Behavior Challenge Thread

[GraceLuvsWDW]

What is she taking, if you do not mind sharing that info? If current meds are not helping ask to switch!
Risperidone helped control DS9's meltdowns really well. We are trying Abilify now since the risperdone quit working. The Abilify is helping but the risperidone was much better when it worked. Prozac agitated him (majorly po'd!) but Zoloft works as expected.
Off to pick up kids... or I would write more.

She is on Zoloft 12mg per day. She is also now on 25mg Prevacid.

I was trying to do my own mental audit/autopsy of the precursors of last night's episode. The field trip: she didn't want to go. She cried in the am and the aide urged her on to go and gave her a stuffed puppy telling her "take care of him on the trip". Well I think dd is too intellectually advanced for such notions but the aide proclaimed it a success and called me from the trip and said she's ok. After the trip they said dd wanted to call me but they were in a cell dead zone.

Anyway, when I picked her up after the trip she was manic. Seemed happy but was bouncing off the walls. She "play" hit me and I thought to myself that was bizarre and not in her character to do that. Then, when I got her home she was barking at me (which she can sometimes do-I think she doesn't understand how she comes across). This was a little more aggressive than usual. She had very red bags under the eyes (which she always has to some extent but they were very pronounced-as if she'd been crying).

Well, later I took her to the health food store on the way to the pizza place and at the health food store she was crawling on the floor and baby talking. She wanted to go to the pizza place. She wanted to see this friend that was taking their own trip to WDW at the same time we were.

So we get to pizza place before they did. Everything ok. She eats pasta and some parmesan cheese (which they made for her specially because she won't eat what's on the buffet). I allowed her to have one half of a brownie (I know-big no no on my part but I was trying to reward her for field trip). She also ate some raw carrots. They arrived late and dd was almost finished eating. The other girl is very high energy. She's also socially percocious. The other girl tries to boss dd. But dd gets more and more aggressive. DD smashed the other girl's hand and dd said it was an accident but the other girl was crying. This caused dd extreme upset. I took her to bathroom to calm down and talk to her. She seemed ok. When we came back out & other girl was still crying dd lost it. That's when everyhing went downhill. Very aggressive. Very intent on hurting the other girl and me. Out of control.

This rage lasted for a long time.

So, I don't know if it was just overload of everything or one specific thing-like the girl crying.

I emailed the mom and apologized. Haven't heard from her. I wouldn't be surprised if they don't want to see us again. I don't know what's going to happen with the trip-we were supposed to dine together for a lot of our meals. I made all the party of 4 ressies in my name. Should I try to make some party of 2 ressies just in case? I don't know if I am overreacting but last night was a very horrible scene.

Thanks for the input.

 

[Kat77]

My advice, based on what I would do, is call the psych and ask about adding a mood stabilizer. Explain to the Dr. that the rage issues are not being helped by the SSRI and you have heard from other parents of Aspies that mood stabilzers have been very sucessful. I honestly think it is worth a try....
Now, I'm off for real this time to pick up kids!

 

[kymmyk13]

GraceLuvsWDW first off DD5 also seems to feed off other kids that way. We went to six flags a couple of weeks ago and DD would be fine until her best friend 6(who actually behaves worst then DD most of the time) would start acting up and then that would upset DD. I have decided if we are going to interact with friends we will do it in a controlled environment, like home or such.

Good news on my part, DD had to get to the Dr.'s yesterday for her Shots before starting Kindgarten, she does not like Dr.s or shots, so DH takes her with the promise of chuckie cheese(special treat since it is an hour away, in same town as Dr) after but she still does not know about the shots. Well the dr mentions the shots and all she says is that she does not want them, no freaking out, ect. She got the shots with no crying or screaming, just an ouch. I was so proud of her. sometimes it is hard to notice the improvements but this was a big one.

 

[bookwormde]

GraceluvsWDW,

Our kids are "burnt out" this time of year after having endured an less than fully supportive enviroment at school. You know my thoughts on medications so I wont rehash it. I have learned over the years when anxiety is high to listen more closely to my DS and when he does not want to do something (even school realated) and he has some level of reason behind it, I follow his lead. If when I kids tell us someting we do not fully listen adn appriciate it, their only option left is full melt down (not that they coose it conciously)

bookwormde

 

[kirstenb1]

Grace, I haven't posted in a bit. The last several months, our 4 1/2 year old Zoe has been going through an aggressive phase. She actually hit a mom at a birthday party, for no apparent reason. She also completely freaked out at Busch Gardens a few weeks ago. My parents have never seen this side of her, and I think they were just shocked. I'm kind of nervous about our WDW trip in June. But, we all discussed it, and dh and I decided if she freaks out at WDW, we'll just take a break for a while, and use our DVC points at HH. I hope it's just a delayed version of the terrible two's! I hear and feel your frustration.

