bed time question

[njcarita]

hi all..... we have the following bed times in our house.....
dd 8...... 8;30
dd12.........9:00
ds 14........ 9:30


last night at dinner our ds14 whose a freshman in High School remarked that non of his friends had a bed time and that 9:30 for an almost 15 year old was kind of babbyish...... I told him I'd think about it and am sort of agreeing with him..... I NEVER had a bedtime as a kid and did well in school and life.......he really is a good kid..........has all honor classes... straight a's.......helps around the house... babysits his sister.... hangs with a good group of kids.... respectful etc etc etc..............
so do I give him free reign........do I tell him he just needs to retire to his room by 10 or 11pm and go to bed when he feel he needs too..... and judge how he does?????

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

hi all..... we have the following bed times in our house.....
dd 8...... 8;30
dd12.........9:00
ds 14........ 9:30


last night at dinner our ds14 whose a freshman in High School remarked that non of his friends had a bed time and that 9:30 for an almost 15 year old was kind of babbyish...... I told him I'd think about it and am sort of agreeing with him..... I NEVER had a bedtime as a kid and did well in school and life.......he really is a good kid..........has all honor classes... straight a's.......helps around the house... babysits his sister.... hangs with a good group of kids.... respectful etc etc etc..............
so do I give him free reign........do I tell him he just needs to retire to his room by 10 or 11pm and go to bed when he feel he needs too..... and judge how he does?????

Wow, I kind of agree with your son. 9:30 is really early. My DD, that just turned 10, goes to bed at 9:00. She has friends that go to bed at 10 and they are the same age.
My niece is 15, freshman in HS and an A student and she goes to bed at 11.
While I wouldn't give him free reign, I think going into his bedroom at 10 and lights out by 10:30 is a nice compromise. If you find he can't handle it then move it back.

 

[mjkacmom]

Our bedtimes are 8 for the 7 and 8 year olds (8 year old used to be 8:30, but now shares a room), 9 for our 11 year old, and dd13 hasn't had a bedtime in years. She's always been very mature, and knows how much sleep she needs (a lot!). She probably goes to bed around 9 (3rd floor attic suite by herself), sets her alarm for 6, and I have no idea what time she goes to bed on weekends, but usually see her downstairs some time before noon.

I don't remember having a bedtime after elementary school. I think a child that age is old enough to decide, and suffer the consequences.

 

[eliza61]

hi all..... we have the following bed times in our house.....
dd 8...... 8;30
dd12.........9:00
ds 14........ 9:30


last night at dinner our ds14 whose a freshman in High School remarked that non of his friends had a bed time and that 9:30 for an almost 15 year old was kind of babbyish...... I told him I'd think about it and am sort of agreeing with him..... I NEVER had a bedtime as a kid and did well in school and life.......he really is a good kid..........has all honor classes... straight a's.......helps around the house... babysits his sister.... hangs with a good group of kids.... respectful etc etc etc..............
so do I give him free reign........do I tell him he just needs to retire to his room by 10 or 11pm and go to bed when he feel he needs too..... and judge how he does?????

I do both. My youngest has to be in his room by 10 pm. he's a sophmore in H.S. We tried the go to bed whenever and found out that he is notorously horrible waking up if he doesn't get 8-9 hours sleep. He has to be in school by 7 so wake up is at 6:15.

Ironically my college son is the one who goes to bed early!!

 

[Tinijocaro]

ds 14 goes to bed around 10. We are flexible with him though-if a good show is on he can stay up. If he's had too much attitude, I assume he needs more sleep so he goes earlier.

 

[RunningGirl]

When DD hit high school we quit giving her a bedtime. She (usually) does a good job of getting to bed at a decent hour to get enough sleep. Typically she'll go to bed at 10, sometimes earlier and sometime a little later. If she hadn't I imagine we would have imposed a bedtime again. DS, a middle schooler, goes to bed at 9:30, but he doesn't have to get up until 6:45.

 

[cybrkitn]

For a 14 y/o I would say between 10 and 10:30 (part of me is even pushing to 11). But that's just my opinion.

