bad morning......

[Mermaid02]

had a really bad morning with my ds (almost 13). He absolutely HATES school- and he has adhd as well as other issues... every morning lately has been me pushing him to get ready, I end up yelling and he ends up yelling. I'm so tired of starting our days like this. I'm really at a loss. Rewards don't work, punishment doesn't work. The school doesn't know what to do- he does pretty well once he gets there..... it's just GETTING HIM THERE!

Thanks for listening.

 

[glitterkittyy]

had a really bad morning with my ds (almost 13). He absolutely HATES school- and he has adhd as well as other issues... every morning lately has been me pushing him to get ready, I end up yelling and he ends up yelling. I'm so tired of starting our days like this. I'm really at a loss. Rewards don't work, punishment doesn't work. The school doesn't know what to do- he does pretty well once he gets there..... it's just GETTING HIM THERE!

Thanks for listening.

I have no advice for you, but I wanted to give you a hug anyway.

I hope your day gets better. I'm sure the other DISers will have some good advice for you.

 

[rie'smom]

No advice but we go through this with our daughter some days.

 

[Mermaid02]

Thanks, I'm trying to mellow out this morning. Listening to some nice music and having a cup of decaf...... LOL.

It's frustrating because he's a great kid- he could wire a house if he needed to. I'm not kidding. That big ol evil school building is the enemy though.....

 

[The Mystery Machine]

had a really bad morning with my ds (almost 13). He absolutely HATES school- and he has adhd as well as other issues... every morning lately has been me pushing him to get ready, I end up yelling and he ends up yelling. I'm so tired of starting our days like this. I'm really at a loss. Rewards don't work, punishment doesn't work. The school doesn't know what to do- he does pretty well once he gets there..... it's just GETTING HIM THERE!

Thanks for listening.

I have a 13yodd who is a work in progress. With her, when she is dragging her feet in school it means she is not turning in her work or is doing poorly in her classes.

I have finally figured her out.

Now she is on meds and currently in counseling. Right now she is learning how to organize herself, classes, etc. The counselor has been a big help.

So far this semester we are not fighting. Which as you know is such a relief. She is still missing the bus however....so like I said, work in progress. At least she is not tardy.

 

[Mermaid02]

I have a 13yodd who is a work in progress. With her, when she is dragging her feet in school it means she is not turning in her work or is doing poorly in her classes.

I have finally figured her out.

Now she is on meds and currently in counseling. Right now she is learning how to organize herself, classes, etc. The counselor has been a big help.

So far this semester we are not fighting. Which as you know is such a relief. She is still missing the bus however....so like I said, work in progress. At least she is not tardy.

We ARE tardy..... but at least he's there! Small steps I guess.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

We ARE tardy..... but at least he's there! Small steps I guess.

Yep. We were there last semester. I thought I was going to lose my mind.

I am taking a serious proactive approach with dd. However she does well in school and loves it so I don't have that problem.

But when she is doing poorly the result was the same. She did not want to go and "face the music" so to speak.

It is slow....Right now she is using her planner for assignments and a calendar on the fridge to write down due dates, appts., etc. It has been 2 weeks so far and it has really helped her so much.

She understands she cannot keep all that info straight in her head.

So hugs to you...I know what it is like.

 

[minniebeth]

had a really bad morning with my ds (almost 13). He absolutely HATES school- and he has adhd as well as other issues... every morning lately has been me pushing him to get ready, I end up yelling and he ends up yelling. I'm so tired of starting our days like this. I'm really at a loss. Rewards don't work, punishment doesn't work. The school doesn't know what to do- he does pretty well once he gets there..... it's just GETTING HIM THERE!

Thanks for listening.

So now I get why the harshness to A students.
It's so hard to watch your child who you love so much and want nothing more to protect in the world have a difficult experience with school, which is their whole world at this age. Forget everything right now (grades, hw, etc.) and just work on getting him into a positive routine and willing to go through the motions of getting and being in school each day. Explain that right now, his job in life is to go to school and do the best he can. Set reasonable expectations for him and write them down so he know exactly what he is expected to do. Even if it's: 1. Get up on time 2. Get dressed 3. Have breakfast 3. Get on the bus 4. Get through the day w/o consequences, etc. etc. Work on finding the positives of each day and reinforce them.
It sounds elementary, but you can add responsibilities as he has sucessful, positive days. Then you can add to work on being organized, homework, etc.
Many times school becomes so overwheming for many kids with adhd and when they have limited, clear expectations spelled out for them, the overwhelming task of school breaks down into small, manageable parts.