It's so hard to understand. As dd gets more verbal and shows better awareness, these behaviors have come up like some kind of rotten weed!!

Anyway, I know you've shyed away from previous field trips/assemblies and the like. I'm proud your dd held it together for an entire field trip---bus ride, unfamiliar location, another bus ride home---anyway, I think it shows really decent progress.

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

Just heard back from Dev Pedi. We are going to step down (wean) completely from the meds. I know I could go back several pages ago and see why going on the meds was desired but right now I'd say anxiety is preferred over pulling out eyelashes and rages.

Bookwormde, you are the AS zen master. That should be your tag. I wish I could channel your competence during these situations.

I know I cannot let these horrible moments conquer me. I cannot become withdrawn, depressed and resigned. I must continue to try to find the bright side and not press so hard on dd. I should have persisted with the school to not make her go on the field trip. Sometimes it is so hard to know when you are facilitating their anxiety or when you are listening to them tell you they just cannot do it.

kymmyk-what a fabulous success!!!!

 

[C&G'sMama]

Hey Grace,

Just let you know another one of your DIS friends is thinking of you. You are an awesome mom. And what's hard with our kids is what works one day, doesn't work the next. That they can be the sweetest kids in the world and then something happens and they react in ways that scare us. But they are still our sweet little boys and girls.

So you do what you keep doing, you try to figure out how to fix it and you don't give up. It's tiring, it's frustrating and sometimes you just want to cry. But you go back at it the next day.

And we come back here to celebrate our progress and vent about our setbacks.

Keep us posted.

-A

 

[bookwormde]

In all honesty it is easier from a clincal perspective or in hindsight than it is "in the moment". I look back frequently and say to myself "what was I thinking". We all learn every day. That is part of what is so great about this board, we all get to share.

bookwormde

 

[hunnybean]

Wow...It has been a while since I have been on here....My DD spent 3 weeks in the hospital, before finally getting to come home. We had a horrible experience with that place, and if she needs crisis stabilization again, I will drive her to another state if I have to. The doc there was of the opinion that 8 year olds do not hallucinate and are not schizophrenic, she didn't care about the opinions of 10 other docs. This was after just meeting my daughter. Then she tells me that my child does not have any mental issues whatsoever, that everything she is doing is behavior, and that she just need to be held accountable for her actions.....GEE WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT! When she said that the school, docs and therapists that have been involved in our lives all said she is nuts! So, then my DD spent the next 2 weeks being told that if she woud just be a good girl she could come home.....GGRRR....we were yelled at if we took her a snack or something to color while we visited because we shouldn't reward her bad behavior.....Thank God she is now home....but they broke her....and she is someone we don't know, and the meds they have her on are actually making her worse, I think.....and her voices are present and louder than ever. I have been periodically checking on here to see how people have been doing, but just have been, sad, I guess....Trying to be myself......

On a sort of separate note....I have seen GF/CF diet talk on other threads. Just curious how hard it was to actually start that? Also, does anyone live in an area where there are not any whole foods stores and other places(like me...)? Trying to figure out how difficult it would be to pull off around here.

 

[C&G'sMama]

Wow...It has been a while since I have been on here....My DD spent 3 weeks in the hospital, before finally getting to come home. We had a horrible experience with that place, and if she needs crisis stabilization again, I will drive her to another state if I have to. The doc there was of the opinion that 8 year olds do not hallucinate and are not schizophrenic, she didn't care about the opinions of 10 other docs. This was after just meeting my daughter. Then she tells me that my child does not have any mental issues whatsoever, that everything she is doing is behavior, and that she just need to be held accountable for her actions.....GEE WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT! When she said that the school, docs and therapists that have been involved in our lives all said she is nuts! So, then my DD spent the next 2 weeks being told that if she woud just be a good girl she could come home.....GGRRR....we were yelled at if we took her a snack or something to color while we visited because we shouldn't reward her bad behavior.....Thank God she is now home....but they broke her....and she is someone we don't know, and the meds they have her on are actually making her worse, I think.....and her voices are present and louder than ever. I have been periodically checking on here to see how people have been doing, but just have been, sad, I guess....Trying to be myself......

On a sort of separate note....I have seen GF/CF diet talk on other threads. Just curious how hard it was to actually start that? Also, does anyone live in an area where there are not any whole foods stores and other places(like me...)? Trying to figure out how difficult it would be to pull off around here.

First OMG, yes, I wouldn't let that so call Dr. anywhere my DD again. UGGH!!!

As for GF/CF. We don't have "Whole Foods" but our local grocery store (Wegmans) and a local IGA have a GF section. You might even want to check WalMart for some things. Also, Bob's Red Mills has all kind of baking mixes and raw ingredients and they can be ordered online.

