Thank you everyone for such a warm welcome! It's SO nice to be able to rant, and not be met with the usual brick walls that I've been coming up against lately
If you can getting him to a clinical group which will do a broader comprehensive evaluation for various neurovaritions would probably be helpful since some of what you describe is not typical ADHD manifestations and if it is more than ADHD some of the treatments for ADHD are contraindicated in these cases, especially if there are significant indications of anxiety. Since he is ADHD I assume the school did an educational evaluation and classification and an IEP and if it is properly designed and implemented should help alleviate much of the issues you are having with school.
I believe that he was supposed to go in for something similar to what you described - it was going to be a test to see if there was anything else that might be making the situation worse; but when the second doctor we met with looked everything over, she brushed it off - telling me that he simply had ADHD, and that I needed to accept that, and that I needed to just start medicating him. Which was BEYOND frustrating.
The first doctor we visited with refused to even listen to me - everything I told her (that while he has problems focusing his attention in school, there was none of that at home - he has no problem sitting down to tackle any sort of activity at home without being distracted, even when we have other children in our home) was discarded, in fact, I don't even think she was listening to me. So I requested a second doctor, because I didn't want to only have one option. I wanted to try to do everything I could to help him, without just taking the first option handed to me.
Second doctor was as bad - if not worse - then the first. I'm still waiting on an appointment with a third, but that's not until October
Then I'm going to DEMAND (nicely, of course) that we look into other things that might be making the ADHD even worse!
A final thought. Our older dd has ADD. I deliberately chose a child psychiatrist to oversee her meds and treatment. Her pediatrician (who I'm very fond of) volunteered to oversee it, but I wanted someone who could advise me on behavioral issues etc, in case I needed that.
Our family doctor has volunteered to do the same - did you have any problems getting an appointment with a child psychiatrist? We're in Canada, and it seems like they keep the methods behind obtaining these services under lock and key!
We have all felt like we were bad parents at times and have overheard the rude comments of strangers (and even worse-family and friends) on the behavior of our children. I am here to tell you, you are not a bad mom! A bad mom does not care enough to worry about what's going on with their child and take the time to take them (even when ours can be more than challenging) to WDW!
I am going to be at WDW at the same time you are!
I am going to go over and post on your TR so I can keep up with your plans!
That's getting to be the most frustrating part of my days! I feel like I can't keep my son stuck inside the house, or he gets SO frustrated - as do I. And that's not healthy for either of us. But if I take him out and he freaks out (like yesterday, when he decided to run away to the Wii game store - and proceed to hit/kick/smack me when I told him it was time to go, before just...screaming. That he hated me, and just screaming in a tone so loud I thought my ears might pop), then I'm stuck with the people staring. Yesterday I was told that I should never have been allowed to have children - because obviously I didn't know how to effectively parent.
And yay! I'm glad someone will be in the TR! Since it's our first trip, I think I've worn everyone else out with my constant talk of plans/excitement/etc..
Tatalee - Welcome and you've come to the right place. Every child is different and you know your kid. Go with your gut. As far as feeling your too young, we did the same thing but in opposite. I was 39 when I had DS, was I too old? Did I eat too much sugar (okay I did but that's besides the point
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It is what it is. Stay strong with the school and everyone else and come here and cry and vent and everything else. "Never let them see you sweat". My personal unprofessional opinion is your district needs to get their assets in gear and do what they need to do to support your son. You'll hear this all the time here, "The squeaky wheel gets the grease". The teacher that berated you for being a single parent and that your child s/b doing this or that is totally out of line. You do not need put up with this. I'm not talking being confrontational, I'm talking stand your ground. Good luck and keep us posted. If you've read through this forum we've got some people with great ideas and knowledge.
Thank you so much! Just reading these responses today has made me feel a little better. My focus for today is putting as much positive energy as I can into my thoughts as every day brings us closer to 'back to school', and praying that his new teacher is a lot more open and understanding then his last one. Being confrontational is what I'm afraid of, I fear, and I'm prone to having a bit of a hot head, so it's taking so much energy to sit back and not deal with things when I'm angry. It's sooo hard though *sigh*.
