Banging My Head Against A Wall - Pre-teen weepiness

[NYPDwife]

I love my DD. Love, love, love, love her, but homework time drives me INSANE! Why is it that she'll come to me when she has a question about her homework, I'll look it over, tell her what needs to be done and she says "no, I think we have to do this". Um, sooooo, what did you ask me for? Then she'll say, well, I don't know what I'm supposed to do and we'll continue this for a good ten minutes or more before I get upset and tell her to do it her way. Why does she ask if she has a set way she wants to do it?

Aaaaarrrrggghhh. She's brilliant and I ADORE her, but she kills me when she does that, b/c then she gets weepy when I get frustrated.

Is this hormonal? Is this just a typical girl thing? How do I deal with this?

 

[fluffycow333]

Wow I was just like that. My mother refuses to help me with math now.

 

[NYPDwife]

How old are you? Do you get weepy really fast? Does it drive your mom crazy? How would you like her to help you? Maybe if you can tell me what helps you, I can figure out how to help her?

 

[golfgal]

Sounds just like my DS14, without the crying.

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

I could have written this post about DD1 (just turned 11)!!

I noticed a critical error in her long division homework (it was very obvious what she had done), but she kep insisting that she was following the process her teacher showed them in class (she was; she just added an extra zero/step). At the time we were sitting in the parking lot waiting for her sister to finish cheer. She was in tears, and I looked up and saw salvation! Her teacher was walking out to go home. I jumped out of the car, gave her teacher a quick explanation of the situation, and that teacher gave my daughter an impromtu tutoring session in the parking lot until her sister came out! I adore DD1's teacher this year!!!!

And to answer the OP's original question, I totally believe it is hormonal!

 

[mickeyboat]

I feel your pain with DD10. She is very sensitive and according to her, never wrong. It takes a lot of creativity (often humor) to help her with her homework.

 

[Piglet]

Must be normal - my DD just turned 13 is still like that. Exactly the same!!!

 

[momof1princess]

y'all are not alone. DD12 is making me NUTS! i can't get her to study for her semester exams, which are tomorrow. she doesn't seem to care at all if she fails and if i try to help her, she says i'm wrong and i don't know anything and i should just let her do it on her own-but she won't!

 

[fluffycow333]

I'm 15 and no I don't get weepy. I just hate it when I can't figure something out.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I did that with my mom--but often, she was wrong. But sometimes an extra set of us helped me see the light.

I didn't ask her for help much though--I got to a point in high school where my learning exceeded her capabilities. She was a drop out. (who later did get a GED and got an Associate's.)

I would have her read my writing though. She did have a flair for storytelling and could help if I was really stuck in literature.

But math--I lost her about the time we began learning fractions. (No lie--she finally understood fractions when she went to culinary school in her 40s. Lived her whole life not having a clue what 1/3, or 1/2, or any other fraction meant. )

 

[Wall-E1]

I love my DD. Love, love, love, love her, but homework time drives me INSANE! Why is it that she'll come to me when she has a question about her homework, I'll look it over, tell her what needs to be done and she says "no, I think we have to do this". Um, sooooo, what did you ask me for? Then she'll say, well, I don't know what I'm supposed to do and we'll continue this for a good ten minutes or more before I get upset and tell her to do it her way. Why does she ask if she has a set way she wants to do it?

Aaaaarrrrggghhh. She's brilliant and I ADORE her, but she kills me when she does that, b/c then she gets weepy when I get frustrated.

Is this hormonal? Is this just a typical girl thing? How do I deal with this?

There really is no satisfying solution to your problem. This is because your daughter is, in fact smarter than you. I'm sorry, but there is no way to sugar coat it. This is just a fact that you need to accept.

I too, used to be like you. I would try to help my son when he asked for help. No matter what I would tell him, he would declare, "You're doing it wrong". I too was perplexed by this. How could he not know how to do it, yet know that I was doing it wrong. After some deep self reflection, I was able to accept the fact that my son is simply smarter than me. This is the only logical conclusion I could come to. How else could you explain him always being right, and me always being wrong?

