Behavior Challenge Thread

[Mel6197]

Just thought Id drop you a little note on Kira and her Baby Crying Issue

She knows its getting worse and she is trying to control herself

Over the last 2 weeks, she is trying to "get used to it"

So 3 times on TV when Spongebob Sqaurepants started Crying, she didnt Change the channel or Mute it.

and while we were in the mall last week we passed by 2 whinning kids, (that would set her off too)

She walked right past them, She looked, but kept on going, I got so excited about it I started to make a big deal, how proud I am, blah blah..
She looked at me and said, Mom.. I dont want to hear about it anymore, I know what Im doing.. End of story..

LOL...
Now dont get me wrong, if a kid is in a full blown crying fit, IM sure she would probably still flip out, but ist a baby step for her, and I thought Id share with you guys!

 

[KirstenB]

Mel 6197, I wish I could quote parts of posts, but I'm a non-techie. I just had to say, I can totally picture your daughter giving you the preteen attitude with the eyeroll....the exasperated sigh. "Mom, I know what I'm doing"---this just made me giggle. WTG!!!

 

[BeckyScott]

Well it's nice to know that SpongeBob is good for something.

 

[DisDreaminMom]

Mel, that's great! I'm so happy for her and you. Being aware of the problem is the key to HER fixing it. I've found that if I don't do the cheer leading in public, then a quiet gesture of "great job" (like a new book, movie, sleepover, etc) is totally noted by almost-9-going-on-30 DD. It's just the age. But that's just the best news. So happy for you. In her case, I guess they are "baby steps!"

Becky, Spongebob is useful for more than that. I used to hate that show and swore my kids would never watch it. Then I watched a few episodes when I broke my leg and now I'm a lover, not a hater. It's the only show my kids agree to watch, so it is the default TV show in our house. Plus, if you really watch it, it's funny. My DD thinks her brother is a lot like SBSP. He is a little ASD if you really pay attention. I can see DS trying to catch jellyfish and it makes me laugh. I don't tell him that, though. I wish I could find him a Patrick to be his friend.

Mechurchlady, sorry to hear about your ECV and wheelchair problems. Not much help on that one. Just empathy, hugs, and Dole whips galore.

How about this: DS did his homework yesterday and his hand writing was strange, but I just thought he was being tired. We got it all done (it was more than usual) and he plays on Google Earth for a while (flying). I make dinner and he sits down and says, "How am I supposed to hold the fork when I have this in my hand?" and opens his right hand and there is a huge sliver of pencil lead smack in the middle of his palm. I asked when he got that and he tells me it was during Art class. As in 6 hours ago. Wouldn't you be a little bothered by a giant chunk of lead impaled in your palm? Boy did I feel bad for him when dad did "surgery" to get it out. Does this happen often in your house?

Oh, I just read that our local school district has made a combo middle school and high school for kids that "are having a hard time with the traditional school model but that have no behavior problems" and it mixes up college classes with regular school or vo-tech depending on the interest of the child. It's a new program, so I wonder how it will be by the time we get DS to middle school. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, because it's just three miles from my house and that would be SO COOL! And DD made it formally into the Gifted Program, which is super cool, cause she works hard and deserves to not be around the little hooligans and future drop-outs she's stuck with now.

 

[koolaidmoms]

How about this: DS did his homework yesterday and his hand writing was strange, but I just thought he was being tired. We got it all done (it was more than usual) and he plays on Google Earth for a while (flying). I make dinner and he sits down and says, "How am I supposed to hold the fork when I have this in my hand?" and opens his right hand and there is a huge sliver of pencil lead smack in the middle of his palm. I asked when he got that and he tells me it was during Art class. As in 6 hours ago. Wouldn't you be a little bothered by a giant chunk of lead impaled in your palm? Boy did I feel bad for him when dad did "surgery" to get it out. Does this happen often in your house?