Tatalee, welcome! It sounds like you have your hands full, all right.
Everyone is giving really good advice. I just wanted to add, re: your upcoming Disney trip... when we were preparing for ours, I had bought a copy of the Unofficial Guide and I remember reading in there something about how children don't magically "fix" themselves just because they're at Disney.
I did find that to be true, to a certain extent. My youngest was 8 and on the autism spectrum, and my oldest was 10 and very ADHD and prone to temper tantrums. Our trip went really well, in general, and the kids behaved pretty well because it was a new experience and Disney is such a cool place.
But we were not without a few tantrums from oldest DS. Specifically, for him, Disney seems to set up that there are gift shops at the exits to many attractions, and for both kids this was a huge problem, getting them through those and out the door. Both kids had problems with anything that involved getting "picked" from a crowd, where they didn't get picked. We managed to avoid that stuff pretty easily once I saw we would have a problem, but the gift shops were unavoidable and unfortunately I wouldn't see them until it was too late.
I'm just saying...
.. you will likely find your son behaves much better than "normal" while he's there, between the excitement of the trip and how neat everything is, plus all the kids there are bouncing around so he'll blend in... but do put something in place, and be prepared, if there are problems. Disney is also very stimulating, and they are long days, even if you take a break mid-day.
Not to rain on the parade... I'm sure you'll have a fab-u-lous time!
That's my biggest fear
The meltdown's in Disney - and knowing that the best thing is to remove him from the situation. But I know it would be SO hard to pull him away from a park, or ride; but that following through it always the most important thing.
I've been pretty loose with the actual in the park planning, and opted for 10 days there so that we never feel rushed, and can only do half days in a park, if needed. I'm preparing myself for the worst, but trying not to let that damped my spirits too much - or let on to him that I'm even worried about it.
We are working on a Behavior Plan - and one of our modules deals with 'plan making'. Right now we're only at the 5 minute planning stage; which includes me sitting him down to discuss something that I have to do. Maybe a phone call, or doing the dishes.
Then we come up with his 'plan'. What he will do to occupy himself while I'm doing what needs to be done. They told me to really sit back and let him come up with his own things (within reason) and to plan for just a few minutes at a time. Then, together, we come up with a small 'reward' for doing so. This morning, we agreed that if he followed his 'plan', that he could make a phone call to his Auntie.
It seems to be working - he LOVES coming up with his own 'agenda' and giving it a code name. This morning it was, "Mission Mickey" because our plan was for the time that I would be calling our
Travel Agent to give her our updated flight information. He loved it! He decided that he was going to read his High School Musical 'search and find' book - and for once he actually stuck to it.
They make me take into account some 'minor' and 'major' interruptions; and how I would handle each one. We only had ONE minor one this morning! When he came in and wanted to show me that he'd found one of the characters hiding in the gym - but as soon as I said "remember the plan?" he nodded and ran back into his bedroom.
So we had some SUCCESS this morning!!! Sorry
I'm so excited I just had to share!!! Our goal (my family support worker and I, that is) is to get him adjusted to his 'plans', and to slowly make them for longer periods of time; even making up something that I need to do, just so that we can do this each day.
Hopefully by the time we leave for our trip, we can do longer term planning. And that way when he does start to get cranky in WDW, I can say 'remember our plan?', and hope that he willingly comes with me to sit out for a bit, and calm down. I dunno if it'll actually work, but I'm not giving up hope!
Thank you all again for such a warm and understanding welcome
And thanks for listening to my one rare, successful, rant! And a special *hug* to everyone who's child is about to make the transition back into school! I know it's never easy, but I hope it goes as well as it possible can!
I know what you mean about the summer months being tough. Thank God Zoe was eligible for summer school, so we got a break during July. But the last couple of weeks have been rough. Zoe has had frequent meltdowns, and temper tantrums too. I swear I'm counting the days until she goes back to school.