I think it's great he is so great with certain skills! It's great that you can recognize his talents and reinforce them! Perhaps he would want to go to a vocational HS? My mother was a teacher in a vocational HS for many years and it's a shame that there are not more Tech/Voc. schools available and that schools do not promote this as a fantastic option to strictly academic paths.

If he is adhd, does the school not have a plan for him?
Maybe you can set up a meeting for some strategies not only at school but at home too.
Also, boys at this age tend to need a lot food, sleep and stress relief either through relaxing, or physical activity. I started feeding my DS at 13
a lot more snacks after school, after dinner and before bed, and boy, did that make a difference in his mood!

Also, I experience yelling battles with my DS in the morning often. It's gotten better, I know it doesn't help the situation when I react and yell. I've learned to take deep breaths and talk calmly, even through the yelling (lots of energy to not yell!) DS is counting on me to set him up for a postive day. I find what calms him (good breakfast, organized, have everything ready to go)and at least I've set him up for success for a postive day the best I can.

I hope that your day is more relaxed, your cup of decaf sounds yummy.
Most of all give yourself and your DS a hug, it's what matters most in life!

 

[minniebeth]

Ok, I need to stop Dis'ing now, I think I'm mixing up threads...Sorry, you didn't say your DS was great with wiring around the house? Sorry! The point is, find their interets and go with them! If I could only find one for my DS besides video games!

 

[Mermaid02]

So now I get why the harshness to A students.
It's so hard to watch your child who you love so much and want nothing more to protect in the world have a difficult experience with school, which is their whole world at this age. Forget everything right now (grades, hw, etc.) and just work on getting him into a positive routine and willing to go through the motions of getting and being in school each day. Explain that right now, his job in life is to go to school and do the best he can. Set reasonable expectations for him and write them down so he know exactly what he is expected to do. Even if it's: 1. Get up on time 2. Get dressed 3. Have breakfast 3. Get on the bus 4. Get through the day w/o consequences, etc. etc. Work on finding the positives of each day and reinforce them.
It sounds elementary, but you can add responsibilities as he has sucessful, positive days. Then you can add to work on being organized, homework, etc.
Many times school becomes so overwheming for many kids with adhd and when they have limited, clear expectations spelled out for them, the overwhelming task of school breaks down into small, manageable parts.

I think it's great he is so great with certain skills! It's great that you can recognize his talents and reinforce them! Perhaps he would want to go to a vocational HS? My mother was a teacher in a vocational HS for many years and it's a shame that there are not more Tech/Voc. schools available and that schools do not promote this as a fantastic option to strictly academic paths.

If he is adhd, does the school not have a plan for him?
Maybe you can set up a meeting for some strategies not only at school but at home too.
Also, boys at this age tend to need a lot food, sleep and stress relief either through relaxing, or physical activity. I started feeding my DS at 13
a lot more snacks after school, after dinner and before bed, and boy, did that make a difference in his mood!

Also, I experience yelling battles with my DS in the morning often. It's gotten better, I know it doesn't help the situation when I react and yell. I've learned to take deep breaths and talk calmly, even through the yelling (lots of energy to not yell!) DS is counting on me to set him up for a postive day. I find what calms him (good breakfast, organized, have everything ready to go)and at least I've set him up for success for a postive day the best I can.

I hope that your day is more relaxed, your cup of decaf sounds yummy.
Most of all give yourself and your DS a hug, it's what matters most in life!

Ok, I need to stop Dis'ing now, I think I'm mixing up threads...Sorry, you didn't say your DS was great with wiring around the house? Sorry! The point is, find their interets and go with them! If I could only find one for my DS besides video games!

I think you misunderstood me on the other thread.... My daughter was a straight A student who took her sat's in 7th grade and we were very proud of her..... my issue is with all the parental whining about the SCHOOL not acknowledging their kids with a breakfast or a party or whatever..........

 

[minniebeth]

I think you misunderstood me on the other thread.... My daughter was a straight A student who took her sat's in 7th grade and we were very proud of her..... my issue is with all the parental whining about the SCHOOL not acknowledging their kids with a breakfast or a party or whatever..........