DDM - All the time. I swear everyday he comes home and as he is getting ready for bed - How did you get that bruise? Big purple, green mess. "I don't know." Bumps, bruises and scrapes go unnoticed unless there is blood - then watch out! It could be a little pin prick and you would think he severed an artery. I really do not think he feels the pain. We have watched him fall off a jungle gym 6ft to the ground get up dazed, walk into a metal bridge over the playground getting a HUGE knot on the front of his head and not even flinch. Very scary because I worry that something may really be wrong and we would never know.

I had one of my crying jags last night about him. The "Am I really reaching him? Is he really going to be okay? Why does he have to go through this?" I know this is his life and the life he must live but I don't always feel like I am reaching him. I struggle with the is he ever going to learn to "fit in" socially and not be offensive to everyone. If you ask him a question he is going to tell you the answer whether you really want it or not! And if you don't want to talk about WDW or animals too bad because that is all I want to discuss right now. But then of course at the end he comes over and hugs me and says, "I love you the most in the house right now." I of course cry more.

As he slept I watched him thinking he's such a little boy in this big body and all I want to do is protect him from all the mean people in the world forever. I can't but I want to.

 

[mechurchlady]

Wow I am so glad about Kira. The most important step is to be aware of the problem. She is taking small steps that are actually giant steps. At least you have not had to worry about her hurting someone or getting kicked out of some public place. Do not over do the praise though. It is hard when you have something bad to overcome. Way to go you stopped smoking, how many times do people who quit smoking hear that and want to scream. I know you want to scream and shout and happy dance but do it on the inside. She has sensory issues and bringing it up is annoying beside her age does not help.

Now for the hard part, teens, eek.

hugs everyone and leaves hugs and chocolates.
Laurie

 

[saveaquarter]

I had one of my crying jags last night about him. The "Am I really reaching him? Is he really going to be okay? Why does he have to go through this?" I know this is his life and the life he must live but I don't always feel like I am reaching him. I struggle with the is he ever going to learn to "fit in" socially and not be offensive to everyone. If you ask him a question he is going to tell you the answer whether you really want it or not! And if you don't want to talk about WDW or animals too bad because that is all I want to discuss right now. But then of course at the end he comes over and hugs me and says, "I love you the most in the house right now." I of course cry more.

As he slept I watched him thinking he's such a little boy in this big body and all I want to do is protect him from all the mean people in the world forever. I can't but I want to.

It seems to me your son is very much like my husband. And I can say this, though he may not "fit in" perfectly, he'll find a niche to call home and live a full life. He'll find people who love and care about him and want to protect him just as much as you do.

I want to keep the meanies away from J, and it's harder now than I think it would have been when he was a child. He takes everything so personally, and everything hurts him so deeply. He's still a little boy sometimes, but he's also an incredibly loving and caring man.

Don't cry for your son, he'll be alright

 

[DisDreaminMom]

My mother used to say to me, "It's not you I'm worried about, it's every body else". I think that's where Koolaidmom is going. Me, too. It's not enough to just worry about your kids in general. Now we worry about bigger stuff. This whole,, "It'll be fine. You worry too much" thing drives me batty. If I took that advice literally, I would still be letting my pediatrician tell me that my non-verbal Helen Keller acting 2 year old kid was just fine and needed to grow up a little. And the result of that kind of parenting is my friend's 9 year old kid who is still sitting in the mental hospital and who MAY get released at the end of NEXT WEEK. Which tells me that it was as bad or worse than anyone in her family thought. So how 'bout them apples? Me, worry? Absolutely. It's my job.

Oh, this is funny. DS's Special Ed teacher gave him a new chart to check off daily with things like inappropriate touching, blowing in other kid's faces, and "telling lies". (If he doesn't do something bad, he gets a check mark. The chart says nothing about rewards or anything. Kinda dull, really.) I asked what the telling lies problem was, because he doesn't normally tell lies about everyday stuff. She told me that he was telling kids in class that he was in Paris right now, he was playing in the orchestra later that day, he was French, etc. So they want him to stop "living in fantasy land" and accept that he is here, in KY, and a boy, etc. ("How boring is that?" was my non-verbal response, but I guess I get their point).

