the day if we want such as lunch, dinner or a swim
3. stay in same area so you can touch base at end of night to share great things
4. be flexable some what I know my kids have later hours, more junk food and not a lot of responsability but vacation is not the real world for us
5. have a space you can retreat to if enough is enough
6. we also have adr's planned into our schedule and certain days for parks so we may not be with each other but we are in the same area as some of our people.
7. we have great down time with each other the kids have built in sleepovers and they think it is the bomb
8. we do a few things that all can do together and we all love those times
9. the best thing is the memories of the whole experience they are life long have a wonderful magical time

 

[puffkin]

Here are my suggestions:

1. Have each family get their own accomodations. Even if it is cheaper, do not share rooms or a villa. You will want your own space.

2. Do not change your family's vacation style to accomodate others. Do the things your family wants to do.

3. Have a basic itinerary. If others want to join you, fine. If not, then go ahead without them.

4. Set up a few meals or other events together....maybe one a day. That way, the whole group can do things toghether, but are not obligated to be with each other all day.

5. Make sure that all monetary things are arranged and discussed before hand.

6. If it works out that your group will be together most of the time, plan an evening alone with just your family.

 

[Cinderumbrella]

Here are my suggestions:

1. Have each family get their own accomodations. Even if it is cheaper, do not share rooms or a villa. You will want your own space.

2. Do not change your family's vacation style to accomodate others. Do the things your family wants to do.

3. Have a basic itinerary. If others want to join you, fine. If not, then go ahead without them.

4. Set up a few meals or other events together....maybe one a day. That way, the whole group can do things toghether, but are not obligated to be with each other all day.

5. Make sure that all monetary things are arranged and discussed before hand.

6. If it works out that your group will be together most of the time, plan an evening alone with just your family.

We are going this Christmas with IL's and SIL and family. This is exactly how we (I ) are planning it. MIL has delusions of grandeur of all 8 of us spending every waking moment together which we had to put an end to NOW before we go. It just isn't going to happen when 1 family wants to sleep in some days so they can be out later and not be a cranky mess by 3pm and 1 family wants to be out at the crack of dawn and stay out till the wee hours (Obviously this is the family without kids) and the other family rather get up early and head in after dinner (this family also has a member who has never been here before and doesn't understand why we need ADR's and have to think about what to do before we get there). Can you guess which family is mine?

We have planned about 6 meals together and will try to tour some of the parks together part of the day but not every park, all day, everyday. Since I am the compulsive planner, I have provided our initial schedule (it is a work in progress ) to the other families and have declared these to be our plans with the invitation to feel free to join up when it works well for your family.

At least we are all staying on site at the same hotel- that was the one thing we all agreed on!!!

As for the rest, I guess only time will tell....

 

[crisi]

Set expectations up front and let people back out if they can't live with them...included:

1) What everyone will be responsible paying for (if you or someone is doing any treating - i.e. I have DVC points, but you'll need to pay airfaire, food, park tickets, souvieniers and a rental car if you choose to have one).

2) How much time you will spend together....I like to say up front "I know you will be miserable following my kids around - they run us ragged - and my kids will be miserable if they can't ride every coaster in WDW - lets just plan on meeting for dinner (or the pool or breakfast or....)" Or "we get up early and are usually at the park gates before they open, I know you like to sleep in - we will just tell you what park we will be in and call the cell phone when you get there." The other one that works "Disney is logistically hard with big parties, we will want to spend most of our time split up in smaller groups"

Develop a schedule. Let people opt in or opt out.

Give deadlines and don't extend them. Remind them before the deadline comes. "I need to make dinner reservations, I need to know which meals you'll be joining us."

Whatever the temptation is, don't be the travel agent or official guide. If someone says "no, Boma doesn't interest us" don't press, let it drop. Don't make reservations for people, unless they are joining you.
Take a friend or two. We took my mother in law. Since "she'd be miserable following the kids, the kids would be miserable letting her set the pace" we brought her sister as well. We spent some time with them, but they poked through shops in Epcot at a snails pace, while we ran ragged with the kids. If the oldest cousin is seventeen, and then next cousin is six, consider letting the oldest cousin bring a 'responsible' friend. Choose wisely - but a responsible friend may be better than a whiney 17 year old.

 

[firkat]

What I do that seems to work: Drink alot of alcohol!

It really depends on the structure of the trip. Went once with my DH's family and his sister called the shots. For most of the trip, we all just followed her lead . . . until the mutiny. Not having control was the hardest part for me.

We have gone with my folks several times and they are going again this upcoming time in Sept/Oct. It started with us disagreeing about whether to stay onsite or off. My DM was pretty adament and 'informed' me that she was booking offsite. After much consternation, I just smiled and said, "Great, we are booking onsite!"

We are planning on having at least one meal per day together and catching the big events, like Fantasmic, Spectro, etc. They are going to SofA with us, but not Hoop Dee Doo . .. They have no interest in showing up at the parks when they open and are planning on meeting us for lunch. We will have cell phones with us . . .

The one thing I am really going to work on is trying not to let them get me down! I am going to be in control of my own attitude and I plan to be HAPPY!

 

[LauraAnn630]

Im having some problems with our group! They dont want to plan anything!

I wanted to buy the US and IoA tickets...kids free...5 days

My brothers family was all for it. So I bought our tickets now they are saying they are NOT going to do US or IoA. They think they will get a 3 day hopper to disney.

So I priced the hoppers...I can get a 7 day pass for 124.00 cheaper than a 4 day hopper for my family. So I guess well get the 7 day passes.

BUT...