We just recently increased our DS7's bedtime from 8:30 to 9 pm. He always wanted to read when it was bed time and would stay up until 9 anyway. He gets up for school at 6:30 without a problem. However, on Fridays and Saturdays we let him stay up till about 10 pm (sometimes later) since he doesn't have to get up early the next day.

 

[JessicaR]

My 12 and 16 year old kids have to be in bed by 10:30P. I can't make them sleep but I can have lights out in bed at 10:30P. They get up at 5:45A and 6:30A, any less than 7 hours sleep and they are exhausted the next day.

I'm pretty sure they would both stay up all night like they do on weekends if I let them.

My 16 year old complains loudly and often about a bedtime.

 

[KAMLEM]

My 13 and almost 16 DD's don't have bed times. They are almost always in bed by 10:30 on school nights so there's no issue. On the weekends they stay up later than me.

 

[POOHLUV69]

Neither one of my kids has a bedtime really, it's just up to their rooms by 10:00pm. DS is usually asleep by 10:30 pm and DD, well she's a terrible sleeper anyway. I don't think she's slept through the night since she was 2. I've found that by 10pm they are pretty tired anyway, so it works out fine. If anyone is grumpy in the morning then I'll send them up earlier the next day. But they both do well in school so I think everything is working out ok. Now if I could only get DD to eat before school, that's a whole other thread.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

hi all..... we have the following bed times in our house.....
dd 8...... 8;30
dd12.........9:00
ds 14........ 9:30


last night at dinner our ds14 whose a freshman in High School remarked that non of his friends had a bed time and that 9:30 for an almost 15 year old was kind of babbyish...... I told him I'd think about it and am sort of agreeing with him..... I NEVER had a bedtime as a kid and did well in school and life.......he really is a good kid..........has all honor classes... straight a's.......helps around the house... babysits his sister.... hangs with a good group of kids.... respectful etc etc etc..............
so do I give him free reign........do I tell him he just needs to retire to his room by 10 or 11pm and go to bed when he feel he needs too..... and judge how he does?????

My dd's are 7th and one in college. I stopped enforcing bedtimes when they hit middle school.

 

[mamamary]

My kids don't have a set bedtime either. DS 12 is like me and likes to go to bed fairly early. He's usually in bed by 9:30 or 10 and he goes on his own without being told. On the other hand my DD10 has always been a nightowl from birth. If I didn't push her off to bed by 10 or 10:30 she prob. wouldn't get tired until 11 or 11:30. I just think everyone is different and some need more sleep than others. My DH and I are early to bed people too - don't know where my DD gets her nighttime energy from.

 

[kristilew]

I'm going to weigh in on the other side. I think most kids are chronically overtired, and a that a lot of what we label "typical teen bevhavior" is really a side effect of this. The fascinating book, Nurture Shock, actually has a whole chapter on this, with research that totally supports the idea.

Our DD12 still must go to bed as close to 8 as we can manage - some nights it's a little later due to the fact that no one seems to have any problem scheduling events for middle school kids that start at 7. Actually, often elementary activities were scheduled this late, too, and she missed almost all of those - bedtime until last year was 7:30.

ETA: What do all you parents do for "couple time" when your kids are up as late as you are? I really value that hour or two with DH to unwind, talk, or, well you know, without having a kid up and about.

 

[mamamary]

I'm going to weigh in on the other side. I think most kids are chronically overtired, and a that a lot of what we label "typical teen bevhavior" is really a side effect of this. The fascinating book, Nurture Shock, actually has a whole chapter on this, with research that totally supports the idea.

Our DD12 still must go to bed as close to 8 as we can manage - some nights it's a little later due to the fact that no one seems to have any problem scheduling events for middle school kids that start at 7. Actually, often elementary activities were scheduled this late, too, and she missed almost all of those - bedtime until last year was 7:30.

My son's basketball team practices from 8 to 9 pm. So he doesn't even get home till 9:30 (luckily it's on a Fri. night).

