bed time question

[HM]

My kids are 14 and 16. Their bedtime is 9:30. School starts at 7:30 so they are up at 6:15. In order to get the recommended amount of sleep that has to be their bedtime.

Many of their friends have later or No bedtime set for them. I don't care what their friends parents do...I do what I feel is best for my kids.

My bedtime all through HS was 9:00 unless homework went long or some important TV show was on that my parents felt was worth our watching. We had an early start to the day like my kids do. I was also the healthiest of all my friends and missed no school due to sickness. I don't think it was a coincidence. .

 

[puffkin]

I never had an enforced bedtime after elementary school. Being involved in sports and lots of activities, there were many nights we didn't even get home until 10 pm! I worked too, and usually didn't get home from there until at least 10:30 on those nights.

If you have a mature, responsible kid I would let him decide how much sleep he needs. If you start to have problems you can always go back to enforcing a bedtime, but why not give him a little taste of freedom now

 

[Nik's Mom]

I guess I must be a horrible parent then. My 7 and 10 year old sons go to bed at 9pm every day. My 10 year old falls asleep quickly, but it's not unusual for my 7 year old to be awake until 11pm. He has insomnia. If he does fall asleep quickly, then he is wide awake by 4 or 5am. The rule is that he must stay in bed. He is not allowed to wander around.

I can't imagine putting my kids to bed at 8pm. Our kids are special needs, so we do a lot of work with the kids at home after dinner. Plus, we are involved in special olympics. There is no way we could put them to bed by 8pm.

For the Dis'r who asked, dh and I get plenty of alone time. Once it hits 9pm, we just close our door.

 

[Darsa]

My DD14's bedtime is 9:30PM and will stay that way until she is less I M P O S S I B L E to get up in the morning. No alarm clock works, the dog and I have to go in and practically hoist her manually out of bed in the morning. So, yeah, I've even threatened to bring it back to 9PM, but haven't made good on that threat yet. She misses the bus once tho, and it will!

 

[kristilew]

My DD14's bedtime is 9:30PM and will stay that way until she is less I M P O S S I B L E to get up in the morning. No alarm clock works, the dog and I have to go in and practically hoist her manually out of bed in the morning. So, yeah, I've even threatened to bring it back to 9PM, but haven't made good on that threat yet. She misses the bus once tho, and it will!

I love this image!

 

[ZachnElli]

My DS, who is also 14 and a freshman and about to turn 15, has a bedtime of 9:30pm. He'd stay up ALL night if we didn't make him go to bed. As it is, he has to turn his cell phone over to us at night because we've caught him texting at 1am on a school night. He's not in any activities besides choir right now, so we aren't getting home late.

 

[ZachnElli]

My DD14's bedtime is 9:30PM and will stay that way until she is less I M P O S S I B L E to get up in the morning. No alarm clock works, the dog and I have to go in and practically hoist her manually out of bed in the morning. So, yeah, I've even threatened to bring it back to 9PM, but haven't made good on that threat yet. She misses the bus once tho, and it will!

My niece is the same way. She is the same age as my DS and they go to the same high school (they are very close). She is in all the Drama club stuff, always doing short plays for competition and my sister in law dreads mornings after she's had a late practice or performance. She's a horrible morning person and so hard to wake up!

 

[busyshrew]

I completely agree about teenagers needing lots of sleep.

Maybe what your son is asking for is a bit more of an "adult approach" instead of really it being about the amount of sleep? If your bedtimes are a strict "lights out now" perhaps in his case it should be "please go to your room and have some quiet time so we can too".

Or maybe a good compromise is to keep to an earlier bedtime Sunday to Thursday night and give him free reign on Friday and Saturday nights? That's what my mother did BTW and it worked well.

But I do know that by junior / senior year, the idea of a fixed bedtime may very well go out the window if your DS's school work load is as heavy as mine was. Often I was actually up studying until past 10pm by the time I was 16.

Just some thoughts.

 

[JVL1018]

It depends what time they need to get up. I have an 8 year old and a 10 year old. School starts at 8:40 here, we don't leave the house until 8:30 or 8:35, so they get up between 7:50 and 8:00.

