Behavior Challenge Thread

[kymmyk13]

We had been doing really well for a couple of months but things have been going down hill for the last couple of weeks. DD5 is in the special needs preschool at the elementary school. well school is ending next week so she will just be in daycare. she is really acting out at home, she won't get dressed in the morning but then gets upset if she misses the bus. She is refusing to take a bath, she is arguing with everyone and just making everyone misserable. She hates the change and I am trying to talk her throught it and get her excited for the summer and our WDW trip and talking about what kindergarten will bring next year but it is not helping yet.

 

[kirstenb1]

We had been doing really well for a couple of months but things have been going down hill for the last couple of weeks. DD5 is in the special needs preschool at the elementary school. well school is ending next week so she will just be in daycare. she is really acting out at home, she won't get dressed in the morning but then gets upset if she misses the bus. She is refusing to take a bath, she is arguing with everyone and just making everyone misserable. She hates the change and I am trying to talk her throught it and get her excited for the summer and our WDW trip and talking about what kindergarten will bring next year but it is not helping yet.

Our 4 1/2 yr old is also in SPED preschool. She's been acting really hard-headed since February!! Both here and at school. I think she's finally hitting the terrible twos!!

One thing that has helped in the last week: I have been spending a lot more one on one time with her. I've pretty much decided to drop everything, and spend time with her. She's gradually getting more easy-natured. She also seems much happier.

 

[koolaidmoms]

As school starts to wrap up our DS acts out more. He gets more and more short tempered and quicker to melt down. We still have a month and a half left - last day is June 29th!

But, I have already started talking and planning with him for Mommy school over the summer. We are choosing science projects, field trips and deciding which lessons he wants to do. At least this keeps him focused on something else.

Please keep DP (C&G's Mama) in your thoughts tomorrow. She is having surgery at 1:30 pm. We are sure she is going to be just fine. But any little extra thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I know she really cares about you all even though she only knows you virtually. Thanks!

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

I will definitely keep you and C&G's mama in my thoughts tomorrow. Tell her good luck from all of us. I care about you guys too. We're like a virtual family.

 

[bookwormde]

Keeping your family in our thoughts and hoping everything go smoothly. I do not think most porple can appriate how much work goes into preparing a summer for our kids since it is often they very best time for them to grow socially and stretch thire limits.

bookwormde

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

Koolaidmoms & C&G'sMama, waiting for an update...

Hope all is well with you.

 

[koolaidmoms]

Thanks all.

C&G's Mama came home yesterday (Saturday). 12 - 1" incisions and 1 - 2" incision later she is doing well. Very sore and very slow but she is doing well.

Hydrocodone is a good thing.

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

I am allergic to Codeine so I miss out on all the good painkillers.

All is well here. I am packing for trip to WDW in 6 days!

DD has been home from school since Wednesday, she has Roseola. She's doing better now. You should have seen the smile on her face when the Dr told her she'd have to miss field day!!!!

One week of school to go. We can make it! We can make it!

I haven't nailed down a Nanny for the summer yet. The good girl I had in line hasn't responded to my calls/emails since she came to meet dd last Monday. I thought the visit went well.

I have 2 more to meet, one with a cousin with Asperger's. Hopefully I can get someone in line soon. Young people are SO flaky these days!

Crowd levels are predicted to be 9s during the first 3 days of our trip. Yikes! Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst. I just need the escape right now!

Glad to hear C&G'sMama is recovering!

 

[C&G'sMama]

Thanks for the well wishes. I'm back. Tired and sore, but back. Lesson learned: when diagnosed with a hernia, don't wait 7 years to get it fixed

Like Koolaidmoms says I have good drugs but I'm using them sparingly. I'll take one tonight before I go to bed and am using Ibuprophen during the day to control the pain.

I think this has been a good thing for DS. I tend to baby him and not have high expectations (yes, I am it admitting in public). But I can't do a lot of things right now so he has to do them himself and he's been a huge help to me. If I drop something he picks it up. He now knows how to put the soap in the dishwasher etc. He's really been very good.

Back upstairs for me, I can only last a few minutes on the computer right now.

 

[kirstenb1]

C and G's Mama, I hope your recovery continues to go well. I know exactly what you mean about babying our kids, and maybe this will be a good experience for your son. Take care.

 

[bookwormde]

Glad to hear things went well, I know what you mean about opportunities for our kids when there are real "logical" (an obvious) needs that they can help with.

bookwormde

 

[C&G'sMama]

Hey everyone! Where are you. I'm keeping up with some of you on the new thread that's going and have made some new friends. But DDM, Grace, What's up?

My surgery recovery is driving DS crazy since "You can't do anything !!!!!" He was utterly ticked that I couldn't give him a piggy back ride. His 85 lbs is way over my 10 lb lifting limit.

Oh well, I guess most of you are winding down the school year. Since we don't start 'til after labor day we don't finish 'til the end of June.

 

[bookwormde]

Glad to hear you are making progress, I think it is good for our kids to lean that at times we have real limitations.