I was skeptical at first but it's been going well and just takes some planning. It's also forced all to eat better. No more stopping at McDonalds or Arby's on the run. Not that we can't find something there in pinch but we're all better off without it anyway. Potatoes, Rice, Quinoa etc are all okay and fortunately he loves fruits and vegetables.

Today his class is having pancakes for Friday Celebration. So I made pancakes last night from the Bob's mix using rice milk. I sent them into school today and the teacher will heat them up.

I make separate meatballs for him using crumbs from GF bread and freeze the extras.

It's worth a shot.

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

Things are getting back to "normal" around here. DD was wound up and on edge for days. I am starting to realize how I really need to change my perspective, how I can't go about getting groceries, running errands, and expect dd not to get stressed. I am also reading, reading, reading some of the old books that helped so much. I've been focused on the big picture without stopping to look at the little clues. How everything is related. How her coping mechanisms are so obvious and they should be telling me something rather than being a bad behavior that needed fixing. I have to admit I am a person who moves at blazing speeds, always going going going and processing everything instantaneous, knee jerk way. DD is the opposite: she may be constantly moving but she takes time to consider, process, interpret and react or respond. I need to find a way that my ways don't stress her and hers don't stress me. I need to keep an imaginary "stressometer" in my head to keep track of where she is, so that I don't push too hard. She's too young and on a processing/understanding delay so I need to be that gauge for her in the immediate. I am realizing that she's shutting down at school-a way to cope with the stress. And that begs the question, what is she stressed about? Well, I think if you have a processing/understanding delay (and by delay I do not mean disability-I just mean it takes her a while to compute things in her brain that are instantaneous for us) then your mind can't keep up. You're still pondering the question discussed 10 minutes ago while the whole class has moved on. I see this at home. She mulls things, her brain is crunching what was just said trying to process. She may say a response related to what was said an hour ago, as if it were just said. So how do I lower that stress at school? I can't slow the teaching speed. I'll need to brainstorm on this more. Or perhaps she will just have to learn to adapt and I'll fill in the wholes or take up the slack at home?

I think the anger and aggression is just her means of coping-as it escalates higher and higher when the lower coping skills don't work. In other words, the violence comes when her mind had tried all other methods of dealing with the stress, and all were unsuccessful. I need to help the lower methods be successful. Zoning out, while we find it disrespectful or rude may be her precursor method-one that if successful might deter the need to go to Full Tilt aggression/meltdown. I've been trying to deter the obsessive counting and eyelash pulling but what if that is a coping method also? Probably not a good one, but the stress escalates and then the mind says I NEED to do this controlling thing because I feel out of control.

Anyway, I've made some calls to try to find a therapist/coach who can help me with a home behavior plan but it has to be someone SPECIALIZED in ASD/HFA (not just having read a few books!). I now know those without the inherent knowledge of the things I've discussed (and more) will try to discipline out her coping behaviors, and that will only make everything escalate. Perhaps there is a way to replace these coping behaviors with more desirable behaviors, but maybe they are there for a reason?

Thanks for letting me talk out loud here. Trying to get a perspective.

I made a Free Dining ressie for POFQ. Don't know if I'll keep it but you know how that goes........

 

[pudge the fish]

On a sort of separate note....I have seen GF/CF diet talk on other threads. Just curious how hard it was to actually start that? Also, does anyone live in an area where there are not any whole foods stores and other places(like me...)? Trying to figure out how difficult it would be to pull off around here.

Maybe try Amazon? they have lots of GF items. True you may have to buy 6 boxes at one time, but it is cheaper even with shipping and soemtimes they have free shipping. they have a HUGE selection. Ask about a product is you aren't sure how it tastes. I agree that Bob's red mill has really good products!
many of us use these products. I don't like some that others do and they don't like what I like
Super target has lots too.

 

[bookwormde]

GraceluvsWDW,

I like the stressometer thing, I guess I do it but never think about it that directly. Our kids are much "deeper" so it takes a lot longer for them to think through things. Letting go the the NT behavior model and doing the skills model takes time and it is to a great extent letting go of everything society says should be normal, not an easy thing to do.

bookwormde

 

[C&G'sMama]

Good morning all. Today it's our turn.

DP's parents are in town. They live about 2 1/2 hours away and stayed overl last night to celebrate DS's Bday.They always stay nearby in a hotel with a pool. We went to dinner and went swimming last night. We were going to take the kids over this morning for one last swim and to say goodbye.

Well, we told the kids they needed to get breakfast (a normal morning request) and to get dressed also a normal morning request (can't go see grandma and papa naked). He went berserk and pinched koolaidmoms. He was sent to his room and koolaidmoms and DD went to the hotel.

He has since hit me 'cause he doesn't want to help me clean. He was yelling and screaming. I managed to stay calm. Oh well, back to it I guess.

Have a good day all.

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

He went berserk and pinched koolaidmoms. He was sent to his room and koolaidmoms and DD went to the hotel.