Bedtime-they both go at the same time-I send them in to bed *most* nights around 9, they read for a half hour or so..sometimes more. Sometimes they turn out the light at 9:30 and are still awake at 11:30, just because they're not tired. My rule is that you can't be out of bed hanging out and watching TV and playing. Try and go to sleep.
Most of the time they fall asleep around 10, 10:30. They always bounce out of bed, happily each morning. SO not like me.

They've always needed less sleep than I thought they did, my daughter stopped taking naps at 13 months old, my son at around 15 months.

If your kids are falling asleep at 9 and sleeping until the alarm goes off, perhaps they need that sleep time. If they go to bed at 9 and lay there until 11, then they don't need to be going to bed at 9.

 

[JVL1018]

I'm going to weigh in on the other side. I think most kids are chronically overtired, and a that a lot of what we label "typical teen bevhavior" is really a side effect of this. The fascinating book, Nurture Shock, actually has a whole chapter on this, with research that totally supports the idea.

Our DD12 still must go to bed as close to 8 as we can manage - some nights it's a little later due to the fact that no one seems to have any problem scheduling events for middle school kids that start at 7. Actually, often elementary activities were scheduled this late, too, and she missed almost all of those - bedtime until last year was 7:30.

ETA: What do all you parents do for "couple time" when your kids are up as late as you are? I really value that hour or two with DH to unwind, talk, or, well you know, without having a kid up and about.

Just like the kids, my husband and I are night owls, we TRY to get to bed by 12, last night it was 1am.
The kids are in bed at 9ish, we have to do the tuck in routine and all that when it';s lights out at 9:30, but after that it's our time.

 

[bethbuchall]

My DD14's bedtime is 9:30PM and will stay that way until she is less I M P O S S I B L E to get up in the morning. No alarm clock works, the dog and I have to go in and practically hoist her manually out of bed in the morning. So, yeah, I've even threatened to bring it back to 9PM, but haven't made good on that threat yet. She misses the bus once tho, and it will!

There is still hope! My dd was exactly like this until she turned 16. Now she still isn't a morning person and will stay in bed as late as possible, but she does get herself up every morning with only one gentle reminder from me. Mornings are so much more relaxed around here this year.

My kids are all sent to their rooms around 9:00 pm, but they don't have to sleep if they aren't ready. My 10-year old and 16-year old generally read for 30-60 minutes, depending on how tired they are. Sometimes the homework load is heavy enough that dd is still doing homework in her room until 10:00 pm or later. My 18-year old is living at college this year, but in the past couple of years, he didn't even start his homework until 9:00 or 10:00 pm in his room. I know it's not great to have inconsistent bedtimes, but I let them stay up as late as they want on the weekends.

 

[mill4023]

Our DD5 and DD9 go to bed at 8:30, which means they're usually asleep by about 9. Both of them turn into blubbering messes in the morning if they don't get enough sleep.
DD12 goes to bed at 9:30. She turns into a grumpy snotty brat if she doesn't get enough sleep.

DD14 (almost 15) doesn't have a specific set bedtime. Sometimes he'll go to bed at 10 if he's tired. Other times, he'd probably stay up as late as we let him. We try not to let him stay up past 11 or so. But with him, we don't notice much difference in the mornings based on how much sleep he gets. Even when he goes to bed early, it's still a lot of work to drag him out of bed in the morning. And even when he stays up late, he's still in a fine mood once he's up in the morning.

All of our kids get up at 6:30.

As for "couple time", that's usually after 11pm and DW and I are often up until midnight or 1am. Plus, our door does have a lock and we have a TV for background noise.

 

[traviesojmt]

My DD6 is in bed between 7:30 and 8:00. It is usually closer to the 7:30 though. On Wed when we have church, it is closer to 8:30 pm. My DS12 goes to bed at 9 pm. There are nights he goes to bed later when he has a game but bedtime is generally 9 pm. My kids get up at 6:40 in the mornings for school. They do get to stay up later on Fri and Sat nights, but they still have bedtimes. My DH and I enjoy our alone time before we go to bed. We also rarely have trouble getting our kids out of bed in the morning.

