Becky's Journal (comments welcome)

[goldengourd]

Since the new year I've been reading and getting a lot of motivation from the WISH threads and journals. And joining in the BL4 is helping a lot. So I thought I would start a journal of my own, to keep myself accountable to myself, to vent frustrations, and to hopefully crow some accomplishments. Some basic background, I'm 45, stay-at-home-mom of teenagers (ACK! how did that happen?) DS17, and DD14, married over 21yrs. Since childhood, always felt big and overweight (though looking at pictures, I guess I really wasn't).
In 2005 I was diagnosed with stageII colon cancer. The surgery and followup chemo was successfull, if unpleasant. Already very heavy, I gained even more during chemo and especially the year after (okay, so I was alittle grumpy), until in Jan 2007 I hit my high of 260ish.
Joined Weight Watcher in May 2007 at 250. (My DH did too, but he had only 25lb to lose. Still the support helps.). Since then I have lost about 30lbs. The big goal: lose 100lbs from start of weight watchers. Current short term goal: lose 25lbs, which will also bring me safely under the 200 mark.
I don't really consider myself a yo-yo dieter, though I have tried a lot of diets over the years, and occassionally been successful on the short term, I've never lost a large amount. But this time, I am not trying to lose weight, I really and truly will lose it. It will take me a couple years, or more, I know. Especially since I am a really slow loser. I really can't do a fad or strenuous or restrictive diets, but I am going to eat right and exercise more. It has been, and continues to be, lifestyle adjustment, long term changes, not just short term. However that can be really hard on the short term motiviation. Which is why this WISH board and all you wonderful people are such a big help.

 

[goldengourd]

Okay, so maybe lately I've been a little too restrictive. Washing machine is broke, so had to run to the laundry mat today. So on the way, I stopped at Starbucks and got a big Chai Latte. It tasted so very good I got tears in my eyes.
Did 20mins on our home eliptical today. I really dislike the thing, but it was cold and rainy this morning and walking would have been even more unpleasant.

 

[goldengourd]

So for BL4 Challenge2, we had to post our exercise plan for the week, Do 10 minutes stretching 8x, 10 min additional cardio 8x, and 20 mins. vigorous housework 4x. I'm on track.
The plan - what I did
F (1/18) - walk, gym : did the weight circuit at the gym, 20 minutes on gym eliptcal, 10 min yoga stretch on-demand show, scrubbed bathroom #1
S - walk: small walk, scrubbed bathroom #2
S - walk 20 min home eliptical, washed all windows, 10 min yoga stretch
M - gym gym weight circuit, 20min gym bike, 10 min yoga stretch, walk
T - walk 10 min yoga stretch, 20 min home eliptical
W - gym, walk 10 min yoga stretch on-demand show, walk with hubby, at the gym: 20 mins bike, circuit weights, 10 min eliptical & 10 mins treadmill, and 10 min stretch at home
Th - 15/20 min at home eliptical, longer walk

 

[goldengourd]

I'm surprised at my ability to exercise, lol. I can do more than I thought, and I'm not really sore or over tired either. Except for the abdomen. I dropped back down to do only one set of the crunches during the circuit, and no other abdomen exercises. It didn't really feel like muscle soreness, more sharp pain, so I'll be carefull.
Oh yea, I forgot to include that in my background. In October '07 I had a follow up surgery, an incisional hernia repair. Basically my muscles didn't heal right from the cancer surgery. It was a bit more than your regular hernia repair, the surgeon said she had to use an 8 in screen over the 'tear' and the incision was the length of my previous scar (8in down the center of my stomache from about 3in above my navel), she called it 'significant adominal surgery'. So although I have been released to go back to exercising, she did caution me to pay attention to discomfort. I don't want to do anything that will keep it from healing all the way. I know things are not completely healed there. If I go more than a day or two without my 'flexies' stomach support, I start getting pain and twinges.