I am just counting down to our first outer banks vacation this year (2 weeks)

bookwormde

 

[kymmyk13]

DD5 is about to drive me crazy, Since school ended I can not do anything right. She is out of control. DH gives into to her and keeps telling me to relax, but he does not have to deal with her as much as I do, she has an unnatural attachment to me. I am just exhausted, we do have alot going on and know that does not help her, but what can you. Then DD5, DD19 and I leave for WDW in 9 days and I just want to cancel, for many reason- are we rewarding her bad behavior, is she going to act like that while we are there.
Sorry for the rant it just feels better to talk about these issues with people who understand.

 

[bookwormde]

Let go of the "behavior" perspective, look at the underlying skills that she needs and find opportunities to explore them while at WDW. Thinking about, and working with our kids behaviors from an NT perspective is exausting, non productive and damaging. You need to stop worrying about the what (unless it is dangerous or significantly damaging) and work on the why and get inside her head from a non NT perspective. You will discover needs and missing skills that make her actions perfectly "logical"

bookwormde

 

[C&G'sMama]

I understand the why, but then how do we help DS get through his explosive moments. He goes from 0 to 10 in 1 second and we can figure out what the trigger is but how do we talk him down. We try redirection, we try getting him to run or do something else physical, we try having him go to a safe space etc. We know he's stressed out, it's the end of the school year, I'm still not 100% after surgery though things are starting to get back to normal.

Locally we have a court case going on right now of a 19 yo high school senior, ASD. There were a number of fire drills at school and he finally hit a wall. He started throwing stuff and the school resource officer said the boy tried to kick him so he arrested him and it has been ruled he's fit to stand trial Here's a the patch to one news story
http://www.whec.com/news/stories/s1531861.shtml

That's one of my fears. That DS goes into a rage when he's older and gets into some real trouble. Society will not be as forgiving as his moms and I worry so much for him. We role play, he's in therapy etc but if he gets set off there's no going back.

 

[koolaidmoms]

I too am hoping you all have some suggestions with this.

We have DS in counseling but I don't think he "gets" it.

If you ask him to do something like pick up his socks and throw them down the stairs he starts screaming, "I hate you. I want to punch you. I hate you!" He has stopped putting his hands on us so I look at that as a step forward but this is non-stop ALL day. If we can get him to stop screaming this he then goes to, "I hate myself. I am stupid." repeatedly.

It is very sad and heart breaking for us but we are beginning to feel like its manipulation to get out of whatever he doesn't want to do.

He is fine at school. School is VERY structured everyday things are the same and nothing changes. Home is not like that. Some days we have time to watch tv, some days we don't. Try not having three meals and two snacks every day no matter what.

There are chores that you just have to do as being part of the family. Putting your plate in the dishwasher, putting your dirty clothes in the laundry, etc... He just fights it every step all the time.

Any and all suggestions greatly appreciated!

 

[bookwormde]

Learning perspective and situatinal balance is a social skill, it takes time and repatterning. There are some programs like "how is my motor running" and works that Attwood and Michelle Winners uses that work well. These should be a mojor portion of any social skills curriculum.

Unfortunatley this is a skill area wher typical medications make it much harder to learn these skills and make the accuteness of the "tippinig point" much sharper and hard to pick up on precursors.

bookwormde

 

[kirstenb1]

I too am hoping you all have some suggestions with this.

We have DS in counseling but I don't think he "gets" it.

If you ask him to do something like pick up his socks and throw them down the stairs he starts screaming, "I hate you. I want to punch you. I hate you!" He has stopped putting his hands on us so I look at that as a step forward but this is non-stop ALL day. If we can get him to stop screaming this he then goes to, "I hate myself. I am stupid." repeatedly.

It is very sad and heart breaking for us but we are beginning to feel like its manipulation to get out of whatever he doesn't want to do.

He is fine at school. School is VERY structured everyday things are the same and nothing changes. Home is not like that. Some days we have time to watch tv, some days we don't. Try not having three meals and two snacks every day no matter what.

There are chores that you just have to do as being part of the family. Putting your plate in the dishwasher, putting your dirty clothes in the laundry, etc... He just fights it every step all the time.

Any and all suggestions greatly appreciated!

We have these type of situations too. Sometimes, it helps if dh or I tell dd "it's a rule". It's so simplistic, but that black-and-white approach often helps. If it doesn't work, then since she violated "the rule" we put her in time out. She'll then shriek at the top of her lungs that she doesn't want to be in time out---obviously, this is still very much a work in progress!

 

[koolaidmoms]

We have these type of situations too. Sometimes, it helps if dh or I tell dd "it's a rule". It's so simplistic, but that black-and-white approach often helps. If it doesn't work, then since she violated "the rule" we put her in time out. She'll then shriek at the top of her lungs that she doesn't want to be in time out---obviously, this is still very much a work in progress!

We are right there with you.

I cringe every time I hear his voice now and I hate that. Right now he forgot his math book in the car so we asked him to please go get it to do his homework. All the way to the car he is growling and screaming, "I don't want to. I hate you. I am not going to. " Nice for the neighbors to hear. But at least he did as we asked.

Time out is getting better. We put him in his room with the understanding that he is not allowed to come out until he can calms himself down and then he may come out. Sometimes it is 2 minutes, sometimes lots longer. The screaming is taking a toll on my nerves. But he has all his tools to help him there.

I like the rule idea but we usually get, "Whose rule is it?" "Why is it a rule?"