 

[JessicaR]

I'm going to weigh in on the other side. I think most kids are chronically overtired, and a that a lot of what we label "typical teen bevhavior" is really a side effect of this. The fascinating book, Nurture Shock, actually has a whole chapter on this, with research that totally supports the idea.

Our DD12 still must go to bed as close to 8 as we can manage - some nights it's a little later due to the fact that no one seems to have any problem scheduling events for middle school kids that start at 7. Actually, often elementary activities were scheduled this late, too, and she missed almost all of those - bedtime until last year was 7:30.

Wow! My 12 year old has religion class until 8:30 with us getting home closer to 9. We don't eat dinner until 6:30P I can't even imagine how I could have enforced a 7:30P bedtime.

I totally agree that kids overall need more sleep, especially teens. I think it would be majorly beneficial to children if schools would start at 8A and not
7A. Even a little later would be better.

There was a very interesting study done where children were given the same exact exam. They were first tested in the early AM and the second group was tested in the afternoon. The test results were greatly improved when tested in the afternoon.

 

[suejai]

DS14 has a 10:30 bedtime, but by the time he finishes putzing around it is closer to 11. If he has trouble getting up at 7:00 then I get a little more strict about enforcing the bed time.

 

[Tinkmom75]

My DD doesn't have a set bedtime. She usually goes to bed when she is tired and is pretty much in bed by 10pm. We quit monitoring in when she reached MS. If she didn't get up good or was ornery then we would reconsider. My DS 11's bedtime is 9 to 9:30. He is in his room by 9. Also, if there are issues getting up or general crankiness or misbehavior I will tell him to go to be earlier. Also, they cannot disrupt me and DH's sleep by being loud. We have to go to work and if we choose to go to bed before 10pm then they better be quiet.

 

[sksjasams]

My DS11 goes to bed at 8:30pm. Occasionally a little later due to lots of homework on a basketball night. I was letting him stay up til 8:45pm, but he was too grumpy in the morning and way too whiney by the evening, so we pushed it back again. He has friends that stay up much later and friends that go to bed about the same time. It really depends on the kid. For your DS14 you could try the to your room by 10, and lights out by 10:30 - let him know its on a trial basis. That's an hour less sleep right there. I can't imagine telling him he can stay up as late as he wants...

 

[Tinkmom75]

I'm going to weigh in on the other side. I think most kids are chronically overtired, and a that a lot of what we label "typical teen bevhavior" is really a side effect of this. The fascinating book, Nurture Shock, actually has a whole chapter on this, with research that totally supports the idea.

Our DD12 still must go to bed as close to 8 as we can manage - some nights it's a little later due to the fact that no one seems to have any problem scheduling events for middle school kids that start at 7. Actually, often elementary activities were scheduled this late, too, and she missed almost all of those - bedtime until last year was 7:30.

ETA: What do all you parents do for "couple time" when your kids are up as late as you are? I really value that hour or two with DH to unwind, talk, or, well you know, without having a kid up and about.

My DD is usually in the basement where our family room and her bedroom are. My DS11 is usually in his room by 8pm reading (at his own choice) and my DS4 has an 8pm bedtime. So, it's not like they are hanging on me and DH.

 

[kristilew]

There was a very interesting study done where children were given the same exact exam. They were first tested in the early AM and the second group was tested in the afternoon. The test results were greatly improved when tested in the afternoon.

That is interesting. One of the studies described in Nutureshock showed that on an intelligence test, the performance gap among 6th graders caused by just an hour's difference in sleep was bigger than the gap between a normal fourth-grader and a normal 6th grader. In other words, "a slightly sleepy 6th grade student will perform in class like a mere 4th grader."

Another study showed that lack of sleep can impair IQ in children as much as lead exposure.

These studies were on middle school students. The book goes on to explain that the correlations spike even more in high schoolers, because that is when there is a steep sleep drop-off. A study showed that teens who scored A's averaged 15 minutes more sleep than ones who got B's, who averaged 15 minutes more sleep than ones who scored C's. Wow, every 15 minutes counts!

Really was an eye-opening (or shutting?) chapter for me.