 

[goldengourd]

WW meeting and weigh in today, down 2lbs. Which puts me back to neutral, as I was up 2lb the week before. Also did measurement this morning, only small changes in waist and bust.

 

[goldengourd]

Wasn't a particularly good weekend. Though even with going out to breakfast Sunday, I did manage to stay within points. But no exercise. It was gray and rainny, and it makes the whole family just want to curl up and read a book or play on the computer. I'll try to get to the gym this afternoon.

 

[goldengourd]

Pretty blue today. Official WW weigh in, down a whole .2. And no, at this point, it is not better than a gain. I have only done around 5 lbs in 3months. I guess just "Life Style" change isn't enough. I'm technicallly within points, but not always the lower calorie choice of food, though I am very definately eating much healthier. And exercising much more. It is time to do a Diet, not just a food program I can follow for the rest of my life. I need to lose a chunk of weight NOW, then I can adjust to food I can live with for always. It is stressfull at home too. My husband got the official notice that his position will be gone in May. He hopes to find another position in HP, but I can tell he is not very hopeful that will happen. If he has to find a job in another company, it will be less money. And even more likely we will have to leave this area. Which means moving. Which means getting my house fixed up to sell. Arg!! I haven't worked for ten years now, so my going back to work will not be easy to find a job I can do and would get. Especially as a fat old lady. We decided to wait to have me work for now, because really what I could get would be such low paying jobs that the disruption to the family life would be worse. But anyways, what this means is I am going to have to be Really Really careful not to stress eat. I need to lose, NOT gain.

 

[goldengourd]

I'm just in tears. Weight this morning for BL4 was back up again, to the weight I was at the start. I really thought I had been doing okay this week, and the week before. I've been tracking, weighing and measureing my food, making pretty good food choices, drinking my water, working out at the gym 3 day/wk. Even when we went out to eat, for breakfast, I had an egg white omelet one day (ate half), and oatmeal the other (ate 1/3 which i thought looked about a cup). Over the Christmas/New Years holiday, I didn't track, ate cookies/candy/mom's cooking, and managed to maintain and not gain. And yet over this last month I've been excersing, staying on program, and I'm still the SAME WEIGHT! Now I know I'm a slow loser, but this is rediculous. And no, I am not noticing a different in measurements, just about the same size as I was in November, as best as I can tell, certainly within 1/2". Well, maybe the girls are smaller , my bra cups are all pretty loose. I know that I am stronger, as I have been increasing the weight level at the gym, and can do longer/higher tension on the eliptical/bicycle. But why won't that stupid @#$%^#@ scale budge?

 

[goldengourd]

Decided to start cutting back on sodas(diet), coffee and tea. I noticed that amount I've been drinking had creeped up again. I'll limit it to one mug of tea in the morning, one soda every other day. I still get in my water, but I'm thinking I really shouldn't have all those chemicals, caffine, and sodium. For now I'll try substituting crystal light for a few 'want soda' attacks, and then hopefully will elimate that too later.

 

[goldengourd]

Official weigh in at meeting was a bit better, down 1.7lbs. Now if just next week is down too, maybe I'll finally hit the next 5lb mark. Missed out on gym yesterday because waiting for a delivery guy, then DD orthodotist appt with straight to a guest speaker and rehearsals at her theater. My membership is only MWF, so can't go today, but will tomorrow. Did some walking today, and will try to convince myself to do exercise bike in a bit. Made some doctor appts, so getting those round-tuits going. I was thinking about giving my DD a manicure appointment for her awesome report card, but I don't know anything about them, lol. Hope to catch the neighbor across the street and can ask her for a recommendation.

 

[goldengourd]

:-( I pretty sure my hernia is back. I have an appointment with the doctor, but it isn't until end of March, so I'll try to call and get a sooner appt, if possible. Kaiser, sigh. I think my weight contributing to getting these hernias from the surgery area, but I can't seem to get it off any faster. Especially when I keep having to have surgery!!