Anyway, DS gets in the car yesterday and says, "I got a lot of zeroes on my new chart today". I say, "What does that mean?" DS says, "It means I did a lot of things wrong and I didn't get my check marks". I say, "That sounds bad."

He says, "Well, it's just a bunch of zeroes on a chart. Who cares about that? It's no big deal." And he was not being sarcastic.

How do you tell the chart, "He's just not that into you." ?

Hey teachers, want to motivate my kid to be the model student? Tell him no zeroes on the chart means you let him play the French Horn at the end of the week with the Music teacher. I guess that would involve thinking (altogether now...) outside the box!

 

[bookwormde]

“She told me that he was telling kids in class that he was in Paris right now, he was playing in the orchestra later that day, he was French, etc. So they want him to stop "living in fantasy land" and accept that he is here, in KY, and a boy, etc.”

Time for a little “retraining” for the teacher, clearly she does not understand the intensity of the visual nature of spectrum individuals. He is not lying, he really is in Paris, just as it is not a lie when someone says that the desk in front of them is “solid” when in reality is not it is just perceived that way.

We basically “banned” this type of procedure for my DS because it only had 2 outcomes, first was that it was not understood so was inconsequential or it created high levels of anxiety with no long term benefit. At least your child is in the first category. This comes from teachers who still use the behavior model instead of the skill model.

bookwormde

 

[saveaquarter]

My mother used to say to me, "It's not you I'm worried about, it's every body else". I think that's where Koolaidmom is going. Me, too. It's not enough to just worry about your kids in general. Now we worry about bigger stuff. This whole,, "It'll be fine. You worry too much" thing drives me batty. If I took that advice literally, I would still be letting my pediatrician tell me that my non-verbal Helen Keller acting 2 year old kid was just fine and needed to grow up a little. And the result of that kind of parenting is my friend's 9 year old kid who is still sitting in the mental hospital and who MAY get released at the end of NEXT WEEK. Which tells me that it was as bad or worse than anyone in her family thought. So how 'bout them apples? Me, worry? Absolutely. It's my job.

I think you're misunderstanding what I'm trying to say. I'm simply trying to offer some reassurance that her child will grow up to have a full and happy life, which seemed to be what koolaidmoms was worried about. I'm not telling anyone not to do their job as a parent.

 

[BeckyScott]

Well, you know, if I don't worry about them, who will?

 

[saveaquarter]

I apologize for making it sound as though you should not worry. My post was intended to reassure that there is a future for children on the spectrum, and it can be a happy one. I do understand the worry with children, because both my brother and stepson are autistic, with the latter being a nonspeaker.

Living with an adult aspie, though, makes me want to reassure parents of aspies that the future can be much brighter than it may look now. Sometimes in the tunnel it is hard to see the light at the end. I am not telling anyone to stop worrying, simply reassuring you the light is still there.

 

[mechurchlady]

saveaquarter you forgot to put out the coffee for Becky. I understood you and yeah do not worry as them kid with the right stuff can rule the world especially Kira who has made so many improvements.

Everyone time for group hug and lots of chocolates.
Becky for you

 

[saveaquarter]

saveaquarter you forgot to put out the coffee for Becky. I understood you and yeah do not worry as them kid with the right stuff can rule the world especially Kira who has made so many improvements.

Everyone time for group hug and lots of chocolates.
Becky for you

I DID forget! Sorry becky! How about a round of dole whips for everyone to make up for it?

 

[mechurchlady]

I DID forget! Sorry becky! How about a round of dole whips for everyone to make up for it?

Taht sounds good and I will take Becky's and leave her with hugs and coffee.

 

[BeckyScott]

You'll have to stick my Dole whip in the fridge for later, it doesn't go so well with coffee.

So last night I went to a parent support group meeting. There were only 3 families there, so I have a feeling this one is headed for the dumpster too. There have been about 4 attempts to start a parent support group here, and all have fizzled. I set up a Yahoo group thinking that maybe it would work better, but I just set it up yesterday.