He has since hit me 'cause he doesn't want to help me clean. He was yelling and screaming. I managed to stay calm. Oh well, back to it I guess.

Have a good day all.

Very sorry to hear this. Birthdays are very hard for our kiddos.

Hope your day gets better!

 

[C&G'sMama]

And sometimes we as parents forget...
We just realized the poor kid just hit a wall. Let's start with Wednesday. The kids get up 7:15 leave for school at 8:30 and get picked up at 4:15 and home by 4:30. By 5:00 we're in the car headed for the other side of town where DD has a dance out for Irish dance which happens to be at my mom's (93yo) senior apartment complex. We stop at the Italian place that has GF rolls to get sandwiches and the get to my mom's by 6:00 (Her place is about 17 miles from our house).

C dances and then by 7:10 we're back in the car racing across town (school is a mile from our house) to get to Open House at school (where koolaidmoms already is because she's parent rep on SBPT). We get there at 7:25 (it ends at 7:30). The kids get a chance to look at books at the book fair and we get home about 8:00. The kids do their homework and go to bed.

Thursday is DS's birthday. He's quite dissappointed that we aren't opening presents until the evening. When I get home from work we have dinner pasta, G's favorite (GF of course). While we'd planned on not going out we were out of cat food and remembered G's class was having pancakes for Friday celebration so we all got in the car and drove out to Wegmans.

So we come (homework had been done earlier). Get the kids ready for bed and I make the pancakes.

Firday.We get up. The kids get home from school around 4:45 and we leave the house by 5:30 to get to the ball park for G's birthday party. It was great and there are fireworks that night (these don't bother him). We get home about 11:15.

We roll over at 8:15. We need to be at a meeting at school at 9:00 so we get everyone out of bed. He has leftover GF cake for breakfast and DD has ice cream. DP and I don't bother eating. We get home at 10:30 and then have until 3:15 when we leave to go the hotel where DP's parents are staying for the night. So DS does home work and it was hot so he did spend some time out side in the sprinkler.

We go pick up Grandma and Papa and go to DS's favorite restaurant where they have GF pasta and he had it in a butter sauce with seafood.

After that we went back to the hotel so the kids could swim and spend time with their grandparents.

We get home about 9:00 and the kids have some time to play. Then we get up at 8:30 to head out to the hotel again and that's when ithappened. So now looking back at this we reallize the poor kid is on overload.

He helped me unload the dishwasher. We read about the history of chopsticks and he is now happily playing with the new Lego set he got for his Birthday.

And I realize our schedule is no different than most others, but it's remembering what it does to our kids and we need to plan in more down time.

And note, I'm realizing that his diet hasn't been the best over the last few days. We usually try to limit the sugar and that did not happen with Bday cake and everything.

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

Sounds like that schedule would send even a NT into overload!

At least you can analyze and find out what went wrong. An easy day of doing nothing seems to be in store. Glad to hear he's calming down.

I've been giving thought to dd's birthday this year (in about a month). Think we'll plan a small gathering-short and sweet with no extravagant party. Just family and a few close friends. No planned activities, just easy going meal with a few presents and cake. We'll be at WDW the week leading up so that should be good enough celebration!

 

[C&G'sMama]

thanks Grace.
The day didn't end well. But tomorrow's another day and that's what we told him (as well as ourselves) He ended up pinching his sister and continued to defy and yell at us. He just doesn't know how to deal with his anger. We will talk to his therapist on Wednesday and see what suggestions she has.

Bookwormde, we do keep your words in mind that 7 seems to be an age where they start to get it. Because he does. I just get so scared of his anger for when he's older and bigger. I'm his mother and very forgiving, society won't be.

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

I have the same fears. DD has been extremely angry this week and I don't understand why it's lingering. I can't be tiptoeing around, giving in to her to avoid her agitation. How do you draw the line? She threw a pair of scissors across the room today and I immediately sent her to her room, which just provoked more anger. I guess figuring out how to diffuse is the goal but sometimes it seems as if dd goes 0 to 60 in 1 second. Perhaps the stepping off the meds is still having an effect.

So what's this I hear about 7 being the age they get it? T minus 32 days til seven here, oh if only it were that easy!

C&G, it's amazing you look to tomorrow after a bad day. I need to do more of that instead of getting "stuck" in what went wrong.

Hope tomorrow's a better day!

 

[C&G'sMama]

C&G, it's amazing you look to tomorrow after a bad day. I need to do more of that instead of getting "stuck" in what went wrong.

Hope tomorrow's a better day!

I have to look at tomorrow. Don't get me wrong I do look at today and try to figure out what happened but I need to look to tomorrow to try again.

Of course this is the 2nd Sunday in a row DD can't sleep so it's tomorrow and I'm still awake UGH!! But DS is sleeping happily so that's good.