 

[MichelleVW]

I'm going to weigh in on the other side. I think most kids are chronically overtired, and a that a lot of what we label "typical teen bevhavior" is really a side effect of this. The fascinating book, Nurture Shock, actually has a whole chapter on this, with research that totally supports the idea.

Our DD12 still must go to bed as close to 8 as we can manage - some nights it's a little later due to the fact that no one seems to have any problem scheduling events for middle school kids that start at 7. Actually, often elementary activities were scheduled this late, too, and she missed almost all of those - bedtime until last year was 7:30.

ETA: What do all you parents do for "couple time" when your kids are up as late as you are? I really value that hour or two with DH to unwind, talk, or, well you know, without having a kid up and about.

Wow...a middle schooler with an 8 pm bedtime!! I can't imagine having enough time in the day to get them to bed by that time with sports, homework, dinner etc.

I actually never did "bedtime". When they were in elementary school they usually went to bed around 9ish on their own and high school usually 10ish..

 

[KAMLEM]

Our DD12 still must go to bed as close to 8 as we can manage - some nights it's a little later due to the fact that no one seems to have any problem scheduling events for middle school kids that start at 7. Actually, often elementary activities were scheduled this late, too, and she missed almost all of those - bedtime until last year was 7:30.

Activities are often scheduled at 7:00 because when both parents work it can be difficult to schedule things earlier. My DD13 and DD15 have practices until 9:15 and on Fridays and Saturdays they can have games as late as 11:00.

In addition, not every kid needs that much sleep. We used to fight my youngest DD every night trying to get her to bed at 8:00 (when she was 4 or 5 years old) and the doctor suggested letting her stay up a little later. As soon as we changed it to 9:00 she went right down without a fight. Now, at the age of 13, she is usually asleep by 10. She gets up right away in the morning, I only have to tell her once. I believe she is getting enough sleep.

I totally agree that kids overall need more sleep, especially teens. I think it would be majorly beneficial to children if schools would start at 8A and not 7A. Even a little later would be better.

My town's middle school changed the start time for this reason. They don't start school until 8:40 now. The elementary school starts earlier than the middle school because they believe that the middle school students need the sleep more and it's more difficult for them to go to bed early because of homework and extra-curricular activities. The high school still starts early but there's really no way around that. They need to be out by 2:30 because high school sports start as soon as school is out for the surrounding towns.

 

[merekc]

Let me first say that I agree that every child is different. I also haven't yet reached the age where my kids are trying to push bedtime back to unreasonable times. When my kids become teens I think bedtime will be 9 or 9:30 during the week, possibly 10 at the very latest. I can't see myself allowing an 11 pm bedtime especially during the school week.

I have seen many kids (and I'm talking more Elementary aged) that look (and act) like walking zombies because they are allowed to choose their own bedtime or have a late bedtime. I haven't read the studies previously mentioned, but I can see with my own eyes that many kids look like they need more sleep.

I think you have to do what is right for your kid and your family's lifestyle. Like many posters said, when the kid starts acting tired make sure you adjust the bedtime accordingly.

 

[nikkistevej]

We put DD7 in bed by 8:30- most nights she is knocked out by 9- sometimes a little later. We have to get her up at 7am. She will sleep until 9:30-10am if we let her- she does most weekends.

 

[dislaney]

I think 9;30 sounds a little early but I don't know what time he has to wake up either. I do think it depends on the child and the time they have to wake up and how much sleep they need at night. Every one is different but you know your child and if it was me I'd probably try giving a little more leeway and see how it goes. You can always adjust back.

 

[Bluestars]

My DS14 has had a 10 pm bedtime since he was eleven. He is usually asleep by 10: pm. He doesn't seem to need a lot of sleep though. He has to get up at 6:15 am on school mornings and all we have to do is call his name once and he is up.

He can stay up as late as he wants on the weekends.

 

[daisyduck123]

My DD15 does not have a bedtime. She goes to bed somewhere around 11:30pm & is up at 6am (she has to be at the bus stop at 6:30am).

I know she stays up late, but as long as her grades don't suffer (she's taking 5 AP classes & has a 4.something GPA) & she's not crabby, we let her judge for herself when she needs to be in bed. I see it as, "If it ain't broke...don't try to fix it".