Anyway, the guest speaker was a nutritionist/vitamin guy who kept using the words "autism" and "schizophrenia" in the same sentence. He must have done it about 20 times. I was about ready to scream. And honestly, I don't care where the information came from, I just don't wanna hear it. He also spent a good deal of time talking about baby-related stuff, although he'd seen the kids that showed up, and none were younger than 5 or 6. So it was like an hour of my life I'll never get back.

 

[mechurchlady]

I ate your Dole Whip, sorry Becky. I am very proud of you. You did not beat that ninny and I am so proud of you. Glad to see you are not on the most wanted list.

I send you hugs and chocolates and your daily coffee.
You are a great online friend and from what I see a great person and mom.

Laurie

 

[DisDreaminMom]

Saveaquarer, I'm not jumping on you for saying it will all be OK. Take off the flame retardant suit! I just mean that sometimes it's better to worry so that you are proactive instead of just having faith that things will work out. Because a lot of the success stories in ASD are really just examples of what happens when people work super hard to make something happen. If you didn't have that extra drive, you wouldn't be so proactive in helping your DH. Worry+proactive=Best Chance for Success.

Becky, I am so sad to hear about your meeting. How you did not walk up and smack that man upside the head is a wonder to me. You must have amazing self control. The thought of schizophrenia and ASD being comingled as easily as that man said would make me got a little upset, too. Obviously he prepared a talk and didn't have the range of knowledge to extemporaneously speak to the (present) audience. It's funny that you said you wanted your hour back. I say that all the time.

Bookwormde, thanks for the thoughts on the imagination thing. I really appreciate your input.

Would anyone like to take bets on how many Dole Whips I can eat in one day at the MK in June? I only get to have a three day WDW trip because of stupid snow days. I know my DS will be half on the way to scramble-ville by the time June 1st rolls around. He does NOT do well when they lose the structure of the school day right before vacation. I may try to pull them out earlyier, but am afraid to have truant children. Bunch of meanie school people...

Mechurchlady, you sound better. Hope all is quiet for you. I wish I could send you a Dole whip for real.

 

[pudge the fish]

Bets on Dole Whips

12 hours at magic kingom= 12 dole whips in 1 day
Examples:

If you stand at the Dole whip place in adventure land you can prolly eat one every 20 minutes. - Unless you get brain freeze-

you can insists on kids riding the magic carpets over and over and over again as have a dole whip after each ride

Oh wait - June?? umm you would have to eat faster as it is HOT down here and they do melt.

Ideas: get fast pass for Jungle cruise- get a dole whip - ride pirates - get a dole whip- ride magic carpets- get a dole whip- Ride Jungle cruise .... see the pattern here

Like say- We have to visit the Poly - geee ( act surprised) they have DOLE WHIPS Here????- I never knew.....

there are ways to eat a number of Dole Whips in one day at WDW
just plan your MK day around places that sell dole whips!

 

[BeckyScott]

Yeah, and make sure your fanny pack will fit a Sam's size bottle of Pepto Bismal. That's all you'll need-- about $50 for the Dole Whips and a bottle of Pepto. Or you could get one of those beer-can hats with the straws, put Dole Whips in one side and Pepto in the other.

Oh I crack myself up, I do.

What really scares me is this. There were three families there. One of the moms had a notebook and asked us if we needed any paper, to take notes. I didn't have any paper with me, so I got a piece from her. A bit into this lecture I look and the other moms are writing stuff down. Um, my paper was still empty, ya know, because I was too busy being horrified. He was one of those guys who is all like, oh, you have such-and-such wrong with you, all you need is a bunch of B6. Which may work sometimes, but autism is far too complex for that sort of thing. One of the moms had a yeast question which he didn't really answer so I hunted her down afterwards and told her how we'd handled it. These moms, incidentally, just fyi, don't do gf/cf or anything 'cause "it's too hard", which I know a lot of people say... but if they think gf/cf is too hard, I have to laugh at the idea of them even thinking about full-blown DAN stuff. Ugh. There's only one other autism mom here locally that I can relate too... in other words, a perfectly obnoxious outspoken trouble-causing... you get the idea... she's the only fun one I've found.

Anyway, /rant off/