We have to use our US and IoA passes for 5 days in a row. If we use 2 days then skip a day, well still have 2 days left on our tickets right???
(at US & IoA)


I want to spend some time with them in the parks. They didnt want to make any ADRS!! So I just went ahead and made plans for my family. I dont want to miss out on our favorite places to eat. Expecially at X-Mas and NYE.

Ive asked them over and over to sit down and talk about it. They keep changing there minds about what they want to do. Its there first trip. I gave them a book and sent them all the websites. They dont care. They dont plan anything. GOOD LUCK TO THEM...LOL

They want to cook and hang out at the villa. Im not cooking ****! LOL
We grab cereal and a bagel and GOOOooooo...

We do have plans for Christmas Eve at MK. We are going to CP and they are going to CRT.

At least thats set!


So any tips would be helpful here!

 

[mello]

What I do that seems to work: Drink alot of alcohol!
QUOTE]


That just might be necessary (and I'm not a drinker!)

Lots of good advice here. I was thinking it would be easier if we all stay at the same resort, if we make a few ADR's together, and not try to stay together while in the parks. It looks like most of you are confirming that. Now if I can just get everyone else on board with that.

Like some of you guys, we've got folks who'll want to go commando, and folks who'll want to sleep in late, some like to eat sit-down, others prefer to eat on the run, etc. and I think all of that can be dealt with easily by just agreening that every family does what it likes and doesn't have to always be with the others. But the biggest bugaboo is going to be my mom, who always, no matter where we are, always wants everyone to stay together, and she spends every moment worrying about whomever isn't with us. Drives us all crazy under normal circumstances; I can only imagine how bad it'll be for 14 days at WDW!!! Any ideas on how to get some sense ingrained into Granny on the wisdom of everyone doing their own thing? I was thinking maybe we should assign Granny and Papa to one family each day, and tell her she can keep track of everyone in that immediate family for the day (thereby giving the other families a break)?

Also, how has it worked for you to have some days, or partial days where, say, dads and boys go to a water park while moms and girls go to tea, or dads and bigger kids on E ticket rides while moms and little kids go to Fantasyland, or two couples take all the kids to Chef Mickeys while one couple goes on a date night? I'm thinking of working some combos like that into the itinerary for a little variety; just not sure how to actually pull it off.

As the planner in the family, I often feel like a reluctant cat herder (the cats being the reluctant ones, not me), kwim?

 

[firkat]

Can Granny babysit? Perhaps one or two evenings, the adults could go out to a nice dinner or Jellyrolls or PI . . . That would be fun!

I like your idea of spreading Granny around . . . one day with each family. Only fair to share her!

I think the boys going one way and the girls the other would be fine. I don't see a hitch there.

Perhaps you should share with the other folks which days you are going to be in which parks and the ADRs you have made. If they want to join you, great. If not, that is there choice!

 

[bctripp]

What works for us when we go with MIL is to have an open plan of what we are going to do and who is going to pay for it. If we don't loosely plan what we are going to do, nothing will get done. Get seperate rooms, don't get a villa. Make sure that she knows that 15 people can't spend all their time together. I'd split the group up to do stuff during the day, maybe you could spend mornings together, or evenings, like meet up for dinner at a certain place and then see the fireworks together.

 

[wendy46001]

The biggest statement from our last family vacation was
"Just because we are family doesnt mean we like the same things"

1) make sure everyone (adults & teens) has transportation so no one feels trapped
even if it means spending a little more and staying on property.
2) everyone should have their own space...(even if its a tub for mom)
3) cell phones/ hand held radios are life savers when it comes to meeting up
4) Plan a few dinners/park rides together but dont expect everyone to hangout the whole trip
5) Dont get mad when someone doesnt show up or cuts out early
6) If you are brave enough to share a space put up a chalk/white board and say where everyone is (ie pool/parks/grocery)

Also if you have teens...give them a budget for the day....that way Aunt/Uncle or Grandma doesnt always feel like they are paying for your kid....

And in the end umbrella drinks always make the day seem brighter

 

[danalee]

There were 10 of us Myself, DH & DS my mom, my brother & his DGF, one of my best friends her little guy and my SIL & MIL
Well the first 6 in that line up had been before and knew what to expect the next 4, not so much~

So we all got togther (without my ds, it was his b-day surprise) and "talked" about different things, where to eat, stay and came up with a loose game plan, they all said "whatever we will follow you" um ok, not being mean, but they didnt have a clue and didnt want too!

So anyway I had a good idea of what everyone liked and so on, so I made up an Itinerary! Well they all laughed at me and my "itinerary" but let me tell ya it was sooooooooooo much easier that standing in front of the hotel going "Where do you want to go, I dont care where do you want to go" I would have went nuts and about half way into the trip they were loving the itinerary, making fun of it still, but thanking me for it none the less~

I did plan a "Do what you want day" no adr's, nothing. and it worked out well
It was far enough in the trip that eveyone had an idea of where they were at and how the whole thing worked
My dh, ds & sil went to ride at MK, my friend & her son went to epcot living seas again & then swimming. Myself, my mom, bro & his dgf went to world showcase and well my MIL stayed in the room.......ahhhh but that is another story

So make a "game plan" if you want to do the group thing , with room for changes!
Have Fun

 

[seven dwarfs]

The best thing for us was having us time. Allowing time to split apart and time to come together and having a schedule of that time. For us we got together most meals. We would have a couple hours in each park together and then seperate time too.

Also if you have lots of family's with kids you could get together. Example if their is six couples, one night three go out and three watch kids and the other night switch. This always works well. The couples whom go out and go together or split. We draw numbers to see who is who and when.

The very first "together trip" we planned nothing. Just went. Never again. Worst trip ever. Learned from that mistake.

Good luck and enjoy the time together!