Gotcha, agreed about the parents.

 

[4nana]

My heart goes out to you sweetie and I send many postive thoughts and big {{hugs}}, also for your DS.

Hang in there and keep the faith ^i^. One day this will come to pass and hopefully you'll look back and laugh.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think you misunderstood me on the other thread.... My daughter was a straight A student who took her sat's in 7th grade and we were very proud of her..... my issue is with all the parental whining about the SCHOOL not acknowledging their kids with a breakfast or a party or whatever..........

Just so you know, this is my dd that took the ACT this year and got a 24. She has anxiety/depression issues. Has high goals but didn't know how to achieve them.

She is learning....

(not commenting on the party thing... FYI )

 

[momof5boys]

Mermaid, I'm so sorry! I know exactly where you are coming from. My DS (now 13) did the same thing almost everyday last year, physicially dragging him from the house, threatening with the truant officer etc. nothing worked. And if I even got him into the car he would frequently refuse to get out at school. My son was misdiagnosed as ADHD a few years ago. Turns out he has Aspergers and severe anxiety. Giving a kid with anxiety ADHD meds is NOT a good idea! This year has been loads better up until 3wks ago. He started up again, turns out he was missing alot of class work and homework and was failing classes. We have most of the work caught up, not sure if he will pass those classes this semester though. Now he is on Prozac, and we are thinking behavioral therapy for relaxation techniques. Still touch and go though. I wish you luck!

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

Okay, I'm going to suggest a few hints that have worked for me. YMMV.

1) Does you DS have an alarm clock? My DDs each have their own, and my DD11 who hates getting up in the morning purposefully sets it so she can hit sleep twice and still have enough time to get up. I found giving them the control over getting themselves up and dressed seemed to work much better than me going and hassling them (and was MUCH less stressful for me).

2) Set your DS's clock, the clock in the kitchen, and the clock in the car (if you drive him to school) forward 10 minutes. Even though we KNOW that the clock is set ahead, it still has this psychological effect of getting us moving. Then, if you are 'ten minutes late', you are actually on time!!

Good luck. Does your DS get enough sleep? I know teenagers are notoriously bad for estimating the amount of sleep they need, and biology has them staying up later than they probably should for the early school mornings...and certainly, tired kids are grumpy kids (well, adults too ).

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Mermaid, I'm so sorry! I know exactly where you are coming from. My DS (now 13) did the same thing almost everyday last year, physicially dragging him from the house, threatening with the truant officer etc. nothing worked. And if I even got him into the car he would frequently refuse to get out at school. My son was misdiagnosed as ADHD a few years ago. Turns out he has Aspergers and severe anxiety. Giving a kid with anxiety ADHD meds is NOT a good idea! This year has been loads better up until 3wks ago. He started up again, turns out he was missing alot of class work and homework and was failing classes. We have most of the work caught up, not sure if he will pass those classes this semester though. Now he is on Prozac, and we are thinking behavioral therapy for relaxation techniques. Still touch and go though. I wish you luck!

Oh yea. My dd is on Lexapro. However I will tell you that we are seeing a counselor who is great with anxiety issues. My dd started taking meds last April, so almost a yr now. She was very depressed at the end of last yr.

We started the counseling right before school started this yr. It is finally all coming together.

We had a few setbacks but with the counseling we were able to work through the issues.

Good luck to all of you.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I have a child with ADHD, as well. I know how much of a struggle some days can be.

 

[minkydog]

had a really bad morning with my ds (almost 13). He absolutely HATES school- and he has adhd as well as other issues... every morning lately has been me pushing him to get ready, I end up yelling and he ends up yelling. I'm so tired of starting our days like this. I'm really at a loss. Rewards don't work, punishment doesn't work. The school doesn't know what to do- he does pretty well once he gets there..... it's just GETTING HIM THERE!

Thanks for listening.

No advice, but lots of hugs. We went through this with DS23 and we never found the solution. He has ADHD, severe learning disabilities and bipolar disorder. Oh, what a lot of fun--NOT. He finally quit school in the middle of his senior year and left home to travel with Disney On Ice. To his credit, when he returned 5 months later he was a different kid. He did finish high school and moved on with his life. But that 5 years between 13 & 18

 

[Mermaid02]

Picked him up at 2:30- he had a great day...... Go figure....

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

It can be tough being a mom. Sounds like you're doing your best.