We just need to love and support our children. We must remember to be patient, as they have to live in a world with us "know nothing" adults. Think about it from their perspective. They really are good souls for putting up with our simple minds.

 

[trekkie2]

THis can be a tough stage. I teach a parenting class for parents of Jr. High age kids, one of the things we talk about is that at about 11-12 kids start repeating their developmental stages again. Pre teens are a lot like toddlers, want independance but are not sure how to do it, easily frustrated and have a difficult time controling emotions. oh, and don't forget all those puberty hormones. believe it or not, this is really normal and as they say, this too shall pass!

 

[Boxley]

I think that it could be out of some frustration that she is teary, it is hormonal. However the homework thing can be because maybe she is unsure of some of it and could use some validation that she is correct in her work (just guessing)

 

[Sammy]

There really is no satisfying solution to your problem. This is because your daughter is, in fact smarter than you. I'm sorry, but there is no way to sugar coat it. This is just a fact that you need to accept.

I too, used to be like you. I would try to help my son when he asked for help. No matter what I would tell him, he would declare, "You're doing it wrong". I too was perplexed by this. How could he not know how to do it, yet know that I was doing it wrong. After some deep self reflection, I was able to accept the fact that my son is simply smarter than me. This is the only logical conclusion I could come to. How else could you explain him always being right, and me always being wrong?

We just need to love and support our children. We must remember to be patient, as they have to live in a world with us "know nothing" adults. Think about it from their perspective. They really are good souls for putting up with our simple minds.

Love this quote: "Teenagers! Move out now while you still know everything!"

 

[sunnyday123]

Are you me?? I thought it was just me who had a child who is so brilliant they know everything, yet can't remember to brush her teeth every day.

Seriously though, we have this problem, and a lot of it is that they are teaching them different way to do the same stuff. DD had to find the % of something the other day, and they had like 4 extra steps with changing stuff to a fraction and what not. Now, I stink at math, but I can tell you what 40% off a cute sweater is in 3 seconds flat. I showed her how to multiply and then subtract and she was amazed-AMAZED-that her dim-witted Mom who thought Jethro Tull was a just a band could do that!!

 

[luvmyfam444]

WE are SOO going thru this too - though my dd isn't brilliant in the least...

she'll ask me & then argue with me - so I'll google it & prove it to her & then she'll sometimes STILL argue with me - so the last one I said FINE do it your way & I'll guarantee its wrong - and of course it was wrong & she had to apologize to me.

But googling the way to do the problem has been a huge help 'cause often she won't argue & it will clue her into that she missed a step the teacher said -it clicks when it comes from the internet

 

[Sparx]

i was the weepy child, and i grew up into a weepy adult. its a running family joke that i just like to cry.

i cry if i'm sad, frustrated, or mad. (or happy) lol

 

[love2disney]

Just to console u a conversation I had with DS7 today

Me: What do u want to have for lunch?
DS: Whatever whati s there?
ME; You can choose between fish sticks or garlic bread
DS: What do you think
ME: Have garlic bread then you can have fish sticks tomorrow
DS: [Whiny and weepy by now] but I wanted fish sticks
ME: Ok no problem I'll make you fish sticks
DS; But I will have garlic bread you want me to have it
ME; Dont care either way have fish sticks
DS: [Full meltdown] I want garlic bread but i want fish sticks but you want grlic bread

Seriously this kid is very very smart but he drives me up the wall

 

[mamamary]

My DD 10 has some homework issues too. She is a straight A student and usually can do homework independently. Sometimes though she may get stuck on a math problem. She sort of looks for help but when I do tryi to help she gets extremeley frustrated. It's almost like she'd rather not get help and just leave it blank. This has been for the past few years. I hate to think of what things will be like when she starts middle school next year and the math is harder. My DD also cries easily.

 

[clarabelle]

When my DD was in 7th grade -we hired a high schooler to do her math homework with her once a week. She wasn't really struggling -but math was tough for her -and of course I don't know anything. She took instruction from her better than me.